A/N: Okay, so this is my new multi chapter (although I'm still working on Strained Relations which I hope to finish over the next week). It will be pretty angsty but there will be brighter moments ahead if you hang in there so I hope you do.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist, the wonderful Bruno Heller does.

Missing

Chapter 1 – Cleaning Up

Those who had the courage to look in his direction stared at him like he was a ticking bomb, ready to go off at any second. He supposed they were right. It was how he felt, just on the other side of unhinged. Others avoided him like he was a crime scene too gruesome to investigate. Others gathered together, whispering to each other in pitiful tones at how the once confident and always smiling Patrick Jane had become a shell of himself. It was a testament to how far he'd fallen that he didn't care he was pitied. It was as if invisible yellow tape was positioned at a safe distance from his brown leather couch in the FBI bullpen that no one wanted to cross. He sat with a cold cup of tea in his hands, his gaze fixed to Lisbon's empty chair in front of him. He eyes blinked in rapid succession to wake him up from this nightmare as they did at least ten times a day. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cho approach and move through the unseen shield around him.

Jane drew his gaze upwards, knowing he hadn't come with news. If he had his pace would have been quicker.

'You need to clean yourself up.'

Jane closed his eyes briefly. Cho, of course, had no idea how close he had come to uttering the same words Lisbon said to him when she had first met him. Pain ripped through his heart at the memory.

'Jane, you need to-'

'I heard you' Jane replied in a whisper, only responding so he didn't have to hear the same words again.

'She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself.'

Jane nodded but felt helpless to say or do anything else.

Cho got braver and sat down beside him. It was the first time he had ever sat on Jane's couch and Jane sensed his discomfort immediately. Kimball Cho didn't do heart to hearts but Jane could feel him gearing himself up to try to get through to him.

'I know' Jane said, before Cho could speak again. 'I know she wouldn't.' His voice grew a little louder, a bite to it now. 'But what I fail to comprehend is how showering and shaving is going to help matters any.'

'You smell' Cho said, absolute seriousness in his tone.

Jane, who had been staring straight ahead until this point, turned to face Cho and scratched his beard, a mixture of ginger and blond in its untamed growth, and suddenly burst out laughing. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Wylie and Vega look up from their screens momentarily, probably wondering if he had finally given into madness.

Cho raised an eyebrow, no doubt wondering the same himself.

'My point still stands, my friend' Jane replied, trying to gather up some enthusiasm but his tone falling flat.

'So does mine.'

Cho got off the couch and went to walk away but then turned back with a parting shot. 'She's not dead. At least that's what I'm going to believe until I know otherwise. I know you believe the same. So stop acting like the only one who cares about her. She might have put up with your self-pitying behaviour but I'm not going to.' He paused and added, gesturing to Jane's crumpled suit and accompanying hobo look, 'And when she gets back here she'll kick my ass for letting you get into that state while she was gone.'

Jane's lips turned into a small smile at the thought of that particular scene. 'How do you know I believe she's still alive?'

Cho shrugged. 'Because you'd have killed yourself by now if you didn't' he replied before walking away.

Jane looked to the ground and nodded.

Cho walked into Abbott's office, wearily sitting down on the chair opposite him with a loud sigh.

'Did you get through to him?' his boss asked.

Cho shrugged. 'Who knows with him.'

Cho, always so resolute, let his tiredness show, rubbing his eyes.

Lisbon had been missing for twenty one days now.

In the beginning their office was a hive of activity, waiting for a ransom demand or a more grisly discovery. Jane was frantic, staying up for nights on end to try to find clues on her disappearance. On the night she had gone missing, he had gone home to make them dinner whilst she finished up some paperwork, a somewhat regular occurrence for them. She had been seen leaving the FBI parking lot but had never made it home. Her vehicle had been found abandoned a few streets from her house, no signs of a crash but parked neatly on the street. No blood inside the car, her cell phone sitting in the glove compartment and her handbag under the seat containing her badge and guns. She had literally just disappeared into thin air that evening. Jane had trawled his memory over the weeks before, trying to recall someone trailing them as they drove to and from work. Like all people in law enforcement they varied their route home but he could recall nothing. He remembered their conversations, trying to ascertain if she was worried about something she hadn't divulged to him that he might have missed. But he could find nothing. Everything was normal. They had been together eight months and, as far as he could tell, they were both happy.

Suspects she had a hand in arresting since joining the FBI had been investigated but had led nowhere. As his frustration grew, Jane had to be restrained from reaching over tables and threatening some of them. The investigation had now turned to CBI cases but there were so many of them it was painstakingly slow. Jane was never so sorry he had helped close so many cases. The likely suspects like Volker and Carmen had been eliminated. Wylie had practically gone through all of the CCTV footage of the whole city of Austin the night she disappeared, coming up blank. Vega helped go through case files with Jane and Cho. No one had slept for the first week. But by now any leads had already been followed up and discounted. Everyone knew but didn't say that the likelihood of her turning up alive at this stage was remote. There were new cases that agents had been reassigned to. Only Jane, Cho, Wylie and Vega remained on the Lisbon disappearance.

'Cho, we need to...get back to normal' Abbott spoke softly. Cho never gave him emotions away but Abbott knew how hard this had hit him. He knew Lisbon even longer than Jane and how protective he was of her.

'Normal?' Cho asked.

Abbott shrugged. 'Okay, not the best choice of words but...you know where we are. We're fresh out of leads-'

'We still have files to go through.'

'Yes but as far as I'm aware you and Jane have prioritised them already for Vega to go through. I'm not saying you're off the case but...we have others that need your attention too.'

'She's a member of the team. You can't give up on her.'

Abbott sighed. He knew this was going to be tough. 'I'm not, Kimball. Not at all. But...I also don't think this is helping you or Jane. Until we have some fresh leads it might help to turn your attention to other cases.'

'You'll never convince Jane of that. Lisbon was the only one who could distract him when he got like this over Red John.' Cho thought for a second. 'Scratch that. I've never seen him like this, not even back then.'

The next morning Abbott saw Jane in the break room. He saw that he wore a different suit and that it was pressed and that the beard was gone too, just a heavy stubble remaining. He was thankful that the accompanying smell had also made its exit. He was putting on the appearance of normality. But his eyes betrayed him, dark shadows beneath them. His face was gaunt and his suit hung on him, a sign of his living on tea and not much else over the last three weeks. In the beginning he bugged Abbott for resources for this and that to help with theories he had but now he looked like a man resigned to his fate, living in purgatory awaiting the decision of whether he'd be sent to heaven or hell.

'Jane, thanks for cleaning up' Abbott said, fetching a coffee.

Jane shrugged, the days of bantering or covering up his emotions with a joke gone now. He was just too tired to put on a mask. 'I hear Cho's been reassigned to the Wilson case.'

Abbott nodded. 'Yes. Look, I know you might think I've given up on finding her but-'

'It's okay. I understand. You need some more help on it?'

Abbott's eyes widened in shock. He had been expecting a tantrum or a fight but not acceptance.

Jane saw the look and said quietly, 'There's nothing else I can do until we catch a break. If there were I'd be doing it. I'm out of ideas.' He averted his eyes, his voice cracking, 'I fear I'm in danger of having a breakdown unless I can focus my mind on something else. I'm not sure what use I'll be but-'

'Of course we could use your help' Abbott replied softly, hoping he'd see a glimmer of the arrogant conman he'd first met once again.

Jane sipped his tea as he read the Wilson case files. He told himself he was doing this for her. Cho had been right about one thing. Okay, two things. He did smell. When he removed his jacket the night before and sniffed himself he was decidedly ripe. No surprise after wearing the same suit for a week and not bothering to shower. But, more importantly, when she came back, his mind clinging to the word when, then he would have to deal with whatever trauma had happened to her during her disappearance. He blocked out all thoughts of what those scenarios could be. He would hardly be capable of helping her if he became a wreck himself in the meantime. He needed to get strong again, to eat and to work. Sleep was a different matter but he had made an appointment to get some sleeping pills so he would at least be able to function. If the worst case scenario turned out to be true and she turned up dead, swallowing a lump and closing his eyes as the word ran through his mind, then he would have plenty of time to feel sorry for himself. Cho was right. She wasn't dead yet. He had to hang on to that for as long as he could.

A/N: So, that's the first chapter. Would love to know your thoughts on it.