Penname: MyLifeIsEdwardCullen

Story name: What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger

Pairing: EdwardxBella

Genre: Tragedy/Angst

Rating: T- Adult references

Song: Cry by Rihanna

Main lyric: You'll never see me cry

Word count: 3,750

BPOV

You won't see me cry.

A tear trickled down my cheek and I wiped it away, sniffling, but not to avail as more came gushing out.

"Bella?" I heard the familiar voice. "Are you there?"

"Yeah, yeah," I said taking a deep breath to calm myself. "Rose, I'm here."

"Please don't cry Bella," she said her voice close to tears as well.

"I'm not," I said and my voice broke and I let out a wail, unwillingly.

"Bella," I heard her voice, heartbroken and I could her she had started crying too. "Please don't do this to yourself, please,." she begged me.

"I have to Rose, I have to," I said, in tears myself.

"No Bella, please don't make yourself suffer. Everyone knows, you know, we all know, except him. He doesn't know. Please tell him Bella," she said letting out a sob. "Please."

"I can't do that Rose, I just can't. I can't bring myself to do that," I said, one of my tears dripping onto a picture of Edward and I, happy and smiling. I couldn't risk losing that.

"I can't be alone again Rose, I just can't," with a strange madness in my voice. A strange urgency to do what I had to do.

"You won't be," she said reassuring me. "We'll all be here with you, by your side but please just tell him. It breaks my heart to see you inflict pain on yourself like this."

"I have to do this Rose, I don't have a choice," I said banging my head on the headboard. It cut me like a knife to imagine my life without Edward, I was nothing without him. I couldn't lose all that by telling him, Rose was crazy! I couldn't tell him! He wouldn't be able to take it, no matter how much it hurt me I would have to keep this to myself. "I can't lose him Rose, I can't. I love him too much."

"Bella you can't do this, you have to confront him," she said.

"No," I said my pain turning into anger. Who was she to tell me I had to lose the love of my life? She couldn't tell me to do that, she had a perfect life, perfect husband, why did she want to destroy mine? "No, Rose, you have a perfect life, leave me be with my own," as soon as those words left my mouth, I wished I could take them back.

"I'm sorry," I said, sighing. "I just I don't-"

"It's okay Bella, I know you're frustrated and fed up of your life and us interfering with it but Bella, honestly? It's for the best; you yourself will realize how good life is when you confront him. Even though you would have lost something you loved, you would have walked out feeling confident, you would have walked out with a whole load off your chest. You can't just let this slowly gnaw away at your insides. It will eat you alive. Please Bella, listen to me, and tell him."

"I know you're right Rose, but I can't do it. I can't take another blow, I can't lose him. I'll break down inside if I lost him," I said, curling up into ball on the bed, fisting the sheets.

"Bella whatever happens-" Rose started to say but I heard the front door opening, alerting him of the fact that he was home.

"Rose, I'll talk to you later!" I said quickly, hanging up the phone and slipping it into my pocket. I wiped away my tears quickly and ran to the bathroom, across the hall.

"Bella! I'm home!" I heard him yell up the stairs.

"J-just a minute!" I yelled down, silently cursing as my voice shook. I quickly washed my face and put a roll-on onto my eyes to brighten them, to hide the fact that I had just been crying my eyes out. I retouched my make up and ran downstairs to greet him.

He was standing in the kitchen, loosening his tie and running a hand through his disheveled hair, he looked completely irresistible and beautiful. I felt a swell of pride in me that this perfect man was my husband but as soon as that feeling came, it was trampled on by truth making an appearance and making me remember. I wish I could forget, I wanted to do that more than anything in the world.

I wanted to close my eyes and forget everything, forget it even happened and go back to normal. That couldn't happen though; all that happening was that it kept gnawing away my insides. Never letting me forget the bitter truth.

A smile graced his face as he turned and saw me, he opened his arms for me and I ran to him, wrapping my arms around him. Even after all these years, the spark between us was still there.

I reached up and kissed him then nestled my head in the crook of his neck when I noticed something peculiar. An odd smell, I sniffed, there it was again.

"Edward?" I said pulling back confusion written all over my face.

"Yes, honey?" he said his eyes, widening.

"Why do you smell like Chanel No 1?" I asked him, cocking my head to one side, even though I already knew the answer. I loved it, being lied to when I knew the truth. I never used Chanel, I always used Dior, so why did he smell like it?

"Oh, uhm I, er," he said scratching his head. "I was walking through the mall and decided to try a sample of the perfume, deciding whether to, er, buy it for you or not. So I guess it must have got on me?" he said unsure of himself. I nodded even though I knew the truth, but he didn't know and I'd rather keep it that way. It made life a whole lot easier and drama-free.

"Okay," I said, kissing his cheek and smiling at him. "And where have you been? You 're normally home at this time."

"I was w-working late Bella, would you stop questioning me?" he said and I could see the anger in his eyes, ready to spill out.

"I'm sorry," I said placating him, I needed him to be happy.

"Oh I have something for you," he said cracking a breathtaking smile, going back to normal.

"Do you now?" I said as he reached behind him and produced a beautiful flower bouquet.

"Aw Edward," I said, my hand over my heart, as I took them from him. "They're beautiful."

"Beautiful flowers for my beautiful lady," he said, hugging me to his chest again. I rested my head on his shoulder, the truth coming back to me at an inconvenient time, I could feel tears welling in my eyes, but I blinked them away and smiled at him, pulling back. Whatever happened I had promised myself something.

You'll never see me cry.

"Oh and that's not all," he said, putting his hands on my shoulders. "I am taking you out to dinner tonight," he said and I smiled. It had been absolutely ages since we had been out to dinner. Not since...that happened. I had excited at the thought of going out on a date again, this would be the first time in weeks that we would have some together-alone-time.

"Where are we going?" I said the excitement, evident on my face.

"You leave that to me," he said winking at me and I felt as if the young, carefree, seventeen year old Edward was back. "Wear what I bought you last week," he instructed as he let go of me. As soon as he did that, the cold, lonely feeling set back in. Every time he walked out of the door, every time I lost contact with him I felt afraid he would leave me. We couldn't be together anymore if I told him the truth and that was what I was afraid of. Losing him. I had always been afraid of that and I still am.

"I'll just go shower and we can leave after that," he said and I nodded.

"Okay," I said turning and heading upstairs to get changed into my dress. This was exciting; Edward and I hadn't been on date forever. He always worked late hours, came home and said he was too tired to do anything. We hadn't even had sex in a while and even when we did it was uninteresting. I had to fake an orgasm because I was always far from it. I was hoping tonight could change that.

I ran to our closet and took out the outfit he had bought for me last week. Edward had been suffering mood swings the last few weeks. One day he would come home really happy and buy me loads of gifts and some days he would home, really cranky. I could tell something was getting at him, maybe it was work, but sometimes he got so stressed he picked fights with me for no reason at all. I waved it all off, I was too scared.

I pushed those thought behind and got dressed, I didn't want to ruin this evening by thinking about that dreaded secret. The truth that destroyed my whole life as I knew it. It rocked my world.

Edward had bought me a very cute (and expensive outfit), he knew my taste exactly and I loved that about him. He knew me very well; he knew my taste like the back of his hand. He knew better that I knew myself. He knew my taste in music, food, clothes, anything you name it. I couldn't lose everything that we had by spewing the truth. I had to keep it inside me.

I was wearing a black sleeve-less dress, with a gold band around the waist; it ended about mid-thigh. On top of that I wore a waist-length cardigan with gold-colored sequined heels on my feet. At a young age, I hated heels, but now I had grown to love them. I was naturally very short, so they were my best friend; they helped to elevate my height. To accessorize on a white beaded choker along with these gorgeous earrings. They had a diamond, then a bow and a pearl at the bottom. I just put my hair into a sophisticated bun, with a French plait in the front. Make-up was something that I had always felt the same towards, my whole life. I hated the stuff; it felt like I had caked another layer to my face by wearing it; so I stuck to the natural look, simply putting on some mascara and clear gloss.

Once I was done I walked downstairs to see Edward in jeans and a dress shirt, standing at the bottom of the stairs, greeting me with a smile.

"Ready?" he asked as he offered me his hand.

"As ever," I said; one thing that had not changed about ever since we met was how gentlemanly he was. He was always so caring; I didn't know what I would do if and when he found out the truth. I was living a lie but I didn't care, this lie was better than what my life would be if the truth was revealed. There would be drama, there would be tears. Court, divorce, pain, all of it needed strength. I was weak; I wasn't strong. I was nothing without him. My life would be empty without him.

It was very easy for people who weren't in my situation to tell me to tell him the truth. It was easy for them to tell me to leave him, to tell me to be alone. They didn't know how much it hurt; they hadn't experienced that pain I had gone through. They thought they knew what was going through my head but there didn't, they had absolutely no idea. No one knew how much it hurt to lose the one you loved, they all had perfect lives. Why was mine all screwed up?

He took my hand and led me outside to his car, opening the door for me. Once I got in, he closed it and walked to the driver's side and sat down. I turned to him, flashing a smile, "I love you Edward," I said, touching his face with my hand.

"I-I love you too," he said quickly turning to the front and starting the car. As we were driving he reached towards the stereo and turned some music on. What blared through the speakers caught me off guard. It was Eminem.

"Edward since when do you listen to Eminem?" I said, turning to him and cocking up an eyebrow.

"Since now," he said dismissively, his taste in music had been changing a lot lately. I didn't have much time to ponder that though, since we had arrived at the restaurant. Once I realized what it was my heart melted. La Bella Italia. The place where Edward and I had our first date.

Edward and I had quite a history; we had married fresh out of high school. In high school, I was never the one to settle down in a relationship, I was a 'player' as one would call it. I had no interest in one person, it wasn't enough for me. I would have never thought that someone would enter my life that would alter it forever.

One day, there was news in school of the 'New Kids'. I hadn't given much thought to them, even though everyone else was buzzing about it, Forks was a small town so someone knew was a very exciting concept for many. We all got sick of looking at the same faces for so long. This would be my last year in that hell-hole anyway so I didn't give a care about who they were. Boy was I wrong, if I hadn't met them, I don't know where I would be right now. I was nothing without them all.

Edward and his family had moved there from Alaska and at first they kept to themselves and so did I. It was only when we had Biology together, that we started to open up to each other and slowly falling in love. He introduced me to his family and from there it only went up, his sisters both became my best friends and his parents, like my own. As for his brothers, even till today, they remained as annoying as they were before but I loved them and I wouldn't change a thing. After meeting Edward, I had completely changed my ways; anyone could hardly believe that Bella was settling down into a relationship.

After we graduated, we got married and settled down in Seattle. Edward got a job as a cardiac surgeon in Seattle Hospital and I worked as the Creative Director in Seattle's modeling agency. The years that followed were perfect, except for now. I was caught in an intricate web of lies, I couldn't accept it nor could I escape it.

Edward walked to my side of the car and opened my door, taking my hand and leading me into the restaurant. We chose a private booth in the corner and sat down opposite each other.

"It's been a while since we've been out to dinner," I said reaching out and taking his hand.

"Yeah," he said nervously scratching his head and looking around, as if searching for something.

"Are you okay Edward?" I asked as his eyes suddenly went wide and I followed his gaze only to find a normal couple having dinner, like us.

"Yeah, yeah," he said sounding a bit lost. "I'm f-fine." he said turning back to me, still looking alarmed and on edge. That was the last thing said that evening and my hoped for a nice romantic dinner went out of the window. There was obviously something bothering him, why wouldn't he tell me?

We ordered and ate, not speaking a word and the silence was suffocating me. Once we had finished, Edward quickly led me outside and we headed home. What was the need for the quick departure, I was heartbroken over our ruined evening. Nothing could go right for me could it?

Once we got home, Edward abruptly ran upstairs, stating he was too tired and he needed some sleep. I didn't follow him just yet; I sat on the couch, feeling numb. I laid down on it, a tear trickling out of my eye. I forced myself up, not wanting to ruin the dress. I dragged my feet up the stairs, fighting back the tears so Edward wouldn't see them.

You'll never see me cry.

I got upstairs to our bedroom and saw that Edward was already asleep; I walked over to the bed, stripped off my dress and shoes, leaving it on the floor and climbed into bed. I pulled up over me and faced away from him, we had slept like this recently. Not cuddled into each other, like we used to. Things had changed a lot, that's why I was afraid to tell him, I didn't want things to change more than they already had. It was stupid of me to keep this secret, crazy even. A normal woman in my situation would confront him about him, rather than turning a blind eye and hoping everything was okay.

It was three weeks ago today, when I found out. When I found that secret that shattered me completely. It was a normal day, I was waiting for Edward to come home for work, he was working late. When I got a disturbing voicemail. It was woman telling me, "I had a good time with you today, tell your wife you're working late again, I can't wait to see you again." At first I was completely baffled, and then realization dawned on me. Edward's calls were redirected to my phone so this must have been a voicemail for him.

A part of me died that day and I refused to believe it, I refused to even confront him about it. I deleted the message and went on with life like normal. That wasn't the end of the messages though; they kept coming but different women, never the same. At that point I had to accept it. I had to accept the fact that Edward was cheating on me. Every day I hoped that he'd stop, that he'd admit it and come back to me. They carried on and each day I broke down further and further. After that I made a mental promise to myself that he would never se me cry.

You'll never see me cry.

I decided not to tell him I knew for many reasons, one of them being not having the strength to deal with what was to come. I just lived with the fact that my husband had many mistresses. That's why he worked late, that's why he always came home tired, that's why he smelled like a new perfume everyday. I learned to live with it, even after what he did to me, I still loved him and I wasn't prepared to lose him. He was my first love, I had opened myself to him, and I had given myself to him completely. What did he do with that? He threw it aside for some fun. I couldn't see what had gone wrong; we had such a perfect relationship.

I let him play me, I gave myself to him and I let him mistreat me. I let him have the upper hand on me. Rose was right, what was I doing? What was I doing letting him treat me like this? He deserved to go though the pain he put me through. I was truly crazy to stay with a man who cheated on me with different woman every single day. I needed out, but I couldn't, I wasn't strong enough. I wanted nothing more that to tell him that I knew everything, to tell him how selfish he was. To ask him why, to ask him why he betrayed me. What had I done? I had always been the perfect wife for him.

I was dawn breaking through the crack in the curtains and that's when I made my decision. I wasn't going to subject myself to this torture any longer. I was going to get out. It was a new day, new resolutions. I was going to let go. I was going to set myself free. I wiped away my tears and quietly got out of bed. I washed my face and changed into some sweats, t-shirt and a hoodie. I quickly packed some clothes into a small suitcase and put it beside down beside my bed, walking over to Edward.

I looked at his peaceful, sleeping form; he wouldn't be peaceful for any longer when he woke up. I grabbed a post it note and stuck it onto the bedside table next to him. I wrote: I know. My messy scrawl would guarantee that he knew it was me. It was short but he would realize everything. He would realize how I lived with him, despite knowing the truth, how many sacrifices I made to be with him, but not anymore. Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of leaving him but I wiped them away.

You'll never see me cry.

"Goodbye Edward," I whispered before grabbing my bag, my purse, my phone and walking out.

I walked out into the crispy early morning and it felt good. Rose was right. It felt like I had just been liberated. I was free. Strangely, I wasn't crying because I had lost Edward, I was happy because I had set myself free. I was proud of myself.

Edward was my first love and he would always stay in my heart and it would be extremely difficult to get over him. But I knew I would do it, I knew I'd find love some day. This wasn't the end for me and my promise to myself was intact.

You'll never see me cry.

And he never did, I never let him see my pain. This was hard for me but I emerged from this a much better and stronger person so I guess the saying went right:

What Doesn't Kill You, Makes You Stronger.

AN- Story art and outfit on profile.

Up on Lyrical Contest's profile aswell.(link on profile)