Total: $23.95
The neon green numbers flashed on the screen of the tiny cash-register that spewed out Deidara's total.
Truthfully the little register tortured him. He'd been saving his money for a while- and he'd mustered just enough to pay for this. In other words, this little machine was not hesitating to let him know just how broke he was about to be.
"Uhm..." Deidara shifted slightly, digging in his pockets as the guy in front of him repeated his total out loud with a questioning look laced across his features.
In all honesty Deidara hated little gas stations like this. He always had to put up with a ditzy little employee blowing bazooka-zooka bubble gum in his face with the smell of nicotine lingering uncomfortably in the air. Employees like that always mumbled making you stutter quiet "Huh?"s like some sort of child incapable of making a purchase on your own. Not to mention they took forever to give him his change, and Deidara hated having to wait for anything as trivial as that. But, Deidara suddenly decided that he could put up with the chicks- the I could care less about what you buy type of girl...
But, this guy. He certainly wasn't lethargic- he stared at Deidara like he were some sort of abomination when the blonde had strewn his collection of goodies on the counter... Like he'd sprouted a second head. He'd never seen this red-head before... "He must be a newbie" Deidara thought, eyes scanning along the tiny name-tag on the guy's chest which read "Sasori". This Sasori guy would learn to accept it sooner or later. Deidara couldn't help but to examine Sasori skeptically. The guy had red hair... But he didn't have the typical "Red hair and freckles" look to him. He was tall- and his skin was milky white without a single imperfection- his hair was red, but it was almost unnaturally red.
It was blood red.
He might have claimed that he'd seen Sasori somewhere before if Deidara wasn't currently trembling beneath his questioning gaze like some sort of frightened child.
Though it was a bit unnerving to be judged for the items he bought, Deidara didn't blame him... People didn't typically spend almost twenty-four dollars on shit.
But, shit had never tasted so good...
"Keep the change." Deidara wheezed as he set the money on the counter in front of Sasori, His eyes lingered on the cashier carefully for a few moments longer as the red haired guy nodded and muttered a low careful 'thanks' and began the grueling task of bagging Deidara's bounty of groceries.
Butterfingers, Laffy Taffy, Captain-Crunch, Twinkies, Powdered Donuts, Fruit Roll-Ups, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Ice Cream. Doritos, Funions, Jerky...
The items never seemed to end as they were slowly set into the fragile plastic bag. He could hardly hold back the drool that threatened to cascade down the corners of his mouth.
He could hardly wait to sink his teeth into a twinkie... To feel the icing coat the inside of his mouth... And dribble down his chin... He wanted to pour the captain crunch over his face and engorge himself with powdered donuts until his stomach exploded.
"So, are you having a party or something?" Sasori asked, his voice anchoring Deidara back to the sick little twisted reality he existed in.
"Yeah, un-" Deidara quickly spoke up.
Sasori's eyebrow raised at the 'un' and Deidara almost slapped himself when his speech impediment decided to rear its ugly head. "It's my uh- birthday." He lowered his gaze to the bag on the counter, his fingers clenching. before unintentionally adding another tiny "Yeah."
"Oh. It is?" The guy's suspicious tone had suddenly changed and he truly sounded interested. "Well then." He slid the money back towards Deidara, and a truly genuine smile found its way to his lips. The way Sasori's lips curved in perfect symmetry, and the way his eyes followed the example- softening as he tilted his head to the side made Deidara do a double take. How could anyone smile like that? How could anyone's entire face be infected with such a wonderful sincere little action? It left the young blonde confused and baffled, with a look of surprise scattered across his features.
Deidara had never seen anything more beautiful.
"It's on me."
"Wh-what?" Deidara's voice seemed to do a pretty good job at showing how surprised he was.
"It's on me." Sasori repeated, proving himself by scooting the money Deidara had handed to him back towards the blonde. He winked, tilting his head to the side one last time.
"But..." Deidara began, his brow knitting together as a weird uneasy feeling settled in his gut.
"Don't worry about it, It's not like you're a stranger. I've seen you around school- I think we have study hall together... Besides, you look like you could use a twinkie or two. Go ahead, have fun at your party." As fast as it had infected Sasori's wonderful features... It was gone. The smile died away and Sasori's wonderful attention had been directed to the man with a twelve-pack of beer standing behind Deidara.
The blonde bit his lower lip tightening his fingers around the plastic bag filled with shit.
The feeling of guilt almost crippled him as he stepped out of the tiny shop.
It had taken him exactly seven minutes to hustle down the busy street and push his way timidly past the people who were strolling down sidewalks, blocking Deidara from his destination.
When he'd finally made it, the blonde stared desperately at the dirty little structure in front of him, slowly reading the 'Oh so familiar' Public Restroom sign. Fortunately for Deidara nobody in their right mind used the public restroom. Fear of getting 'crabs' and other bathroom horror stories seemed to plague everyone's minds these days. Deidara had never been the overly-cautious type- and he had no intention of actually using the restroom.
He darted into the tiny room, closing the door behind him and sliding the little metal latch into place to lock the wooden door. He smiled when he was finally isolated from the world outside... From the curious glances and skeptical stares. He could give in to it now.
Deidara dropped the bag on the ground, feeling his stomach growl as his swell of food spilled out onto the dirty tiled floor. He might have cared about the germs if most of his food wasn't packaged, and if he wasn't too hungry to think rationally...
Too hungry to feel guilty.
Though, deep in his mind... He knew the guilt would come soon enough.
He fell onto his knees, lurching forward as shaky fingers tore into the box of twinkies, they didn't seem to move fast enough- his brain didn't seem to send the signals for them to "Open the goddamned wrapper!". He finally succeeded in unwrapped one and quickly stuffed the entire thing into his mouth. As the spongy little creation graced his taste-buds he moaned softly- silently agreeing that he could have wacked off to the taste of a twinky right now.
Two-three- four- five more twinkies later and he'd transitioned to using his fingers to scoop icecream out of the little jug. Though he liked icecream he never really got to enjoy it, mostly because he only had it when he was rushing like this... And because he always got brain-breeze from eating it too fast.
Candy, Donuts, chips... And dear sweet fucking Captain Crunch.
It was all so good... He could have died.
But, as his food supply began to dwindle away, and the minutes began to roll bye... Slowly bringing him closer and closer to feeling full. Deidara's crazed little 'stuff my face with everything I can find' rush slowly died away... And he was left nibbling...
Soon, nibbling passed and he was moaning in pain as his swollen stomach begged him to stop engorging. He literally could not take another bite of food. He felt like he was going to die.
THIS, was when the guilt set in.
Deidara slowly lifted himself off of the grotesque floor he'd been rolling around on like some sort of pig. He used the porcelain counter-top to steady his shivering body... His binges hadn't always been this bad... But when they got to the point of him not even able to stand up without help- vomiting everything back up was painful. Deidara was not in for a pleasant experience.
Delicate fingers found their way to sallow skin as Deidara took in his reflection.
It had been a long time since he'd looked at himself... Mirrors weren't something he typically enjoyed having as company.
He ran his summoned fingers along the corner's of his lips, whipeing away the drool he couldn't even swallow anymore away. His visible eye was wide and uncertain with large black circles that told the story of him not getting enough sleep underneath his eyes like he'd taken halloween make-up and tried to make himself look hollow. His hair stuck to the corner of his lip remaining tragically unkept- looking ratty and thin. His skin was pasty and white- but what he really cared about were the tiny cheekbones that poked out of his face- making him look hawk-like.
He was not satisfied.
"I want to be lovely." He muttered out loud, watched with a strange sort of satisfaction as his lips formed the word.
"Lovely." He repeated himself, leaning in closer to the mirror so he could press his forehead against the reflective sheet, eyes wide as he watched his lips move yet again.
"Lovely."
As the word left his lips Deidara's body lurched towards the sink as he shoved a finger down his throat.
He would be lovely, even if it killed him.
"Dei Dei? You home?"
Deidara cringed at the nickname as he slowly closed the door behind him.
"Yeah, I'm home- yeah." He didn't care about keeping his words straight when he was at home, they were used to his speech problems here.
"Dei!" A young childlike voice rang through the empty apartment as a little raven haired boy bounded towards the blonde and jumped up into his arms. Deidara 'oofed' as the foreign weight was added to his frame- causing him to lean forward a bit.
"Tobi, you're getting so big." He murmured, his visible eye widening. "You're gonna be huge one day!" He exclaimed with a smile as the young boy's smile widened.
Tobi. He was Deidara's brother.
Though they were not related by blood, Deidara had never felt closer to anyone in his entire life. Tobi was probably four or five years old. It was a bit hard to determine, seeing as Tobi could not remember his birthday. The young boy was sweet looking, but many people were often intimidated by the fact that he had a rare form of albinism which turned his left eye red. His other eye... His left one... Was hidden by an eye-patch. Tobi had been found in the rubble of a building during a large fire which wiped out his entire family- he'd been put up for adoption along with Deidara and the two of them had grown as thick as thin.
It was impossible to separate them. So, when Hidan came alone- he'd simply adopted both of them.
The little bundle wrapped his arms around Deidara's neck and buried his face into the blonde's chest. "Missed you." Was the low murmur given by the small boy.
"Missed you too, un. Were you alone all day?" Deidara asked softly, cringing when the boy nodded.
Hidan worked two jobs- and his boyfriend Kakuzu could have cared less about taking care of a little bundle of joy like Tobi.
Deidara cringed at the very idea of Kakuzu's name.
Hidan believed that their landlord was simply doing Hidan a personal favor by letting them stay in their apartment for free for the time-being. But, he didn't know that his boyfriend of two years was a nasty son of a bitch- who did everything in his power to make Deidara hate life itself.
If Hidan knew some of the things Kakuzu had made Deidara do... He wouldn't have stayed with the man a second longer. But, with countless threats from Kakuzu like "Tell anyone, and you can kiss your apartment goodbye." Deidara had taken it upon himself to remain silent. He couldn't do that to his adoptive father Hidan... he couldn't let Tobi live on the streets simply because it was too hard for Deidara to suffer a little. The two of them deserved so much better than a dirty life- all they needed was to get up off their feet... All Deidara needed was to graduate high-school and get his own job.
"Have you had anything to eat?"
"Hidan left me a pee-nut jelly sammich for lunch. He told me to tell you to make us supper." The smile across the dark haired boy was infectious, and it caused Deidara to smile as well.
"He told me to make you eat the supper too." The smile on Tobi's face didn't fade away- clearly showing that Tobi had no idea what was going on.
But, as fast as the smile had made it to Deidara's lips it had died away- being replaced by a stark frown. Deidara could feel his brow knit as he slowly set Tobi down. Hidan always worried about Deidara's eating habits- despite the fact that he wasn't home often he'd noticed the weight loss right off the bat and simply assumed Deidara was going through some hard times at school.
If Hidan really knew what was going on... He'd-
"Alright kid, Spaghetti Oes sound good to you?" He smiled. It would be no trouble to fool the kid into thinking that Deidara had eaten as well.
"Yeah!" The infectious smile returned as Deidara lead the boy into the kitchen.
"Yeah..." Deidara repeated softly.
Deidara moaned softly as he slowly collapsed onto the floor of his room. HIs eyes felt like they were made out of lead as they continued to droop- threatening to give in to the darkness that was singeing the corners of his vision.
"Fifty three push-ups." He mentally checked the last of his after binge workout routine.
He'd managed to dump his spaghetti Oes down the sink when Tobi was busy dining with his own little bowl full of the red meaty goodness.
He knew he'd pass out in the shower if he attempted to go clean himself off- and he didn't want to risk waking Tobi up. It was like Tobi were on a permanent candy-high... it took three bed-time stories for the kid's eyes to grow droopy and by the time he'd finally gotten to sleep it was probably eleven o'clock sharp.
Deidara couldn't have eaten a single bite of food- in fact the guilt would probably linger over his body for a good few weeks before he couldn't take starving himself any longer and he'd make another trip to the little store.
The store...
His mind slowly was drawn back to Sasori as he lifted himself off of the floor and laid on his bed. His eyes narrowed as a weird feeling in his chest suddenly swelled up.
He'd lied to Sasori- he'd told him it was his birthday.
The lie wouldn't have bothered him as much if Sasori hadn't taken it as far as to give him his groceries for free. He'd paid for Deidara to entertain his sick little desires- he'd paid for Deidara to harm himself... And he clearly thought he was doing a good deed.
Deidara's eyes widened at the possibility of Sasori getting in trouble for giving him his groceries for free. What if Sasori got fired because of Deidara!
The blonde covered his mouth and gasped at that idea. It was almost too horrible for him to accept.
But, deep in Deidara's mind. He knew it didn't matter- he knew he deserved to feel the inner torture of hurting someone so wonderful.
The road to become thin would be a rocky one- but it was one that Deidara needed to take. He would do anything to feel the tiny bumps of his spine... He would do anything to be as light as air. He would sell his very soul to satan to have skinny little legs- and what fueled him were the comments.
The comments where what made his day better.
The "Deidara, you look so thin." "Deidara, I bet I could lift you up with one arm." "Deidara you're so lucky! I wish I was as skinny as you!"
He wanted to hear more of them.
"Besides, you look like you could use a twinkie or two." Deidara's eyes widened slightly when he remembered what Sasori had said back in the little shop. He looked like he could use a twinky or two? The words made Deidara blush with satisfaction.
Suddenly sleep blanketed Deidara, and he finally gave in to the darkness that was taking hold of his body. He smiled in his sleep-
And as Deidara slowly drifted off into a sleep filled with dreams of twinkies and Red-heads... he silently decided that he couldn't wait for third period study-hall.