My eyes are swollen shut from the repeated punches to my face. It's probably better this way. I don't need to see them coming.

I would welcome death with open arms if they would be so kind to grant me that wish. Death would be the ultimate act of kindness, actually. My body aches from the beatings I receive on a daily basis. I can handle that pain.

I've been beaten since I was young. My mother would tell me over and over again what a disappointment I was to the family.

"Goddamn you, Peeta!" Her voice would shriek through the bakery kitchen. "Why can't you do anything right?"

I would give anything to hear her voice again.

Maybe my mother was right about me; I can't do anything right. I should have kept Katniss safe. I shouldn't have let them separate us. She's probably dead because of me. I promised myself that I would keep Katniss alive, and knowing that I've probably failed makes me want to die.

The nightmares paralyze me. I scratch at the needle marks on my arms and wonder what they are pumping into my blood. I lose track of time for hours when they sit me in the cold metal chair. I wake up feeling dizzy, and my head throbs for days afterward.

Last night I dreamed about Katniss and our baby. She was holding our daughter in her arms protectively. Katniss doesn't think she would be a good mother, but I know that's not true. I woke up screaming when a Peacekeeper ripped our crying baby from her arms.

I hope they are alive.

They have to had made it. Haymitch promised me! I wish someone could tell me that Katniss and our child are safe somewhere. I can't die until I know that they have found peace.

My memories of Katniss are starting to fade. I try to concentrate, but nothing makes sense anymore. If I listen carefully, I can almost hear her voice, but it's gone within seconds.

I hear them whispering outside the door. They sound frustrated. I scoot closer and press my ear up against the door to listen.

"What do you mean it's not working?" I've never heard President Snow sound so angry before.

"I've never seen this before," the terrified voice explains. "He's fighting the tracker jacker venom..."

I look back down at my arms and fight the urge to vomit all over the floor. "We could amplify the dose, but it might kill him."

"The boy is no good to me dead," President Snow spits out angrily. "Figure this out, and do it soon."

They are poisoning me? I can remember the pain of the tracker jacker sting from when the nest fell on me during the Games, but what happens when they directly inject the venom into my bloodstream?

It's going to kill me.

I'm going to die in this disgusting cell, and there is nothing I can do about it.

I'll never see my child grow up.

I'll never get to hold Katniss in my arms again.

I'm going to die alone, never getting to tell Katniss that I love her.

If only my mother could see me now. I'm sure she would find some way to berate me. It's my fault. I'm what's wrong. It's probably for the best that I forget. The painful memories of how I failed are debilitating. I failed my mother. I failed Katniss. I failed my child.

Give me the needle, and let me inject the poison myself.

My mother always said this world would have been better off without me.

"You ruined the bread again, Peeta?" I can still feel her nails digging into my skull as she yanks me by my hair. "I should have taken those herbs like I wanted to, but your father–your stupid father wanted another child."

I want to cry, but the bruising and swelling around my eyes makes it impossible. I spent years as a child, crying in the closet, but eventually the tears dried up, and I fought to be a better man.

I never want my child to feel unwanted. I'm sure Katniss will tell her that I loved her. They have to know I would never abandon my child willingly! When I came back from the Games, I was sure my mother would finally love me. I survived and managed to come back home.

All she could do was look at my new leg in disgust. "Now it's not just your brain that's leg is disgusting."

It didn't matter that I survived. All she could see was my failures. I would always be the son she wished had died. Now I wish I was dead, too.

A loud bang wakes me from my drug-induced state. They've been pumping me full of the venom numerous times a day since they made the discovery of my resistance.

It's killing me. That I know for sure. My mental state hasn't been altered that much, but I sleep most of the day now.

I dream of Katniss and our baby. I dream of my mother beating me bloody. My mind is constantly reeling, and I'm powerless to stop the terrifying thoughts.

Gunfire and screaming.

Something's happening!

I back up into the corner and bring my knees to my chest. I rock back and forth, trying to block out the sounds, but they keep getting louder and closer.

"He's got to be here somewhere! I'm not leaving without him."

That voice. I know it. I could never forget it.

Katniss.

"Peeta!" She's crying out to me, but my throat burns when I try to answer back. "Please be alive. Please."

Why is she here? It's dangerous!

I hear another loud bang and see a quick flash of light as the door to my cell opens.

"I found him!" Katniss screams. "Peeta!" Her soft hands rest on my bruised cheeks.

"Wh - how?" I whisper.

"Shh, don't say anything. We are going to get you out of here." I feel her tears drip onto my neck as she hugs me tightly.

"Katniss," I look at her stomach fearfully. "Our… the baby."

I don't hear her last words before I pass out in her arms.

The hospital room has a very distinct smell. It sears my nose when I take in a deep breath. But it's the first time in weeks that my chest doesn't burn when the air reaches my lungs.

I can see the evidence of my beatings. My body is splattered black and blue.

I don't recognize this place. It's nicer than anything we would have in District 12.

They have me strapped down to the bed.

"Hello?"

My voice is soft and tentative. I don't want to step out of line and be thrown back into my cell. Am I even in the Capitol? I press my eyes shut to focus on my last memory. Katniss. She was there. It must have been a dream.

The door opens slowly, and my body begins to shake. I can only imagine what they are going to do to me. I haven't done what they asked.

The first thing I see is her dark hair. It's not in the usual braid I remember seeing. "Katniss, is that you?"

She steps forward nervously. "Peeta...are you...I can't believe you're really here." Tears spill out of her eyes and onto her gaunt cheeks. I can see that she hasn't been eating.

That can't be good for the baby. "What happened? Where are we?"

"Do you remember anything?" she asks with a frown. "I'm so sorry that it took me so long."

I take my shaking hand and rest it against her cheek. "I shouldn't have left you that night!" My own tears start to fall. "Is the baby okay?"

"Peeta." Her eyes widen. "There's no baby. You made that up to stop the games. Do you remember?"

My heartbeat quickens at her revelation. She's lying. There's a baby. I can remember–I mean, I think I can remember. "I don't understand."

"What did they do to you, Peeta?" She wraps her arms around me tightly. I've wanted to hold her again for what feels like an eternity, but now I feel empty.

"Did you kill our baby?" The words taste sour on my tongue. Why would Katniss want my child? I've never been good enough for her. She never loved me. Why would she care about our child? I yank away and grab her arms forcefully. "What did you do to our baby, Katniss?"

"Peeta, please listen to me," she begs between sobs. "There was never a baby! You made it up to save me. I would never hurt our baby. You have to believe me!"

I close my eyes to fight back the flood of tears. "You promise me there's no baby?"

"I promise you."

Why can't I decipher between reality and imagination? What other details of my life have been distorted?

"Where is my family?" I need to see my brother. He can tell me what's happening. When my mother would beat me as a kid, my oldest brother would sit in the closet with me until I felt safe enough to come out. Katniss pulls away from me, not looking me in the eyes. "Katniss, I want to see my family."

The silence between us is suffocating. I can clearly see that she's avoiding my question. "Peeta, I'm so sorry..."

The sound that comes out of my mouth is deafening. All the fear and pain I've been holding in is finally released. The possibility of my family being dead never even occurred to me. It hurts to breathe. "It's my fault, isn't it?"

"Don't even say that!" Katniss says angrily. "If anyone is to blame, it should be me."

I know I should hate her. She used me over and over again. There was never any regard for my feelings. I've always been the afterthought to everyone in my life. Still, I can't hate her. I love her more today than ever before.

"What happens now?"

Katniss holds my hand and squeezes it gently. "We try to survive."

They release me from the hospital ward a week later. All my physical wounds have begun to heal up, but the emotional scars seem to get worse as the days drag on. I haven't slept a full night since Katniss told me about the baby and my family. When I close my eyes, I see them crying out for me, and I'm completely helpless.

The pain I feel when I wake each morning is worse than I imagine death would be.

Apparently, there will be some lasting effects from the insane amounts of venom they injected me with. They can range from mild seizures to blackouts that can last hours at a time.

The doctors told me I'm lucky. It could be much worse. I have a hard time believing that.

Katniss hasn't left my side since I was rescued. She told me that she fought with Haymitch for weeks until they agreed she could join the mission. The people are at war with the Capitol, and Katniss is the face of the rebellion. I've seen firsthand the evil of President Snow, and I pray that this can be resolved soon.

How many more lives will be lost?

Katniss stirs next to me. She can't sleep unless I'm next to her. I know she told me that the baby was made up, but I still wonder if she's lying to keep from upsetting me. I remind myself that the poison in my blood is distorting my thinking.

Haymitch told me they were trying to "hijack" me, but my body fought it off. It's not an exact science, but I guess they wanted me to be a weapon.

At night when I try to sleep, my mind flashes to that cold metal chair. They would tell me that Katniss tried to kill me. I don't remember details. I'm lucky to have made it out of there with my memories still intact.

Katniss rubs her eyes and sits up next to me. "Still can't sleep?"

"I keep thinking about the baby," I confess. When I was locked in that cell, the thought of returning home to a family that would actually want me is what kept me breathing. I feel like a part of me died when Katniss told me the truth. "It was so real..."

"Is that something you really want?"

A few weeks ago, the thought of having a baby with Katniss was my reality, but now I don't know what my future holds. I can see her with our children. We are smiling and laughing, nothing bad in the world can touch us. I would protect them all.

"I don't know what I want anymore, Katniss."

She looks at me with glistening eyes. "Do you still want me?"

Her low, seductive voice takes me by surprise. I've spent years imaging a naked Katniss in my bed. She never showed interest in me that way, so I always pushed my desires away. I should have known there was no baby, but my mind kept telling me it was real. The fantasies I've had of her felt so real when I was locked in that cell.

There is nothing in the world that could keep me from wanting Katniss. I would rather die than stop loving her. "I'll always want you," I confess.

She swings her legs around so that she's straddling my waist. My breath hitches in my throat at how close her lips are to mine.

We've kissed dozens of times, but this is different. There's a distinct heat radiating from her skin that makes my mouth water. "Peeta, I can't lose you again."

Her hips rock against my hardening erection, and I can't believe this is really happening. "Katniss, what are you doing?"

Her shaking hand rests on my cheek. "I regret so many things." She kisses my forehead. "I don't want to miss out on a life with you."

I kiss her first. My mouth attacks hers with a desperate urgency. She opens her mouth wider so my tongue can slip in and taste her better.

I don't know how long we spend in my bed making out. Katniss pulls away, and I fight to bring her lips back to mine. "Peeta," she pants out. "Can we...I want to feel you."

Her hand rests on my hardness then squeezes so tightly, I can't help but gasp aloud. I never dreamed how Katniss' touch would feel on me. A simple act I've done numerous times for myself is like heaven under her grasp.

"Is this something you really want?" I ask Katniss, fearful she's doing this out of obligation.

She nods wordlessly. "Our lives are so complicated now up." She runs a hand through my hair. "I want to feel something that is normal again."

"We haven't done this before, have we?" My cheeks burn with embarrassment. "There really wasn't a baby, was there?"

Katniss laughs softly. I haven't heard her laugh in months, and it's the most beautiful sound in the world. "No, Peeta. There wasn't a baby. I want you right now. I want to feel only you."

Her voice uttering those words. She only wants me. She's been waiting for me to return. Katniss is the family I hoped to see. I want her by my side from now till the end of time. We've been through pain together that most people can't even fathom. She's been a light in my life for as long as I can remember.

"I love you." The words fall out desperately, aching to be freed from years of imprisonment.

I promised myself that if I survived, I would tell Katniss how I truly feel. She says nothing for what feels like hours. It doesn't matter if she doesn't feel the same. I just need her to know. I need her to hear me say it.

"I didn't think I could love anyone the way I love you," her voice cracks on the last word. I can see that she's fighting back fresh tears.

Our days are numbered. I don't know what's going to happen with this war, but I know that this moment is all that matters. "They wanted me to hate you."

"I know." She lifts her nightgown above her head and throws it to the ground. Her nipples harden from the cool air. "They told me to forget about you."

I cup her supple breast in my hand and marvel at how soft her skin is. I brush my thumb over her nipple curiously. She licks her lips. "I will love you forever," I say before flicking my tongue over the tiny bud.

Katniss moans softly, which encourages my ministrations more. "I'm terrified all the time," she whispers.

"I won't let anyone hurt you." She falls back on the bed with a soft thud. "I'll die before I lose you again."

She puts her finger against my lips. "I don't want to talk about that anymore."

My fingers slip into her panties, and I feel the moisture that has collected in between her thighs. I massage her folds, soaking my fingers with her arousal. "You're so wet..."

My fingers explore her body. The slick moisture coats them and as I caress different spots, she moans and moves her hips towards my touch. I find her hollow, the center just between her legs and take a chance.

I dip two fingers into her, but she winces at the foreign feeling. Her walls clench around me. "Am I hurting you?"

"It's just different." She rocks her hips against my palm. "I've never felt anything... there before."

My brothers used to talk about the perfect way to warm a girl up. I feel her tightness loosening up, becoming even more warm around my hand. My groin throbs at the thought of burying myself inside of her, but I'll follow my brothers' advice first.

"Katniss, were you serious about what you said before? Are you offering us a chance at creating a baby even though we might not live to see it born?"

Her face is flushed pink. Her hands wrapped around my body as I lie above her. "Yes, Peeta. Let's do it. Let's live here in this moment as if nothing matters except you and me."

I remove my fingers from her and scoot down so I can see her sex more clearly. She's beautiful; so much different than what I had imagined. I position myself between her legs. "What are you doing?"

I push her knees open wider. "Trust me."

Her thighs are drenched in clear liquid. My cock twitches as I lean in closer to her. Without hesitation, I run my tongue up along her slit and through her swollen folds.

"Oh shit, Peeta." Her voice comes out in a high pitched shriek.

The taste is different, but I find myself craving it. As my tongue swirls around her clit, the tasty liquid drips down my chin. Her reactions guide me. I can see that she loves when I run my tongue from her clit to the small opening.

She digs her nails into my scalp as I suck on that tiny bundle that seems to make her twitch. She chants my name over and over again. I've always associated nails in my scalp as a bad thing. When Katniss does it now, I never want it to end.

"Peeta–please I–it feels so good." I grab her hips to hold her steady. I fight my own desperate urges. I want Katniss to be happy. I want to be the reason for it. It only takes a few more precise movements of my tongue before she grinds her pelvis into my face. "Peeta!"

I lap up the juices as she comes down from her high. Her flushed body is enough to make me explode, but I need to feel her.

"How was that?" I ask with a satisfied grin. It's funny how easy it is to forget what's going on outside of these walls.

"Incredible," she says shyly.

I shift to relieve some of the tension building between my legs."Katniss." I rub my erection through the cotton of my pajamas. "Do you think you're ready now? You haven't changed your mind?"

"Just tell me what to do."

I remove my shirt and pants slowly. She watches me closely with wide, curious eyes. My erection presses against my underwear, and I know she's staring at it. I've never been self-conscious about my body before, but now I'm covered in horrible, grotesque scars. "You can touch me if you want."

She pulls my boxers down, and my cock springs free. There's no way to clearly describe what I'm feeling at this moment. Katniss wraps her hand around me, and I release a strangled groan.

"Move your hand up and down..." I'm practically begging her at this point. Her speed picks up the more confident she gets. She strokes me until I have to push her hand away. I kiss her neck and laugh. "You're a natural," I mutter against her skin as I hear her giggle timidly. I bring one of her legs around me to open her widely.

"Is it going to hurt?" She asks.

"I hope it doesn't, but I'll be really gentle, okay?"

She nods as I shift my body so that I'm hovering above her. She looks up at me with a nervous expression. I close my eyes and move my hips forward. Her walls clench around my shaft as I push into her slowly.

Katniss grimaces from the feeling of being stretched. "Are you okay?" I ask tentatively.

She nods, blinking away the tears. "Just keep going..."

There is no way to describe what this feels like. I move languidly within her, my relaxed pace allowing me to feel every ridge inside of her. She squeezes my entire length with her muscles, feeling even tighter and more complete than in her hand. After only minutes, I realize that I can't hold out much longer. The tingling in the base of my spine begins to spread throughout my body.

The only sound that can be heard is our labored breathing. "Katniss." My balls tighten. "I'm going to come..." She leans up and kisses my lips as my cock pulses, and my release spurts inside her heat. "Oh fuck..."

We lay together until the sun rises. I know that one night together won't fix the problems we are surely to face, but knowing that Katniss loves me is enough for right now.

I hope to sleep peacefully from now on.

They tell us that the war is over three months after I was rescued. President Snow died in his sleep. It was anticlimactic but not surprising. We all heard rumors of his failing health, but I didn't think it would happen so soon.

I asked when we would be able to return to District 12. That place is my home, and I miss it. I want to rebuild the bakery. I want to marry Katniss and move on from this hell we've been living.

Katniss stands in the doorway of our bedroom with a smile. "I have to tell you something."

"Is everything okay?"

She nods, the smile still not fading from her lips. "I'm pregnant."

"Wha–you're joking?"

Katniss shakes her head with a laugh. "It's real, Peeta."

I still have nightmares about the baby I thought was in danger. The fear I felt everyday when I was captured is something I'll never forget. I place my hand on Katniss' flat stomach and picture our child growing inside of her.

This is the beginning of a new life for Katniss and me. All the pain and suffering will be a distant memory when our child comes into the world.

I'm going to marry Katniss when we get home to District 12.

I'm going to keep her and our baby safe.

I'm going to love them both forever.

Everything is different now.

Life is good.

I won't have nightmares anymore.