Walter Heisenberg was a drug-dealer, and he had been bad from the day he was born. All his life, he'd walked over people and hurt people to get what he wanted, and were had it landed him? He had a crappy-job as a low-level drug dealer, working for some Romanian guy who had huge eyebrows. He had a wife, who only really cared about smoking crack (Which she really shouldn't be doing since she's pregnant) and a son who just annoyed him, so Walter ignored him most of the time. Everything in Walter's life had been a failure. He always felt like he was destined for greater things, he had the skills to become the best drug lord ever but he'd squandered it; years ago, him and his partners Elliot and Gretchen created the ultimate, purest meth together 'blue sky'. Watler sold his stake in the company for 'personal reasons' (okay, he totally just needed the money to bail himself out of prison) a decision he regretted when the Blue sky made Millions of dollars and Walter only got a teeny tiny fraction of that.
Walter thought he would spend the rest of his life as a low-level drug-dealer, but something happened on his fiftieth birthday that changed EVERYTHING.
That day started out like normal. Skyler chucked Walt his usual plate of joints, except today she'd aranged them especially in the shape of a fifty. Cute.
"Thanks, skank." Walt said, lighting up his spliff.
"D-dad.. could you not smoke that please? I don't wanna get high before school.." Junior started.
"Shut up Junior." Walt and Skyler say in usion. Junior looked down at the floor.
"Okay.."
Walter stood on the street corner as usual, selling weed to kids who had no respect for the quality, and no interest in science of the plant. He felt under-appreciated. Even the Meth he sold (which was top-class) never received enough praise. he hated this job, it was too hot outside and standing up selling stuff all day was shit. He especially got annoyed when one addict couldn't pay the money he owed for the meth, and just ran of before Walt had a chance to gun him down.
Walter was about to go home for the day, when suddenly Bogdon, his boss, drove by, his eyebrows flowing in the breeze "Walterrr I need you to clean up a dead body for me."
"Bogdon! I'm a drug-dealer, not a body disposer."
"I'm short staffed." Bogdon said, driving away, Walter grumbled, about to dispose of the body when suddenly, he began coughing. He'd had a bad cough for a while now and it felt like his lungs were full of molten lava. He couldn't breath, he could feel his vision failing, his mind slowly slipping to a painful unconscious state
"Yo Mister Heisenberg. I got some bad news for you, Dawg." Walter's eyes snapped open, and he looked around trying to figure out where he was. He was in a bed and a man in a white coat was standing oppisite him, talking to him.
"Where am I? Who are you"
"Your in the hospital, yo, and I'm Doctor Skinny Pete." The man said.
"Why am I in hospital? was I in a gun fight?"
"Naw man, that's what I'm tryna tell you! you got lung cancer. Like Terminal. Your gonna die, dude." Dr Skinny Pete said, solemnly. "But like treatment could help- chemo and that, could get you back on your feet. And that's church, yo"
"How am I suppose to afford that?" Mr Heisenberg said, annoyed.
"Well like, usually your place of work will have insurance, or something."
Walter groaned- damn he needed to find a proper job and quick! but how!?
When Walter got home that night, there was a party in his house, a full-on crack head rave. Some old guy was smoking a bong in the corner, there was spray-paint on the walls, a fat-guy lay on the floor while people threw stuff at him.
"Welcome home, ye fucking dildo." Skyler said, greeting him with a passionate kiss "Suprise party!"
Hiesenberg did not feel like a party, but whatever he was just pleased to be home doing drugs with his family and friends. Just then, Hank, Walt's brother-in-law arrived, with his generous wife Marie.
"Let's get this party started! oh yeeah!" Hank cheered, stealing all the attention. Hank was a gun for hire. A tough criminal people hired to beat guys up when they didn't pay debt, and rob people and stuff.
"Hold on- this is my crime on the telly!" Hank said, switching on the news. Walter's old Tv FLickered to life, showing a news-reporter standing outside an old burned-down house.
"Police are still trying to find the man who robbed this school. Thousands of $'s worth of equipment was robbed. Witnesses describe a short bald man who looked like a fat Bruce Willis leaving the building."
"That's me!" Hank shouted.
"Ahem- " The news reporter said, not liking being interupted "Anyway, teachers harmed are all okay, because the school will pay for their medical bills because it provides all health insurance."
"Wow- teachers get health insurance? good health insurance?"
"yeah. Untill I kill them." Hank said, he was always hired to kill teachers and to destroy school-equipment by drug lords, because studies showed that children getting lower-quality education were more likely to drop out and do drugs.
"Those teachers are disgusting, corrupting our children into not taking drugs." Marie said.
"Yeah! down with education!" Skyler agreed. But Walter Heisenberg thought of all the health-benefits and suddenly he wasn't so sure.
"Hey, one day I'll take you on a raid of a school- get a little excitement in your like, you know?" Hank offered, showing of his gun "This guns for men, not like you, Walter."
"Gee thanks." Walter said, glaring at Hank. What a dick.
Walter sat in the back of the car, watching as Hank and his men stormed the school and terrorized all the teachers who were in there at the weekend for a teacher's meeting. "How dare these fucking scum try to give our customers and education." Hank said angrily, as he tied up a teacher named Emilio and threw him in the back of the van as a hostage.
Just then, Walter looked up and saw a young man drop from the school window wearing nothing but his underpants. A sexy topless secretary tossed down his clothes. He was a teacher trying to escape. Just then, Walter and the man looked at each other, and Walter recognized him instantly. Jesse Pinkman, some little shit who he used to sell weed to/from. He knew the guy was kind of lame but being a teacher- fuck that shit!
"shhhhhh." Jesse hushed, dashing of to his car. Walter just gaped at him. But then suddenly he got an idea, an idea so crazy and so brilliant that only an evil genius high on drugs could think of it. Luckily that was exactly what Walter Heisenberg was.
Walter managed to track Jesse down easily using the yellow-pages he did the creepy thing and stalked him to his house. As soon as he arrived, Jesse ducked below his car.
"Come out. I can see you." Heisenberg said, menacingly. reluctantly, Jesse creeped out from the car, clearly shaking.
"Listen dude, if your going to give me up to those fucking teacher-hating thugs.." Jesse started, Walter put his hand over his mouth.
"I'm not gonna do that."
"-Well if your gonna try convince me to like, do drugs and sell meth again, I'm not interested yo' highschool was a long time ago, I'm not into that sort of shit anymore, Mr Heisenberg." Jesse said, pushing Walter's hands away, But Walter only shook his head.
"The DEA took all your equipment, and locked up your fellow teacher Mr Emillio. your back on square 1." Walter said. Incase your wondering DEA is the gang Hank's in, it stands for 'Destorying Education Activists'. "But you've got the knowledge of the teacher business and I'm really good at like, connecting with kids, so I'm thinking maybe you and me could partner up as teachers."
"How about no." Jesse said "I'm not getting you a job!"
"You don't have a choice!" Walter hissed, grabbing Jesse's arms suddenly "I'll tell Hank's gang your a teacher and they'll come beat the shit out of you!"
"How about I call the police right now!" Jesse said, looking angrily at the old guy who used to sell him drugs back in high school. Walt pulled out his gun, and shoved it in Jesse's mouth, Jesse whimpered, his argument dying in his throat.
"That's more like it." Walter Heisenberg said, grinning as Jesse became submissive out of fear "Now your going to help me become a fucking teacher, that right?"
Jesse nodded fearfully as best he could with a mouth-full-of gun.
"And are you going to call the police?"
Jesse shook his head, 'no', Walter gave Jesse one last menacing grin, before returning his gun to it's holster, and walking of to his car "Good- we have a deal. See you tomorrow!"
" But Tomorrow's Sunday, you fucking twat-headed muppet!" Jesse shouted, as Heisenberg sped of.
(a/n; A semi-crack fic I wrote while I was half asleep :p.. I'm not sure were I was really going with this, but anyway, please comment to tell me what you think! :D