Disclaimer:All of the characters are the property of Dick Wolf. I thank him, the writers, the directors and all the great actors who brought them "to life" for our benefit. Any "liberties" I have taken with them stems from my fond admiration (and a few personal quirks I will seek "help" for).
AN: This story is not set within the accepted "canon" for the characters as it is only officially portrayed by the TV series. So I get to "fool around" with them in ways in which they've never been seen, stretching that to the limit and suspending the "reality" that is "fiction" to start with…now there's a contradiction in terms!!!
(And yeah Goren I know the proper word for that is oxymoron…by the way that's a knife and that's a fork…they're designed to be used when eating)If you have a tendency to forget we are dealing with fictional characters here and indignation is something comes easily to you I suggest y'all skip this story involves illegal activity…
BROWNIES AND MAPLE SYRUP
Bobby Goren regarded the package with some suspicion. He liked to encourage his partner's culinary efforts, but they had been of very mixed success in the past. So when Alex Eames had handed him a small bag of her latest attempt at chocolate brownies, Bobby had taken them with some misgivings. But a quick sniff inside suggested a quite pleasant smell so maybe he'd risk them after dinner and there were only three this time.
Bobby was up to his elbows in a mass of paperwork relating to their latest case when he took the first bite, a cup of coffee on hand ready to wash it down and the waste basket nearby if spitting was the safer option. And the only way to avoid expensive dentistry work.
"Mmm" he said chewing and pleasantly surprised how edible the first one was. A slightly pungent flavour to it was familiar but he couldn't quite place at that moment. And didn't have time to ponder, as even he was struggling to make sense of the latest triplicate forms from the DA's office he was supposed to complete.
By the time he'd eaten the first of the brownies, Bobby was beginning to wonder if maybe he should get his eyes checked. The forms were long and the print seemed to be fuzzy or very small on the later pages. By now he'd usually be getting frustrated with the things had to be completed by three tomorrow afternoon. Whatever reputation he had for other things, he was known to always meet deadlines.
"Oh slew it…I mean screw it" he said shoving the paper to the side and ambling into the kitchen where he picked up the other two brownies and took a bottle of beer from the icebox.
"Bobby deserves a night off" he sniggered sprawling on the sofa with his snack and switching on the TV.
The Mets were beating the Royals by ten to four at the bottom of the fifth as Bobby chewed on the second brownie and swigged beer. His precious team's infield then totally messed up three double plays and a put out, which brought the score within one by the seventh innings stretch. For some reason he couldn't help laughing.
Gave him a chance to get to his feet and sing along loudly with "Take me out to the ball game". So loudly Mrs Rothstein next door was banging on the wall, which just made Bobby giggle even more. Tears of laughter were pouring down his face by the end of the game, which the Mets managed to lose by ten to fourteen. Bobby swallowed the last of the brownies and beer and reached for his phone. No so much giggling any more, as with something else on his mind as he dialled a familiar number.
"Hello" said the female voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello baby" he breathed. "How's my little Love Pumpkin tonight?"
"Is that you Bobby?" asked Eames
"Oh I'm hurt" he pouted, "Whatever happened to Dimple Cheeks?"
"You don't have dimples" said Eames carefully
"Yes I do Pumpkin" Bobby sniggered. "On the cheeks you like to dig your nails into anyway"
"Bobby!!" gasped Eames
"You are feeling in that mood too are you? How about you drop by when you finish work?" he murmured.
"I already have" said Eames thinking rapidly about the strange behaviour of her partner
"Good" Bobby purred. "So come over baby. I've got a special treat for us. A pint jar of fresh maple syrup. One I want to pour into your belly button" he sighed. "And if you are really good I'll let you spread it all over my…"
"Bobby!!" snapped Eames. "Stop that this minute"
"Hey Eames" he said. "How come you are at Pumpkin's…he he…I means Diane's office. Didn't know you knew each other"
"We don't" she muttered. "And I'm not" She paused. "Bobby have you eaten any of my brownies?"
"I have. And they were delicus…I mean delicate…no that's not the word…anyway they tasted very good" Bobby sighed
"Bobby" said Eames awkwardly. "I need you to think very carefully. Were the ones I gave you shrink wrapped?"
Bobby giggled "Why would you wrap brownies in a psychiatrist?" He dropped the phone he was laughing so hard in the end.
"Damn" muttered his partner. "Bobby? Bobby are you still there?"
"Uhuh" he said managing in the end to retrieve the phone from the floor. Where he ended up himself after falling off the couch.
"Listen Bobby" said Eames slowly. "I…um… I think it's possible you…that you are having an allergic reaction…yes that's it…an allergic reaction to the brownies. I used…um…I used some different ingredients this time"
"Wheely…I mean really? I feel great though. Totally copasetic"
"Yes you will for a while" muttered Eames. "Listen Bobby. I think it would be a good idea if you went to bed"
"Oh okay. Put Pumpkin on the phone or ask her how long she'll be" He lowered his voice. "I like to warm the maple syrup a little first"
"I'm not at Pumpkin's… I mean Diane's. I think you should forget that Bobby. Just go to bed and don't come into work before about noon tomorrow"
"I have some like…totally gnarly forms to complete"
"I'll do them. And don't eat any more of the brownies Bobby"
"I ate them all" Bobby sniggered. "I was a greedy Goren tonight"
"Shit" hissed his partner. "Make that two o'clock Bobby. Go to bed and don't come to work before two o'clock tomorrow" If you can even walk by then.
"S'okay" he said.
"Promise me Bobby"
"I pwomise" he giggled. "Cross my liver…no kidneys…cross my heart…and whatever the rest is. Nighty-night"
2pm the next day
Bobby walked to his desk and said nothing to Eames as he sat down.
"Hello Bobby" she muttered. "Look I'm sorry about…well…what happened"
"My allergic reaction to your brownies you mean" he hissed. "You realise I'd probably still fail a random test right now don't you Eames?"
"I guess so" she blushed.
"I know so" he snapped. "I'm not exactly copasetic with you right now"
"I realise that Bobby. What can I say?"
"Just promise me you'll be more careful in future. And if you want to experiment with unusual ingredients during the week stick with this" He pulled something from his pocket and put it on her desk.
"Maple syrup?" she said with a frown. "There's only about a quarter of this jar left Bobby. I thought I told you to go to bed?"
"Was the word "alone" in there anywhere?" he asked.
"You devil" she grinned.
Bobby shrugged. "I guess we both have very good reason to never mention this incident again then"
"You got a deal on that partner"
"Good. Now did you finish those forms yet?" he asked, before adding with a giggle "Are they totally gnarly or what?"
AN : Bobby is now fully recovered and only eats Alex's special recipe brownies on weekends now. But I'm sure he doesn't swallow them.
AN : Yeah…yeah…I realise this could never happen…no way could the Kansas City Royals EVER come from behind to beat the Mets like that.