It's so quiet here. I hate the quiet. Creeps me out. I knew I should have gone during the day.
I have this strange feeling as I sit here. I'm surrounded by gravestones and crypts. Some of them are familiar, like the one over there where I got pummeled by the Lagos demon. Others have familar names. I saw your mom's.
I know you told me to never apologize to you, but I'm really sorry about your mom. She was a good lady. I didn't show it, but I was really glad she invited me for Christmas at your house that time. I haven't had a lot of good Christmases. That was a good one.
I can't believe I'm sitting in front of your gravestone.
It wasn't supposed to be this way, B. It was supposed to be me. You have no idea how much I want it to be me.
Angel came and told me. I'm sure you know. He came and sat in front of the glass and picked up the phone. I already knew by the look on his face, though. So I said it for him.
I got out a few months later. Angel had that guy, the one who used to be a lawyer for Wolfram and Hart, get my sentence knocked down to involuntary manslaughter. Then he got me out on parole.
I don't know what to do now. At least in jail, I could try and figure things out. I knew you were out here taking care of all the stuff I was supposed to.
All I keep thinking is it's supposed to be me. I should be the one six feet under, not you. You're the one who always knew what to do. Me, I'm just a screwup from South Boston who caught one lucky break in her life and that was to be called a Slayer. And then I messed that up too.
I can't do this, Buffy. It's too much pressure. It's all on me now, and nobody wants it to be all on me. I'm not like you. I don't have the Scoobies and the Watcher and the vampire boyfriend.
It's supposed to be me. I should have died when I jumped off that roof. Or you should have let the Council take me. I can't even die right.
You did though. Die right. A hero. Look at your gravestone. "She saved the world. A lot." How the hell do I follow that?
I know this is my chance to make it right. To show people that I can be good. That I can do the whole Slayer gig the right way.
I'm scared, B. Is that what you wanna hear? That I can finally say I'm scared?
"Who the 'ell are you?" a voice interrupts my thoughts.
I turn around. I know him. He's that other vampire. William the Bloody. Spike. I scramble to my feet. "I - I'm sorry. I'm leaving."
"You don't have to," Spike says. He drops the flowers that I didn't notice he had on top of your grave. What's wrong with this picture? Spike's evil. He should be dancing on your grave, not leaving flowers. "You knew her?" He gestures down.
"Yeah," I said. "I knew B."
Spike looks hard at me. "You're Faith. The Slayer."
"You're Spike," I counter. I have a stake in my back pocket. I wonder whether I should use it. He has a chip in his head, right? Harmless? I know I'm not supposed to kill innocent people. But he's not innocent, right? Come on, B. You know the answers! I don't! Help me!
He comes a few steps closer. Looks at me. Feels like he's looking right through me. "Look. Way I see it, we've got a job to do. You - you're supposed to keep the world from ending. Me - I got someone to look after till it does."
I still say nothing.
"We're two of a kind, you know," Spike continues. "The Scoobies - they're not our biggest fans right now. Not happy that Buffy gave me Dawn, or that she left you the Slayer gig."
"She didn't leave me -"
He cut me off. "Yes, she did. She knew that if she went that people would take care of Dawn, and that a Slayer would take care of the world. She knew. Don't make her wrong." He gives me a half-smile. "You game?"
Is this how you're helping me, B? Giving me an ally? So it's not just me?
"I'm game."
Thanks.
END