Reiji presents to you uhm...DeepInThought!Starscream who abuses asterisks because, duh, it's Starscream and Starscream does whatever he frickin' wants. Written on sugar crash at 12 in the morning while listening to Caramelldansen and Ristaccia. Of course I get high, crash, and then end up writing Starscream POV. Totally a logical way to end my day. Enjoy Starscream ranting! Implied StarscreamMegatron, as the absolute eloquence of my summary suggests. Each asterisk represents a slashy moment, or something along those lines. Starscream can explain.
Did you know that Caramelldansen is awesome?
...so crap, am I subconsciously writing some sort of thing that's kind of like, uh, vaaaaaaaaguely slashy?! Without even being bribed?? Oops. I should be studying for my finals, but hey, writing from a prompt here will help with English. -snerk-
Dedicated to you know who you are. lessthanthree~
Eloquence
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Dear [Lord/Glorious/My Hero/You Slagging Slagger] Megatron,
I slagging hate you. Of course, if this weren't already obvious, you'd have to have at least three more malfunctions to add to your already quite shocking repertoire. However, I don't care, because this letter is about me and why I hate you. Primus, I'm so charming, wouldn't you agree?
No, I'm not defecting, for the love of – stop trying to read what I'm writing here! There's no one else. Ooh, are you jealous?! That is rather delicious. Who do you think it is, then?
Now.
Would you like to know why I hate you?!
*** These asterisks are here to replace any possible violence (also, perhaps interfacing, with awkward screeching noises, Primus) that may have occurred in the orbital cycle between the start of this letter and now. Or maybe I was in stasis.
Before I was so rudely interrupted – yes, you slagger, I enjoyed it, stop asking – I believe I was at the beginning of my list. Let's count down. No, it's not dirty, because, unlike you, I am the pinnacle of perfection, so thoughts like these would never cross my mind – and interfacing has nothing to do with why I hate you. In fact, interfacing – no, I'll keep that in my processor. I'm not sharing it with you. Go away. Slag.
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************************************************************************************************** I'm not even going to explain this. You can figure it out.
...
***** Fine, each of them represents a time during which I screamed some sort of... nonsense. ...Like "SLAG, I HATE YOU," which would count as one. Yes, I counted, because obviously you didn't.
...Stop touching my wings; they're private and, more importantly, they're mine. Furthermore, I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd stop attempting to read my hate letter that's addressed to you. Is there really no such thing as privacy? Despite the fact that I'm not writing this in my room, you'd think that perhaps the fact that I'm not talking to you would be some sort of sign to leave me alone. Primus, that's another thing to add to the list.
So, glorious Megatron, this is why I hate you (I attempted to gather a list of the top twenty, so you may see that the third time you dropped me into that slagging river is missing; however I most assuredly hate you for it):
twenty: You're sort of fat and this makes me look bad because I'm not fat which makes it difficult to even see why I ended up interfacing with you.
nineteen: Your voice is disturbing – why the slag does it make my processor short circuit?! That's laughably unfunny. And it's terrifying how easily influenced I am when your voice is like that.
STOP TRYING TO SEE WHAT I'M WRITING!
I'm just going to leave.
You know, it's absolutely astounding that I haven't spoken a word out loud for... approximately five cycles. Primus, letter writing is amazing.
******
... ... ...
**
All right, you've managed to get eight more incoherent sentences out of my mouth. Thank you. It was completely unnecessary. I didn't know you were so worried about the possibility of my losing my capability of speech. Did you enjoy hearing my voice again? Get out of my room.
I'm almost surprised that you followed me here. How the slag did you manage to fit through the door?
eighteen: You insist on interrupting my letter writing solace. What do you mean, that's hardly a reason to hate you?! I'm writing the letter.
seventeen: You destroyed all of my backup bodies! Slagger. Two cycles of consideration and button pressing... gone....
sixteen: I think you cheated on me. Or, as you put it, "made more conquests."
fifteen: The first time you dropped me into the river. The metal still smarts, you slagger.
fourteen: You humiliate me in front of everyone.
thirteen: If I didn't hate you, the allure of our corrupt relationship would die, because you don't offer anything particularly interesting.
twelve: You gave me a yellow dress. I don't think yellow goes well with magenta.
eleven: You're taller than me. It makes me feel short. I swear to Primus you like making me feel inferior.
ten: Why do you refuse to accept the truth? Just admit that I am superior in every way. No, that won't stop me from hating you, but it could be a start to a wonderful new way of existence.
nine: It's magenta, not pink.
eight: You never listen to me! I'm not whining, I'm merely issuing complaints.
seven: You seem to be under the impression that you're better at seduction than yours truly. That's an impossibility.
six: Why didn't you stay OFFLINE when the bomb went off?! I'm still disappointed. It broke my Spark when I saw that you were back. What were you thinking?
five: Why can't I be the leader of the Decepticons? I'm clearly the more charismatic of the two of us. Wouldn't the... oh, 79873294 (to the power of twenty-eight thousand, of course) times I've tried to kill you be evidence enough? The squishy Earth organics think I'm better.
four: ******************!!!!!!! I lied about interfacing not being on the list. And was taking another four megacycles to prove this necessary?
three: You laugh at me. I'm not that amusing.
two: Primus, you never leave me alone.
one: You smile. Too. Slagging. Much.
---L-------o--V----E------
I slagging hate you,
STArscREam [with several unneeded flourishes]
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Total time wasted:
Thirty-five hours and ten minutes.
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Starscream tried to cross that "love" out, btw.
Hope you liked it! Man, this is what it means to have fun writing ^^