First Office Fic. Be nice.
Follow up to Cocktails.
I don't own them.
I do own the plot.
Don't steal my plot.
I know where you hang out.
Doing it Right…..
I'm doing this right… This life thing… I'm doing it right… Right? She asked herself that question on a daily basis, and on bad days, on an hourly basis.
Leaving Roy… That had been the right thing. So they'd been together 10 years, so what? It was the right thing do to.
She'd quietly packed her things, trying to shut out his words, his questions, his anger. She shuts him down with "I can't. It's just not right." She repeats this over and over again, and it becomes her mantra.
She packs all things involving Roy and her into separate boxes, and leaves them for him, her explanation simple. "I think you probably want these more than I do. I… I can't keep them. It's just not right."
She moves into a tiny apartment clear across town in hopes that the "change of scenery" will be more "right" for her. She fusses with her small decorating space, filling it with color, pizzazz, whatever you want to call it, striving to get it right.
Once she's satisfied, she moves onto herself. She signs up for art classes because it's what she wants, and well, to follow the cliché, it feels right.
She gives herself a mini makeover, smoothing out her look a bit, striving to look a little less frumpy and a little more 27. She adds subtle highlights to her hair and manages to tame some of the frizz. She adds a dab of color or two to her wardrobe. She scrutinizes her appearance each morning in the mirror, trying in vain to get it all just right.
Just when she thinks she's got it all down, that all is right in her world… The one thing that hade made her see what was so wrong in the first place comes striding back into her life.
She'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy about his return. In fact, she'd been sort of giddy about letting him in on all her new "rightness".
She hadn't counted on Karen. Karen had been a "free gift with purchase" sort of surprise. She came with Jim… Whether you wanted her or not, you got her. And it wasn't long before she found out they were dating. She'd never be able to make things right with Jim now.
In all her striving for rightness, somehow Roy had snuck back into the picture. He made his grand gesture at Bob and Phyllis's wedding… The wedding they were supposed to have… He was different before… He told her he wanted to be the right person for her again…. And well, that was her new theme in life.
And in keeping with her new theme, she soon found out he wasn't as right for her as he would have liked her to believe. Especially not after the events at Poor Richards.
She sat in her car, her tears dripping onto the steering wheel. All she'd wanted was to do things the right way, except… With everything the way it all was, she wasn't even sure what the word "right" meant anymore, at least not where she was concerned.
She furiously wiped at the tears, knowing she couldn't just sit in her car and cry. She needed to go home, to her apartment and try to sort this mess out. Do it the right way.
The evening hadn't exactly gone well for Jim. He'd spent half the evening convinced that his girlfriend was the Dunder Mifflin sex toy, and the other half trying to avoid Michael and his atrociously inappropriate announcements regarding his and Jan's relationship. None of it felt normal, or real.
The only highlight of the evening was that he got to shoot hoops with Dave. He'd enjoyed that part. Watching Dwight nearly fall off the roof, also a highlight. But even in the midst of his game, he couldn't shake Karen's actions of the evening. He was up for a joke, sure, he was the king of pranks. But this one, she'd gone pretty far with, farther than a joke should go. She was trying to prove something. It felt like she was trying to make him jealous. And that, well, something about that just didn't feel right.
He was snapped out of his thoughts by Karen, who was occupying the passenger seat next to him. He maneuvered his car into her apartment complex and up to her building, purposely not cutting the engine. Maybe she'd get the hint, he wasn't in the right frame of mind to come upstairs and talk.
"You're not coming up?" She asked, her voice tinged with hope. Something doesn't feel right. He never leaves the engine running.
He shook his head. "I… I just have a lot on my mind, a lot of thinking to do." He told her, trying to smile, hoping it would keep her satisfied. Riiiight, that's it.
She appraised his face. She wasn't buying it. He didn't look right, his eyes were downcast, his voice low and a little tired sounding. "You're upset." She assessed quietly.
He said nothing, just bobbed his head in agreement. She got one right.
"You're upset with me." She went on, no question in her voice. She didn't even need to hear his answer to know she was right.
Again, he nodded in agreement. 2 in a row right…
"For tonight? It was just a joke." She said, her voice tinged with a defensive undertone Why are you defending yourself like this? You know you weren't in the right.
"Was it? Cause it sure felt like it was more." He responded, realizing they were going to talk, he cut the engine. Stupid me, thinking I was going to be able to just drop her off and go home. Even I know that's not the right thing to do, not when I know she sees I'm upset.
"It was a joke...What did you think I was doing?" She asked, crossing her arms in front of her.
He looked her right in the eye. "You were trying to make me jealous." He told her, not even bothering to phrase it as a question.
She said nothing at first, obviously searching for the right words, the magic words, that would make this all better.
"You were upset with me. Instead of talking to me about it, you decided to make me jealous. What are you trying to prove? That there's always someone else? How is that right?" He questioned, keeping his voice calm.
"That's the point Jim. For you, there's always someone else." She informed him, holding his gaze, hitting the issue right on the nose.
"Don't do this Karen. Don't drag Pam into this. This has nothing to do with her." He pleaded, his voice filled with exhaustion. Nice.. Way to lie to her. Like she won't see right through that.
"You see? I don't even have to say her name and you know exactly who I'm talking about, and this has everything to do with her. I saw how you were looking at her at Phyllis's wedding. I saw your face when she left with Roy. And right after she left, your whole attitude changed." She went on, digging in now.
He sighed heavily, resting his head on the steering wheel. She was right. He knew that, she knew that. But he just wasn't prepared…. He just wasn't ready to admit it yet.
"You're still in love with her." Karen said softly, the realization of what she was saying seemed to be hitting her right as it hit him.
"I'm…. I don't know what I am." He sighed, sliding a glance her way. She can't be right, not yet. This isn't happening the way it's supposed to.
"I can tell you what you want. To be single. Am I right?" She asked him, her voice quiet.
"You have a right to be angry." He reminded her as she maintained her composure, not even bothering to tell her she was right.
"I'm not angry. I'm just tired… I'm tired of letting myself think everything is all right. I'm tired of trying to pretend like your infatuation with Pam doesn't bother me, that it doesn't mean anything. But it does, it means everything." Karen whispered, her voice full of pain.
After a few tense moments, she turned to him. She leaned in and brushed a kiss to his cheek. "I guess I'm partially to blame. I knew things weren't right. I should have known better." She said before slipping out of the car and shutting the door behind her.
He watched her walk in and sighed. A part of him, a tiny part of him, felt better. He'd been leading Karen on, he just hadn't been able to fix it. She fixed it for him.
With a defeated sigh he started the engine and started the drive to his apartment.
Pam had been in tears since she left Poor Richards. Her first instinct was to go home, but that didn't feel right anymore. If she went home, she'd just cry. She found more comfort in driving than anything else.
So she drove. Left turns, right turns, she just let herself succumb to the road. She wasn't sure how long she drove, or where she'd even been, but what was most confusing was where she currently was.
She was sitting in front of Jim's apartment building. Something about that was thrilling and frightening all at the same time. And scarily enough, something about those feelings felt right to her, like she should be experiencing them, like it was her turn to go through what he went through. She wasn't even exactly sure why she was here, it wasn't like they'd been on the best of terms since his return to Scranton.
Sure, there'd been glimpses of the old Jim and Pam relationship, but for the most part, that book seemed to be closed. Not just closed, but closed, glued shut and buried. The very thought of that somehow seemed to make her more miserable. She pushed the thoughts from her mind. She wanted to set things right between them, that was what was important.
She sat there, unable to look away but unable to get out of the car. She glanced up at the complex, suddenly saddened that she didn't even know which one was his. "Right… Now what?" She muttered to herself, completely lost in her own plan.
Jim drove back to his apartment, buried deep in the emptiness that was now his emotions. He felt like nothing, numb. He'd let her walk, let her leave, all for a woman he'd never have. But she'd been right. They weren't made to be forever. Truth be told, Karen had been what Jim needed to see that Pam really was the woman for him. His heart sank at that realization but what was done was done. He couldn't do anything more except go home, crawl into bed and sleep it off.
He pulled into his complex, not seeing the blue car parked up a ways, on the right side of the street. He also didn't see the woman get out and lightly jog towards him.
She saw his car and her heart leapt right into her throat. Get out. Get out right now and go, go over there and do this. Do this right. She jogged up to his door, standing just beyond the shadows, so he'd see her when he got to the door.
He pulled his key out and headed towards the front door, feeling mentally and physically exhausted. Right now he wanted nothing more than to feel his bed underneath him. That is, until what he actually wanted, came into sight.
She was standing quietly, just beyond the light, barely visible, so much so, that for a moment, he questioned her very presence. But then she took a step forward and he discovered that she was very real, and very much right next to him.
"Hi." She whispered, unsure of what else to say, not knowing whether it was the right moment to smile or just keep her face. She opted to keep her face, the unknown being far too frightening.
"What… What are you doing here?" He asked, his face void of emotion, his tone flat.
She lost her nerve. He was annoyed. Jim had expressed a lot of different emotions with her, but annoyed was never one of them. None of this is going right.
"Right, well… Um, you know… Just never mind. I'll talk to you later." She told him softly, turning on her heel and heading to the car.
She got 4 steps. "It's over." His voice echoed through her head. She stopped. She was standing right in the middle of the street and she stopped.
"Pam, you're standing in the street. Might want to move." He called to her after a moment, seeing that she hadn't moved, was seemingly frozen right to the very spot where she'd stopped.
She snapped out of her trance and retraced her steps, stopping at the sidewalk, not sure if she should move closer, feeling like the right amount of physical distance between them would lessen the pain of anything he might have to say.
"I… I ended it with Karen tonight…. Technically, she ended it with me, but she saw it coming I guess." He blurted out, figuring that even if the words didn't sound right, they got the job done.
"I'm sorry." She muttered, unsure of what to say. What do you say when the man you love is right in front of you, telling you he broke up with his girlfriend?
And uncomfortable silence commenced, leaving both of them feeling awkward and out of place. This wasn't them, this wasn't 'Jim & Pam'. This… They… it wasn't right.
"Do you know why?" He asked, finally asking the right question.
"Um, no?" She answered, leaving her answer in the form of a question, because obviously she hadn't been there when they'd broken up, so how would she know? Well, I know what I hope the answer is, but that doesn't mean it's the right answer.
"You don't know at all? Not even a clue? Not even the slightest thought as to what came between me and someone that felt as right as Karen did?" He questioned, his voice soft but firm. He wanted an answer.
"I can't answer those questions. It wasn't my relationship. I wasn't part of it. It was none of my business. And that killed me Jim. Because we've always been a part of each other's business. Even relationship stuff, we were always involved in each other's lives in every way. And it never occurred to me that it meant something until you kissed me. You've been right here… All along and I… I guess it was just easier to see Roy instead of you. I was miserable when you left. Then you came back and I was happy. And then you had a girlfriend and I was crushed. All those emotions… Jim, I didn't see it because I was afraid. But I do have those feelings. I am in love with you. And this time, you needed to hear it before anything else went on. Because Jim, I can't it anymore. I can't take this… "thing" that's become our friendship. It's fake and pretentious and fabricated and I hate it. I want you back, in any way you'll have me. If it's as more then a friend, then I'm pretty sure you'll make me the happiest person ever. But even if it's just as your friend, I still think I'll be the happiest I've ever been…." She finished at last.
She watched his face, waited for a response. He stood there, completely lost and shocked at her revelation.
What do I do? What should I say? I love you too? Kiss me? Can I keep you? I… This wasn't ever gonna happen and now it is…I have to do something. If I don't she's going to walk right out of my life.
So um… Wow, I can't believe you let me ramble like that… But, well… I'm glad you know. Good night Jim." She whispered at last, unable to take the silence any longer. She turned and started to her car. Then she felt a hand on her right arm.
She turned and he pulled her out of the street and to him. He held her in his arms, looking into her eyes, and it was then that he realized that there was no other place on earth that he'd rather be in this very moment than right here.
"It was because of you. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I thought that with Karen, I might be able to get over you. But, it was only temporary, it was a small band aid over a bullet hole. I tried and I failed. I never felt like myself around her. I never felt like myself around anyone…. Except you. You're it Pam. And even when I was upset, hurt, angry… It was always you. It's what feels right. Always will be." He whispered.
With that, he pulled her closer and pressed his lips to hers. She pushed closer, needing this feeling. He deepened the kiss ever so slightly, tightening his hold on her.
After several moments, they broke apart, breathless and slightly rumpled.
"First thing that's felt right in a long time." She muttered into his chest.
I couldn't agree more. He thought with a small smile.
OK so that was my first Office fic. Thoughts?