It was late into the night. Levi was sitting at his desk filling out the seemingly endless stack of paperwork he had. Rain tapped at the glass on the dark windows and the light from the fire in his fireplace painted the room orange and yellow. A cup of tea steamed lazily on its saucer. He finished another paper and set it in a tray on the corner of his desk. Levi put the pen down on the stack of unfinished papers and leaned back in his chair. The wood in crackled in the fire.
Levi's left ankle throbbed so hard he could practically hear it. He looked down and wasn't surprised to see that the swelling was noticeable through his boots. He had wrapped it everyday for the past week, but it hadn't helped any...and he wasn't about to go tell Hanji or Erwin. So far Levi had managed to play it off, but he couldn't do it forever.
Damn it, he thought as he sipped at his tea.
Levi glanced at the small clock on his desk. 11:42 P.M. He picked up the pen and picked up the next form. The form everyone despised with a somber hatred: the casualty report from. One page had room for five people. A line for their name, and three boxes: alive, injured, deceased ("please check one of the following"), and at the bottom of the page were two lines for the squad leaders' signature and Erwin's signature.
"I hate my job sometimes," Levi muttered as he printed his own name on the first line. He bristled as he marked the injured box under his name, "tch...if Erwin doesn't keep his trap shut about this I'm letting Hanji dissect him."
Levi moved to the next line, printed Eren Jaeger, and paused for a moment. Levi contemplated for a few moments then shrugged and checked the alive part he didn't care about...now he had to face his own demons. No squad leader has ever liked-or will probably ever like-checking the deceased box. This had only happened a couple of times to Levi. But it had always been some cocky new rookie, hellbent on showing off, that didn't look behind them quick enough. That was so long ago that Levi had forgotten the pain.
Gunther Schulz: [X] Deceased
Olou Bossard: [X] Deceased
Eld Jinn: [X] Deceased
Levi paused for a few seconds. He remembered all of them on the night before they left on that damned 57th Expedition. They were all so happy, like all this wasn't happening. Like they wouldn't die in 12 hours. But there was still one more name. A name that was too beautiful and too young to be written on that line.
Petra Ral: [X] Deceased
Levi turned his gaze to a small stool by the door. A small stack of wrapped Scouting Legion cloaks piled on top of it. Those were all that remained of the Special Operations Squad. All that remained of Levi's comrades. All that remained of Levi's closest (and possibly only) friends. All that remained of Levi's lover...and maybe his wife. A knot closed in his throat as the memory of seeing her corpse flashed through his mind. Levi hadn't had a single second to mourn for her-for any of them-since they had returned.
Levi took a deep breath and that was that. He signed the bottom of the page and gathered the rest of his papers. The door clicked gently behind him as he walked down the creaky, old hallway towards Erwin's office. He gave the door a knock and opened it. Hanji was already inside talking with Erwin.
"Oh. Hey, Levi. Didn't know you were still up," Hanji said while she adjusted her glasses.
"Gotta love paperwork."
Levi set the pile down on Erwin's desk and gave a quick salute before turning to walk out. But he turned to fast and his bad foot caught under him and twisted painfully. Levi caught himself before he could fall though. He tried to play it off as he walked out, but it hurt too much. Levi couldn't stand it anymore and finally caved into the urge to limp. He made it 6 steps...
"Are you limping?" Erwin asked quizzically; the corner of his mouth hesitating to twitch into a smile.
"Uh..." Levi had no defense, CRAP!
"Ohmigod! He is!" Hanji squealed, "I don't believe this. I need proof. Check his report! Check it!"
Erwin filed through the stack of papers Levi had just set down and pulled out the casualty report form. A smile divided the commanders face from ear to ear.
"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Hanji snatched the paper from Erwin's hand and immediately burst out laughing. Levi stood there with his arms crossed and a smug expression on his face.
"I hope you two are satisfied. I'm going back to my room," Levi cautiously turned and began to limp out.
"Hold it," Erwin spoke more calmly and with no smile now, "you are now officially filed as a wounded man," Erwin said and signed the bottom line.
"I know, I know."
Hanji walked over to Levi and pulled his arm over her shoulder. Her other arm went to his knees.
"If you pick me up like a bride, Hanji, I swear to God-"
"I'm just kidding."
Hanji and Levi made their way down the hall way and into his room. When they entered Hanji set Levi down on the side of the bed and pulled his boot off. She came face to face with a tightly wrapped wad of gauze. Hanji pulled the foot strap of the 3DMG harness up and unraveled the tightly wrapped gauze.
"Jeez, Levi! It's all purple, and swollen, and...why didn't you tell me sooner...?"
"I got busy."
Hanji grabbed the stool by the door and shoved the wrapped cloaks off. Levi's eye twitched when she moved it closer to the bed and sat down on the small stool.
"What's wrong?"
"You could have moved...them...a little more gently. I spent about twenty minutes folding each of them individually."
"Oh...calm down. What are they anyways?" Hanji asked as she picked up one of the bundles and started unfolding one.
"No! Hanji don't-"
"Oh..." Hanji's smiled dipped down as she stared at the bloodied cloak. Then she realized Levi meant his squad. The crimson-stained Wings of Freedom stared back at her, "you mean them."
"That one was Eld's. The bottom half is missing from where the Female Titan...," Levi trailed off solemnly.
Hanji rewrapped the cloak and sat next to Levi on the bed.
"You okay?" She asked timidly.
"Yeah."
"Wanna talk?"
"No, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Hanji, I'm. Fine," Levi's tone grew firm and bordered on angry.
"Okay. 'Cause you know I'm always her if you need to ta-"
"Hanji! I said I'm fine! So can we please drop it before I drop you?! Thank you."
An awkward silence dusted the room as Levi pulled his boot back on. A small knock broke through the quiet. The hinges squeaked and Eren poked his head in.
"Umm...I don't mean to interrupt...but what's with all the yelling?" Eren asked sheepishly as he entered the room.
"Oh good!" Hanji squealed as she stood up, "maybe you'll open up to Eren," the statement came out half sarcastic.
Hanji ran over, pulled him inside, sat him on the bed and hurried out. The two sat and listened to the crackling fire. Eren eyed the corner where the pile of cloaks lay.
"Heichou...are those...um..."
"Yes, Jaeger. Those cloaks belonged to the Spec-...my squad," Levi barely managed over the lump in his throat.
"Those go to the families, right?" Eren's eyes became glued to the pile. Nothing could bring his focus off it.
"Yes, Jaeger. Those cloaks do go to the families."
A choked sob escaped Eren. Levi looked over at Eren to see a steady stream of tears rolling down the boy's face. Levi wanted to follow suit, but something inside wouldn't let him.
"I'm so sorry Heichou," Eren said in between sobs, "it's my fault they're all dead! They were trying to protect me and now they're gone. If I had just fought that Female Titan the first time then all of them would still be here!"
Levi saw how torn up he was and wrapped his arm around Eren; letting him cry into his shoulder. Levi's own heart stung as the memory of seeing all of his squad dead flashed through his mind again. All four were some of the best of the Scouting Legion and they were just thrown aside like yesterday's trash.
"Oi, stop crying brat," Levi snapped finally. Tears-the first in God knows how long-welled up in his eyes but he blinked them back, "they were my comrades too."
Eren looked up at Levi with a sad version of puppy eyes. Levi stood up as best he could and limped over to his desk. He opened the middle drawer, pulled a small key out, and walked over to the book shelf. Levi put the key in the lock of an elaborately decorated, yet very old and fairly worn, wooden box. It clicked open and Levi took out a palm-sized leather pouch. He shook the bag out over his hand and a ring fell out.
The thin silver band beautifully held a tiny white diamond. The glow from the fire reflected off the diamond and left flickering patterns on the walls and ceiling. Eren eyed the ring for as long as he could before more tears blurred his vision. Levi turned the ring over and over in his hand.
"That squad was more than just comrades. They-all of them-were my friends...and were the perfect equivalent of my family. This was going to be Petra's tomorrow. She's been asking me to...propose...for at least the past few weeks now," Levi's voice caught on the last line.
"Heichou, I-I...had no idea..."
Levi squeezed the ring as tightly as he could. This ring would never be Petra's, and Levi would never see her smile when he have it to her. He would never hear her laugh or walk downstairs to see her slaving in the kitchen to make his tea and everyone else's coffee. He would never embrace her, or see the sunlight shine off her auburn hair. Levi would never kiss her lips again, or see her in the wedding gown she daydreamed of so often. Levi would never see her again period. Then Levi threw the ring into the fireplace and watched it burn.
"Get out."
"What?"
"I said: get out!"
Eren stood and scurried out of the room and shut the door behind him. When he was sure that he was alone, Levi shrank into a ball on the floor in front to the hearth and let himself cry. For the first time (as far as he remembered) Levi was crying-lamenting-over someone.
"Forgive me Petra. Forgive me Aurou, Gunter, Eld, everyone. Please...I'm sorry...it was never supposed to end this way...I'm sorry."
Hello! it was killing me so I wrote a sequel to my other fic "Lament". So...taadaa! Hope u enjoyed and ya know, leave comments and review and the whole nine yards. ^-^