Moritz pondered on his decision when Ilse arrived.
Ilse told him about his adventures and how running away and give yourself to the unknown darkness made more sense and gave more pleasure than staying in the dark she knew well.
Her offer was simple, that he took her somewhere, that they just walked side by side like they'd done thousand times to play pirates, to pick up flowers, to do nothing but walk, side by side.
He said no and being a free spirit (like a blue wind) she ran as if each no was an insult.
When Moritz put the gun against his head seeing this as an act of preservation – to never turn to be one more grown up to never leave that place – he saw Ilse somewhere in the back of his mind and she was a colorful memory like the first day of a purple summer.
A millisecond too late he regretted the no.
Ilse's soul left her body not many years later when the disease consumed her as well as it did to all bohemians who lived too much.
When Maureen approached Mark the first time, she was wearing a cardboard pirate hat, she lacked her front tooth and she smiled as if there was no tomorrow.
Mark had the impression in that moment that he knew her, but then pretended to forget the feeling and accepted to play with the girl with thick brown hair.
Years went by without them growing apart. Maureen brought with herself a strength she owned with decades of a life she didn't had, nothing ever stroke her strong enough to reach her, nothing but the no.
Mark felt hunted with images of women he never met but saw every time he closed his eyes and used his camera for protection, to keep images of women that passed by in the distance and never saw him.
When Mark's Bar Mitzvah came, Maureen took the camera from his hand running backwards and let it fall on the punch, everyone looked and laughed as if it was a planned joke, maybe it was. Mark wanted in the moment, like in so many, to be dead.
Maureen could see his eyes even with the distance, she came close and held out her hand as asking for him to walk beside her like they'd done so many times to play pirates.
"It's just a camera Marky, no need to be like this."
"You know I don't do sadness."
And he didn't understand why, he just took the hand from the one who seemed to be sealed in the back of his had like a colorful memory of the first day on a purple summer. He took the hand even knowing she would never be his; even not knowing that that simple act made his life at least longer.
Only years later, - when they were already grown ups who to the eyes of the world had gone no where, - Mark understood that it's best to rely your life on a muse that was never yours than just rely on the reality that fatally will kill you.
A/N: I don't know if everybody will understand what I tried to say. Because I'm not very logic and good at drawing parallels and this idea just wouldn't leave me alone.