Author's Note: So, this is more or less a burn-off because I can't get Jacob out of my head. I post this in hopes that he will leave me alone and I can get back to real writing. However, this is also a learning oportunity, so if you have a piece of criticism or there was something you really liked about this, please let me know. Thanks very much for reading!
Disclaimer: There is no way on earth I would want anyone to think I wrote Twilight or New Moon. I leave that to Stephanie Meyer.
She was streaking across the sand, going so fast that the sand shot up in foot high sprays as she flew threw it. I saw Embry and Paul, already in the shallows, trying to get ahead of her and pin her in. She saw them too and put on even more speed and hit the water before Embry and Paul could cut her off. The water shot up beneath her feet, parting like the Red Sea or something. In two seconds she was in deep water and swimming away. Within ten seconds all I could see was her bright hair standing out against the black water, and then, nothing.
Lost her. Again. Embry sounded annoyed. Paul and Jared were both swearing up a blue streak, but Sam's thoughts were only focused on one thing. The same thing I was focusing on.
Get to Bella, he said to me, she has to stay off the beach. It's not safe. Victoria might double-back. I was already running up the beach. Bring her to Emily's. We'll meet you there.
Right, I thought. It took longer to get back since I had to stick to the trees and keep an eye out for people, though it wasn't much of a worry considering the weather. You'd have to be an idiot to talk a long stroll on the beach with a storm like this one blowing in. I felt a stab of regret, thinking of the storm and Bella and the promise I'd have to postpone. Surely she would agree with me though. She was depressed, sure, but not suicidal. And she'd been doing better lately. Well, had been, until this whole mess started up. I'd find her sad more often now; catch it on her face and in her eyes. I wondered if it wasn't because she was alone so much these days. I felt bad for leaving her by herself so often, but she never complained. She wasn't the sort. If she said something about it, maybe I could have talked Sam, and myself, into letting me stay with her more. But she didn't, and I couldn't justify leaving the pack to be with her unless she asked me to.
As I was thinking about this, I realized how close I was to my house. I loped up to the tree where I hid a spare change of clothes in a plastic bag so I wouldn't have to go from the woods to my house naked. Just before I morphed back into a human, Embry's voice filled my head, startling me with how sad it sounded.
Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. Immediately there were outcries from the other two, my voice joined them.
What? When? How?
I'm at Emily's with Sam. She's been waiting for us since she found out this morning. She and Sam are going to the hospital now, to see how he's doing. There was a pause, and I could see in my mind's eye the big black wolf that was Embry listening as Sam in his human form gave orders. Sam says for Jared and Paul to keep running. Jake, get to Bella and stay with her. We'll trade out every half hour or so.
Paul and Jared voiced their agreement and I morphed quickly into a human to get Bella. It took me all of two seconds, once I'd emerged from the trees, to discover that her truck was gone. Fresh tracks went from the driveway down the road, going in the wrong direction to be headed to Forks and the hospital. In fact, they went the opposite direction. I grabbed my bike, knowing that if I was going to follow her tracks, I would have to stay in human form and raced down the road in the direction of the tracks. What she doing? Where had she gone to? I hadn't taken the time to determine whether or not her bike was in the garage as well. I hoped she hadn't figured out a way to get the bike into the back of her truck on her own. I didn't trust her sense of balance enough to be comfortable with her ability to ride without me around to take her to the hospital. I hoped she was okay and switched gears to go faster.
The tracks began to confirm my fears as they headed toward the dirt road we did our riding on. I was beginning to imagine her wrapped around a tree when a flash of color on the edge of the road ahead of me caught my eye. Her truck! Pulled over near the trailhead to the cliffs, the ones we'd seen Sam and the others dive off of. I did not like how this was shaping up.
It seemed like the road was made of molasses as my bike headed up the hill to her truck, sticking to my tires and slowing me down. The bike just couldn't go fast enough. After what was far too long, but was probably only a minute or two, I made it to her truck and cut the engine. I followed her footprints, hoping that she had chickened out and that I'd find her peering over the edge, or better yet, tripping her way back to her truck.
I, naturally, had no such luck. Just as I was heading down the path that lead to the lower cliffs, an unnatural scream filled the air. I would have recognized that voice anywhere, saying anything. I cursed and ran back the way I came. It was too far away to have come from the part of the cliffs I was heading to. She had jumped off the top.
"Bella!" I hollered as I ran. "Bella! I'm coming! "I hoped I was wrong. Maybe she'd gotten startled. She was so jumpy these days, maybe she'd worked herself up into a tizzy over an bird in the trees or an animal scurrying along the forest floor. Unlikely, but I like that option much better than the reality I knew I would have to face.
My stomach churned as I thought of the black water and of how cold it was and I cringed at the memory of the cruel black waves that the bloodsucker had swam away on. I prayed she was a stronger swimmer than she'd been she'd almost got sucked away with the riptide during a summer visit over eight years ago.
I reached the top of the cliffs in record time. She wasn't there. I got down on my stomach and stuck my head out over the edge, looking for her. All I saw were the black waves crashing against the rocks of the cliff base. I groaned and got up, took a few steps back and ran off the edge of the cliff.
I had jumped off of these cliffs before, several times a year since I'd turned twelve. I knew how to dive from years spent living just a hundred feet from the ocean. I didn't flail or spin as I sliced through the air. It was probably one of the better dives of my life and I felt a moment of regret as I realized nobody was watching me. That only lasted for a split second though, as I cut through the water and its icy cold wrapped itself around my body. I cursed in my head, scanning the black water for Bella as I tried to shake off the disorientation from the cold water. It took me a minute before I saw her, hair streaming around her lovely face, body limp and sinking. My lungs burned as I swam further down and grasped her upper body. The last of her air escaped into the water as I pulled her up with me.
I shoved her up ahead of me as we neared the surface, trying to keep her from inhaling more water than she already had. I held her with one arm and tried to beat the water out of her lungs with the other hand. I was appalled with how much water streamed from her mouth and nose and continued to try and knock it out of her, hoping I wasn't too late.
"Breathe!" I yelled, desperately, hitting her between the shoulder blades again and again, trying to force the water out. "Breathe Bella! C'mon!" She spewed more water before her head lolled over and she went completely limp in my arms.
"Bella! Bella! Wake up!" I had to get her to dry land, had to do something. I was panicking, couldn't remember how to swim right. Somehow, I got her to the shore, pulled her away from the water and laid her flat on the sand. I pressed my ear to her chest, listening intently for her heartbeat. I was never more relieved than when I heard its faint beats. She was breathing too, albeit shallowly. I nearly collapsed with relief.
"Bella, hunny, I'll be right back." I told her unconscious form. I ran to the shelter of the woods, not taking my eyes off her, stripped and phased.
I'm on First Beach. Bella jumped of the cliffs and almost drowned. I need help now!
On my way, Sam replied. I phased back and dressed quickly before I ran back to Bella, skidding and tripping in the sand like I hadn't since before I'd become a werewolf. She still had her eyes closed.
"Bella? Bells, can you hear me?" Nothing. I leaned over her, putting my ear above her mouth. She was breathing a bit more evenly and I felt like crying with gratefulness. "Bella…Why, Bella? How could you do this to me? Bella, please be okay…"
"Sorry it took me so long, I was at the hospital. What happened?" Sam's voice cut through my litany and I turned to find him sprinting from the trees towards us.
"She-she…jumped off the cliff…I heard her scream…Thought I-I was too late..." My explanation was rushed, mangled. I took a deep breath. Sam knelt beside her, putting a calming hand on my shoulder. I took another deep breath and continued. "She's breathing, but she won't wake up. I don't know what to do…" He leaned over, listened to her breathing and felt for her pulse.
"You did fine. I think she'll be okay. " His expression was still grim though.
"What is it?" My voice was hoarse with worry.
"Not her, Harry. He's not doing too hot. Both of your dad's are there." His eyes tightened. "The doctor's are pretty sure he won't make it…"
"Oh no…" I my stomach dropped. She groaned just then, a soft, pitiful sound and distracted both of us. "Bella?" I asked, my focus returning to her. "Bells, honey can you hear me?"
"How long has she been unconscious?" Sam asked, all business again.
I reached out to smooth the wet hair stuck to her face away. "I don't know," I admitted, knowing it couldn't have been very long, but completely unaware of exactly how much time had passed. "A few minutes? It didn't take long to tow her to the beach."
"She's breathing. She'll come around. We should get her out of the cold, though. I don't like the color she's turning…" I sucked in a breath, taking in for the first time the blue shade her porcelain skin was taking on.
"You think it's okay to move her?"
"She didn't hurt her back or anything when she fell?"
"I don't know," I admitted, misery overtaking me at the thought of Bella, my Bella, being broken or in pain, possibly damaged for life. Sam winced, reading my expression, and didn't say anything for a moment.
"Jake?" Her voice cut through the images of a broken Bella flitting through my head.
"Oh!" I felt like I'd been sucker punched, the relief hit me so hard. I leaned over her, taking in her warm brown eyes, now dull with exhaustion and nearly wept with joy. "Oh, Bella! Are you okay? Do you hurt anywhere?"
"J-just m-my throat." She was shivering so hard that the words came out funny.
"Let's get you out of here, then." I picked her up easily, marveling at how light she was and thinking she ought to eat just a little bit more of Emily's cooking. I cradled her close, trying to warm her with my body heat.
"You got her?" Sam asked. I was already halfway to the road.
"Yeah, I'll take it from here. Get back to the hospital. I'll join you later. Thanks, Sam."
I tried not to jar her and still move quickly at the same time. Her body was dead weight, but she still shivered violently, and I began to fear hypothermia. The rain was cold, feeling good on my too hot skin, but so cold that it would lover her body temperature even further. I tried to pull her closer and lower so my shoulders would take the brunt of the rain.
"How did you find me?" Her voice was scratchy. I wondered how much it hurt for her to talk.
"I was searching for you," I began, editing out the first part, hoping not to alarm her with how close we'd been to the bloodsucker earlier. "I followed the tire tracks to your truck, and then I heard you scream . . . ." The scream that told me I was too late, the scream that I had hoped in vain was the result of an animal in the brush. I recalled my earlier thoughts, the ones about how you'd have to be an idiot to go out on a day like today. "Why would you jump, Bella? Didn't you notice that it's turning into a hurricane out here? Couldn't you have waited for me?" I was yelling and didn't really care.
"Sorry," she said. "It was stupid."
That was only the understatement of the year. "Yeah, it was really stupid," I muttered, thinking that this too was also a huge understatement. "Look, do you mind saving the stupid stuff for when I'm around? I won't be able to concentrate if I think you're jumping off cliffs behind my back." I'd said the words in exasperation, but as so as I finished my sentence, I knew it was true. I had a hard enough time focusing when she was just pacing the beach. How many other stupid things had she done while she was waiting for me? I hated the thought.
"Sure, no problem," she hacked, and the expression on her face at the sound of her voice almost made me smile. She cleared her throat and winced, "What happened today? Did you . . . find her?" A full tremor rocked her body and I held her closer instinctively, trying to find the right words that wouldn't frighten her too badly.
"No. She took off into the water-the bloodsuckers have the advantage there. That's why I raced home-I was afraid she was going to double back swimming. You spend so much time on the beach…" I couldn't finish. I heard Sam's voice in my head, get to Bella…It's not safe…I tried not to let the image of what could have happened become too clear.
"Sam came back with you . . . is everyone else home too?" she asked, oblivious to my fears and raising up a whole new set of them at the same time.
"Yeah. Sort of."
She stared at me for a minute, her eyes searching my face. I tried to reign in my emotion so she wouldn't worry anymore than she had to. "You said . . . hospital. Before, to Sam. Is someone hurt? Did she fight you?"
Of course she would jump to that conclusion. I almost wished it were one of us. At least, we were guaranteed to heal. "No, no. When we got back, Em was waiting with the news. It's Harry Clearwater. Harry had a heart attack this morning."
"Harry?" I could practically see her mind returning to the right track. "Oh, no! Does Charlie know?"
"Yeah. He's over there with my dad."
"Is Harry going to be okay?"
I tried not to let her see how hard it was for me to accept Sam's words. I couldn't fathom the idea that Harry would probably die, didn't want to believe it. "It doesn't look so great right now," I managed, which was not direct acknowledgement of the truth. My house was close by, for which I was very grateful. I was suddenly exhausted. I made it through the last few steps to my house on sheer adrenaline, or something. It certainly wasn't my own strength.
"What can I do?" she asked, referring to the situation with Harry.
The door was slightly ajar, probably from someone rushing my dad out of the house on the way to the hospital. It was a tricky door, you had to pull it just right to close it. I nudged it open with my shoulder and crossed the room to the couch in one step.
"You can stay here," I said, depositing her on the cushion closest to the radiator. "I mean it-right here. I'll get you some dry clothes."
I waited until she had curled up on the cushion, assuring me she wouldn't move before I went to my room. I moved as quickly as I could, listening for her breathes, thoughts of hypothermia and pneumonia running through my mind. I grabbed the one whole pair of sweat pants I owned and a sweatshirt I never wore from the bottom drawer before half-sprinting back to the living room.
Bella hadn't moved a muscle. She wasn't shivering as hard as she'd been, but I could see how her face was still bloodless in the dim light. She didn't move when I threw the sweats at her either. The grey material practically engulfed her, blanketing her tiny body. I grimaced to myself, wishing I owned something a little smaller. The sweatshirt alone would practically reach her knees. I didn't let myself linger on the image for long.
"These will be huge on you, but it's the best I've got. I'll, er, step outside so you can change," I said, though I knew I'd be listening to everything that happened while I was out of the room. I was not prepared to let her out of my sight for longer than a minute just yet.
"Don't go anywhere. I'm too tired to move yet. Just stay with me." Her voice sounded scratchy still, and the same exhaustion I felt permeated it. I was only too happy to oblige.
I sat down on the floor next to her. Like a guard dog, I thought wryly. As soon as I settled down, the exhaustion I'd been fighting overtook me.
"Guess I could rest for a minute…"
I barely managed to get the words out before I was gone. I don't dream, not anymore. I used dream a lot, but ever since I became a wolf, I sleep like a rock. It's really good, deep sleep, but it never seems like enough. Like the time I spend with Bella, I sometimes wish it would never end. I really miss that about being a regular human. But I don't mind, not really. I know that my lack of sleep is helping to keep Bella safe. She sleeps better knowing that my brothers and I are out there, protecting her. It justifies things, to me at least. It almost makes me wish I didn't have to sleep, so I could protect her and keep her from worrying about me too. She knows how little I sleep, and it bothers her. I can tell, and I kind of like it. It makes her fuss over me more, and unlike her fussing about the vampire and my safety, this is something that makes sense. I can appreciate her worry, I know how she feels. I've watched the circles beneath her eyes grow and grow over the past few months. I've worried about her almost nonstop since the Cullens left. I wish she didn't have to worry about me, but I thought that maybe, I could distract her, even if it was just for a bit. It was nice that I had that in my power.
I don't know how I ended up laying on the floor, but when the lights turned on and I jumped up reflexively, I regretted it. My back ached from the hard wood.
"Sorry," my dad said from the doorway, "did we wake you?"
His voice was all wrong and his eyes full of pain. My heart sank. Bella cried out in dismay behind me, her voice still hoarse. I was at my dad's side in an instant, not even sure of how I'd gotten there. I took his hand, needing his strength as much as offering mine. Harry was gone. The thought seemed so wrong, the words out of order. So quickly, without any warning…it was too much to fathom.
"I'm so sorry," Bella was saying.
My dad nodded, his voice gruff the pain, "It's gonna be hard all around."
"Where's Charlie?"
"Your dad is at the hospital with Sue. There are a lot of . . . arrangements to be made." This was all so wrong, so strange. It hurt to think about.
"I'd better get back there," Sam said softly. I started, noticing him for the first time. Our eyes met and the pain I saw in them was a mirror of my own. He left quickly. My dad pulled his hand away and wheeled himself to his room. I didn't follow, understanding his need to be alone. I went back to Bella's side and sank to the floor, burying my face in my hands.
Harry Clearwater was dead. I had to accept it. I tried not think of Sue, Leah and Seth. I knew the pain of losing a parent. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. At least Charlie was there. He'd take care of them. Bella's hand was one my shoulder, rubbing it softly. I remembered then how her voice was still so hoarse and the day's events came flooding back in perfect detail. I considered briefly what it would be like to have just been told that Bella had died, drowned in the ocean. I grabbed her hand and held it to my face, breathing in the scent of her skin beneath the brine of the sea.
"How are you feeling? Are you okay? I probably should have taken you to a doctor or something," I muttered, upset that I hadn't thought of that earlier. What was the protocol for someone who'd nearly drowned anyway? I made a mental note to look it up online sometime.
"Don't worry about me," she choked out.
If only she knew. I turned to get a good look at her. I was not impressed with what I saw. She was still unnaturally pale, and though she'd been rubbing my shoulder, she hadn't moved otherwise. Her eyes were dull and her expression empty. "You don't look so good."
"I don't feel so good, either, I guess."
I resisted reaching out and touching her hair. "I'll go get your truck and then take you home-you probably ought to be there when Charlie gets back."
"Right," Her voice was incredibly tired still.
I left and phased as soon as I reached the trees. I didn't want her to be alone for a second longer than necessary. During the quick run to her truck, I caught up with the vampire situation and explained about Bella, leaving out the details as much as I could and told them I'd join them as soon as Bella was home safely. All of that took less than three minutes, and when I phased back into a human, I marveled at how incredibly awesome it was to be able to run like that. I threw my bike in the bed of the truck and drove it back as fast as I could, bemoaning the fact that it was so slow.
As I drove, I thought some more about what today would have been like if we had fought Victoria today. What it would have been like to search for Bella, to find her body washed up on the beach. It made me feel sick to my stomach.
It made me feel a little better to get back to my house and find her safe and sound and alive on my couch. She felt so frail as I helped her up, shivered so hard when the storm cooled air hit her. It was all I could do to let go of her long enough to cross over to the driver's side door. I pulled her close to me, to keep her warm and to reassure myself that she was okay. She didn't protest this, but laid her head against my chest.
"How will you get home?" she asked, her voice soft.
"I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?" She shook with a new intensity and I tried to hold her closer, to staunch the fear and reassure her. It worked, sort of. She stayed quiet, curled into my side. I didn't push any conversation, content to focus on her breathing, the sound of her heartbeats in the quiet cab, the feel of her skin against mine. She was such a huge part of my life now, the fact that she was sitting next to me, alive and okay made me want to shout my thanks to every god in existence.
I took a moment to consider what my life would be like without Bella Swann in it. She was so integral to my very existence that it was hard. I started with the easy stuff, like how I wouldn't be so tired because I wouldn't be chasing after a renegade vampire all the time. I wouldn't be as stressed, always worrying about her safety. Even before the vampire had come along, I was constantly worried about how she might trip over this or fall on top of that. I hated to see her in any more pain than she was already in. I don't think I could every really understand just how much it really was. I doubted it was any less than being around the person you loved all the time and knowing they didn't care for you like that. At least I got to see Bella every day, got to talk to her and touch her and know there was a chance that something might happen later. She was happier and she didn't protest to my holding her hand or putting my arm around her like she used to. Heck, a even as little as a week ago, she wouldn't have stood for my arm around her for this long, wouldn't have laid her head on my chest and left it there for the whole trip back to Forks. I could wait a little longer.
And I had longer. I was so, so glad for this fact. She was alive and next to me, breathing and everything. Harry's death had put into perspective just how fragile life was. She could have died today, easy as cake. If I had been ten minutes later, if Victoria had taken a different path that led her away from the ocean, if Sam had decided to make me run instead of one of the others…I stopped myself from letting my what-if's get too out of hand. She was alive. That was the only thing that mattered now. As I pulled up in front of her house, I realized it was potentially the only thing that would ever really matter to me.
I shut off the engine and wrapped my other arm around her in the same motion, half pulling her onto my lap and holding her as close as I could, wishing I could absorb her into my skin. Her breath hitched, I knew I must be crushing her lungs just a little bit, but I didn't want to loosen my grip.
"Sorry." I said into her hair. "I know you don't feel exactly the same way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I'm just so glad you're okay that I could sing-and that's something no one wants to hear." I laughed, giddy with relief and delight. I laid my cheek on top of her head and breathed in the scent of her hair. And she didn't pull away, but her breathing got faster. My heart pounded, betraying my composure. No matter what I said about not minding waiting for her, I would always want her, and when I held her like this—
She went stiff in my arms, like someone had dropped a bucket of cold water on her head. I let her go immediately, hoping I hadn't pushed her too far too soon. I needed to get out of this truck, though, or I wasn't sure I'd be able to resist taking her in my arms again.
As soon as I opened the door, I smelt it. The air was too sweet, too cold, even for a stormy night. Vampire, I thought, and then followed it with a string of mental curses, letting only one escape my lips.
"Holy crap!"