Never, in my entire existence, would I have ever seen myself being in the state that I was in. Yet, in that same regard, I never would have expected to have to, not just see, but go through all of those events.

For a long time I just lied in the back of that van, thinking of all the things that I could have done, all the things I should have done. It doesn't do any good, because it's already over. He's gone, and there is no way to bring him back.

I'm not new to loss. I've seen it happen all the time in battle. A quick poof of smoke, a cracking sound resonating across the battle field, the jagged feeling of shards in your hand. It's happened so many times that I thought I had become numb to it.

I can still remember when Greg told me that humans don't live forever. How that many of them were lucky just to hit 100 years. I was a little shocked when I heard this, but it wasn't like I hadn't lost friends before.

I thought I would have time to prepare, like before going to battle. You know in the back of your mind that there's always a chance something could go wrong. That someone isn't going to make it back. It's still a tragedy when it happens, but you're ready for it… But I was not ready for what happened. I never knew how much different it was for humans. How sudden but, at the same time, slow it could be.

It had been quite a few years after our conversation on how long humans had when it happened.

He came back late one night, strangely quiet. When he opened the back door, I was about to ask where he'd been, and maybe give him a bit of teasing, but the look on his face kept me from doing it.

It was just a wide eyed stare. Almost like he saw something unbelievable in the distance. I don't know if he knew he was doing it, because when I called his name, he immediately lost the look. As he crawled into the back of the van, I noticed that he had a piece of paper in his hand that he was attempting to hide. When I asked him what it was, he told me that it was nothing to worry about, trying his best to sound like his usual upbeat self.

I should have asked, I should have pressed harder than that. I should have made him tell me what was wrong. It wasn't like me to pry into his personal business, but I knew I should have.

After tucking the paper away, he laid himself down beside me like he always did. He just starred at the ceiling for a good while. Looking back, he probably had more than enough on his mind. I can still remember him rolling on to his side, and gently wrapping his arm around me.

Under ordinary circumstances, I might have messed with him for a few minutes before giving in, but after seeing that look on his face, I decided against it and simply returned the gesture.

The next morning, I awoke to find that he was already up. Checking the time, I found it to be pretty early for the car wash to be opening. As he was getting dressed, I asked what he was doing. He simply told me that he had to go out and get some 'paper work' done.

I didn't question it at the time. I didn't know anything about how humans ran business, so figured it must have been important. It turned out it was more important than I thought.

He was gone for a few hours that day, and when he came back, he looked exhausted. Almost like he hadn't slept in days. I found it incredibly strange, considering he'd had a pretty restful nights sleep. When I asked him, he insisted that he was fine, just worn out from what he was doing. The rest of the day, he kept acting like everything was fine, so I didn't question it further.

I was such an idiot.

As the days went by, I started to notice more and more things changing. Every few days, he said he would have to go off to do 'paper work', and when he came back he always looked awful. He would start bruising from the most minor taps he got. Sometimes he would get dizzy for seemingly no reason.

The final straw came one early morning. I wasn't fully awake yet, but I heard him making noises. I felt him bolt from the bed, desperate to get outside. I sat up quickly, watching him run to the edge of the street with his hand over his mouth. I got up, following quickly behind, watching him bend over by a storm drain.

I knelt by him, letting him do his business until it was all out. Once he was finished, he looked over at me with a pathetic smile, as if trying to assure me that he was fine. I'd had enough at that point. I sat him down on the curb, stood directly in front of him, and demanded that he tell me what was going on.

I still remember the look he gave me. His eyes grew big, his mouth frowned slightly, and tears began forming in the corns of his eyes. I felt bad for getting mad at him, but I don't think he would have told me if I hadn't made him.

Rather than giving me an answer, he told me to go with him to where it was he actually went when he did his 'paper work'. I remember us arriving at big building, walking down that sterile white hall, sitting in front of that strange man in a white coat, and the very long explanation.

There was a lot said about what was going on, but only a few words stuck with me. Words like: 'vicious disease', 'terrible effects on the body', but the most important ones were 'We're going to do all we can'.

I don't know why, but the way he said that last one really stuck with me. It was like he had no hope in his voice what so ever. As if he didn't believe there was a way to beat that… thing that was in Greg.

It was a silent ride back to the car wash. He only ever briefly looked over to me, trying to gauge the emotion I was portraying.

The instant we got back, I began my barrage of questioning. Had he told anyone else? How long did he know? Why didn't he tell me?

It turned out that he hadn't told anyone except me. He had been trying to keep it secret because he didn't want me or anyone else to worry. He only found out a while back, because he had been avoiding going to the hospital out of fear of not being able to pay for it before he was given that check.

What got to me the most was the look on his face as he told me. He looked so hopeless, devoid of any kind of emotion. Like he was giving up.

I wasn't going to allow it.

That same night, we went to see the gems and Steven. Even after as long as it had been, we still weren't exactly friendly with each other. They only changed their tone when Greg told them he needed to tell them all something important.

Rather than actually saying it, Greg simply gave Steven the piece of paper that he brought back with him that first night. As Steven read through it, I watched his face slowly shift from cautious curiosity, to that of overwhelming fear and sadness. I could hardly look at him, fearing that I might fall victim to the same thing.

Without saying anything, Steven quickly embraced Greg, and began sobbing uncontrollably. Confused by this, the Gems picked up the paper he dropped. As they read it, I saw all of their faces twist into something similar to that of Stevens.

Pearl looked at me, her mouth trying to form words, but nothing came except for a few strange noises. Garnet starred onward, he mouth slightly open, as if trying to think of something, anything to say. Amethyst just stood there, looking shocked, nearly on the verge of tears.

Before any of us could come up with something to say, Steven interjected.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!" he demanded, much the same way I did.

I don't know why but, for some reason, Steven's outburst caused the gems to question him as well. They began going on a spree of questions. Some of them, like if he actually cared about what happened, were down right wrong. At that point, I was beyond angry at them.

I started shouting at the three of them. I called them out one at a time, questioning why they were berating him when they didn't even care about him to begin with. I was so upset with what they did, I was almost in tears… almost.

After my out burst, I did the only thing that felt right. I embraced Steven and Greg as the two of them sobbed into each others arms. I wanted to let Greg know that, no what happened, I was going to support him. It didn't matter what happened, I was going to be right there beside him.

I don't remember how much time passed after that night. It somehow felt like forever and a split second all at once. All I do remember was so much happening.

Steven and Peridot came up with the idea that maybe Steven's healing power might be able to do something. I'll admit, I had hope that it might actually work. So many times Steven tried, so many times Peridot worked to try and find a different way to make it effective. It wasn't as bad as the treatment he was being given, but I don't know if it actually did anything.

I'm guessing that what I said to the gems that night really got to them, because all of them started helping out. They took up work that none of them would have previously thought themselves doing, just to help him in any way that they could. Lapis even found herself at the car wash to help Greg out. It really surprised me.

The entire time this was happening, I was there making sure he had everything he needed.

I would help with managing the car wash, learning how everything worked. I would go with him every time he got his treatment. I would make sure he was taking his medicine at the right time, in case he forgot.

For a while, all of us thought it was going to work. We all thought that if we just kept working hard to make sure he had what he needed, everything would turn out alright. If we just kept our spirits high, and continue with making sure he was taken care of, everything would be fine.

I look back and I wonder why I let myself be so foolish.

It got to the point where he was going in more frequently. Then it got to where he was going in every day… and eventually… it got to the point where he wasn't able to leave the hospital.

The entire time this happened, I watched him.

I watched as he slowly started to break down in every way. I watched as he wasn't able to eat anything without it coming back up. I watched as his hair became thinner and thinner. I watched as the man I once knew turned into something I could barley recognize.

Yet I kept hoping. I kept learning everything that would be needed to keep him going. Everything from how to talk to people when running a business, to how a heart monitor worked. I don't know what it was, but I just kept going. I just kept trying… for him.

It didn't matter what kind of day it was, be it slow or heavy, I always made sure to make time for him. It wasn't only me though. Steven always found a way to make time… and even the Gems as well.

It would be a little awkward when we were all there at the same time. I was fine with Steven being there. As for the Gems… well, we were on speaking terms, but not much else had changed. I really think Greg was the only thing that kept us from being at each others throats, as humans like to say.

One day, after I had closed the car wash down, I went to visit him in the hospital. We were doing our usual routine of watching TV and coming up with new songs on his guitar. A short time after that, his doctor came in, and said some of the most horrifying words I'd heard in my entire existence.

"I'm sorry… but there's nothing else we can do."

He'd said more than that, but those words were the only ones that mattered to me. They sent my mind reeling. I looked to Greg, only to see his face go pale he was so scared. He asked the doctor how long he had. It didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was that his time was short. Far shorter than any of us thought.

What followed after that were the absolute hardest days to get through.

Steven and Connie came in shortly after that, and Greg was so terrified to have to tell them the truth. I offered to say it for him, but he refused, saying it was his responsibility. That look of crushing defeat on both of their faces as Greg told them still haunts me to this day.

Steven immediately embraced his father, and Connie followed his example only a second after. The entire time it happened, I stood there trying to keep myself composed. Trying to keep a strong face. Trying to be brave in that horrible moment.

So many people came into his room those next few days. The Gems, everyone in Beach City, Peridot, Lapis, and even Marty came back in an attempt to reconcile with Greg. That was a rather colorful exchange of words. It was the only time that I had ever heard Greg use profanity.

I don't think I left the hospital once after the news was delivered. I guess I just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I wanted to make sure that he had everything that he would need. Even if it was the most basic thing, like some water, I made sure he had it.

I'm willing to wager that if the old me saw how I was acting, she would have been absolutely appalled. I mean, really? Me, looking after a human? Yet, there I was… and I had absolutely no problem with it at all.

I didn't know why at the time, but I just wanted to be with him as much as possible. This was even before he got sick. When I was first starting out, I didn't want to be around any of the gems, I wasn't on speaking terms with any of my former crew, and I could only talk to Steven so much.

Greg was… different. Different in the right way though. He knew what I did, sure, but he didn't hold it over my head at all. 'Forgive and forget' were the words he used.'We all make mistakes, and we can change if we really want to. That's the beauty of being a person.' He always had a way of saying things so that I would understand. He took things at my pace, which at the time was very slow.

He had an understanding nature, a non-judging personality. I could see why Rose chose to stay with him. He really was one of a kind.

Then that day came.

It was very late. Steven, Connie, and The Gems were on their way out. I was making sure everything was set up for him, so he didn't have to worry about getting up at all that night. He was about to fall asleep, when he suddenly broke out into a coughing fit. I had seen him do this before, and it usually ended pretty quick. Not that time. It lasted for over a minute.

I was about to call for a doctor, but he grabbed my arm, keeping me at his side. It's not like I couldn't have gotten out of his grip. He'd gotten so weak that he could barely make a fist. It was the look he gave me that kept me rooted.

Once he was done coughing, he pulled me close. I got down onto my knees to make myself leveled with his face. He smiled at me, and gently stroked my hand with his thumb, as if trying to comfort me. I can still hear our last conversation echoing in my head.

"It's time for me to go, Jasper." Greg said.

"What?" I said in a hushed tone, "No… No Greg, you still have time left. I know you can hold on."

"Maybe I could," he said, taking a deep breath, "But it's not right to have to watch all of you guys be tortured by me."

"What are you talking about?" I questioned, slightly taken aback, "You're not torturing anyone. You're the one being tortured by this insufferable disease."

"It's a figure of speech Jasper." He chuckled, "For humans, death is a certainty. I just got unlucky with how I had to go. But, you wanna know something that I've realized?"

"What?" I asked.

"I've had a good life." he said, a peaceful look on his face. "It wasn't the easiest, but I would say it was one that was worth living. Through it all, I'd say the good times definitely out way the bad. I've seen and done so much. Some might say I don't have much to show for it, but I don't need a lot. I had Rose, I have Steven… and I have you. Even if you arrived late in my life, you were undoubtedly one of the best things to ever come into it."

My eyes began welling up with tears. I could tell by the look on his face and the tone of his voice that he was being one hundred percent honest. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. It stirred up something inside of me, something I didn't like.

At that moment I had completely lost any composure I had left and started to tear up. I stayed there on my knees, and did something I never, in all of my life, thought I would ever do.

I begged, I pleaded, I asked every form of higher existence that I knew about to give him more time. To have them some how will away this terrible disease, to just let this all be some horrible dream… But nothing came. There was nothing I could do to save him.

I felt Greg gently squeeze my hand, and I looked up to still see him smiling. That's when I heard him say… well, the last thing he would ever say.

"I know it's going to be difficult… I know there are times when you'll think it's not worth it to keep trying, but I want you to keep going. You have only made my life better by being in it. Now it's time for you to start a new chapter, just like we did together. It's because of you, and Steven, that I have been able to look back, and say that everything was worthwhile. Thank you for making my life so much better… now make sure that yours is just as good."

With one last breath, his monitor finally went flat, and his hand went limp. He was gone… and a big piece of me went with him.

Everything seemed to be in a blur after that night. I recalled a lot of events, but I don't remember what I did. I know Steven came bolting into the room only a short while later. I know that there were papers that needed signing. I know that there was some sort of strange custom where he was lowered into the ground.

Through that entire time, my body was acting entirely on it's own. Simply doing things because other were telling me to. My emotions, and my mind however, were completely disconnected. Not able to go farther then the inside of my head.

It had been that way for a while. There were a lot of things Greg left behind, and he left a good number of things to me. Including the van.

I hadn't left there in a long time.

I simply lied there, hugging his pillow to my chest, feeling like it was too open in there. I looked around at all of the things still there, my cloudy eyes making it difficult to make them out.

My eyes drifted over to the one picture of us. It was one of the times me and him were alone out on a trip. It was just out to go do something called 'camping'. I didn't understand it at first, but it turned out to be pretty fun. It was just us, sitting out there, talking next to a fire. Sometimes we'd go for a swim, or walk around in the woods. It was nothing special, but was one of the best times I had. Not just with him, but really just over all.

It was one of the few times I allowed myself to smile without shame.

I wanted to pick the picture up, but I couldn't. I knew it would just bring back all those thoughts of seeing him wither away. All those horrible feelings I didn't want to remember. I just wanted all the hurt to stop. To go away, and leave me the way I was before all this insanity happened.

Why couldn't I get over it? Why was he still in my mind after he was gone? What was different about him that made his death linger, unlike every other gem I've seen get shattered?

I wasn't able to ponder any further, because there was a knock at the back of the van.

"Jasper?" I heard a low, familiar voice say, "Are you in there? It's Steven, I wanted to talk to you."