To Love or not to love?

4 people Damon loved and the one person who loved him back.

A/N: first time I have written anything for the vampire diaries so go easy on me please. Damon/Alaric hints of Damon/Elena, Damon/Katherine and Damon/Mason although they are all one sided. Also Damon has daddy issues. Ok that's all thank you hope you enjoy and please review they really make my day, yours Serpents Den.

Giuseppe

Ever since he had been a kid Damon had been striving to gain his father's love, his father's approval, just some kind of acknowledgment that he wasn't a total screw up. His father loved Stefan, and he had no problem showing it. Stefan had always been their fathers favourite and Damon had no idea what he'd done to make his father so disdainful towards him. You have no idea what he would have gave a simple nod of the head when he did something well. A pat on the back to let him know that his father was proud of him. But no he got none of that, Stefan did, he even got a hug. So growing up Damon had been neglected he had been thrown aside like he didn't matter, hated for reasons unknown to him. When you think about it, it's no wonder that he became a monster; he had never really known kindness as a child so he didn't know how to be kind as an adult. Of course Stefan had shown him how to love, that little kid had been so energetic, while Damon was busy trying to get his father's approval, Stefan had been trying to gain Damon's. Only Stefan was successful and Damon was finally good at something, he was a great big brother and he didn't need to prove that to Giuseppe because Stefan was all that mattered. They weren't just brothers they were best friends, until she came along of course.

Katherine

He had loved her with all his heart. He would have done anything for her. She consumed his every thought, and every dream was filled with her, her laugh, her fragrance, her face, her smile, her perfect smile. He loved her with every fibre of his being yet she treated him like a play thing. He had spent 150 years trying to save her only to discover she had never been trapped in that god damn tomb to begin with. Then when she did return, she had come for Stefan, the brother she loved. Damon's heart broke when he realised that she had never loved him and that she never would. She used him for her own amusement and then threw him away when she was done with him. Damon learnt the hard way that he had to look after number one because nobody else cared. Never form attachments and never stay in one place for too long. That was the plan, he was going to leave Mystic falls and never look back, and of course that's easier said than done. What with Stefan's blood lust coming back full force and then John Gilbert's stupid device. So he'd stayed but he wouldn't fall in love, and certainly not with his brother's girl. He did not need to go down the same path again.

Elena

He hadn't meant to, he really hadn't but she was so kind and caring, the complete opposite of Katherine. At first he was horrible to her as a way of protecting himself but still the damn girl wormed her way into his cold dead heart. So there he'd been watching the girl he loved cuddling in to his brother, kissing his lips and telling him how much she loved him. This was unbelievable how could be so stupid as to let this happen again. And of course the stupid girl just had to keep getting herself into trouble and then naturally Damon would have to swing in and save her and then as always she would go runnnig back to Stefan and it was like some never ending circle of torture! He hated this, he hated himself for loving her, he hated Stefan for having her and he wanted to hate her for not loving him. But he couldn't do that, not when he understood why she didn't, how could she love him? He was a monster a horrid monster that killed young girls when he was bored and enjoyed watching the life leave their eyes. He wanted to forget her. He tried to forget her, but then there were those moments when Stefan had been off gallivanting with Klaus, when there connected and he felt really close to her, like he could leave over and kiss her and she'd kiss him back. But he couldn't do that, because he'd remind himself that Stefan wasn't with Klaus by choice but because he had saved Damon's life. So the least Damon could do was not kiss his girl. It was easier said than done, especially when there had been distractions, like when the werewolves where around.

Mason

Of course he fell for the stupid mutt. He couldn't help it somewhere between the stupid arguments, the trying to kill each other, the never-ending battle between wolf and vampire, they'd kissed which was soon followed by them having sex. You couldn't say they were friends with benefits because they were never friends, more like enemies with benefits. But then they got close, talking about their pasts, bonding over the lack of affection from their fathers who had always favoured their brothers. He had let his guard down, even though every fibre of his being had told him not to. He'd let that flee invested animal into his heart and once again it had been thrown back in his face. You would think he would of learnt by now that he could only depend on himslef and sometimes Stefan, but only sometimes. Mason had took Damon's heart, chewed it up and spat it back out. Of course none of this would have happened if Katherine hadn't compelled Mason to make Damon fall for him in order to find out information for her. In hind sight Damon thinks that's what hurt the most knowing it was Katherine that was behind the compulsion. Not that Mason didn't love him back; he'd felt enough unrequited love in his time to be able to handle it now. He hated that it had happened again though and swore it wouldn't happen again. And it didn't, because he loved him back.

Alaric

It was Mason all over again. They had fought and they had tried to kill one another. Damon succeeded, but the God damn ring brought him back. They drank together that was the bases of their 'friendship', they both liked bourbon. So really the only reason the had even ended up in bed together was because they'd had one glass of Bowman's too many. The following morning had been filled with regret and awkwardness, but then Alaric suprised him by saying; "I'm not going to apologise for last night Damon because I'm glad it happened. I needed someone last night and you were there for me so thank you." With that Alaric turned around and walked out leaving a stunned Damon behind. They had continued their lives as though nothing had happened but whenever they drank together it would happen again, and considering they drank together at least twice a week it was safe to say that it was becoming a common occurrence. Until one night when Damon had had enough, "What is this Alaric?" he questioned after the man in question had kissed him. "Why? Is this a problem for you Damon?" Alaric replied Damon looked pensive for a moment, "No it doesn't, I just need to understand it." He looked into Alaric's soft hazel eyes "I just need to know before I let you in," the vampire whispered. "This is sex Damon, and it only happens when we drink so that I can pretend it doesn't mean anything." "Do you want it to mean something?" Damon asked quietly, feeling as though if he spoke any louder he would scare the history teacher away. "Damon," Alaric breathed "don't." "Please Alaric, I need to know how you feel." Damon begged. Alaric looked into Damon's never ending pools of blue, then picked up his glass and downed it. He pulled Damon in for a long deep kiss, "I feel as though if I don't see you at least once a day I'll go insane, I feel that if this stopped I'd lose everything and if you left I'd die." A disbelieving smirk spread across Damon's face, "Do you mean it Alaric?" The teacher rolled his eyes and smiled back at the older man, "Yes Damon, I love you." Damon's heart melted, he had longed so long to hear those 3 words and just when he had given up on ever hearing them, the man he had fallen for had said them to him. He felt as though he was alive again, like his heart had just leapt back into action, beating furiously. His eyes were shining with wonder, "I love you too Alaric."