No comment. Enjoy!
Caillou does not belong to me, nor do I want it to belong to me.
I'm just a teen who sulks
Basically I'm an adult
Cuz sixteen's the mature age
I'm Caillou
Screaming to get my way
Skipping class on Wednesdays
Lost my virginity last night
I'm Caillou
Cursing ever four *bleep* words
My life is *bleep*
My dad is a *bleep* and my mom is a *bleep*
Listening to Marilyn Manson
He's the only one that understands
Hating religion is so cool
Let's go vandalize the pool
I'm teenage Caillou
*bleep* YOU!
Episode 1: Caillou the Whiny Beeotch
It was a bright, beautiful Sunday morning in Caillou's neighborhood, started the elderly-sounding voice of a woman. Caillou was sound asleep in his bed, which was strange considering how filthy his bed was. It was covered in pizza boxes, toenail clippings, beard shavings, apple cores and banana peelings, and even some X-rated movies Caillou sneaked out from his dad's apartment when he wasn't looking. His room was no better. Posters of women in skimpy bikinis and posters of bands and musicians such as Korn, Skrillex, Ozzy Osborne, Marilyn Manson, Eminem, Cannibal Corpse, Paramore, and Slayer were plaster all over the walls. Playboy magazines and death metal CDs were scattered across the Pizza Hut and Kentucky Fried Chicken grease stained floor. On his dresser that held all sorts of goth makeup equipment plus a bottle of whisky he stole from his dad's apartment, some shrooms and LSD tablets, a box of cigarettes, and a marijuana bong, was his pet Burmese python, Killer. Of course, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that his mom was very impatient. Church was starting in thirty minutes and Caillou still hasn't gotten out of bed.
"CAILLOU!" screamed Doris from the living room. "GET YOUR A TO THE DOUBLE S OUTA BED BEFORE I POUR ICE WATER OVER YOUR HIDEOUS HAIRSTYLE!"
Yes, Caillou did indeed grow hair over the years from when he was a preschooler to today. Except it was a purple liberty spike Mohawk. Caillou also had piercings on his nose, lips, ears, and eyebrows, a tattoo of a black tribal pattern that stretched all from the bottom of his chin, up his cheek, and across his forehead, wore black lipstick, black eyeliner, and black nail polish, a spiked collar on his neck and a spiked wristband on each hand, and wore baggy ripped jeans and a black T-shirt with a skull printed in the middle over a black and white striped long sleeved shirt. He wore the long sleeved shirt to hide the tattoos on his arms, especially the ones of naked supermodels, from his mom. After about two minutes, Doris screamed again.
"CAILLOU! GET THE HELL UP!"
Few minutes have passed. Caillou barely moved an inch from his bed. "THAT'S IT!" the mom screamed. She immediately stormed into Caillou's room with a bucket of ice water and poured it all over Caillou. Caillou screamed and jumped out of bed. He was soaking wet and shivering.
"WHAT THE *bleep* MOM! I *bleep* HATE YOU!"
"Caillou, I told you for the last damn time to wake up so we can go to mass as a family." Doris was angry. She wanted to prove to the neighbors that she has well-behaved kids.
"Mom, I already told you I'm an atheist now! RELIGION SUCKS! HAIL SATAN!" Caillou stomped out his room over to the computer to do his daily r/atheism and spamming hateful comments on Christian videos on YouTube.
Caillou was upset that because Doris wouldn't allow him to go to the Cannibal Corpse concert last weekend with Leo because their music had swear words in it. He was also not allowed to go to any concerts anymore after giving Doris the finger after she said he couldn't go.
In the meantime, Rosie, who was fourteen years old, strutted out of her room in petite jean shorts and a crop top that barely covered her gigantic you-know-whats. Her face was so buried with makeup a clown would cringe at the sight of her.
"Buh-bye. I'm going motorcycling with Snake."
"Who the heck is Snake, Rosie?" Doris asked, confused.
"Uh, yah! My boyfriend, Ma! He recently got out of prison and we are going to meet at the Insane Clown Posse concert along with all his friends. He's the one that introduced me to the band. JUGGLETTE FOREVER!"
"You have a boyfriend?! You're only fourteen! That's way too young to even be dating! Also, it's the middle of February. Put a jacket on or you're gonna catch a cold with that outfit."
"OH MAH GAWD, MOM! YER EMBARRASSING ME! I FREAKING HATE YOU!" Rosie ran out the door in a flash. Outside waiting was Snake on a motorcycle. He was a twenty-something looking dude with long hair wearing sunglasses, jeans that hung below his knees, and no shirt while having serpent tattoos plastered all over his chest and back. Rosie ran over to him. Hopped on the motorcycle and grabbed onto him, and off they took, leaving Doris alone with Caillou.
"MOM!" yelled Caillou from the computer room. "I'm *bleep* hungry! Make me a *bleep* hotpocket!"
"For breakfast? Shouldn't you be eating something more healthy?"
"MAKE ME A *bleep* HOTPOCKET OR I'M RUNNING AWAY!"
"Caillou!" Doris called out as she entered the kitchen and grabbed a hot pocket from the freezer. "Don't forget you have school tomorrow!"
"I don't care," he replied. "School freaking sucks. I plan on dropping out so I can form a death metal band with leo and them. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna hang with Leo."
He started to leave, but Doris stopped him. "Not so fast, young man. Not until you pick up all those pizza boxes and Playboy magazines in your room."
"SCREW YOU, MOM! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!" Caillou sprinted out of the door, slamming it with great force behind him.
"WELL FINE! I'LL JUST EAT YOUR HOTPOCKET THEN!" Doris took a bite of the hotpocket but quickly spit it out when she realized it was still frozen.
So what'd you think of my first inappropriate parody? Did you laugh hardcore? Did you cry to the point of insanity? Or were you offended and are planning on writing a hateful paragraph that I'm most likely going to ignore? Either way, let me know your thought in the comments. I'll probably continue this when I get a chance.