A/N: I wrote this when I should've been studying. The thought of tests puts me in a somber mood, so I wrote this.
(Ignotus… unknown)
Your head rests on your pillow and the bed is cold and lonely even though it has been your bed for the past seventeen – no, eighteen – years and all you want is to be held. Just for a little while.
Is that really too much to ask?...
You loved him - didn't you? You'd sneak glances at him across the campfire – his eyes, bright and shining, sometimes glancing back; his arms, strong and inviting and you just want to be held in them – and you'd wish that he felt the same way about you, because you know he didn't.
Or did he?...
You look out the window and see the rain coming down in sheets and sheets and never stopping. The sky is crying so you that don't have to. It's been hard to cry anyway, strangely enough. You want to feel that sad, sad feeling you feel when you lose a lover, but how can you? You were never lovers to begin with. Just friends. That's all you two ever were.
I wish we were more…
You wonder what a happy ending truly is. Isn't this it? This was what you wanted, right? Peace for Spira. Peace for the people of Spira. That was what you wished for; that was what you got. You never mentioned anything about falling in love. You never said anything about wanting to spend the rest of your life with a man you met only a month ago whose slept with Yevon knows how many girls, but - oh Yevon - did you want him!
I still want him…
You wonder if he loved you. You had hoped that he loved you, but you're not sure. Dwelling on it too long makes your eyes water and your throat close up and get dry and you feel miserable. You hate feeling that way. You hate feeling alone even though you're surrounded by friends and family that love you more than you'll ever know.
But here – at night – when you're all alone and it's raining and your sadness melts down the curves of your cheeks and streams onto the pillows, you don't want the love of your friends and family. You want the love of a man who never felt the same way about you. That's all you want.
Can't I even have that?...
You don't think so.