Class: Boyfriend Recovery 101
Instructors: Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo By Alexis Daubert
Leo: Don't you already have like 5 other fan fictions that are only halfway done?
Me: Yes, but I saw the play 'The Odd Couple' today and decided to do a fanfic about it. Only, I'm only including a replica of the first scene. I'll think up the rest.
Mikey: So, is the couple you and me?
Me: NO MIKEY!! (Mikey pouts) Raph, Don did it last time. You want to do the honors?
Raph: Fine Lex does not own the rights to the tmnt or the play The Odd Couple done.
Me: Thanks Raph
Don: So who's in this?
Me: ME! I'm so excited!
Don: So what's relation to the story?
Me: All, I'll tell you is that I'm April's neice. So, onto the story!
Chapter 1 Love stinks
"Where is that kid?" asked a very impatient Raphael. "She should be here soon. It's almost 11 o'clock." said Donatello with a yawn. "Well, she did say she had a lot of homework dudes." "Mikey, I don't think it takes 8 hours to do Algebra." said Leonardo, whose patience was also growing thin.
It was Thursday night, and just as they'd been doing for 4 months, the turtles were playing Trivial Pursuit. However, not everyone had arrived yet. They were still waiting for Alexis to show up. They'd been waiting for her for 2 hours and nobody had a clue where she was.
"Where would she be at 11 o'clock at night?" asked Michelangelo, who was starting to get worried. "Bet I know." said Raph, "She's probably off with that punk Zach! Man, that guy is nothing' but trouble. I don't get what the shell she likes 'bout 'im!"
"It's just one of those things that we'll never understand about girls Raph." said Leo with a smile.
"I'm just sayin' Leo, she doesn't know what she's getting' into. You guys remember how Angel was when she was with the purple dragons!" All 4 turtles thought back to when they first met Angel. Casey had promised her grandmother that he'd look after her and she didn't like it very much. She was so rebellious and defiant which eventually led to Casey being kidnapped by her so called "family", the purple dragons. But, in the end, they were able to show Angel how cruel and unruly they were and Angel stopped working for them.
"Guys, I'm just worried that she might end up like Angel was before we met her! I mean, what if this guy is working for the purple dragons or even the Foot!" Raphael's big brother instincts were starting to taking over. "What if he tries to make her join them! Or what if he tries to kidnap her or seduce her, or even rape her!!! WHAT IF-!!!"
"Raph!!!" Leo went over to his younger brother and grabbed his shoulders, holding him firmly so he looked him right in the face. "Raphael listen to me!" he said as he slightly shook his brother. "Alexis is a big girl! She can take care of herself! She'll be here soon! She probably just lost track of time reading!" Leo slowly loosened his grip on Raph. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah I'm fine." said Raph as he clutched his head as if he was having a major migraine. Suddenly, the telephone rang. "I'll get it!" said Donatello, relieved that Raph had finished his little episode.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Donny? It's April."
"Hey April. Whats'up?" his brothers all perked up their heads at the mention of their oldest friend. "You know, we were actually about to call you to see what time Alexis was coming over."
"Donny, that's actually why I'm calling. Have you heard from Alexis, at all today?"
This made Donatello worry. April always knew where Alexis was.
"Um . . . no. Why?"
"Well, I dropped her off at Central Park at noon. Soon after she called me and . . ." April was suddenly very quiet.
"What April! What did she tell you!!" Donatello was very worried now.
"Well, she . . . She said that Zach dumped her." It almost sounded like April was crying. Don guessed it was probably because she'd experienced being dumped before too.
"What?! Are you sure?!"
"Of course I'm sure Donatello! Since then, I haven't had any contact with her! I've had Casey out looking for her all day!"
"Okay April, I'll tell the guys and we'll start looking too!" Right before he hung up, Donatello thought of something else to ask April.
"April, is there anything else Alexis told you when she called earlier? Anything at all would do."
There was a short pause on the other line, then April said "Well, she . . . Don, I didn't think she was serious! But now . . ." Aprils voice trailed off.
"WHAT APRIL! YOU HAVE TO TELL ME!!!"
April quietly said "she said she was going to kill herself!" April was now loudly sobbing on the other end of the phone.
Donatello froze. He knew Alexis pretty well, and he knew that when Alexis said she'd do something, she'll do it. Even something as serious as suicide!
"Don't worry April, We WILL find her!" Donatello slammed the phone down on the table and turned around to see his brothers in a semicircle around him. They all looked at him, anxiously wondering the wereabouts of Alexis. Donatello gathered himself and simply said "she's missing."
"LEXY'S MISSING?!" yelled Raph. Donatello glumly nodded.
"Well, what happened?" asked Mikey.
"They broke up." Donny said as he collapsed into his chair.
"Who?" asked Leo. Donatello's concern was starting to be replaced by anger.
"ALEXIS AND ZACH, LEO! THAT'S WHO! And now, Alexis is somewhere in New York, TRYING TO KILL HERSELF!!!" His brothers were speechless. Donatello slowly calmed himself and sat back down.
"Okay, we've got to split up and find Alexis! Even if we have to search every alley, rooftop, sewer, and videogame store in this city!!!" Mikey yelled. His brothers were all somewhat surprised at their youngest's outburst. "Well, C'mon!"
He started heading out the door when Donny suddenly grabbed his arm and stopped him. "DON WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!! WE HAVE TO FIND-!!!"
"Easy Mikey" said Donny. "What good will it do if we just randomly run around New York City with no idea where to look?! Now, lets think, where would Alexis go if she was going to kill herself?" Mikey was about to object, but knew that Donny was right so he went back to his chair and sat down. They all thought about this, then Leo spoke up.
"Guys, we all know Alexis hates being alone right?" They all nodded. "Well, keeping this in mind, where would she want to be if she was going to die?"
"I get it!" said Mikey "She wouldn't want to do it alone! She'd want to be with her friends! Which means . . ."
"She's probably heading here right now!" said Raph. Suddenly, there was a knock on the entrance to the lair. They all jumped.
"Aw, shell! She's here!"
"Donny, what do we do?!"
" . . . Nothing! Just act like everything is normal okay? Don't say anything about Zach!"
The turtles all scrambled to the table and quickly sat down.
"Quick Donny! Ask a question!" said Leo, frantically.
"About what?!"
"Um . . . Sports!" said Mikey as he moved all the game pieces into random spots. (but taking the time to put his in the lead) There was another knock on the door.
"Uh . . . Come in!" yelled Leo. "Donny read the question already!!!"
"Um, what was the best year for baseball legend Babe Ruth?"
As Donatello asked this, a young, teenage girl (about 15) walked into the room from the hidden entrance. She had long, dark, brown hair, and wore a black polo shirt with a white, creepy looking owl on it, and dark, baggy, denim jeans. She had bags under her eyes, making her look much older than she was, and looked like she hadn't slept in weeks.
"Hey guys." she said as she slowly descended the stairs into the main area of the lair. They all slightly waved to her and murmured hellos, but nobody's eyes left the game. When she finally made it to the main area she looked around as if this was a place she'd never been before. All of a sudden, she started walking towards Donny's lab. The turtles noticed and sprang to their feet. They all knew that there were dozens of deadly chemicals in the lab. Some could kill you just by touching them.
"Uh, where you going Alexis?" asked Donny, who knew this fact better than anyone. Alexis stopped and looked at him.
"I, um . . . Left my jacket in your lab." she said as she continued towards the lab. They all stood there, not sure of what to do. Then, Mikey walked over to her and put his arm around her.
"Hey, how 'bout we play a quick game and then you can go get your coat?" he asked, hoping that they could find out what happened during the game.
"I don't really feel like playing Mikey." she said.
"Come on Lex, I'll get you some pizza." Alexis said nothing as Mikey led her to the table where Raph, Leo, and Donny were waiting silently. Mikey set her down in his chair and headed for the kitchen. The turtles at the table looked at the girl, all secretly wondering if this miserable-looking kid really was their ever optimistic 'little sister', Alexis. They sat there in awkward silence, until Leo said, "So, um, what's new with you?" He tried his best to make it sound like he didn't already know.
"Not much." she muttered, never once looking up from the table. "Why?"
"No reason, just wondering. Donny could you repeat the question?"
"Okay, what was the best year for baseball legend Babe Ruth?" Just as he finished, Mikey showed up with a pizza and set it in the middle of the table. His brothers all grabbed a piece, but Alexis just sat there staring at it.
"Lex don'cha want a piece?" asked Raph.
"I'm not very hungry." she said. Trying to ignore this, they went back to the game. A minute later, Mikey looked at Alexis's seat and saw that she wasn't there. He looked around and saw her at the edge of the small pond in the middle of the lair. He grunted to get the others attention and slightly motioned his head towards Alexis. They all looked at her, wondering what she was going to do.
"Hey," she said "doesn't this pond have a lot of plants at the bottom?" Leo immediately got up and walked over to her. He grabbed her arm, and led her away from the pond (which did have lots of tangly plants at the bottom).
"Um, no nothing in there. Come on Lex, let's play the game." he said trying to hide the fact that his heart was beating a mile a minute. Alexis pulled her arm away.
"I don't really feel like it." she said.
"Well, what do ya feel like doin'?" asked Raph.
"I'll find something." she started heading for the bathroom. "Don't worry about me." They all sprang to their feet.
"Where you going Lex?" asked Don frantically. Alexis gave him a suspicious look.
"Um, to the bathroom."
"Alone?"
"Donny, I always go alone. You turning into a pervert or something?"
"Of, of course not! You gonna be in there long?"
Alexis sighed "As long as it takes." She entered the bathroom and locked the door. Immediately, all 4 turtles ran to the closed door, and began frantically whispering to each other.
"Are you insane dude?! You let her go into the bathroom ALONE!!!"
"Well, what did you want me to do?! Go in with her?!"
"Duh!!!"
"Mikey, I hate to tell ya this, but SHE IS A GIRL!!!"
"Guys, calm down. What could she possibly do to herself in the bathroom?" They all glared at there oldest brother.
"How Leo? HOW?! Hm, let's see, um, DROWNING HERSELF, PILLS, ANYTHING IN THERE!!!"
"Guys, she's probably just going to the bathroom, okay?" He paused. "Wait a minute, listen." They all stopped talking and heard the faint sound of a girl crying coming from the bathroom.
"Great, just great, she's cryin' all by herself in there." said Raph. Suddenly, they heard the toilet flush. They all began to panic.
"Quick dudes! She's coming!"
They all scrambled back to the table and sat down, however, Don and Mikey quickly had to switch to get in their original seats. Alexis came out of the bathroom, looking a little better. They all looked at her from the corner of their eyes and saw her randomly walking around. She started walking towards the door. They all got a little worried.
"Hey Lex, where you goin' this time a night?" asked Raph.
"I don't know, I'll probably just hang out at the river for a while." They all flinched and Raph rose to his feet.
"The River?!" This made Alexis angry.
"You guys heard something, didn't you?!" she yelled.
"No! 'Course not!"
"Yes you did, all of you! And now your worried that I'm going to do something to myself because Zach dumped me after 5 months!!!" She started to tear up. She noticed this and furiously scrubbed them away. "I gotta go." she said as she headed out the door.
"Lex c'mon! We're your friends! You can talk to us!" yelled Mikey.
"Guys! If you are my friends then just leave me alone right now!!!" she yelled. She began running out of the lair, but the guys were too quick for her. They ran over to her and Donny grabbed her arm. She reacted by using her free arm to elbow him in the neck. As Donny struggled to breath Alexis broke free of the others and ran across the lair with the turtles in pursuit, pleading for her to stop. She ran as fast as she could from room to room and they soon lost track of her. They ran around, checking every room. Mikey even got a door slammed in his face by accident in the process. Suddenly, they saw her trying to get to the door again. Raph reacted quickly and tackled the fleeing girl and grabbed her arm, holding her tight. The others soon caught up. Each of them grabbed either an arm or a leg and carried the struggling girl to the den.
"Put her on the couch." said Leo. They set her down on the couch and quickly surrounded her. As she tried to get up. Raph put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her down. Mikey grabbed a glass of water from the table.
"Lex, you're acting totally crazy!" he yelled and threw the water at her face. Alexis instinctively ducked and instead the water splashed Leo, who was at the head of the couch. "Sorry, dude." Said Mikey as Leo wiped off his face with his bandana.
"Leave me alone, guys. Just leave me alone!" pleaded Alexis. Suddenly she grunted and clutched her stomach.
"Man! My stomach!" she grunted through clenched teeth. They all began to worry.
"Lexy what's wrong with your stomach?!" asked Mikey.
"She must be sick." said Leo, "Look at her face!"
"Guys, I'm all right! I didn't take anything I swear!" she said. They weren't buying it. Don went over to her "Alexis, what did you take?!" he demanded.
"Nothing, nothing, I swear!!!" she said, frantically. Raph decided to intervene.
"Lex," he said "You better tell us what the shell you took or I swear I'll-"
"I DIDN'T TAKE ANY PILLS!!!" They all started to calm down when Alexis muttered "Just a few."
"WHAT!!! ALEXIS WHAT DID YOU TAKE?! YOU HAVE TO TELL US!!!" yelled Donny.
"I DON'T KNOW I just grabbed something random out of Zach's medicine cabinet! I don't know what they were!" Everyone started freaking out. Alexis took this opportunity and began to sneak toward the exit, but before she could make a break for it, Raph grabbed her arm and pulled her toward him so his face was only a few inches from hers.
"Alexis," he said calmly, "how many pills did you take?"
"I don't know! I can't remember!" she said. Raph let her go and went into Donny's lab. When he came out a second later he was holding Alexis's coat and digging in a pocket.
"Raph, what are you doing?" she asked curiously. Finally, he took his hand out of the pocket and with it came Alexis's cell phone.
"I'm callin' Zach" he said as he went through the list of contacts. Alexis grabbed his arm.
"NO, NO!!!" she yelled, but Raph was already calling. "Raph please don't call Zach!!! If he finds out I took the whole bottle-"
"THE WHOLE BOTTLE!!!" They all yelled in unison. The others quickly ran over to Raph and Alexis. Donny grabbed Alexis's shoulders.
"Alexis," he said, trying to be calm, "you need to tell me what type of pills you took."
"I don't know what kind they were." she said, sounding like a scared little kid. "All I know is, they were small and blue." Alexis seemed to be zoning out a bit. Donny's eyes widened.
"Oh, no." he said quietly.
"Donny, don't be sayin' 'oh no'. PLEASE DON'T BE SAYIN' 'OH NO'!!!" yelled Raph as he rapidly shook his brainy brother. Donatello backed away from the group, looking horrified. Then, he got an idea. He began running towards his lab, while giving his brothers directions.
"Open her shirt collar to give her some air." Raph, grabbed her shirt collar and ripped it open. The girl was too out of it to even care and buttons went flying everywhere. One hit Mikey in the eye.
"Ow!"
"Mikey! Not now!" yelled Raph impatiently waiting for the next orders.
"Guys, walk her around, make sure she doesn't fall asleep!" yelled Don. Mikey noticed Alexis was starting to sway and grabbed her arm. He ran as fast as he could, dragging her to the den. There he helped her into the armchair and waited for further orders. Donny was now coming out of the lab. He was holding a bottle full of a white liquid and an ice pack. He threw the ice pack to Leo.
"Leo, put the ice pack on her head and rub her wrists to keep the circulation going!" Leo didn't say anything, but did as he was told. Soon, they were surrounding Alexis and Donny was handing her the bottle.
"Drink this, it will get the sleeping pills out of your system." All of his brothers looked at Donatello, stunned.
"SLEEPING PILLS!!! THAT'S WHAT SHE TOOK?! LEXY WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!!" yelled Raphael, clearly furious at the girl. Having taken the antidote, Alexis was wide awake.
"I don't know." she said quietly. "You guys just don't get it. You have no idea what it feels like to give your heart to someone and have them give it back to you in a million pieces." she looked down as she finished. They all knew she was right about that. None of them had ever been on love. "I don't even want to go back up to the surface. I hate that world. Man, you guys are lucky. Living in a place where you can actually be who you are and not be put down for it." She slightly smiled as she said this. Leo went over to her and kneeled down next to her.
"Then why don't you stay in our world for a while? You won't have to go up to the surface and you can hang with us. How's that sound?" He said it like a father talking to his daughter. Alexis perked up.
"You mean it?"
"Yeah dude, it'd be awesome!" Alexis looked around at her friends before she finally said "okay." All the turtles smiled (though Raph tried to hide it) and Alexis smiled back.
"Hey, um, do you think we should clean up before we go to bed?" Asked Donny as he looked around. The others looked around too. The place was a mess!
"I guess, in all the madness we messed it up." said Leo.
"C'mon dudes, the sooner we clean up, the sooner we can go to bed." said Mikey with a yawn. They all picked random spots and began cleaning up.
"Hey, someone want ta help me with the couch?" asked Raph as he stood over the upside-down couch.
"I'll help." chimed Alexis. She went over to Raph and took the other side of the couch.
"'Kay, ready?" he asked. Alexis nodded. "1,2,3!" as soon as they started pushing the couch up, Alexis let out a yelp of pain. They all turned toward the sound. Raph quickly finished the job, then walked over to Alexis and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Lex, you okay?" he asked. Alexis nodded and gave him a false smile. By now, the others had come over.
"Alexis, what happened?" asked Leo. The girl simply looked at him, clearly still in pain. Mikey walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders. She was a bit surprised by what he did. He turned her around and started moving his thumbs around her upper back.
"Mikey, what are you doing?" asked Donny.
"Just trying something dude. Now Lex, tell me if this hurts." As he pushed his thumbs in a circular motion on her back, she gave out a quiet yelp. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."
"Mikey, what's wrong with her?" asked Leo. Mikey said nothing, but he grabbed Alexis's arm and led her to the kitchen. The others curiously followed. Mikey pulled out a chair and pointed to it.
"Sit." he said. Alexis did as she was told and sat backwards on the chair. Mikey pulled up a chair for himself. "Lex, this is going to hurt a bit, but it's the only way to get these things out and if we don't do this, it's just going to get worse. Okay?" Alexis nodded and rested her head on her crossed arms. Mikey did as he had done before and Alexis slightly winced in pain. The others had no clue what he was doing.
"Mikey, what's wrong with Alexis?" Leo repeated.
"Well, for one she'd got about 20 muscle knots in her back the size of manhattan."
"What??" asked Donny.
"You see dudes, when you put too much strain on a muscle for too long, it gets knotted and hurts when you use it."
"Then why does she have so many?" asked Leo. They all turned to their sister, who muttered "He made me carry his backpack."
"You mean Zach?" asked Donny. Alexis nodded.
"Man I'm gonna kill that punk!!" yelled Raph in outrage.
"You can kill him tomorrow, I'll give you his address." muttered Alexis.
"I'm coming too." said Leo with a smirk on his face.
"Me too" said Donny.
"Looks like we're all goin'." said Mikey. Alexis turned to him, looking terrified. "On second thought, I'll hang here with Lex and try to get these knots out." she vaguely smiled, but frowned when he mentioned the knots. "Hey it's gonna take at least a week to get these out! So just hang in there till then okay?" Alexis nodded. Mikey stood up, and looked at the kitchen clock. It was 2am. "I think it's time we go to bed dudes." he said.
"I think so too." said Leo with a yawn. "Lex you can sleep in Master Split-!" Leo stopped. remembering how their own master had disowned and left them 7 months ago. He looked at his brothers, who apparently also remembered this and Leo quickly corrected himself. "I mean, the spare room. We can fix it up for you later. That okay?"
Having never met Master Splinter, Alexis ignored this and nodded.
"Well, night guys." said Alexis as she headed for the room.
"Night Lex." They all said in unison as they entered their individual rooms.
As she lay there on the air mattress, Alexis wondered who Leo was talking about before. She decided not to worry about it as she slowly drifted into a deep sleep.