I just couldn't help myself after watching last night's episode and started writing this after I updated "Some Like It Hot". Plus, it was requested and I aim to please. Enjoy and review please.-
He had been watching her all week.
Audrey hadn't paid much attention to it at first. She figured that it was just Nathan's way of brooding and since she was always with him and directly in his line of sight at the office, then the staring was just him focusing on something (or in her case someone) while deeply in thought. God knows the man had a difficult week and for someone so out of touch with their emotions, to have so many in such a short time must have been extremely alarming to him. Jess leaving was definitely a shock to Audrey so she could only imagine what it must have done to Nathan, not that he would talk about it with her. Sure, she had declared that they were friends and he was a bit warmer towards her, but that didn't mean that Nathan was ready to share his feelings anytime soon.
She had hoped losing Jess wouldn't give Nathan the permission he needed to climb back into that hardened shell he kept himself hidden in most of the time. While she cared a lot about him, she didn't know if she could keep working for the Haven Police Department or stay his partner if all traces of the man she was just beginning to know were gone. She could deal with his anger and irritation, the comments he would make when he felt defensive about whatever observations she had made concerning him. She could deal with the sadness, melancholy and doubt that seemed to surround him most of the time. Hell, she could even deal with the quiet and stoic version of Nathan whose emotions were brimming just below the surface. She couldn't deal with a defeated Nathan though, a man who had given up.
Then she had noticed him staring.
His eyes would follow her wherever she went. When she got up from her desk at the office to fetch another cup of coffee for herself she would look over at him, mouth opening to ask if he wanted another cup too, only to find him already looking at her with those hooded blue eyes. She would gape and stutter a bit before forcing out the question, then receive a slight smile in affirmation and a nod of thanks. When they would climb into his truck on their way to a crime scene or to check on someone who called needing their assistance, she kept her face averted and would look out of the passenger side window, pretending to be fascinated with the landscape she was already becoming familiar with. Really, it kept her from noticing all the glances she would get from the driver on the way to their destination. Every time she would look up or over to him, wherever they were, he was already watching her with such an intense look it almost felt like a physical touch.
"Okay, what's the deal?" she asked that Friday afternoon.
She threw down the pen she was using while filling out a vehicle accident report and it skittered across the clean surface of her oak desk, making a clicking noise as it landed somewhere on the hard floor. While she found it a bit antiquated to fill out paperwork by hand only to have it later entered onto the computer once the Chief had signed and approved it, she did so without complaint but it was hard when your partner was drilling a hole into the side of your head with that hard gaze of his.
"Are you mad at me or something? Usually when you're annoyed you just ignore me or make a bitchy comment like a mean high school girl," Audrey said, her chair squeaking as she swiveled to face Nathan, arms folded across her chest.
Nathan was, of course, already looking at her but he lifted his eyebrows in confusion. He was also sitting at his desk, filling out paperwork. She wasn't sure how he could write out a report and barely glance at the paper he was scratching on while watching her, but he managed to master it at some point during the week.
"No, I'm not mad at you. Why would you think that?"
Then his eyebrows lowered and his face tightened in that 'Audrey shut up your annoying me' expression he had, "And I do not sound like a bitchy high school girl. Ever."
"Fine," she said, rolling her eyes and leaning back in her chair a little. "Then what's with the staring."
"Huh?" Nathan asked, but from the guilty expression that flickered across his features before he had time to hide it he knew exactly what she was talking about.
"You've been staring at me all week. Every time I turn around or look over at you, you're already watching me. Why?"
Nathan sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes, a sure sign that he was either frustrated or really tired. Come to think of it, Audrey had noticed the start of dark circles underneath his eyes that morning so he must not have been getting very much sleep. Something was really bothering him.
"It's nothing, I just have a lot on my mind," he said, looking down at his desk and hunching his shoulders protectively. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bother you."
"It wouldn't bother me if you just told me what's wrong," Audrey said, relaxing her posture a bit.
"Seriously, Audrey, it's no big deal. Sorry for staring at you, I wasn't really aware that I was doing it," Nathan said.
"Bull," Audrey stated, standing up and shoving her chair back so she could move from behind her desk. "You know you've been staring and there's a reason why. You just don't want to tell me."
"I don't think you really want to know," Nathan replied, his own posture relaxing as hers did while he warily looked at her. "Even I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it."
"Obviously," she snorted, walking towards the direction she had heard her pen land. Finding the slim object, the corners of her mouth turned up in triumph. Bending, she snatched it up then straightened. She turned around to make her way back to her desk only to almost bump into Nathan's chest. She jumped back a bit and looked up into his face in surprise. Damn, was he quiet.
"What the hell, Nathan. Almost give me a heart attack," she muttered, tugging on the hem of her shirt that had ridden up a little while she had retrieved her pen.
Nathan's eyes followed her movements. His mouth was partially open, like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite get the words out and his eyebrows were drawn together.
"What? Just tell me," Audrey ordered.
Nathan's mouth snapped shut and he shook his head, shoulders slumping again in defeat.
"Nathan," Audrey said, tone sharpening. "Tell me."
Sighing heavily, he turned his head and motioned out into the bullpen of the Haven Police Department.
"Fine, but not here," he said.
Audrey understood that he wanted privacy and suggested the lookout spot near the docks, the same place where she had found Nathan after they solved their first case and his father had offered her a job. She knew that Nathan liked to sit out there to think and it provided them with enough privacy so that maybe Nathan would finally tell her what had been bothering him all week.
The sun was just beginning to set and the air was crisp, salty and growing colder by the time Audrey and Nathan had finally made their way to the same place where Audrey had made the final decision to uproot her life and move to Haven permanently not so long ago. Both sat on the bench at a comfortable distance from each other, watching as the sun lowered over the horizon and created splashes of reds and oranges across the water which stretched out forever in front of them.
"You gonna tell me now?" Audrey asked, not having to look at him to know that he had already turned his head to watch her instead of the amazing sunset in front of them.
"Fine," Nathan said, stretching out on the bench while still keeping a bit of space between them, trying to get comfortable. "Remember the other day when I told you that Jess left and you called me your friend."
"Yes," Audrey said, turning her body so that she could give him all of her attention, watching as eyes became less weary and more serious. "What? You don't want to be my friend."
"No, of course I want to be your friend. We are friends," Nathan said, exhaling loudly through his nose as he tried to gather his thoughts to tell her something she could tell he really didn't want to talk about.
"Okay, so what's the problem?"
"You kissed my cheek," Nathan almost growled.
"Wait, your pissed that I kissed you on the cheek?" Audrey asked, eyes widening in surprise. "I really didn't mean anything by it."
"I know and I'm not pissed," Nathan said, his tone rising and his face getting slightly red.
"Well, you sure could have fooled me, you're almost yelling right now and you look pissed off. What is going on?" Audrey asked, her own voice rising to match his.
"I felt it," he almost shouted. He took a deep breath and stared back out at the sea, speaking again only much quieter this time. "I felt it."
Audrey froze for a moment.
"You felt it when I kissed you on the cheek," she clarified, eyes still wide in shock.
"Yes."
"So you can feel now?" Audrey questioned.
"No."
"Wait, what?"
Audrey was so confused. Nathan felt it when she had kissed him on the cheek but could not feel anything else? What the hell did that mean?
"I've tried touching things to see if maybe I was getting my sense of feeling back, but nothing. I've been shaking people's hands and accidently brushing against everyone I know all week and have felt nothing. I even gave the Chief a hug the other day but the only thing I got out of that was a weird look and a possible future psych evaluation," Nathan said with a slightly bitter laugh.
"So you think it's me, that because I touched you, you felt it," Audrey deduced. "But you haven't touched me since, only stared at me like an obsessed weirdo."
Nathan smiled a little and shook his head. "I feel like an obsessed weirdo. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
Audrey shrugged and smiled at him, "That's all right. I can see how this would spook you. You could have told me sooner, you know."
Nathan nodded and looked back at her, "I know but I was hoping maybe I could figure things out myself before I said anything. And I don't want anyone else to know, all right?"
"You got it," she said.
They both turned their gazes back to the horizon, the colors of the sky fading from bright blue to a deep purple. Soon it would be dark. Audrey could feel the tension leave Nathan as he slid down a little on the bench, almost fully relaxed now that his secret was off his chest.
"So?" Audrey questioned, turning her attention back to the man sitting beside her.
"So what?" he asked, looking back at her.
"Aren't you going to touch me?" Audrey asked, her tone clearly conveying that she thought he was an idiot. "Don't you want to figure out if it was a one time fluke or if I was the cause of you suddenly regaining your sense of touch for a few seconds?"
Nathan rolled his eyes but rubbed the back of his head nervously, "Actually, I'm not sure if I want to know."
"Okay," Audrey dragged the word out as she gave him a strange look. "Why?"
"If it was a fluke then I don't know if I'll ever feel anything again which means that there's little to no hope," he explained. "If I do feel something than obviously you are the cause which means that you probably have some sort of ability. In case you haven't noticed, people with abilities don't always have the best of futures around here."
"So you're afraid of either completely losing hope or losing me due to some sort of ability I might have," Audrey said.
Nathan nodded.
"Well, that's stupid," Audrey said, causing Nathan to frown at her. "If it was a fluke then something must have caused it and we could work on figuring out what it was. If I caused it then I can't imagine that the ability would be all that bad and it isn't like it's affected anyone else."
"Yet," Nathan said.
Audrey groaned, "Fine. But wouldn't it be better to be prepared in case I start manifesting some sort of weird power."
Nathan shrugged, not wanting to answer the question because he could see that she was right and he was acting like an idiot.
"Here," she said, scooting closer to him on the bench and holding out her hand in front of him. "Just touch my hand, see if you can feel it."
Cautiously, Nathan brought up his own hand which had been resting on the back of the bench that was not on the side that Audrey was sitting on. He paused before carefully closing his hand around hers. There were a few seconds of silence and Audrey waited as Nathan loosely gripped her hand, his own hand large, warm and slightly calloused.
"Your fingers are cold," he finally said, voice quiet and husky as he stared at their joined hands in wonder. "But your wrist is really warm and I can feel your pulse."
Audrey felt Nathan rub his finger tips across her wrist and push down a little as he kept time with her pulse. She held her own breath as she watched the expression on his face change from his usual stoic and downtrodden look to one of hope and wonder, like a small child might wear on Christmas morning. She ignored the way her eyes started to water as she realized how hard not feeling anything for years had been on her only friend.
"Do you want to hug?" she asked, mostly because she just wanted to hug him.
Nathan looked at her with so much hope that it made her heart break a little. The fact that she could give Nathan a part of himself back with something so little as a touch of a hand or the offer of a hug, things normal people took for granted made her both happy and sad. She was happy that she could easily give him something that he so obviously wanted and needed but she was sad because behind the joy and hope, she saw caution and fear in his dark blue eyes. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop, for her to give him something only to take it away once he accepted it. He was waiting for her to leave. Well, he would be waiting for quite a while, then. If she hadn't left him already then she doubted she was ever going to.
"Let's do this properly, then," Audrey said, not bothering to wait for a verbal answer as she stood up and turned her body to face his which was still sitting.
"Come on," she urged, lifting up her arms and holding them out while she smiled at him in encouragement.
Slowly Nathan stood and then carefully wrapped his arms around her as she slid her arms around his waist. His body was tense against hers so she tightened her hold on him, an indication he could hold her a little tighter if he wanted and then relaxed against him. She rubbed her cheek against the warm cotton of his blue t-shirt while she waited for him to either continue with the hug or pull away if it got be too much for him.
"Can you still feel me or is it only skin to skin contact that works," she asked, voice muffled against his chest.
Nathan squeezed her tightly against him, "No, I can still feel you."
She smiled and her eyes completely filled with tears as she blinked to try to keep them in. She knew that Nathan would not react well to tears and she wasn't about to ruin this moment for him by blubbering.
"Describe it to me?" she asked.
"Your coat is rough, wool?" he guessed. "I can feel that your arms are squeezing me around the waist; no don't loosen them, they're fine."
"I can feel your face against my shirt, it's really warm. You just feel so warm," he said, exhaling as he finally relaxed. "I've missed being warm."
She felt one of his arms loosen and then his hand was brushing through her thick, blond hair. He alternated between stroking it with a cupped hand, like most people would while holding a child and combing his fingers through the strands, scratching lightly at her scalp and then running his fingers through the hair before twisting the ends between his finger tips, feeling the blunt edges of where the scissors had taken some length off during her last haircut.
"Your hair is really soft and smooth. I always thought it smelled really good but it feels even better. Better than I could have ever imagined," he said, voice hesitant, not sure he should be saying any of this.
Audrey couldn't stop the tears that were now freely sliding down her cheek. It was rare she felt so much emotion and when she did, she had a hard time keeping it in. Nathan stiffened when she made a little sound in the back of her throat and his hand slid out of her hair and touched his shirt near her nose which had grown damp.
"You're crying," he said, letting go of her but wrapping his hands around her upper arms and lightly pushing her away from him so he could look at her. "Why are you crying, did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's just I'm so happy that you're happy and this, this is like a miracle. It's a little overwhelming," she said, smiling even though her chin shook with the effort to not sob out loud. "I just finally realized how hard all this must be for you, not to feel anything. It must be hell for you and, and I'm glad I can give you this. Now hug me again, please."
Nathan complied and held her again tightly, laying his cheek against the top of her head.
"It must be hard for you too, I can't imagine you've been hugged much in your life," he said, guessing as to the real reason why this was so emotional for her.
Audrey just nodded but didn't say anything. It was true. She went from foster home to group home and had been a loner most of her life. She was so used to fighting and working to get what she wanted and to have a career that she hadn't really thought about what she had missed out on, not until recently. How was it that this man could pick her apart so well and leave her raw when he was so emotionally stunted himself? Like was drawn to like, she guessed.
He let her go again but kept a hold of her elbows and looked intently at her as the tears continued to drip down her face. He lifted up a hand and gently touched her face, wiping a track of tears away as he did. He brought his hand up to his own face and studied it.
"Even your tears are warm," he said, dropping his hand and looking at her again, almost shyly. "Your skin is really soft, you know."
She laughed a little and brought the sleeve of her shirt on her arm he was no longer holding up to her face and started wiping at the moisture. His hand shot out and stopped her.
"Let me?" he asked.
Audrey nodded as Nathan cupped her face in both of his hands, carefully capturing her tears with his fingers as he slid them across her cheeks. She closed her eyes and he lightly ran his thumbs over her eyelids and clumped, wet eyelashes. She was glad she hadn't bothered to wear makeup that day. She would have looked like a raccoon by now and Nathan would have smeared mascara and eye shadow all over the place. Then she felt soft skin press against her lips and a puff of warm breath across her right cheek. Her eyes flew open in surprise when she realized what was going on.
Nathan was kissing her.
It wasn't very long and more like a peck on the lips before he moved his face away from hers but he kept a tight hold on her arms. She stared at him in shock while he stared back, waiting for a reaction.
"Sorry, just wanted to get the full experience," he said, face starting to turn red as he released his grip on her, backing away from both her and the intenseness of the situation.
She clutched at the sleeves of his denim jacket to keep him from going too far, "If you want the full experience then maybe give me a real kiss. That other one was half-assed at best."
Nathan's lips parted in surprise and a grin appeared as Audrey tugged him back towards her and wrapped her arms around his neck, urging him to stoop a little so he could meet her mouth.
Now this, this was a real kiss.
Nathan's lips were dry and soft and they moved against hers gently as they explored each other. Then he slid his tongue past Audrey's slightly parted lips and ran it against her tongue which eagerly met his. He continued to lazily search her mouth with his tongue until Audrey bit at his bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth and then slowly releasing it causing him to groan. They parted, breathing heavy and staring at each other with a combination of amazement and lust.
"Wow," she breathed.
A small laugh burst from him as he nodded. "I completely agree."
"Now what?" she asked, looking around and noticing that they sky had grown completely dark while they had been preoccupied with each other.
"I was thinking we could get some pancakes and then maybe make out in my truck later when I take you home," he said, playfully waggling his eyebrows at her in a carefree way she had never seen on him.
She smiled widely at him, "Sounds like a plan."
Really, to Audrey, it sounded like a beginning.