A/N: Okay, guys, I honestly don't know what it is. I wasn't planning to write this fic. As much as I love McHastings - and you know that if you've read my other fics- I am and will always be Team Paily.
But... the ending of the show left me unhappy and frustrated, to say the least. I know that Paige left with her head high. I'm proud of her, really, and I love her more than ever. Still, what a waste. And don't tell me that she wasn't heartbroken...
So, this short fic is probably my way to deal with the frustration and the sadness (and the bit of anger) I felt. I don't know yet if this will be more than a one-shot. I hope some of you, at least, will like this story (don't be afraid to give our opinion!).
I firmly believe that Spencer and Paige could be great together (as friends... or more) -another thing the show failed to explore!
A/N2: Once again, the amazing siophiefandom was kind enough to do the betareading, so thanks to her this story is mistake-free. She also gave me some great advice, as usual. Thank you so much!
*This story takes place just after Paige left in 7X15 (maybe one or two days later)*
The tears began to fall when she was in the cab. She had managed to maintain her cool enough to keep from crying during the flight; she had even managed to make small talk with her seat-mate, a nice girl with curly red hair (who, just before the plane landed, had asked for her phone number).
But there, in the taxi, on the short ride from Des Moines International Airport to her hotel, the floodgates opened and Paige McCullers began sobbing, all the grief and the letdown and the pain of the past days overwhelming her all of a sudden.
She saw the taxi driver glance briefly at her in the rearview mirror, before letting out a puff of air. The middle-aged man apparently wasn't in the mood to deal with a distressed customer. He probably just wanted to get home - he had told Paige that she was his last fare of the day.
Paige rummaged through her bag, looking for some Kleenex, only to find that she didn't have any left. Feeling even more miserable, she couldn't help but sniffle, earning another glance from the driver.
"...You okay, miss?" he finally asked, though his tone was disinterested.
The auburn girl nodded. "Yeah," she croaked, despite the obvious.
"There's a box of Kleenex in the back seat pocket. Help yourself," the man said, and Paige gratefully reached for the offered tissues. Pull yourself together, McCullers. You made a decision. You knew it was going to hurt. But you had no other options. You had to leave her... and leave her for good, this time.
Fifteen minutes later, Paige entered her small hotel room, and, without bothering to take off her jacket or even her shoes, threw herself onto the queen size bed and started crying again. She was by herself at long last; she didn't have to pretend anymore. And she was through being strong, at least for that day.
Paige woke up suddenly at the sound of her cell phone ringing. Her pillow was drenched in tears, and the bed sheets beneath her were all wrinkled. She had wept almost all night long. The tears were for Emily, of course, but also for what was gone and would, undoubtedly, never come back -her teenage years, her hope for a happy ending together with Emily, in California or elsewhere.
She fumbled for her phone on the bedside table before remembering that the device was still in her purse. By the time she grabbed it, the call had gone to voice mail. Paige frowned slightly at the sight of the name on the screen. Why is Spencer Hastings calling me?...
Her first thought was that it was about Emily, of course. Did something happen?... Is she all right?
As much as she wanted to avoid getting involved in her ex's life anymore, she couldn't help caring. How could she not care? It was Emily.
With slightly trembling hands, Paige pressed a button on her phone and listened to the message. It was short, yet intriguing.
"Hey Paige," Spencer's husky voice said, "I'm just calling to check that you're all right. I mean, that you're okay... enough. I mean, well, you know...Considering what happened. Anyway, if you need to talk, you can call me anytime. Okay?... Well, um, bye."
Paige couldn't help but huff. It wasn't very Spencer Hastings to be this hesitant. And almost... kind. As if she cares. As if anyone cares.
Emily's friends, especially Spencer, had always been a bit wary of her, to say the least. And even though they had eventually accepted her relationship with Emily, Paige had never felt part of the gang. Never fully.
It didn't matter anymore, Paige decided. She had no intention of calling Spencer back anyway. She had to move on. A new life lay ahead of her, in a new state, with a new, exciting job - assistant coach for the University of Iowa's swim team. She had to focus on that, and that only.
Paige hesitated for a minute -not more- before deleting the call, deciding at the same time that it was for the best to get rid of every Rosewood-related phone number on her cell. Even Emily's.
Five weeks later
She was doing well. It wasn't self-persuasion; She was objectively doing well. She was renting a small but nice enough apartment in walking distance of the campus. Her new colleagues, especially the head coach, had welcomed her simply, but also with genuine warmth, in typical Midwest fashion.
And the team seemed to be very willing to learn from her - Paige McCullers, a talented former swimmer, who could have made it to the Olympics, if not for a stupid car accident that wrecked her knee.
Her parents hadn't come out and said that they were happy to see her far away from Emily (in fact, the raven-haired girl had really grown on them when she was living with their daughter in Stanford), but Paige knew that they were relieved to see her out of Rosewood - for the second time, and for good, this time, they hoped.
Nick McCullers, especially. And even though Paige was now an independent, totally responsible young woman, she was glad to have her parent's approval. It was one less thing to worry about, wasn't it?...
That evening, Paige was working late at her desk at the University of Iowa, catching up on some paperwork, when her office phone rang. Thinking it was the head coach, Paige picked up immediately, and froze at the sound of an unmistakable, husky voice.
"...Paige? It's Spencer."
"Spencer?" Paige said, the surprise obvious in her voice.
"You have a swim meet in Chicago with your team next weekend, right?" Spencer asked forthrightly.
"Yes, why? And how do you know that?" Paige said, puzzled. But then, it was Spencer. What she really wanted to know, she always got to know.
"I'll be in Chicago that weekend, too," the slim brunette said, ignoring Paige's questions. "A work-related trip, but it should be all over by Saturday afternoon. So, I was thinking, since we're going to be there at the same time, why don't we hang out together that evening?"
"Hang out? With me?" Paige snorted, in a tone that her sixteen-year-old-self would not have disavowed.
There was a brief silence on the other end of the line before Spencer said, annoyed: "Unless you have something else planned, of course."
"Maybe I do," Paige countered, her tone defensive. "Maybe I have something better to do on a Saturday night in Chicago."
"Oh," Spencer simply said.
"Yes. As a matter of fact, I do."
It was a lie, and both girls knew it.
Spencer let out a deep sigh. "Okay, McCullers. Forget I asked. Good luck at the swim meet."
She hung up, without waiting for Paige's answer.
Paige literally threw her phone on her desk, frustrated. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. How am I supposed to move on if the past keeps constantly showing up -and in the form of Spencer Hastings, of all people?
A part of her - a big part of her- had wanted to say yes, of course. She was dying to know how Emily was doing, whether Emily had asked about her, or even just mentioned her name in conversation. And whether Emily missed her, as much as she missed Emily.
But Paige knew that going there -meeting Spencer, talking about Rosewood, about Emily- would do her more harm than good. It was too soon. The wound was still fresh.
Maybe in a few months, or more likely years, she'd be able to meet the girls again (even Emily herself) and have a normal, pain-free conversation among old friends. But not yet.
Six days later - Chicago
"...Spencer?"
The tall, slender brunette turned to face a slightly out-of-breath, definitely flustered Paige McCullers. Spencer's heart skipped a beat -much to her own surprise- at the sight of the auburn girl.
"Paige? What are you doing here? And how did you know where to find me?"
Paige dipped her head. "I called your office," she confessed.
Spencer bit a smile and nodded. "Okay," she simply said.
She grabbed her briefcase and headed for the door. Paige hesitated for a few seconds before following the other girl out of the courtroom.
"How did the swim meet go?" Spencer asked, without even bothering to turn around to look at the other girl.
"We won," Paige replied simply.
She sped up her pace to catch up with Spencer. "How did the hearing go?"
"We won," Spencer said, a satisfied smile on her lips.
Paige cracked a nervous smile. "So... you wanna grab a drink to celebrate?" she said, her voice a little unsure.
After the abrupt ending of their phone call a few days earlier, Spencer had every right to send her packing, in Paige's opinion.
The younger Hastings halted her steps and glanced at Paige. "A drink? With you? Now?"
"Well, yeah," Paige said, flustered. Why am I all jittery all of a sudden?...
"Maybe I have something better to do," Spencer said, her eyebrows quirked, her tone not harsh, but a bit defiant.
Paige dipped her head. Okay, you had that coming, McCullers.
"Fair enough. I understand," she muttered, burying her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.
At that very moment, Spencer felt an unexpected feeling come over her. It was hard to define - a mix of guilt, compassion, and... desire. Spencer didn't know what it was, or what it meant. All she knew was that she wanted to spend some more time with Paige McCullers.
Later that evening
The noise in the bar was at full blast, and the two young women had to practically shout or speak very near each other's ear to communicate.
Not that they had talked much at that point, as it turned out. As surprising as it was (to both of them), Spencer and Paige were really enjoying spending the evening together. Somehow, in the never-ending book of Rosewood drama, they unexpectedly found themselves on the same page.
"You know," Spencer said, after taking another sip of her second Manhattan, "I'm SO tired of all this bullshit." "All this Rosewood bullshit," she clarified when she saw Paige's perplexed face.
"Yeah?" Paige ventured, unsure of what Spencer was trying to tell her.
"Yeah," Spencer went on. "I'm so done with it. With everyone acting as if what we experienced during all those awful years was normal. And with everyone concluding that the relationships we had -and that we have now- are not... problematic, to say the least."
"Is that really what you think?" Paige asked with a small frown.
"I'm not talking about you and Em," Spencer clarified. She sighed. "God, no. You guys were so good for each other... sorry," she added quickly. "I don't want to rub salt in that wound. Still, you two had the most genuine relationship of all of us, if you ask me."
"What about you and Toby?"
Spencer made a face. "Well... I'd rather not go there, Paige."
"Why? Are you... are you and Toby in a bad place? Are you back together, or... not?"
Spencer sighed deeply. "See, that's the thing. I don't really know. We had this on-again, off-again relationship for so many years. It was great, sometimes, don't get me wrong. But it was also... very complicated. And I don't know where we stand anymore. I wish I could be as brave as you, and make a clear decision," she concluded.
Paige frowned. "Me? Brave?" You obviously haven't seen me crying my eyes out almost every night since I broke up with Em.
Spencer stared at Paige in disbelief.
"...Come on, McCullers. You're the one who got away from that town first, which makes you the smartest of us all, as much as I hate to admit it. And you're definitely one of the bravest people I know, period."
Paige shrugged and dipped her head. "Emily used to told me that, too," she confessed in a low voice.
"...Well, for once, I have to agree with Em," Spencer said. "She seems to be doing okay, by the way. In case you're wondering," she added.
"Good. That's good," Paige said, nodding a little bit too quickly. "Emily deserves to be happy."
"So do you," Spencer observed. "And by the way, I didn't say Emily is... happy."
Paige frowned, alarmed. "She isn't?"
Spencer seemed to ponder her answer for a moment.
"...I don't really know, Paige," she said. "You know Emily. She can be stubborn. I mean, not like you-and-me-stubborn, McCullers. But in a more subtle way. And since you left, Em is... I don't know, she seems off. Like she's physically there, in Rosewood, but her mind, not to mention her heart... is elsewhere," Spencer said cautiously, studying Paige's face.
The auburn girl shook her head. "Spencer... why are you telling me this? To make me feel guilty?" she said, in a higher tone of voice than usual.
"What? No," Spencer stammered, taken aback. "Paige, it's not that at all."
"So, why? As you said yourself, I made a decision. The hardest one of my life, believe me."
"I know, Paige. And I told you, I think it was incredibly brave and noble of you," Spencer said with force. "I guess that... I don't want you or Em to live your lives in a brilliant disguise, that's all."
"A... brilliant disguise?"
"Yes. Both pretending you're fine, when you're not. Both sacrificing yourself, because you think it's the right thing to do," Spencer clarified. Something I'm very familiar with, she thought.
"I'm not pretending about anything, Spencer," Paige protested. "I'm really fine. I mean, not everything is perfect, of course, but... I'm doing well. I'm... healing. And this isn't a sacrifice. I'm living my life, and so does Em."
Spencer stared at the auburn girl for a few seconds, pondering whether she would challenge Paige's last statement. She eventually choose not to argue, and shrugged.
"If you say so," she said, motioning to their waiter to bring them the check.
Then, out of the blue, she shot Paige a radiant smile.
"I don't know about you, McCullers, but I could use some fresh air, and a quieter atmosphere. Wanna take a walk?"
They didn't know who had initiated it, but they were kissing, with an urgency and a desperation that had surprised them both. They hadn't really talked since they had left the bar, only exchanging a few mundane words about the surprisingly fair and warm Chicago night, as they walked along the Navy Pier.
Maybe it was the pleasant weather, or the cocktails she had had at the bar, but Spencer was feeling relaxed and burden-free, for the first time in a long while.
Still, she hadn't planned to kiss Paige - Paige McCullers! - but there she was. And it felt good. It felt incredibly good.
When their lips parted, the two young women stared at each other, in a mix of disbelief and desire.
Paige was about to speak but Spencer cut her short, her voice huskier than ever.
"Your hotel or mine? Mine is nearer, I think. Just two blocks from the Pier."
"Yours, then," Paige stammered. Her heart was pounding in her chest. I don't know what's happening, and I don't want to answer that question for now. I just know I don't want to resist.
"...You know, I always thought you had a gay vibe," Paige said, as they lay next to each other, naked, on the king size bed in Spencer's fancy hotel room.
Spencer quirked a brow. "Really?" she asked.
"Oh yeah," Paige nodded. She took a quick glance at the other girl, just to confirm that Spencer was okay with what she had just said. Not to mention, with what they had just done.
But Spencer didn't look offended, or even surprised. She was actually wearing a half-amused, half-smug smile on her face. "You're not the first one to tell me that," the brunette admitted.
Paige pouted, earning a small giggle from Spencer. "...But you're my first girl," Spencer added after a beat, her voice a bit lower, a slight blush on her cheeks.
Paige's face lit up. "Really? I am?"
"Of course," Spencer scoffed. "Seriously, McCullers!"
"Well, it certainly didn't show. You definitely seemed to know... what you were doing."
"I've been reading a lot," Spencer deadpanned.
"Yeah. Of course. Reading," Paige smirked, earning a small nudge in the ribs from Spencer.
"Ouch, Hastings!" Paige protested. She twisted her body to face Spencer more fully.
"Seriously, are you okay?" she asked, her voice softer, the concern obvious on her face. Paige's big brown eyes were staring deeply into Spencer's, and the Rosewood girl felt a warm feeling in her chest. How on earth could Emily let this gorgeous, sexy, amazing woman go?...
She reached out to tuck a strand of auburn hair behind Paige's ear.
"I'm okay. More than okay, actually. I feel really, really good" she assured her, and Paige's face lit up.
They remained silent for a while, studying each other, oddly more shy in the aftermath than they had been before. Things are always so much easier at night than in broad daylight, Spencer thought.
And then Paige asked, her voice soft but clear:
"So... us, here, like this... what does it mean?"
Spencer bit her bottom lip. "I don't know," she said honestly. "Do you?"
Paige shook her head. "No. I don't know, either. I wasn't... I wasn't expecting this, to tell you the truth."
"Neither was I," Spencer smirked. "Believe me. But I don't regret it," she quickly added when she saw the slight wince on Paige's face.
"I don't either. Whatever it was... whatever it is, I don't regret it. At all," the auburn girl affirmed.
"So, what now?" Spencer asked.
"Now? A big breakfast, maybe?" Paige said with a small shrug.
"Paige... that's not what I mean."
"I know, I know. But do we have to figure this out right now?" Paige asked with a small but adorable pout.
Spencer grinned at her. "Maybe not right now, "she conceded. "And I could definitely use breakfast."
" it is, then. Pancakes or waffles?" Paige asked in a giddy tone.
"Both, please. And extra strong coffee."
"Obviously," Paige said. "I'm perfectly aware of the Hastings obsession with coffee", she teased.
"Oh yeah? And what else do you know about me?" Spencer asked, raising a brow.
"Not much," Paige admitted. "Although, after last night,I know a bit more about... certain things about you," she smiled, her eyes wandering over Spencer's naked body.
"You certainly do," Spencer said, rolling her eyes. "And I guess I can say the same about you, now, McCullers."
"And... that's a good thing, right?" Paige asked, her voice a little unsure.
"Definitely a good thing."
They beamed at each other. They had no way of knowing it, but both girls were thinking the exact same thing: I wouldn't mind learning more about you.
A/N: Some of you might recognize the title -"Brilliant Disguise"- as a Bruce Springsteen song - one of my favorite songs of all times, I must say. Sorry, Bruce! ;)