Okay, folks. This is a one shot fic. It takes place in a few months after Addison has gone to L.A. The song is "Insensitive" by Jane Arden. The lyrics are in italics. I don't own the song or the characters. Please read and review! Thanks:o)
How do you cool your lips
After a summer's kiss
How do you turn your eyes
From the romantic glare
How do you block the sound of a voice
You'd know anywhere
Addison opened the door of her office and flicked the light off. She was clutching a patient's chart while trying to manage not dropping her briefcase and the high heel shoes she broke earlier that morning by misstepping outside of the practice. Luckily, she always kept a spare pair of shoes in her office.
"You doing all right there?" Pete, smirking at Addison's disorganization, was leaning against the front desk in the practice.
Addison straightened, readjusted, and continued walking towards the desk. She brushed past Pete and slid the chart among the others and into its designated place. She then moved past Pete and headed towards the elevators. Pete smiled wider and followed, catching up to her side.
"You're here late." Pete said, purposely brushing his hand against Addison's.
Addison quickly jerked her hand away, smacking herself with her briefcase, "As are you."
Pete chuckled and indicated the briefcase, "You should be careful with that."
"You're right." Addison agreed before swinging her briefcase out and hitting Pete just below the belt with it.
Pete coughed, stopping in his tracks, and Addison smiled as she made her way to the elevators. She pressed the button and the doors slid open. She stepped inside quickly, pressing the button to close the doors before hitting the down button. The doors were almost closed when an arm slipped in, causing the doors to slide apart. Addison cursed silently as Pete joined her in the elevator. He smiled at her and she returned a fake smile.
"Why don't you like me, Addison?" Pete asked, but he didn't look at her, "I thought we made some sort of peace when you joined our squad. You know, after you freaked out and stuff."
"I never freaked out." Addison was shaking her head.
"Well, you were quite defensive in any case." Pete replied with a shrug.
Addison turned and glared at him. The elevator doors opened and Pete stepped off, not giving a side glance at Addison. Addison, her brow furrowing in anger, followed after him.
"I wasn't defensive." Addison protested, "I was... speaking my mind. None of you were giving me a chance. I only said what I felt. I can't help it if you misunderstood me."
Pete stepped outside, the night a bit too warm for his liking as summer hit its high. Addison followed after, leaving the air conditioned building and having to catch her breath in the heat. She stopped, figuring it was best to just let Pete go. He wasn't worth chasing after. Pete stopped and turned, then made his made back over to Addison. He stood in front of her, too close for her comfort.
"What?" Addison was glaring again.
Pete leaned in and kissed her softly. Addison was too surprised to pull away or do anything else for that matter. Pete let his lips linger on hers before drawing back and smiling.
"When you feel the heat of summer, you gotta act on it." Pete shrugged.
Addison whacked Pete hard in the arm with her heels, "You're lucky California winters are not as cold as the east coast or you would be seriously regretting your actions because I can be one hell of a bitch in the cold of winter... Don't ever do that again."
Addison turned from him quickly and Pete smiled to himself. He loved playing these games. He rubbed his tender arm and took off in the opposite direction from Addison. Addison shook her head, annoyed at Pete for causing her lips to tingle, annoyed at the heat of summer, and annoyed by the fact that she wished she could have come up with a better retort to Pete's comment about summer. She sighed and lifted her head, heading in the direction of her car.
The parking lot was full that morning, a few medical emergencies at the practice causing her usual spot to be taken since she still didn't have a sign reserving her a spot. Addison had to walk three blocks to get to the practice. Now that she thought about it, she blamed that walk on causing her too expensive heels to break.
A sad smile formed on Addison's face as she watched a couple come towards her, illuminated by the surrounding buildings. Their arms were entwined and they were both smiling, whispering words to each other, not wanting anyone else to hear them. Addison wondered if she and Derek had ever looked like that. She imagined at one point, they must have. A very long time ago. Addison wanted to turn away from the couple, but she couldn't. She was too mesmerized by the glow in their eyes when they looked at each other.
Soon enough, she had passed them, but they were far from her mind. Addison wished she had intimacy with someone. The only person she was remotely intimate with was Pete and that was only because he would stand too close and randomly kiss her. Addison sighed, shaking her head, recognizing that her life was quite sad.
"Addison."
She froze. Then, started walking again. That voice. That voice. Her stomach was twisting in knots. Addison had to pretend that she didn't hear it. She had to walk away quickly, hoping that if she did, he would walk away as well. But, he didn't. He was following her.
"Addison!"
His hand. His hand was around her arm. He held on to her tightly, stopping her with his grasp. He spun her towards him and her eyes met his before quickly darting away, following the line of his jaw, the stubble on it, his mouth. Her eyes stayed on his mouth, watching the words as he spoke them.
"You really didn't think I'd come see you?" he asked, "See how you were coping in L.A.?"
Her eyes went back up to his, "Are you drunk?"
He laughed, "No. Well, a little. Maybe."
"Mark." there was a cross between sadness, sympathy, and sternness in her tone.
How do you numb your skin
After the warmest touch
How do you slow your blood
After the body rush
How do you teach your heart its a crime
To fall in love again
"L.A. bars are hot, Addison, real hot." Mark was slurring his words at this point.
Addison was reserved, limiting her drinks as she sat with Mark in a bar she had never been to before. Mark picked it on a whim. Addison stared at him, wondering what really brought him to her. He leaned into her and she couldn't ignore the flutter in her stomach caused by his breathy words on her neck.
"You look fantastic, Addie." Mark paused a moment, "Real great like. L.A. works for you. Anywhere works for you. Seattle, New York. Good. Real, real good, Addie."
Addison pushed him back gently. She couldn't have him that close to her, "You are so drunk, Mark. I think I'm cutting you off."
Mark laughed to himself, "That's fine. It's good. We're going to your place, right?"
"Wha-? How do-? Um-" Addison was flustered. Mark was with her, in Los Angeles, in a bar, and he was with her, listening to her talk about her job, listening to her like he always did, "We can, I guess. You probably shouldn't wander around alone."
"Yeah." Mark nodded.
Mark's hand was around her backside. His hand was on her upper thigh, gently, burning her with his touch. She couldn't do this, but she couldn't move away. Mark leaned in close. His nose nudged her neck, his lips just next to her ear. He breathed, the warmth causing her to shiver.
"I've missed you." Mark whispered.
"We can't do this." Addison didn't pull away. She couldn't move. Her eyes were filling with tears, however. She felt awfully lonely since moving to the west coast.
"I know." Mark agreed, his lips moved down, grazing her neck, giving her goose bumps, "What happens in L.A., stays in L.A., right?"
"That's Vegas." her voice squeaked.
"Right." Mark's lips moved to her cheek, "Addison, please..."
Addison's stomach was doing flips, her heart was beating rapidly, and her mind was screaming 'No,' but Addison turned her head towards Mark and kissed him, passionately, emotions flooding her, filling her so the loneliness was gone. Her hands found their way to his stubble, his hair and she brought him closer with a tug of the softness beneath her hands.
Mark pulled away, needing air, "Your place."
Everything was still telling Addison no, but she placed a few quick kisses on Mark's lips before nodding, "Yes... yes, my place."
Mark stood, stumbling on his own feet. He held on to the bar, balancing himself. Addison stood confidently, sober enough to drive. Mark placed money down, tipping way too much. Addison looked him over, the passion still coursing through her. Half of her wanted it to stop, to go away because she knew this was Mark. Mark. Nothing with Mark was ever lasted. Nothing with Mark ever meant anything. But, the other half of her was loving the way he smiled while he stumbled as if proclaiming he was fine. The other half felt too alone to pay attention to the fact that Mark was still Mark.
'You cannot do this, Addison.' her brain hissed at her, 'You are too good for this. This is Mark. You cannot and will not do this, not with Mark, Addison, please, dear God, have humanity and do not do this with Mark.'
Addison glared at her subconscious and then leaned in towards Mark, kissing him, partially missing his mouth due to Mark's uncoordinated movement. Her lips found their way to his ear and she whispered, "Let's go."
I'm one of the chosen few
Who went ahead and fell for you
I'm out of vogue, I'm out of touch
I fell too fast, I feel too much
He was asleep. And she was naked. The ecstasy was gone. The passion she had, the wanting and longing, was completely gone and replaced with the rational fear that what had just occurred over the past few hours was a total mistake.
Addison moved underneath the sheets. She climbed from the bed and found her bathrobe in the dark. She slid it on, the smoothness of the silk making her feel even dirtier. It wasn't that she felt Mark was particularly dirty, even though he was a slut, but rather, she was ashamed of herself and the decision she had made that she should have slept with Mark.
With an eyebrow cocked, she watched him. She ran a hand up and into her hair, breathing out. This was too much for her. Mark being here in Los Angeles. L.A. became her turf when she moved here and he invaded her turf. He invaded her turf drunk, none the less. This wasn't fair. She couldn't do this.
Addison had hoped to find someone else, who wasn't part of her "Mc" past and who wouldn't randomly show up, already knowing half of her secrets by association with any of her past. She had left New York and Seattle for a reason. There were things she couldn't be a part of anymore. Mark was one of them.
'Should have listened to me.' her brain hissed to her again, 'Now, look what you've done. It'll take you months to get over this. Not if he stays. Stays? Addison, really. He's MARK. Mark doesn't stay. He screws and scurries.'
This was overwhelming her. She had real feelings for Mark, but she had to push those away for the sake of Derek. Addison had to forget those feelings if she ever wanted to have Derek in her life again. And when her marriage fell apart, she called Mark and he was back, but she still left those feelings hidden. She knew a relationship would never work between them. Repressed feelings would go away and eventually the person who caused those feelings would go away as well.
But, he was back now. He was with her now and Addison wished he never came back. She wished she never went to the bar with him, she wished they never went back to her place. Addison wished a lot of things.
With new tears forming in her eyes, Addison padded down her hallway to her living. She flopped down onto her particularly squishing couch and pulled the blanket hanging over the top onto herself. She curled up, closed her eyes which caused tears to fall, and tried her best to sleep.
Oh I really should have known
By the vagueness in your eyes
Your casual goodbyes
By the chill in your embrace
The expression on your face
That told me maybe you might have
Some advice to give on how to be insensitive
"Ad." He nudged her, "Addie."
Addison stirred, opening her eyes, which fell on Mark who was standing over her. He was dressed, complete with shoes, as well as being groomed. One would never guess he was suffering a hangover.
"I need to get my car." Mark said and gave a pathetic half smile.
Addison sat up, hand in her tangled hair. She adjusted her robe and stood.
"Um, right." Addison's voice was dry and quiet as she tried to bring herself into the waking world quickly, "I can take you, if you give me-"
"No, no..." Mark cut her off, stopping her frantic movement by placing a hand on her arm.
Addison looked from his hand to his face, suddenly realizing what was happening. She was certain there was a change in her face because Mark's face quickly fell and his eyes looked away from hers.
"I was gonna call a cab." he said, "It'd be easier. I just need a bit of extra cash. I must have spent a bit too much last night."
Addison was nodding, a bit too enthusiastically, "Right... right. Of course. Of... course."
Addison was down the hall quickly, Mark standing behind for a moment, his face scrunched up as he debated following her. He sighed and went after her. Mark entered the bedroom. Addison was scrambling through her purse and pulled out a few bills. She extended them in Mark's direction.
"This should be enough." Addison said, her eyes meeting his.
"Addie..." Mark tried to give her a hopeful, yet apologetic smile.
"No." Addison sniffed, "No, it's fine. I understand, Mark. Fly out to L.A., rent a car, find me. It makes sense. Right. Tell Derek I said hi."
Addison crossed the room and practically threw the money into Mark's hands. He held the bills a moment before slipping them into his pocket.
"I..." he brushed a hand through his hair, "You knew that it wasn't anything, right? I mean, I was drunk. We both were."
Addison was nodded again, vigorously, "No. Right. I mean, yeah. It was- yeah."
"I was treated like shit this time." Mark hoped his excuse would give some justification to the situation, "You used to come to me whenever... I just thought..."
"No, you're right." Addison was suddenly feeling very underdressed. She wrapped her arms around herself, "It's fine, Mark. I'll... see you later."
Mark waited a moment, waiting for Addison to say more. When she didn't, he gave a small smile. He extended his arms and hugged her. Addison tensed, arms still folded around herself, which caused Mark to tense as well.
"I'm sorry." Mark whispered, barely audible, knowing Addison was more affected by the one night stand than he ever wanted her to be.
Addison pretended she didn't hear his words and pulled away, "I'll come to Seattle for our next get together."
She smiled, trying to make a joke, but failing miserably by the sadness emitting from her eyes. Mark would leave and she would be alone, again. Even in the bright and warm sunshine of California, Addison could still manage to feel terribly lonely and cold. Mark nodded, returning the smile and walked away, not looking back and shut the front door of Addison's place softly behind him.
Addison stood for a long time. She was almost unsure if what had just happened had actually happened. Had she really just slept with Mark? Did he really just use her for rebound sex because of his break up? Did he really travel all that way for sex? Addison shook her head.
She would be fine, she was sure, because she was Addison and she knew she could hide her pain just as easily as she could hide her feelings. Eventually, the pain would be forgotten in a place in her mind where the demons were. The same place that occasionally caused her to awake in tears, never knowing why. Sometimes, Addison was sure she was overly sensitive.
Fin.