Disclaimer - I did not invent these characters and do not profit from them. I just like to make up stories.

It was past midnight and Kitty was lying in bed staring into darkness. Her body was still but her mind was racing – racing in circles. Matt had been away for 2 whole weeks. The telegram he had sent letting her know he'd be back sometime later that day, was crumbled up on the nightstand next to her. For the first time in her life she wished he'd stay away longer. She needed to figure things out before she saw him.

Kitty knew without question that she was pregnant. She hadn't had a period in 2 months and had been sick every morning for a week. She knew that she should talk to Doc, or her friend Bess but she didn't want to talk to anyone. She just wanted it not to have happened, or was that even true?

It wasn't that she had rejected the idea of having children; it was just that being with Matt was the most important thing in the world to her. She loved Matt with intensity that some would think bordered on insanity, and Matt had always insisted that because of the dangers of his job he didn't have the right to have a wife and family. Now she was pregnant with his child, and didn't know what to do.

She had always considered herself a practical woman, well except when her temper got the best of her, which was known to happen. She once again reviewed her options. She began with the one that she had already eliminated.

She had known desperate women who had had abortions. She knew exactly where they went in Topeka for the procedure, and how much it cost. For her it was out of the question. Without a doubt she knew that now that she was pregnant, she wanted to feel Matt's baby grow inside her. She wanted to give birth.

That left two possibilities.

First - tell Matt. He would quit his job and marry her, but he'd feel trapped. He'd never think that she had intentionally trapped him, but he'd feel trapped non-the-less. She couldn't take a chance that her pregnancy would poison their relationship, she just couldn't. What if he started looking at her with bitterness – What if he started hating her. That would be too much to bear.

Second – don't tell Matt. When she started to show, she'd make up a reason and leave for a few months, give birth and return without the baby as if nothing had happened. She had heard that there was a hospital in Boston that had a maternity ward for unwed mothers where after giving birth, you could leave the baby in a foundling home to wait for possible adoption.

Tears formed in her eyes at the thought of leaving her baby behind. The idea of giving birth and coming home with empty arms, made her heart ache. She was only a couple of months along and already she wanted to hold her baby in her arms.

She also knew that it was a plan that wouldn't work. Matt was sure to notice way before she started really showing. He noticed everything about her body, even when she gained or lost a little weight. He'd definitely notice if her belly got softer and even slightly rounder and her breasts got fuller.

Kitty's mind ran in circles, going around and around in the hope that a new solution would magically occur to her. Of course it didn't and she fell into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning.

A nurse was standing over her holding a baby and saying angrily, "No you can't hold the baby. She isn't yours, you threw her away, remember? Just like she was trash, you threw her away. You said you didn't want her."

Kitty was screaming and trying to get up, but something was holding her down, "No, no please let me hold my baby. I beg you please."

The nurse looked at her calmly as she tossed the baby into a crib with several others. All of the babies were crying loudly. The nurse looked at the crying babies. She made no move to pick up or comfort any of them. She just looked at them and commented, "A few might be adopted. The rest will stay here. They will be fed." The nurse laughed harshly as she pushed the crib holding the crying babies out of the room.

Next Matt was standing over her, looking angrier that she had ever seen him. His voice was thundering, "Kitty, I'll do the right thing, but don't expect love. DON'T EXPECT LOVE.

Kitty's eyes flew open. She touched her face - it was wet with tears. She had been sobbing in her sleep, and her heart was pounding. She tried to relax, but her back hurt, and she was cramping painfully. As she became more awake, she became aware of wetness between her legs. Touching herself she felt blood, a lot of wet, sticky blood.

She tried to stand up but the cramping was too bad, so she sat on the edge of the bed, clutching the side with both hands, trying to take deep breaths.

After a few minutes she managed to stand and walk over to the basin. She was still trembling from the nightmares. She filled the basin with water, got some towels and cleaned herself up as best she could. She used a handkerchief, that was lying next to the basin to hastily dry her tears before getting her cloak out of her closet, and wrapping it around her. She slowly made her way to Doc's office hoping he could do something. For all of her inner turmoil, she didn't want to lose the baby. For the first time she admitted to herself how much she wanted to have this baby. She knocked on Doc's door, and not hearing an answer knocked again, more loudly.

"I'm coming, I'm coming,"

Doc opened the door and saw Kitty stooped over, and in pain. He took her by the hand, put his other arm around her back, and gently led her in. Her cloak opened and he saw blood on the front of her nightgown.

"Doc, I'm pregnant – I'm bleeding and I shouldn't be."

Doc squeezed her hand and had her lay on her side on the examination table. He quickly assessed the situation and knew that there was no way to save the pregnancy. All he could do was make her more comfortable. He pressed a hot water bottle to her abdomen to ease her cramping, and wiped her forehead with a cool cloth. Then he told her to hold water bottle in place while he cleaned the bleeding with warm water and clean cloths. There was nothing else to do.

Doc moved a chair close to the side of the bed and sat down. He took Kitty's hand and spoke softly, "Kitty I don't think you need me to tell you that you are no longer pregnant. There is nothing you or I could have done to prevent this. I want you to know that as the absolute truth. It's not an uncommon thing, especially early in a woman's pregnancy."

Kitty just nodded.

"Kitty," Doc said kindly, "There is no reason, you need to stay here. You'll rest more comfortably at home in your own bed. As soon as you're ready, I'll walk you back. Before you go I'll give you some powders to help you sleep. I want you to spend the day resting and drinking a lot of water. I also, want you to know that you'll experience some bleeding over the next few days."

Kitty sat up slowly. Doc put his hand on her shoulder, "Matt will be in back town later today. You'll feel better when he is with you, a lot better. You know what a comfort Matt can be."

Kitty looked up at Doc for a second, and in that flash he knew the truth.

"Kitty, you didn't say anything about this to Matt before he left, did you?"

Kitty shook her head, "Doc, I suspected I was pregnant before Matt left, but I wasn't sure. Now there is no point in telling him. We can just continue on as we have been, he doesn't have to know."

Doc looked at her intently and spoke with an intentional firmness. "Kitty, Matt deserves to know. Not only that, if you keep this a secret it will drive a wedge between the two of you. Listen to me. Matt's bout with amnesia and your episode with Will Stambridge were things that brought you two to a deeper understanding of each other. I'm an old man Kitty, and I have seen a lot. I know with certainty that if you keep this a secret, it will create a rift between the two of you, a big and permanent one, and Matt won't have any idea why. That's not fair to either of you.

Kitty nodded weakly and took a long shaky breath, "Doc, I'll go home now. Thanks, but I can get there on my own, and I don't need any powders to help me sleep." Kitty drew her cloak around her and walked out the door. She slowly went down the stairs from Doc's office, and over to the back stairs of the Long Branch, clutching her cloak tightly to her.

Doc stood at the top of the steps outside of his office, watching as she went. He had tremendous sadness in his heart. He loved her like a daughter and wanted so much to ease her pain. He knew that Kitty realized that because she was his patient everything that had happened that night was confidential. He couldn't tell anyone, not even Matt. It was up to Kitty to tell Matt or not tell him.

Kitty climbed up the back stairs of the Long Branch slowly and heavily. She wondered if she was supposed to feel relief at no longer having the dilemma that had confronted her just hours before. She didn't feel relieved, just empty and sad. She entered her rooms with a feeling of dread, like she was entering a place of loneliness that had no way out.

She got into bed, rolled over to one side, and curled into a ball. She had a decision to make and she made it, "I'll tell Matt that I'm feeling a little unwell, and need to be alone and rest for a day. I'll feel better the following day and things will be just like they were before this happened."

TBC