A/N: Well I've had this ideas in my head for a while now, its kinda based off the song Off The Record by Aaron Watson. I've always loved this song, so why not make it into a sappy/tearful/lovethingy with MerDer. and i will be posting for Never Let Me Go soon.. I hope:) I'm not jumping ship on it yet, but you know how lot goes, sometimes your head is just too full. Well, I hope you enjoy!
Derek sat cross legged from the fire place. This was it, it was final. The papers were all drawn up, they only thing left for them to do was to sign on the dotted line. His hands were clamped tight around their wedding photograph. Her soft blond hair was done up in curls, falling around her face. Her white gown making her skin glow, her warm smile still bringing tears to his eyes. Her bouquet was full of lavender and white roses. This was the best day of his life, he thought it was the beginning of his life. He had so many dreams for them, so many memories to make, yet he somehow just blew it. He somehow drove her away.
He could remember every thing about that day. He still remembered how he felt seeing her come down that aisle. His heart felt as if it was just going to beat out of his chest. With each step she took, his heart just fell apart. The woman of his dreams, the love of his life, was going to be his lawfully wedded wife. Alex's arm was wrapped around hers. He was always watching out for her, even if he was the biggest asshole you ever met. He saw him whispering something to Mer as they were half way down the aisle. She just had a smile on her face, you could see a light laugh escape her lips. It turns out he was making sure she was positive that she wanted to do this, if she was having second thoughts he would walk right out of the church with her, no questions asked. At the time she just laughed the offer off, but it was six years later, Derek knew now if they had to redo everything, she probably would have taken Alex's offer.
They stood at the alter hand in hand, both believing this was their fairly tale ending. He just knew this was the beginning of the rest of his life, little did he know it would all come crashing down.
He could still hear her voice ringing out with the vows she had written. Her lips kept in the form of a smile the whole day. They both held back tears of joy, little did they know, those tears would be freely flowing, but they would be fill with anything but happiness
"Derek, we just aren't right." Her last words floated around in his head, erasing the sound of her vows. "We just have differences that we can't resolve. I love you more than life Derek, but I cant keep living this life where you don't feel the same. Right now all you love is your work. I cant be the only party in this relationship who is trying to keep us together. It has to be a working effort. I love you, and I'll see you around." He felt as if his heart had been torn to shreds. How could he had just let her slip away. He loved her so much, how could he had just forgotten to show it.
"Please, Meredith. I'm sorry- But you can't... I cant live without you! You are my everything! Please just give me another chance! I can make us right again!" His pitiful pleading followed after her speech. Their last moments together constantly replayed in his mind. This was his biggest screw up of all time, he just let his life walk right out the door.
"Derek, we have to be at the court house in like twenty minutes!" Mark stomped in to his pity party. "Get up, we have to get going." Mark had been staying in Derek's spare room. A room that was meant for Meredith and his future children. Now it was just an empty room, filled with broken promised and empty dreams. Derek had begged Mark to leave, saying he just needed to be alone for awhile. Mark just wouldn't hear of it. He hadn't seen his Brother like this since he slept with Addison, and even that wasn't as hard this divorce had been for Derek. Mark wasn't sure what Derek might do to himself, that was the main reason he stayed, he couldn't bear the though of Derek hurting himself.
"How can I just let her go Mark?" He let a tear fall down on to the glass that covered the picture. "She is the love of my life! She is the only one for me! Now... now she's leaving me. She is gone. I ruined this." His body never budged. Mark walked closer to Derek's spot on the floor.
"Look Derek, we all know you mess up. We all knew for a while that you were loosing her. Yet all you did was just ignoring her." He placed his hand on Derek's shoulder in efforts to soften the hard truth. "You have to let her go bud. There is nothing more that you can do right now. You get your sorry ass up and sign the paper she wants you to sign so damn badly!"
"I CANT JUST LET HER GO MARK!" He shot out of his position, hand still wrapped around their photo. "Could you imagine Lexi just walking out! Just saying "I can't do this anymore, we'd be better off alone." You cant even fathom the pain I'm in Mark! Don't even try to understand the pain I'm in!" he stomped off into their room. All his memories of their life came flooding back. It was just like a flash of happiness. The very first time he laid eyes on her till their last day. The room still smelled like her, of lavender and jasmine, but all of her things were gone. Their closet was just about near empty, all of her clothes and shoes were taken, all of her trinkets. She left just her wedding set behind. He flung their wedding portoirt across the room. It made contact with the wall, causing the frame to shatter, and the glass to trickle like the tears he had been crying. Mark ran in to the room, worried what that sound was from.
"Derek, we need to go." Mark managed to keep a calm voice. "You need to end this right." Derek looked at him. End this right? What was he talking about? There was no way to end this right! There should have been no way to end this.
"I swear to God if he doesn't, show up-" Cristina rambled her on with her empty threats to Meredith. Cristina paced the length of the chairs, where Meredith was sitting, out of frustration, she never did like McAsshole any ways. Yet Meredith was already regretting this. Derek was the love of her life. He was all she could have ever asked for, yet he just seemed to forget about her, over and over again. She knew that they needed to end things, but she still had the small hope that they could still work things out. Yet he never reach out to her. At work he still avoided her, and he never tired to call. He seemed to just cut her out all together. She hated it. She missed him every damn day. He was all she could think about most days. She knew that his love had died for her after their fifth year of marriage, she had to walk away.
She replayed everything though her head. She had left hint for him for the past three years, yet the only thing he could keep focus on was his clinical trial. He started the trial for her, he wanted to keep her forever. All this trial did was push her away. She could hear all of his excuses, for missing their anniversaries, her birthday, her first ultra sound, their Childs death, and funeral, all because he was curing "her disease". She knew after their son had died, he was bound to throw himself in to his work. She understood that, she did the same. But missing Charlie's funeral was the cherry on top. Choosing to just 'forget' his child's funeral was not okay, then blaming it on her saying he was trying to save her, that was what ended it for her.
Even though he had torn her heart to shreds, she was all she wanted at night. She just wanted his arms wrapped around her tight.
"Mer?" she heard his voice ring out across marble halls of the court house, he had finally showed up.
"Hair Products! It's about time! You take a year and half to show, now lets make your dreams come true and set you free!" She grabbed Meredith by her arm. "Lets go!"
"Hold on Cristina, How about you and Mark go ahead and go in. Just give us a minute." Both, Mark and Cristina, gave her a questionable look. "Go!" she shooed them onwards in to the court room.
"Mer," he stepped up closer to her. "Please just don't do this." His blue eyes were filled with sadness that seemed to follow him where ever he.
"Derek, there is nothing left for us, you decided that for both of us. It's obvious that this trial is what you need to focus, this is just toxic now."
"Meredith! Please, I can change! I can quit the trial!" She promptly stopped him.
"I can't have you give up what you have devoted your life too. I'm not that kind of person." She grabbed his hand. "This is what mean the world to you-"
"No!" He shouted at her, "I would give up this trial right now, if it mean you would stay! Mer you are my world! You are my everything! I don't know how you don't already know this?!"
"Because when my son died you didn't even act like it happened. You treated me as if it was my fault! That I made him defective! That I was the only one who needed to be blamed! Then you quit coming home altogether! You were already acting as if you wanted me gone! Do you even know the last time you said I love you? I mean before I left, can you even remember? Cause I sure as hell can! It has been months! All you want right now is someone to war your bed up at night. That's not me. That wont ever be me."
"Meredith, why don't you ever listen to me? I've been doing this all for you!"
"Yet all I've wanted you to do was stop. No Derek this was not for me. This whole trial was to make feel like the wannabe neruo-god you think you are!" she ran her hands though her hair in frustration. She didn't know what to say or do. She was hoping somehow he would just win her over. Stop her. Yet all he seemed to do was push her away. She didn't want the same damn apology he'd been giving her since she left him. She wanted action. She wanted him to do something outrageous, to show the old Derek, to win her back. Yet that was never going to happen, and she knew it good and well.
"I think we better head in there." He stated with almost no emotion. This is not what he had in mind. He though she would just forget about it and give in. She would come back to her. She would be in his arms, right where she belonged.
"I guess we should." She looked down at her shoes, she had to stop herself. The tears almost come poring out. This was it. He had lost her for good. She felt her finger for where her wedding band should had been, to fiddle with it like she always did, then she remember it was gone for good. This is what brought the real sadness to her. She would have no reminders of him. After these papers were signed she was heading to Houston, and he would be a distant memory. She would have nothing to reminder herself of the great love they had once shared. Once she was gone, she might even convince herself he wasn't even real. This is was killed her.
They both walked in to the small room, that was meant to be just neural zone for both parties. The room was carpeted, and a long table sat in the middle. It was just like any other conference room, except this one had seen one to manny fights about dead love.
They both sat down, not looking at each other. As the lawyers debriefed them as to what would be happening. Cristina and mark were both asked to wait outside until the papers were signed. Mark walked out without contest, Cristina was a whole different story. "Mer, don't let him talk you out of this! You deserve much better!" She hollered out her order as Mark dragged her out of the room. "GET YOU HADN OFF MEYOU FILTHY-" you could hear her voice dent off as the door closed behind them.
They sat at that table for what seemed like an eternity, Derek was bursting at the seems. He need to tell her one thing before they could end thing officially. The lawyers officially finished working out the last minute kinks, they both were handed the papers and pen. Derek's lawyers, Mr. Engles stood up before either of them could the pen to the paper.
"Before this marriage is dissolve, is there any last words you would like to share." He quickly sat down giving them enough time to think, when Derek quickly stood up.
"Meredith, our love got lost in life complications, and just know when you take half of everything, you'll be taking half of my heart. Off the record, theres always been something I should have said along time ago. I know this isn't easy, for either of us, but its what my heart has to do. I just can't let you go, and you should know off the record I will always love you. No matter what happens, even if you do go though with this, my feeling will never change towards you. I was a total idiot for not showing you how I truly felt. I know that this probably any effect on you, because I wronged you. And if you think these are differences we can't resolve, I understand. I can't bear the thought of me being the reason why you are unhappy. Just know, no matter what you do, I will always be in love with you." He sat down smoothing out his suit. She sat there, not know what to say. She loved him so much, but he had hurt her so bad.
"Dr. Grey, is there anything you want to say?" Her lawyer looked at her with a questionable look. He had never seen a man stand up and pour his heart like that to his wife, during the end stages of this processes. Meredith stood up, opening her mouth, trying to have words escape her mouth, yet nothing came out.
"Derek..." She finally managed, "You're right, you hurt me in ways unimaginable, But I can't get over you. I love, I mean Loved you so much. You are my world Derek. But you let me down so bad, I just don't... I still cant let you go. I love you Derek Shepherd." he stood up and raced over to her side of the table.
"Oh Mer, I've missed you so much," he pulled her even closer. "I won't ever be like that monster I was, ever again. You are my life Meredith Grey. Please forgive me." She pulled away slightly, getting just enough room to place a soft kiss on his lips.
"I can never stay mad at you." He placed another kiss on her, picking her up at her waist, and spinning her around. "I love you." She whispered against his lips.
"I wonder whats taking so long." Cristina griped. She was only here for moral support for Meredith, and they even wouldn't let her in the damn room.
"They are probably making up." Mark said with a smile on his face. He always know they belonged together, even if Derek did act like a bonehead half of the time.
"No way, Jose! I've got one hundred on that they come on with Derek in tears" Cristina stopped him in his tracks. "He freaking broke her. Like i mean so broken tequila and sex didn't help. He like made my twisted sister even more dark and twisty. there is no way on Gods green earth that she should forgive him!" She turned her body to face him and ran a hand through her curls. "The only reason you want them together is so when you and Lexi have little McSteemy babies it doesn't get awkward!" She sat back down in her seat.
"I'm taking it you-"
"No, I never liked Hair Products, and I never will. I just love Mer, so I have to pretend to like him. But not anymore! You, Mcslutly pants, and McAsshole are out of my life till one of you need a Cardio consult." She smiled with joy, as she realized how soon she would be moving to THI with Meredith.
Before Mark could come back with a snarky response, Meredith and Derek busted out of doors from the conference room. Meredith was draped across him, bridal style, as Derek attacked her head with kisses.
"AWE SHIT!" Cristina pulled her wallet out and handed Mark that crisp one hundred dollar bill.
"Thats what I'm taking about!" Mark said as he greedily grabbed the cash out of Cristian hands. "Congrats you two! I always knew you would end up together!" Derek and Meredith didn't even acknowledged them, he swiftly sat her down and both of them ran out the door, heading to Derek's car.
"Looks like you're riding with me, McSteamy." Cristina said flatly. "Lets go catch up with the love birds." They both headed out after the happy couple.