Rating: PG-13
Xmas EXCHANGE REQUIREMENTS
Pairing 2: Fez/Kelso
Genre: Comedy
Rating: PG-13
Season: 5
Reference to episode: none - I'll make it even easier -choose your own
Must include the phrase: How did Jackie ever put up with you?
Summary: During the last hot day of summer, the gang go to the Wisconsin Dells for some water park fun, and then some. Slash. Fez/Kelso.
A/N: For holycitygirl in the Christmas Exchange. My first attempt at slash ever so I hope it doesn't end in disaster! Happy holidays to all!
The Last Hot Day of '78It was the last hot day of '78 and Wisconsin was sultry as a 1940s lounge singer drinking brandy and singing in a smoky bar. For most of the gang, their senior year had just started and they were all still restless with leftover summer energy.
"Let's go to a waterpark," Donna suggested. She sat reclined against Eric on the couch. He tried hard to look cool, but the redness in his face and the strain in his neck indicated that he was slowly being smothered by the woman he loved.
"Would this require wearing swim trucks? Because I don't do shorts," Hyde said. He sat in his usual chair, his arms twined around Jackie's waist.
Kelso looked at them from across the room, his face twisting in tiny increments of agony. He was still getting used to seeing the two of them together, but it didn't help that he didn't have his friends to help him forget. For one thing, Hyde had been one-half of the problem, while Eric was always with Donna now that they had gotten back together. At least he had Fez though. Good old Fez.
"Steeeeven," Jackie cooed, burying her face in his neck, "please? It's so hot outside and I just brought a new bikini."
Hyde gave Jackie an approving smile. "I'm in for water park fun. Forman, you're driving."
"What?"
"Fine, I'll drive too."
"Is there candy at this water park?" Fez asked. He pulled a popsicle out of the freezer and plopped it into his mouth. "Because Fez has needs. Fez needs candy."
"Fez needs to stop talking in third person," Hyde said and frogged Fez on the shoulder.
Kelso laughed. "Pain is funny!"
Fez rubbed his sore shoulder. "Some friend you are, you sonofabitch!"
Kelso walked over and put an arm around Fez. "Aw, little buddy, I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing with you."
"No you weren't, Kelso!" Donna said, sitting up straighter and allowing Eric a little more room to breath. He wheezed from behind her.
"You sonofabitch!"
"Let's just go to the water park," Hyde said. "Where the hell is it anyway?"
"Wisconsin Dells. It's like a half hour drive. C'mon," Donna said, "let's get going before it gets too late. Bobby Sparks, you know, the weather guy at the radio station, says that there's going to be a cold snap soon."
"Which means no more bikinis," Hyde said as he gently lifted Jackie off his lap. She got off, then grabbed his hand and pulled him out the back door, probably heading over to her house to give him a sneak preview of her bikini.
"What's this place called," Eric asked. "If I'm driving I should probably know where we're going."
"It's called Noah's Ark," Donna said. "I saw a commercial for it during Baretta. It looks cool."
"Cool in this hot weather," Fez said, chuckling to himself. "Good one, Fez."
"Hey!" Kelso asked, "is Noah the guy that's married to Joan?"
"What?" Eric turned around and stared at Kelso.
"You know. Joan of Arc. Duh, Didn't you pay attention in Miss Parker's history class?"
"Oh my God," Eric said, "you are so dumb, Kelso." He shook his head and Donna giggled. "I can't believe I'm going to say this because, yeah, this is like Luke Skywalker saying that the Emperor Palpatine was 'a good guy,' but how did Jackie ever put up with you?"
Kelso rolled his eyes as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Easy, Eric. Jackie didn't love me for the 'inside' me. She loved the 'outside' me, and c'mon," he said, gesturing to himself with a sweeping up and down motion, "just look at this foxitude. How could she resist?"
"Oh let's just get out of here!" Donna cried, pushing Eric towards the stairs.
Kelso turned and looked at Fez who sucked on his popsicle. Fez shrugged and then they both left to get their things for the trip.
***
The water park was swarming with people, but there was plenty of water to go around. When they got there a little over an hour later, the sun was high in the sky and blazing orange. Little children ran around screaming and scantily clad girls bounced around in their bathing suits. Donna and Jackie had to remind their respective boyfriends more than once to keep their eyes in their heads.
"Duuuuude." Kelso stared up at a gigantic blue waterslide. He pointed up. "I want to go on that!"
Eric squinted in the bright sunlight. "The Plunge? Uh, no thanks, Kelso. I think I'll pass."
"Big D."
"Sorry."
"Hyde!"
Hyde scoffed. "I ain't touching no water."
"Jackie?"
"I'm wearing a bikini! It'll come off if I go on that thing!"
"Even more reason that you should go on it!"
"Pervert!"
"Hey, I had to try."
"I'll go with you," Fez said, a big smile on his face. "I'm use to being throw down chutes. This should be easy as pie then. Ooh. Can we get pie first, Kelso?"
The group split up then. Donna and Eric went to some log ride and Jackie and Hyde wandered off to somewhere they could make-out in private. Kelso frowned as he watched them go.
"Some friends they are," he said to Fez who was busily eating away at a vanilla soft-serve cone. "It's like once they get into a relationship they just run off and leave their friends to go down The Plunge themselves."
"Filthy bastards," Fez said. Then he started. "You were talking about the Captain and Tenille, weren't you?"
"Uh, no." Kelso put his hands on his hips and twisted around to look at the water slide once more. It rose high in the air, blue and slim and dangerous. He could hear the faint screams as people hit the water at the pool that sat at the bottom of the slide. He felt giddy with excitement. "Let's go, Fez."
***
The line wove up and down the wooden staircase. Kelso and Fez continued to climb higher and higher and faster and faster as they realized more and more people were walking back down the stairs.
Kelso snickered. "Pansies. Not like us, huh, Fez? We're real men!" He pounded on his chest, which he thought proudly to himself, glistened with sun and sweat. He saw Fez glance at him.
"Not scared at you?"
Fez jumped. "Who? Me? No. Definitely, no. Yep. No." They were silent and slowly continued the climb upwards, both of them flinching at the occasional cry of terror that flew by as people plummeted to the bottom of the waterslide.
When he was at the top, the third person in line to go, Kelso walked over to the edge of the balcony and leaned against the railing. He stared out at the park, scanning the wide expanse of land, the tiny pink bodies below walking around giant blue pools of water. He couldn't see any of his other friends and suddenly, he realized that he didn't care. He walked back over to Fez who was now clutching a foam pad in his hands. He was shaking.
"If those bastards think that I'm going down that--" here Fez's voice rose an octave, "on this thing, then they don't know Fez!"
Kelso patted him on the shoulder. "So you're going to go down without it?"
Fez squeaked, but Kelso spoke again before he had a chance to defend himself.
"You know, Fez, I'm really glad that you came with me. I mean, even if Eric and Hyde weren't always off with Donna and Jackie, I'd still want to be with you. You're a real friend."
"Aw." Fez's grip on his foam rubber mat loosened. "Right back at ya, Kelso. If I were to plunge to my early death with anyone, it would be with you."
"So let's go then. You can go first!"
"Uh, no, you first, Kelso."
Kelso shoved Fez to the roaring opening of the waterslide. A lifeguard looked at them with an annoyed expression. He made a strangled noise in his throat.
"C'mon, who's next? Let's not hold up the line."
"Foreign kid," Kelso said, and gave one last shove that sent Fez headfirst into the tunnel, plunging him into darkness. His screams echoed up the tube, then disappeared when Kelso heard the splash come from below.
"C'mon, Pretty Boy," the lifeguard said, looking at Kelso. "Are you going or what?"
***
"You sonofabitch!"
"Fez! It was fun. C'mon, don't tell me that wasn't fun!"
Kelso and Fez sat poolside on one of the more deserted swimming pools. A few people were sunbathing on the fold-out lounge chairs and there were a few little girls splashing in the shallow-end, but hidden on the deep-end of the pool, they sulked together.
Fez's shoulders sagged, then perked up. "Yeah," he conceded slowly, "it was kind of fun." He then smiled. He kicked his legs in the pool and splashed water onto the both of them.
"Fun because we did it together! Do you think I would shove a complete stranger down a waterslide? Of course not! I'd only do that to a real friend. A good friend." Kelso swayed and leaned into Fez. Their naked arms pressed together.
Fez looked up at Kelso, at the eye-lashes that would-not-quit, and impulsively leaned up and pressed a kiss against Kelso's mouth. Kelso felt Fez's lips brush against the corner of his mouth. They were soft, and he could feel Fez's cheek, wet from the water, warm from the sun, against his own. He briefly acknowledged in his mind that Fez did a damn good job of shaving, but his head was already swimming with thoughts filled to capacity—and let's face it, that wasn't a whole lot of free space—that it only registered as a fleeting thought.
Fez pulled away but would not take his eyes off his friend. Kelso blinked, his vision blurry. He felt his face flush.
"Fez--" Kelso looked at him, tilting his head as though a different angle would provide him with some insight.
"Kelso, I--" Fez looked at his legs in the water.
"No, don't apologize," Kelso said kindly. He blinked again, shaking his head to clear his brain.
"Oh." Fez looked back to Kelso. "Kelso, I think I felt—"
Kelso stopped him. "You don't have to say anything, Fez." Fez looked crestfallen, but then Kelso put a firm hand on his friend's leg and squeezed it reassuringly. A small smile played on his lips and his face lit up warmer than the sun. "It'd ruin the moment."
The End