As in all my stories. I suffer from complete and total meltdown. That is because I don't own the characters.
I don't own Castle, Beckett, ABC, Disney, Marlow or any other of the cool stuff that makes this the best show on television.
Those OTHER people own them. I have begged and pleaded but they will not give them up. So I only get to borrow them
for a short period of time on Monday nights.
Actually, I did buy all 4 seasons on DVD. So that means I do own something. I own 4 DVDs But that's all
Preliminary stuff said.
I you have not read
"What Happens in Vegas Does Not Stay in Vegas" (fluff and humor)
AND "The Aftermath of Secrets" (a little darker)
READ THEM FIRST
Otherwise you are walking into a trap that will make no sense
The Doctor Is In
She exits the elevator and walks down the hall. She is standing outside his office with her hand on the doorknob. She opens the door from the corridor to the reception office and waiting room. She hates waiting rooms. Especially doctor's waiting rooms. They are cold and impersonal. The waiting room magazines usually relate to whatever type of medicine the physician practices. If you see a heart doctor, the magazines will relate to heart health. The pediatric doctor's office will have information on raising your children. The dentist will contain oral health. The psychologist's office will have magazines relating to services performed by mental health professionals. The OB/GYN will have issues on women's health
She sits on a chair and picks up the latest story from Psychology Today. The headline story is about dealing with unruly teenagers. Reading this makes her think how glad she is that she does not have teenagers. Actually she has no children at all. Or she thinks that she is glad.
Does she want children? Maybe some day in the future? Just not right now?
But being a thirty something woman can cause that biological clock to start ticking. Ticking very loud sometimes. In the last few years she has in fact thought about having children. It's just that all the right conditions had not lined up for her. First, there was no man that she wanted to have children with. Then when she encountered a man that she thought might fit the bill, her job got in the way. When her job was no longer in the way, the man she thought it would be, was gone. She felt like she was going in a constant circle of worthless relationships to job issues then back to the start of worthless relationships again. She was getting little tired of riding the carousel looking for the gold ring, but she never quite found one.
So, now she is sitting in the doctor's waiting room ready to see him once again. She knows he is probably tired of hearing her stories about her job. Her love life or lack of love life. Tired of hearing how she goes from one worthless relationship to another worthless relationship with men she doesn't love.
She puts down the book and starts twirling her hair. She looks at the strands of her long auburn curls that she is twisting around and around with her fingers. She read somewhere that a woman twirling her hair was the sign of sexual frustration. Now, looking at her own fingers twirling her own hair, she has to agree. She is frustrated. Totally and completely frustrated
The inner door opens and there stands the doctor "Please come in"
After she comes into his inner office. She removes her service weapon and holster from her belt and places it in her bag and then takes off her shoes and sits on her usual chair with her long legs pulled up under herself. She looks over to the medical professional who has helped her in so many ways over the last couple of years.
"I'm sure not many come back here after they have been returned to duty" she wraps her arms around her legs and pulls them in tight to her chest
"Oh, you would be surprised. There are more than you think. What brings you here today?"
"I can't do this anymore. I have to get out of the trap I am in. I have been defined by the events from my past. I want to move past these things. I want to become more than what I am. I feel like I am spinning out of control and I don't know how to stop the spiral."
"Has something happened to bring you to this point?"
"A lot of things have happened. Things I wish I had not seen. Thing I wish I was not involved in."
"Can you give me any example of what is happening in your life to bring you to this realization?"
"I don't think I can possibly explain how I am feeling right now. I am frustrated. I am frustrated with the life I am leading. Frustrated in my lack of a private life. My love life is non existent right now. I seem to have chased off the last man that I might actually have had a chance with."
"I thought that you said this man told you that he loved you, but you are fighting those feelings that you have for him?"
"Yeah! I fought those feelings until he slammed the door in my face. He told me it was over and he was done with me"
"You think that there is there no chance of reconciliation with him?"
"No, I think short of me going to him, grabbing him, and dragging him to the bedroom. I think that he is over me. I waited too long."
"He might only be protecting his emotions from more hurt. You might just go do what you suggested. It looks like you can't loose anything by trying"
She stares out the window of the office in silence.
After several minutes of silence "Tell me something doctor. How do you deal with all the things you hear from patients like me? I know you must hear horrible stories almost everyday."
"Actually we have our own groups we attend. It has been discovered that professionals who work in stressful jobs like you must decompress by talking to other members of their peer group. When that is not an option, then talking to people like me is the next best thing. Of course we hear your stories so we must have our own peer groups to decompress."
"So, you go to group therapy just like you suggest we do?"
"Actually yes! Except we cannot tell anything that would specifically identify our patients. Now back to your current problem. What would you like me to do?"
"Have you ever wanted to vanish?"
"No! What are you asking?"
"Can you show me a way? The direction to go? Any direction I can go to leave this life I am in? I need to disappear. Can you help me?"
"I can help you emotionally. But I can't help to physically. If you are needing to leave your current life and lifestyle and if you are wanting to disappear. Someone else will have to be the one to help you to do that."
"That is exactly what I need to do. I have to vanish. I can no longer deal with my father and his issues. And since my boyfriend and I have split…Oh wait. We never even reached the boyfriend stage. I have no where I need to be. I have no where I want to be. I know what I can do. How about you help me to die"
"Now you know I cannot help you do that. It is morally and ethically wrong and if I even thought you were planning to cause yourself harm, I am obligated by law to stop you from doing that"
"Actually, I was meaning die on paper. Leave my current life and become someone new."
He looks toward his patient "What do you have in mind?"
"There is a woman I wish I were her. If I could emulate her. I could become her. Everyone would think I was her. I know I look like her even her husband would not know the difference. Doctor Burke. Would you help me become Katherine Beckett-Castle?"
"Andrea you know that cannot do that"