Ranma 1/2
---------------
RAYS OF THE SUN
by kitty
---------------
It's a dark grey. In the right corner it gets a bit darker. Nearly black. The part near the window has a slight touch of brown glow coming from the city lights outside. But it's a dirty glow. Yes, just the colour changed. Apart that it was always the same. Everytime you stared at it, it still would be the same no matter what.
*Well what's there to expect of a wall* Ranma thought. He lay in their room on the ground. He was used to lying on the ground. He was used to a futon. And he was used to sleeping alone in it. But he felt damned alone.
Damn alone.
And the futon never seemed bigger than in these nights.
Big and empty. Just enough place left.
After all it was a futon for two.
*No. Not again. I don't want to... I don't want.* Ranma pleaded at himself. Trying not to think any further he looked up at the ceiling. Again. He did that so very often now. Looking up at the ceiling without seeing it properly. Just staring at a white nothing.
Funny. If you looked long enough at it you would see little spots flicker up. But just if you looked long enough. And just if you didn't blink. Just if your eyes were unfixed. When you stared at nothingness.
Little spots would flicker up. But just if you were empty inside.
And Ranma was good at this by now.
---
Ranma woke to the ringing of the telephone. It was an unpleasant sound. He opened his eyes blinking as the daylight shone brightly and golden through the window.
His eyes. They had become quiet. No more of the 'grey-blue sea right in front of the storm', no more of the untaimed strong will that shone through them, no more of this fierce fire in them. They were broken, like glass that didn't splitter in thousands of shards but was damaged nevertheless, which lost it's shimmer.
Through this glass you couldn't see anymore.
Broken. And quiet.
Finally, after six rings the phone stopped. Ranma got into a sitting position looking around in his...their... His room. It looked as if you were about to move out, no items showed that someone was living in this room.
Empty. Again.
The telephone ended the silence once more as it began to ring again. Resigned he got out of his futon and left his place to answer the telephone.
"Yes?"
"Ranma-dear, why didn't you go to the telephone?"
"I did, mom."
"After my second try. I knew you were at home."
"right"...
...
"..."
Nodoka gave a little sigh. She couldn't help her son out of this. She couldn't comfort him, she knew. But after all it was now some time ago and somehow.. anyhow... it had to go on. Had to.
"Ranma. You have to get out a bit. What about visiting me and your dad for some time. We could ask the neighbours to look after the Tendo-resistance. Won't you come over?"
"no. ...thanks"
"But it's not good for you to keep living like that. I mean I can understand what you're going through-"
"no, you can't, mom."
"Son. I'm worrying about you. You-"
"I'm now 23. I can look after myself."
"Dear.."...
"..."
"..."
"...okaa-san? Thank you for worrying about me."
...
"I love you, Ranma. You are the greatest honor I could dream of. You know that, don't you?"
"I know mom. I love you too. But I gotta go now."
"Sure Ranma."
...
"Ah, Ranma" Nodoka added "You talk to me if you can't take it, don't you?"
"Sure mom."
He hang up. His mom was really worried about him. But then, many were. At first he himself was most worried about what he might do now. Now however,...
*I love you*... *mmh. Easy to say actually.* He really had changed. By now words like 'thanks' or 'I love you' would come easily over his lips...
...
"I love you, Akane."
The words hang in the air. He had spoken them just for that they left his lips. Something inside him still waited for the responds. Like she used to do.
"I love you too Ranma" she would say "My husband, my love"
And she would kiss him. How he loved to forget everything within her kiss. How he loved her scent, drowning in it.
How he loved her. Still did.
*No. Not again.*
But it was useless. Memories were like ... *Argh. To h#ll with it!* he turned around abruptly, leaving that thought back behind. He returned to his room and lay down again, onto his ...their..onto the futon. And he looked up at the ceiling.
"Akane," he started with a weak voice, very uncharacteristically for Ranma "I wonder what I've done? Why do we deserve this?" His voice was shaking, for a few seconds it looked as if he would start to cry. But no tear would run down his face. Not a single one.
Not anymore.
He closed his eyes. Birds chirped outside. It would be a wonderful and promising day. Many people would say that this was one of the more beautiful days of the year. Sunny, warm though not too hot, a slight breeze of the wind carrying the tiniest news of the sea with it. The sun played Light and Shadow with the trees, together creating secret pictures of another world onto the ground.
Truely a wonderful day. Almost.
"You would have liked the weather today, 'kane." he continued, this time with a more steady tone.
Yeah. She had liked the sunshine. Ranma had always thought that her smile could compete with the sun.
An old memory flashed briefly through his tired head. And he didn't fight it. He had lost all his fighting spirit. He had lost so much since 'then'.
"You're cute when you smile" And she was startled. Even blushed a little.
Ranma had never had much of a strategic mind, thinking of something like that just to make her hesitate. He said just the next thing that came to his mind and used the opportunity it gave to him.
He was dodging her. Looked at her. Made a notice that she could look nice if she wanted to. Used the situation to his advantage and beat her in combat. Easy thing.
That thought sent other memories to his mind. Unbidden but accepted they kept coming.
How he first arrived at the Tendos.
That the youngest Tendo-daughter offered him friendship.
She hated him for seeing her naked, for being a sex-changing hentai, for being her fiance
She smiled the first time at him, eyes still puffy from crying earlier but still, a beautiful such smile...
He met Ryoga, start of a game of jealousy
He learnt the HyrouuShotenHa, getting back his strength and nearly losing her in that hurrican
The first time he just couldn't keep it no longer locked up and he secretly and alone whispered that she _was_ cute.
The time he thought he had to leave her at Ryokenzawa.
The first time he admitted to himself that he loved her
The battle with Saffron
Their ruined wedding
His first real kiss with her
Him dealing with the other fiancees.
Their wedding
His first time, with Akane
...his life of pure joy.
Akane felt one day not very well. She was somehow exhausted and tired.
The night together in bed when she suddenly woke up Ranma, looking weak and sweaty. She told him she feels sick and dizzy and he took her to the hospital.
She died that night.
He found himself crying over days, no matter how unmanly it seemed. Everything lost his worth to him, martial arts, honor, he himself....
His friends were there for him, yes. But 'she' was not.
He missed her so much that sometimes he thought he couldn't breathe anymore.
He tried to kill himself.
He talked to her picture, again. And again.
...
---
Ranma turned to his side. Remembering all of it was a sweet temptation because it seemed to bring her nearer to him, as if he could go back to those times where they were still together but once he did remember, he felt that he couldn't near her, he couldn't touch her. It was just more weight to carry.
Remembering just showed how much he missed her.
He wanted to cry. He felt his eyes getting watery and shut them so that at least one or two tears could run down his cheek. But they didn't run. No matter what he wanted, what he tried, he didn't get out of his misery.
He would like to cry! To hell with being manly, what could he get out of it!!
He opened his eyes again, searching something at the ceiling, but finding nothing.
He wanted it. Begged for it. He, Ranma, did beg.
He wanted to cry, ...tears would ease the pain.
Crying after all would mean that he dealt with pain, tears would ease it though just the tiniest bit but at least ease it.
And that tiny bit would mean progress. That he still lived his life. That he went on.
That he would have left this point, where he was now.
For longer than he wanted to think about.
Here his time stood still, turning around the same again and again. Just suffer.
Crying would mean that he was able to mourn again, that his life did go on somehow - even when it was a sad life. But it would go on.
However, no tears came up.
-----
Night. Strange, lately Ranma liked the darkness more than the day. Man, how he'd changed. Really.
He stood at the window, looking out and watching the nearby tree shake slowly with the wind. As if it rocked him mentally.
*mmh* he smiled *a beautiful night*.
There were no clouds at all. Stars shone brightly, thousands of them. Lately they had really beautiful weather.
When he watched the stars he suddenly caught a shooting star. It was just short in appearance but nevertheless it had been there.
Ranma remembered when he was together with all the Tendo sisters on the balcony on that christmas evening. They had watched the stars, or rather, they watched that rain of shooting stars washing down on earth, admiring nature at it's perfect creation. It had been a busy and exciting day, and somewhere Ranma had found the strength (and out of a reaction of longing) he put his arms around her.
Same as it had always been back then. He just managed to get close to her if he did something without thinking it long over - if he did, nothing came out. But if he followed his heart for once and just did what came to his mind...
...had been the same with their first kiss...
At the balcony Akane had told him the same story she once had been told from her mother. About having a wish when you see a shooting star. He knew that saying already, less did he believe in such crap but he let her talk. Listened with all his being.
And he wanted to believe her and her story about the wishes that were granted by your shooting star.
If she had liked to she could have made him believe the earth was flat. He would have wanted to believe it.
And now, there he was, standing there alone. Having his shooting star that should grant him one wish. A wish he would do everything for. So, from deep within his soul he mouthed it.
"Akane, I wish you were here again. I need you so much, please come back to me..."
-------
°Please, may I? Please, just let me, I'm begging you - I'll do everything... after all he had to deal with in his life - you owe him, ...please let me back to him...°
-------
Ranma woke up the next morning. This time no telephone woke him, his mom seemed to have calmed down. The warmth of the sheets were comforting, so maybe half an hour longer would be okay. He turned over to his side.
Next to him Akane was sleeping. Ranma had his sleepy eyes just half open but he smiled contently and lay an arm around his wife. He closed his eyes again and dozed off slowly.
When Ranma touched Akane, she stirred slightly but her sleepy form quickly calmed and contently she snuggled closer to Ranma, bringing her hands to his chest and whispering a slight but content sigh, murmuring his name.
That was when Ranma's conciousness woke up. He opened his eyes and she still was there. He'd thought he'd imagined hearing his name spoken by her voice, and maybe he still imagined that she lay there with him - wouldn't be the first time after all.
But - he could feel her. He held her in his arms.
She was there.
Akane stirred again, this time waking up as well. She opened her eyes and looked into those of Ranma shimmering with pure hope.
Then more emotions mixed with that hope; fear, sadness, uncomprehension - most of all love.
"Ranma" she said so quietly that he nearly didn't hear it.
"Akane..." he didn't dare to put any tone in his voice as he was afraid of shattering the dream, "..how..why.. My god, I've got you again" he hugged her as if never wanting to let her go - which was exactly true.
"He..he let me...I didn't think..I..." she sobbed into his chest, realizing what had happened with her.
"Akane-" ...
What should he say... That this moment was the first since her passing that he thought he could breathe again? That he suddenly realized how lost he had been and now knew again where he belonged to and who he was?
That he loved her? More than life?
"Ranma, he.. he let me down..." She explained and her trembling voice showed that she couldn't yet believe it herself.
"Who?" he asked without actually understanding anything. He actually understood nothing at all but wasn't interested in any Hows or Whys either.
She was speaking to him and that was all that mattered.
"Kami." she said.
Then suddenly, as if that word made her, she lost some of her warmth. She remembered the condition.
"You needn't touch me. I promised."
"what?"
"If you do, I'll have to go again"
Immediately the sadness flashed back up into Ranma's eyes and Akane wondered if it was her who caused all that to him. He looked so... ..so..unsecure. Ranma? Unsecure? *What has happened to you?* Akane wondered.
"Well, Akane...I" he didn't know how to put it into words, "I don't know how it happened and I won't ask, but I will do anything as long as you don't leave me again. As long as you're here with me, I'll do anything or nothing - just like you wish, I promise."
So she disentangled herself from him, but when she did so she became colder and colder to Ranma's touch and with every inch she enwidened the distance she would somehow lose the feel as if he touched a human being.
It was strange to describe or understand but it felt to him as if she was putting a much wider distance between the two than just that meter.
But just like the other day, he just turned around mentally and left that thought behind him. No thinking about it, no worrying about it.
End Chapter 1
Okay, that turned out darker than I thought. But I promise more romance in the next chapters. After all Ranma got his Akane again. But what about this thing with him not being allowed to touch her? Is now everything gonna get back to their happy times? Is Akane really back or is there something more to it?
Well, of course there is, so find out and read the next chapter! ^_^
Would be nice if you review!
kitty
---------------
RAYS OF THE SUN
by kitty
---------------
It's a dark grey. In the right corner it gets a bit darker. Nearly black. The part near the window has a slight touch of brown glow coming from the city lights outside. But it's a dirty glow. Yes, just the colour changed. Apart that it was always the same. Everytime you stared at it, it still would be the same no matter what.
*Well what's there to expect of a wall* Ranma thought. He lay in their room on the ground. He was used to lying on the ground. He was used to a futon. And he was used to sleeping alone in it. But he felt damned alone.
Damn alone.
And the futon never seemed bigger than in these nights.
Big and empty. Just enough place left.
After all it was a futon for two.
*No. Not again. I don't want to... I don't want.* Ranma pleaded at himself. Trying not to think any further he looked up at the ceiling. Again. He did that so very often now. Looking up at the ceiling without seeing it properly. Just staring at a white nothing.
Funny. If you looked long enough at it you would see little spots flicker up. But just if you looked long enough. And just if you didn't blink. Just if your eyes were unfixed. When you stared at nothingness.
Little spots would flicker up. But just if you were empty inside.
And Ranma was good at this by now.
---
Ranma woke to the ringing of the telephone. It was an unpleasant sound. He opened his eyes blinking as the daylight shone brightly and golden through the window.
His eyes. They had become quiet. No more of the 'grey-blue sea right in front of the storm', no more of the untaimed strong will that shone through them, no more of this fierce fire in them. They were broken, like glass that didn't splitter in thousands of shards but was damaged nevertheless, which lost it's shimmer.
Through this glass you couldn't see anymore.
Broken. And quiet.
Finally, after six rings the phone stopped. Ranma got into a sitting position looking around in his...their... His room. It looked as if you were about to move out, no items showed that someone was living in this room.
Empty. Again.
The telephone ended the silence once more as it began to ring again. Resigned he got out of his futon and left his place to answer the telephone.
"Yes?"
"Ranma-dear, why didn't you go to the telephone?"
"I did, mom."
"After my second try. I knew you were at home."
"right"...
...
"..."
Nodoka gave a little sigh. She couldn't help her son out of this. She couldn't comfort him, she knew. But after all it was now some time ago and somehow.. anyhow... it had to go on. Had to.
"Ranma. You have to get out a bit. What about visiting me and your dad for some time. We could ask the neighbours to look after the Tendo-resistance. Won't you come over?"
"no. ...thanks"
"But it's not good for you to keep living like that. I mean I can understand what you're going through-"
"no, you can't, mom."
"Son. I'm worrying about you. You-"
"I'm now 23. I can look after myself."
"Dear.."...
"..."
"..."
"...okaa-san? Thank you for worrying about me."
...
"I love you, Ranma. You are the greatest honor I could dream of. You know that, don't you?"
"I know mom. I love you too. But I gotta go now."
"Sure Ranma."
...
"Ah, Ranma" Nodoka added "You talk to me if you can't take it, don't you?"
"Sure mom."
He hang up. His mom was really worried about him. But then, many were. At first he himself was most worried about what he might do now. Now however,...
*I love you*... *mmh. Easy to say actually.* He really had changed. By now words like 'thanks' or 'I love you' would come easily over his lips...
...
"I love you, Akane."
The words hang in the air. He had spoken them just for that they left his lips. Something inside him still waited for the responds. Like she used to do.
"I love you too Ranma" she would say "My husband, my love"
And she would kiss him. How he loved to forget everything within her kiss. How he loved her scent, drowning in it.
How he loved her. Still did.
*No. Not again.*
But it was useless. Memories were like ... *Argh. To h#ll with it!* he turned around abruptly, leaving that thought back behind. He returned to his room and lay down again, onto his ...their..onto the futon. And he looked up at the ceiling.
"Akane," he started with a weak voice, very uncharacteristically for Ranma "I wonder what I've done? Why do we deserve this?" His voice was shaking, for a few seconds it looked as if he would start to cry. But no tear would run down his face. Not a single one.
Not anymore.
He closed his eyes. Birds chirped outside. It would be a wonderful and promising day. Many people would say that this was one of the more beautiful days of the year. Sunny, warm though not too hot, a slight breeze of the wind carrying the tiniest news of the sea with it. The sun played Light and Shadow with the trees, together creating secret pictures of another world onto the ground.
Truely a wonderful day. Almost.
"You would have liked the weather today, 'kane." he continued, this time with a more steady tone.
Yeah. She had liked the sunshine. Ranma had always thought that her smile could compete with the sun.
An old memory flashed briefly through his tired head. And he didn't fight it. He had lost all his fighting spirit. He had lost so much since 'then'.
"You're cute when you smile" And she was startled. Even blushed a little.
Ranma had never had much of a strategic mind, thinking of something like that just to make her hesitate. He said just the next thing that came to his mind and used the opportunity it gave to him.
He was dodging her. Looked at her. Made a notice that she could look nice if she wanted to. Used the situation to his advantage and beat her in combat. Easy thing.
That thought sent other memories to his mind. Unbidden but accepted they kept coming.
How he first arrived at the Tendos.
That the youngest Tendo-daughter offered him friendship.
She hated him for seeing her naked, for being a sex-changing hentai, for being her fiance
She smiled the first time at him, eyes still puffy from crying earlier but still, a beautiful such smile...
He met Ryoga, start of a game of jealousy
He learnt the HyrouuShotenHa, getting back his strength and nearly losing her in that hurrican
The first time he just couldn't keep it no longer locked up and he secretly and alone whispered that she _was_ cute.
The time he thought he had to leave her at Ryokenzawa.
The first time he admitted to himself that he loved her
The battle with Saffron
Their ruined wedding
His first real kiss with her
Him dealing with the other fiancees.
Their wedding
His first time, with Akane
...his life of pure joy.
Akane felt one day not very well. She was somehow exhausted and tired.
The night together in bed when she suddenly woke up Ranma, looking weak and sweaty. She told him she feels sick and dizzy and he took her to the hospital.
She died that night.
He found himself crying over days, no matter how unmanly it seemed. Everything lost his worth to him, martial arts, honor, he himself....
His friends were there for him, yes. But 'she' was not.
He missed her so much that sometimes he thought he couldn't breathe anymore.
He tried to kill himself.
He talked to her picture, again. And again.
...
---
Ranma turned to his side. Remembering all of it was a sweet temptation because it seemed to bring her nearer to him, as if he could go back to those times where they were still together but once he did remember, he felt that he couldn't near her, he couldn't touch her. It was just more weight to carry.
Remembering just showed how much he missed her.
He wanted to cry. He felt his eyes getting watery and shut them so that at least one or two tears could run down his cheek. But they didn't run. No matter what he wanted, what he tried, he didn't get out of his misery.
He would like to cry! To hell with being manly, what could he get out of it!!
He opened his eyes again, searching something at the ceiling, but finding nothing.
He wanted it. Begged for it. He, Ranma, did beg.
He wanted to cry, ...tears would ease the pain.
Crying after all would mean that he dealt with pain, tears would ease it though just the tiniest bit but at least ease it.
And that tiny bit would mean progress. That he still lived his life. That he went on.
That he would have left this point, where he was now.
For longer than he wanted to think about.
Here his time stood still, turning around the same again and again. Just suffer.
Crying would mean that he was able to mourn again, that his life did go on somehow - even when it was a sad life. But it would go on.
However, no tears came up.
-----
Night. Strange, lately Ranma liked the darkness more than the day. Man, how he'd changed. Really.
He stood at the window, looking out and watching the nearby tree shake slowly with the wind. As if it rocked him mentally.
*mmh* he smiled *a beautiful night*.
There were no clouds at all. Stars shone brightly, thousands of them. Lately they had really beautiful weather.
When he watched the stars he suddenly caught a shooting star. It was just short in appearance but nevertheless it had been there.
Ranma remembered when he was together with all the Tendo sisters on the balcony on that christmas evening. They had watched the stars, or rather, they watched that rain of shooting stars washing down on earth, admiring nature at it's perfect creation. It had been a busy and exciting day, and somewhere Ranma had found the strength (and out of a reaction of longing) he put his arms around her.
Same as it had always been back then. He just managed to get close to her if he did something without thinking it long over - if he did, nothing came out. But if he followed his heart for once and just did what came to his mind...
...had been the same with their first kiss...
At the balcony Akane had told him the same story she once had been told from her mother. About having a wish when you see a shooting star. He knew that saying already, less did he believe in such crap but he let her talk. Listened with all his being.
And he wanted to believe her and her story about the wishes that were granted by your shooting star.
If she had liked to she could have made him believe the earth was flat. He would have wanted to believe it.
And now, there he was, standing there alone. Having his shooting star that should grant him one wish. A wish he would do everything for. So, from deep within his soul he mouthed it.
"Akane, I wish you were here again. I need you so much, please come back to me..."
-------
°Please, may I? Please, just let me, I'm begging you - I'll do everything... after all he had to deal with in his life - you owe him, ...please let me back to him...°
-------
Ranma woke up the next morning. This time no telephone woke him, his mom seemed to have calmed down. The warmth of the sheets were comforting, so maybe half an hour longer would be okay. He turned over to his side.
Next to him Akane was sleeping. Ranma had his sleepy eyes just half open but he smiled contently and lay an arm around his wife. He closed his eyes again and dozed off slowly.
When Ranma touched Akane, she stirred slightly but her sleepy form quickly calmed and contently she snuggled closer to Ranma, bringing her hands to his chest and whispering a slight but content sigh, murmuring his name.
That was when Ranma's conciousness woke up. He opened his eyes and she still was there. He'd thought he'd imagined hearing his name spoken by her voice, and maybe he still imagined that she lay there with him - wouldn't be the first time after all.
But - he could feel her. He held her in his arms.
She was there.
Akane stirred again, this time waking up as well. She opened her eyes and looked into those of Ranma shimmering with pure hope.
Then more emotions mixed with that hope; fear, sadness, uncomprehension - most of all love.
"Ranma" she said so quietly that he nearly didn't hear it.
"Akane..." he didn't dare to put any tone in his voice as he was afraid of shattering the dream, "..how..why.. My god, I've got you again" he hugged her as if never wanting to let her go - which was exactly true.
"He..he let me...I didn't think..I..." she sobbed into his chest, realizing what had happened with her.
"Akane-" ...
What should he say... That this moment was the first since her passing that he thought he could breathe again? That he suddenly realized how lost he had been and now knew again where he belonged to and who he was?
That he loved her? More than life?
"Ranma, he.. he let me down..." She explained and her trembling voice showed that she couldn't yet believe it herself.
"Who?" he asked without actually understanding anything. He actually understood nothing at all but wasn't interested in any Hows or Whys either.
She was speaking to him and that was all that mattered.
"Kami." she said.
Then suddenly, as if that word made her, she lost some of her warmth. She remembered the condition.
"You needn't touch me. I promised."
"what?"
"If you do, I'll have to go again"
Immediately the sadness flashed back up into Ranma's eyes and Akane wondered if it was her who caused all that to him. He looked so... ..so..unsecure. Ranma? Unsecure? *What has happened to you?* Akane wondered.
"Well, Akane...I" he didn't know how to put it into words, "I don't know how it happened and I won't ask, but I will do anything as long as you don't leave me again. As long as you're here with me, I'll do anything or nothing - just like you wish, I promise."
So she disentangled herself from him, but when she did so she became colder and colder to Ranma's touch and with every inch she enwidened the distance she would somehow lose the feel as if he touched a human being.
It was strange to describe or understand but it felt to him as if she was putting a much wider distance between the two than just that meter.
But just like the other day, he just turned around mentally and left that thought behind him. No thinking about it, no worrying about it.
End Chapter 1
Okay, that turned out darker than I thought. But I promise more romance in the next chapters. After all Ranma got his Akane again. But what about this thing with him not being allowed to touch her? Is now everything gonna get back to their happy times? Is Akane really back or is there something more to it?
Well, of course there is, so find out and read the next chapter! ^_^
Would be nice if you review!
kitty