"This is a tale of romance…" Meta Knight read as soon as he opened the book. He immediately tossed it over his shoulder. "Hogwash! Nobody needs to read that rubbish."

Lucario posed with keen accentuation of his wicked saucy abs, enlightening the hearts of all mankind (I guess). "Come now, my friend! You don't mean to admit you have a strong abhorrence towards L-O-V-E!"

"I have a strong abhorrence for spending all my gold on a worthless book…" He left the self-absorbed Pokemon and went back home to the Kirby House. It was empty. "Where is everyone?"

Meta Knight found a note tacked to the fridge.

Yo, Meta Knight! Me and Kirby is having a double date with Bayo and Puff. Dinner would be in here, but I was mad hungry.

Yaboi,

King Dedede

P. S.

Loser.

Meta Knight frowned behind his mask. Today was getting stupid. He went outside and saw Lucario standing on his lawn still posing.

"Given up?" asked the aura-channeling stud warrior.

"I don't need a girlfriend! I still have plenty of friends I can chill with today!" grumbled the swordsman. He flew off to Ganon's house.

"Now isn't a good time," said Ganon at the door. "My Dougy is having his first date with Samus ever since they broke up last year."

"So what?" Meta Knight said confused.

"Well, I gotta stay by the phone in case he calls and needs manly advice!" Ganon slammed the door.

Meta Knight tried Mario and Luigi, but they were also on dates with their chicky babes.

Even Waluigi wasn't available because he got his rear end stuck in an oven and got sent to prison for violating intergalactic laws.

Sonic was busy broing it out with Ken, Duckhunt Duo was practising skeet with Wii Fit, K. Rool was pwning noobs, Chrom was losing his viability, and Pichu was straight-up winning Evo.

Meta Knight was running out of people who he could tolerate.

"Father, what do I do?" Meta Knight asked the clouds.

Daddy Sakurai's face shone down from the heavens. "Play with items on."

Meta Knight growled and flew up to the top of Icicle Mountain. "I hate this…"

"You should get a GF, homedawg!" said Lucario from behind.

Meta Knight blew a fuse and swatted the freak away with his pent-up rage. "I know!" he said. He flew over to Smash HQ.

"What's up, Meta Knight?" asked Lucina as she walked up. "Are you here to register a complaint to the devs?"

"Indeed," said Meta Knight. "I'm gonna force them to add more swordies so that I have more people to hang out with!"

"Neat. I was just about to do the same thing."

Lucario landed between the two with outrageous grace and charisma. "Hey, you two should kiss!" he said with sassy flavour.

Meta Knight and Lucina then hacked Lucario to bits and fed his remains to Ridley. Later that night, Ridley transformed into Lucario through mysterious scientific means. It was horrifying.

And that's how Meta Knight narrowly avoided a ship.

THE END