-Don't sue, it's jus' fer fun! I don't own nothin'!
Jack peered in both directions, then ducked back behind the bush as two redcoats passed. The way he dived down made his wife of five months giggle quietly. He put a finger to her lips. "Ssshhh". She grinned and kissed his finger. "Lizzie, behave, er I'll have ya here an' now. Those fellows'll catch us, but they might jus' be shocked enough to leave." She just grinned and peeked past the bush while he lay on his stomach and watched her. "Jack, they're gone, let's go." He sat up and peered by. She was right. "Alright luv, time ta go." He pulled her to her feet and they crept out of the bushes.
They only got some ten yards before one of the redcoats spotted them. "Stop right there!" he called in an excessively annoying accent. Jack, knowing they couldn't hide now, called back in a mimic accent "I think not, good sir! I don't fancy such demanding people!" He held Lizzie's hand as they scurried up a steep hill, the two redcoats in pursuit. "Jack, look!" Lizzie exclaimed, "There's an abbey or some such! We can get sanctuary."
Jack hesitated, but then noticed that the two pursuers were catching up. "Alright, darlin', in we go!" He pulled Elizabeth through the door and into what seemed to be a chapel, ignoring the shocked looks on the faces of some fifty nuns congregated in the pews. He turned to the old woman who appeared to be in charge and bowed with all the grace of a prince. "We come seeking sanctuary." The woman looked the couple over with a critical eye. "Is she your mistress? I won't have such an evil woman influencing my girls." "No. No, she is, in fact, my wife. Look." He grabbed Lizzie's hand and showed the woman the small gold band, inlayed with a diamond and a ruby, which he had given her on their wedding day. "Well," said the old nun, "she's somebody's wife, though that doesn't prove she's yours. Very well, go on down that hall and you'll find a small closet. You can remain there for three hours, then your sanctuary ends. May God have mercy on you should you be caught."
Jack burst into laughter when he collapsed on the bench that sat in the small closet that was to be their home for the next three hours. He pulled his wife into his lap and drew his eyebrows together severely. "I won't have that evil pirate wench influencing my little nuns who are all dying to kiss her handsome pirate husband!" he mocked. "Jack, be good. She could have kicked us right back out to those goofs." "Might have been more pleasant out there. I could probably muddle those fellows into thinking I'm jus' a farmer dressed up as the legendary Jack Sparrow for a party. That ol' nun looked like she could hang us herself." Elizabeth laughed and leaned up toward her husband. "I don't know about the nuns, but I know I'm dying to kiss my handsome pirate husband." "Well, I'd love to darlin' but there isn't much room in here." "Since when do we need space to kiss?" "Well, if I remember correctly, we usually need a whole bed." She glared at him. "Jack Sparrow, I'm feeling very tempted to slap you!" "Go 'head luv. My cheek is so accustomed to it that it doesn't hurt anymore." She laughed and kissed him.
After several long moments, she attempted to pull back, but he held her and deepened the kiss. She pulled away, laughing. "Jack, that's enough." "No it's not." "Jack…the nuns." He kissed her again. "Jack…" "Lizzie" "Hmm?" "shut it."