Disclaimer: All praise goes to Stephenie Meyer. She owns all characters except Jason, I made him up.

Song for chapter: Like a Knife by Secondhand Serenade

Chapter One: Like A Knife

BPOV

Riiiiiiiing!

I ran to the phone, knowing that my love was on the other end and just wanting to hear his voice and all the amazing things he would say, and the usuall 'how's my beauty today?' greeting that I know I would get.

"Hey," I breathed out of breath. I heard him chuckle and smiled, "What?" I asked.

"Oh nothing," he said trying to act nonchalant.

"Hey don't give me that 'oh nothing'. Talk. Now," I demanded only have kidding; I really did want to know why he was laughing.

"Okay, I'll talk, but you're not going to like it," he said.

"Okay," I said hesitantly.

"You just seemed so excited to answer the phone is all," he chuckled yet again.

"Hey, how do you know I wasn't just in the kitchen or something and had to run?" I said but it was pointless he had already caught me.

"Sure, sure," he laughed. It was silent for a while, but it wasn't awkward, it was never awkward with Jason. Right then I realised that I didn't get the usuall 'how's my beauty?'

"So...." I said. I could hear shuffling in the backround. Suddenly I had a feeling that something was up. I mean it was late, like past midnight late, but that was normal we would call eachother at any times, be it day or night. But I just had this weird feeling.

"So, I wanted to... ask you how you were doing with the project, because you know it's due in, in around three days," he said but he was lying, and I knew that for sure by the way he stumbled over his words. Fine I'll get it out of him eventually.

"Oh I'm finished my part, I did the whole dolphins and how the sound echos and they find their fish and so on and so on. How about you, you done your part?" I asked him. We were supposed to do a project for science class about our topic 'Sound' and of course Jason and I are partners, we have nearly every single class together.

I heard him clear his throat and it brought me back.

"Um, yeah I done my part," lie.

"Ok, ok I will have it done soon though," he said after I didn't say anything at all.

"I want to tell you something but I just don't know how to say it," he said, mhmm here we go.

"You can tell me anything, you know that," I said softly.

"Yeah I know it's just that I've been wanting to say it ever since, um, you know with that whole Mike thing."

"I cannot believe we are talking about this," I said to him now seriously frustrated.

"I know, I know, it's not your fault and all but I can't get that image of you with.... I just can't get it out of my head."

"Yeah I get it but he came onto me and you know it," I said.

"Yeah,"

"So what about that time?" I asked getting impatient because I absolutely hate when he brings Mike up and ruins our otherwise normal conversation. Mike was just an idiot in school that elluded himself into thinking I had a 'thing' for him. One day after jim I walked out to the parking lot and was heading towards Jasons Toyota when I was suddenly pushed up against a wall and attacked by Mikes slobby mouth. Next thing I know Mike was pulled off of me and sent flying by Jason.

Now he can't get it out of his mind.

"You know what it doesn't matter, it's pointless anyway."

"It is not pointless Jason, forget that douche and you know I only love you." I said softly

"I know." he sighed. "Okay I'll let you rest."

"Goodnight Jason"

"Sweet dreams." he said and hung up.

I stood there for a while, there was something up with him, and I knew that for sure. No 'I love you' or 'How's my beauty'. I was really worried about him. If it was his parents, then he would have told me. It wasn't Mike because he didn't even tell me anything about that.

I wasn't liking this new Jason, the one that kept secrets from me. Did he finally realise that I wasn't what he wanted?

I decided I would ask him about it tomorrow, I was exhausted now anyway. I trudged upstairs and flopped onto my bed falling asleep mere seconds after my head hit the pillow.

....

"Hi." I said as I greeted Jason at the door. He pulled me to him and gave me a hug.

"Hey." he said in his commen Irish accent, yup Jason is Irish and I find it sexy. He was wearing his usuall jeans and a t-shirt, black leather jacket and black boots. Along with his musky smell and a hint of cigarettes. His usuall touch-me-now honey blonde hair.

I reached up onto my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him in for a peck, he chuckled and smiled against my lips.

"What?" I said pulling away.

"Oh nothing." he repeated nonchalantly, just like last night.

I left him at the door and walked into the kitchen expecting him to follow, when he didn't I turned and found him still standing by the door, I frowned and told him he could come in. I mean he always just walks right in, and now I have to ask him to? My parents weren't home, they were visiting Billy Black apparantly. And even if they were there it's not like we do anything inappropriate. We've known eachother since childhood. At times I slept over at his house and sometimes he at mine.

"what's going on? You not coming in?" I asked giving him an odd look.

"Um, actually I was thinking maybe we could go for a walk?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. Just let me get my jacket." I said allthough I was sure something was up.

I wrote a quick note for Charlie and Renee, saying I was out with Jason.

"Right, so is there something you wanted to talk about?" I asked looking up at him and smiling as we walked down the road and into the forest just by my house.

"Actually, yeah, there was something and I should have told you this a good while back. But last night it didn't feel right to do it on the phone, and well before that I just didn't have the courage to." he said while still walking and not once looking at me, he sounded.... sad?

I hadn't realised but we had gotten pretty deep into the forest, and it was really cold seeing as it was the middle of winter, and lets face it in Forks everyday is winter. I stopped suddenly and looked up at him concerned.

"You see Bella you're great and all," he said still not looking at me. Now this was seriously starting to scare me, what was it that he couldn't tell me? "But.."

"Jason look at me and tell me what you want to say." I said softly.

"I want to break up." just like that, he blurted out the words that I had hoped and dreamed and wished he'd never say.

"W-what?" I whispered.

"My God Bella, I don't want to be with you anymore." he said but why did he sound pained, I was the one hurting and breaking not him.

"Why?" I mumbled feeling numb. "What did I do? I swear I'll change. Is it because of Mike? I swear to you Jason that I have no feelings for him." I was full out sobbing infront of him now, and all he could do was stare at me with cold, hard face.

"No, it's not you Bella. I just can't be with you anymore."

"But why?" I wailed.

"You're not good enough for me." he said simply.

"Jason is this some stupid joke you're playing on me?" I whispered my voice cracking as tears build up in my eyes.

"No, I'm serious." he said again that cold, hard face. I didn't want to hear those words, I wanted this all to be just some sick joke.

I always knew I wasn't good enough. I was plain and he was beautiful, girls always threw themselves at him ever since we were little. But he always had the choice, he never had to choose me, he never had to love me and tell me I'm beautiful, when he never meant a word. But he did choose me and I don't even know why, and then I fell in love with him and thought that I won't argue it, that it was meant to be. But it wasn't and now it was too late.

"Goodbye Bella and I'm sorry." he said in a hard tone that just wasn't him, he was always so warm and kind and loving and, and. "Jason don't, please. I'm begging you don't do this. We can work it out I'm sure of it." I said with still a tiny bit of hope that went straight out the window with what he said next.

"Bella, it will never work out, we don't work out, we never have, never will," he said his blue eyes boring into mine, final, hard and cold. I stared up at him the tears that were building up falling down my cheeks. And with that he turned his back on me and left. Left me, left us but the thing that hurt the most was that he left our love.

My eyes were blurry and I was trying to find my way out of the forest to get home. I was stumbling and falling and tripping over everything, but I kept getting up. Only a while later I realised I was lost. I didn't know where I was. I was going back the way he and I had come, but that wasn't working. I started to panic and run from place to place grabbing onto a tree every now and then to catch myself.

"Jason, Jason," I called out for him, he couldn't leave me here, not like this. "Jason!" I called louder still crying. Suddenly I tripped over a root of a tree falling face down into the leaves and dirt, my head hitting off a rock. I cryed and cryed out for him, it was dark and I was scared and I just wanted him back.

I curled up into a tight ball, giving up, he wasn't coming back. I let the darkness take me over.

......

And that was how Jason broke my heart and made me hate love forever. I promised myself I would never ever love again.

It's been a week. Jason moved away. I don't know where, but after that night I never saw him again.

That night Charlie and a couple of people at the station had found me in the forest . I woke up in a hospital bed. I felt dead, I was physically and emotionally ruined. The only good thing at the hospital was Doctor Cullen, he was really gentle and wasn't like all the other doctors proding and pulling at me.

Renee and Charlie were upset for days later but they could never be as upset as me. They asked about him and I told them he was gone. Because I didn't know where he was and I'll never know exactly why he left me, he didn't give me an explanation.

I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I replayed what happened, what he said and how he left me there. Nightmares haunted me but always he would leave me, and I would scream at him to come back, when he turned his back on me and walked into the darkness of the forest behind the trees. The thing that scared me the most was that he never fully got far enough for me not to see him, because right before he was about step behind a tree he would look back at me and then something would start pulling at him.

Whatever it was it would pull and pull at him, he would scream for me to run. But I couldn't do it I couldn't leave him there in pain. When I tried to get closer, he was put in more pain. Eventually I turned around and starting walking away from him, just like he had asked me too, but each step I took broke my heart more and more.

I could still hear him screaming and I wanted nothing more than to stop his pain, but if I got closer he got more hurt. His screams would ring out around me long after I had woken up and there were times when I would stay up way into the night. I thought that Charlie and Renee didn't know, but it turns out they knew I stayed up way to late and worried that I'd become an 'insomiac'. Thing was, that when I did go to bed I would often wake up screaming, gasping and sweating.

I wanted to sleep. So much, but I couldn't, only for a few hours to keep me up in school and even that wasn't enough. I was ruined but I never once blamed him. He broke my heart but he was my first and last love, and of that I was sure.

I dream a lot. I know you say you've got to get away.

The world is not yours for the taking

Is all you ever say.

I know I'm not the best for you,

But promise that you'll stay.

Cause if I watch you go,

You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away.

Cause today, you walked out of my life.

Cause today your words felt like a knife.

I'm not living this life.

Tell me your thoughts, I love to know what you're thinking while reading. Good parts? Bad parts? The whole shabang. The lyrics in the end are obviously not mine they're from the song Like A Knife and you'd know if you listened to it while reading :] it goes perfect I think

Review please :]