Monday, October 8 – Week 2
"What if?" Prompt: (4x17 – Demonology) – What if Hotch was jealous of all the attention Rossi was giving Prentiss during the case?
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or it's characters.
The Color Of Jealousy
Aaron stood there and watched his friend with a woman who he didn't know how he felt about anymore. She was his subordinate, his colleague, maybe one would say friend. He wasn't sure she would though. He hated that Dave could be there for her when he couldn't. He had a job to do and that was to protect her from the outside looking in. He couldn't show her how much he had grown to care for her. No that wouldn't do her any good if she knew how he really felt for her.
He hadn't known her very long if one thought about it but she had proved time and time again that he could trust her. Without a doubt that was one thing he had come to rely on over her time with the BAU. He may have not trusted her in the beginning but that had all changed with one simple act by her. She had walked away, walked away from the one thing she had fought so hard to get. And that in itself said a whole lot about her character. She had given up her dream to save his career without even batting an eye.
Now here she was, going through this relatively alone and there was nothing he could do for her except stand and watch as his best friend seemed to be making a move on her. Okay maybe that part was a little much even for him but he could see how close they were getting and he didn't like it one bit. He wanted to be the one she turned to, the one that comforted her.
He felt the blood pounding in his ears as he watched Dave and Emily walk to the elevators and leave together. His heart was racing and his palms were sweating. He felt for the first time in a long time that familiar pang in his chest as he watched her walk away. He hadn't felt that in years but it was all too clear to him now as the red hot feeling of jealousy raged within him.
What was she telling Dave, would she tell him eventually? Not likely, but he could hope that she would feel that she could. He knew he had given her no reason to turn to him for anything except for his next order on any given case. Why did life have to be so complicated? Why couldn't he have his job and a woman that would and could understand every aspect of his life? She could be that for him he realized. She could be that and so much more but would she be willing? Could she find a place in her life for him? Would she even want too?
He needed to talk to her but how could he ever tell her what he wanted too? Could he make himself say the right words? After the case was over he would go to her, tell her what he was feeling. But what exactly was that? Was it lust? Yes. Was it more than that? Probably. Was it love? Could one fall in love without even realizing they had feelings for someone? Maybe. He sat there and thought about his life and he came to a decision. He asked himself the question again. Was it love? Most definitely. He had irrevocably fallen in love with Emily Prentiss and hadn't even realized that he was falling.
Hotch told Dave and Morgan to escort Father Paul Silvano to the airport so he could be transported back to Rome; maybe part of that was to get Dave away from Emily. Funny thing about jealousy, it made you do things you normally wouldn't do. Then he watched Dave say something to Emily and she shook her head and turned and started to walk away. The snow was falling all around and he could see it sticking to her dark hair. He followed her at a safe distance so she couldn't see him. He told himself it was to make sure she was safe but he knew deep down that he just wanted to watch her without being seen by anyone else.
He had been following her for blocks when she finally stopped and looked down at something in her hand. He noticed her hand come up to her nose and pull away bloody. This case had been her stressor. He had to go to her; he needed to bring her some form of comfort. She had no one else at the moment, not that he wanted anyone else to comfort her. This was his chance to prove to her that he could be that someone she could turn to. That someone she could trust enough to let in. In return he promised himself that he would let her in behind the walls he had built around himself.
Hotch crossed the street as she started to make her way up the steps to the church she had stopped in front of. She turned to look straight at him, giving him a small smile when he looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights.
"So why have you been following me Hotch? Did I break another rule I am unaware of?"
"No Emily. I was just worried about you." he said as he made his way up the steps to stop right in front of her.
"Wow. I didn't think I would ever hear you say it again." she said, smiling at him again.
"What?" Hotch asked, clearly confused.
"My name; I think you have only called me by my first name three times, two being in the past forty eight hours. I have always been Prentiss to you." she said as she sat down on the top step.
"I never realized that I do that. I'm sorry. Comes with the job I guess." he sat down beside her.
"You call everyone else by their first names a lot. But me, it's always Prentiss. I have learned to accept that I will never have your trust fully. That is why you never call me Emily. You are afraid to let me in. I get it, I do. I will never be a part of this team to you. I've worked hard to get to where I am at. I did it all on my own, contrary to what you believe. I worked my ass off to get out from underneath my parents influences and beliefs." Her head was hanging as more blood dripped from her nose on to the snow. The contrast of the stark whiteness of the snow and the deep red color of her blood was astonishing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.
"I'm sorry I made you think that I don't want you on my team Emily because that is so far from the truth. I value you as a member of this team; you are an integral part of this team… an integral part of me." he said as he suddenly took a big interest in his feet to avoid her seeing his eyes, afraid she would be able to see into his soul with just one look.
Emily stared at him, reading his body language, taking in his words. No way could he be telling her what she thought he was… but what else could he mean? She reached over and tilted his chin up so she could see his face. Something flashed in her eyes and he knew she could see what he had so desperately been trying to hide.
"When?" was all she asked as she looked into his eyes.
"Honestly I really don't know… but I just realized it tonight." he said quietly.
"I don't know what to say Aaron." she said his first name. Whatever this was that was going on between them was far too personal for her to use 'Hotch'.
"You don't have to say anything."
"What brought on this realization of yours?" she asked, finally dropping her hand from his face.
"I saw you talking with Dave earlier today and I felt something come over me. I wanted to…"
"You got jealous? Of Dave?" she laughed. "Oh my God, never in a million years would I touch that man in that way. Don't get me wrong, I love Dave, I do; but I love him more like you would love that crazy uncle in the loony bin that no one in the family ever talks about. He is a great guy but honestly I'm not into dating my dad. Slightly older is one thing but Dave is what, twenty years older than I am."
"Don't let him hear you say that. Well how do you feel about seven years older than you?" he asked her, showing off his dimples.
"Well I would have to say…" she paused and looked at him again, studying his face. She leaned over and kissed him gently on his lips before pulling back.
He smiled before he pulled her closer, giving her a kiss that stole her breath and her senses. Her head was reeling when he finally pulled back.
"Do you want to grab a burger? There is a great little diner around the corner from my apartment that has the best bacon cheeseburgers in town." she asked as she stood up, extending him her hand she helped him up from the cold steps.
"I would like that." he said as he took her hand in his.
They walked back in the direction of his SUV hand in hand, until he pulled her closer to his side; he draped his arm over her shoulder. Emily reached up to the hand that was draped over her shoulder and laced her fingers through his and they both smiled.