Title: In the Corn Field
Author: random pseudonym
Completed: April 2002
Summary: "I thought I'd lost you." An interpretation of a scene from The Fellowship of the Ring, written from Sam's perspective. NonSlash. Movieverse.
Disclaimer: Much as I'd like to claim that I own them, Sam, Frodo and their lines of dialogue belong to the JRR Tolkien Estate, New Line Cinema, and a number of other organisations who make a vast amount of money out of them. I do not.
Feedback: Yes please!
~For Orangeblossom, with many thanks for your advice and encouragement~
~And for Sam: beta, friend and Magid!twin~
* * * * *
I thought I'd lost you.
The cornstalks were so tall and my pack so heavy that I couldn't keep up with your quick strides no matter how I tried. And you weren't there when I finally stumbled out onto the path, blinking in the bright sunlight. The trail ahead of me was empty, and I couldn't make out no footprints or marks on the ground to show me which way you'd gone.
I'm almost ashamed to admit such a thing, being as I was at the time a grown hobbit, but I was so frightened I almost burst into tears on the spot. I felt my heart begin to thump so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest, and my breathing became quicker like I'd been walking too fast. I took a couple of steps, then broke into a run in my effort to catch you up - if you had even gone that way.
"Mr Frodo?" My voice surely betrayed my fear. It came out sounding higher than I'd meant it to, and more breathless. Louder too. "Frodo? FRODO!" It was a sign of what a state I was in that I forgot to add the Mr. before your name those last times. Of course, it was how I had been thinking of you to myself for years, and what you were always telling me to call you by. Begging your pardon, sir, it never felt proper for me to name you like that. But this time I was so worried it just slipped out before I remembered myself.
And then you appeared from around the corner, and it was as though some enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so glad, I could have thrown my arms around you and sobbed like a baby. But of course that wasn't my place, so I just stood where I was and tried to contain myself as I watched your face. "I thought I'd lost you," I finally gasped. You didn't look angry that I had panicked, just puzzled, and perhaps a little amused.
You shifted the strap of your pack, and stared at me with eyes that were exactly the same colour as the autumn sky - clear, brilliant blue. "What are you talking about, Sam?" you asked at last.
I don't mind admitting that I had always found those eyes unsettling. It was like you could see right through me and know exactly what I was thinking and how I was feeling. Like you could read my mind. I felt right foolish for getting so worried about nothing, and began to recall all the names my Gaffer would call me if he was there. "It's just something Gandalf said," I muttered, feeling suddenly bashful because your eyes were still on me. I felt my face grow hot, and not just with the heat of the noonday sun.
"What did he say?" Your voice was firm, but not harsh. You was asking me, not demanding. You always were a gentlehobbit, Mr Frodo, and I don't just mean that because you were rich or educated. You were gentle, and when I looked up at you again, my face still seeming to me to be on fire, your gaze wasn't piercing through me no more. You never treated me like just some servant, Mr. Frodo, even though you probably should have. You treated me the same as you would Mr. Pippin or Mr. Merry - as a friend. Standing there, watching you watching me, I got the feeling you'd have waited all day for me to tell you, and never lost your patience.
Even now, if I close my eyes, I can still see Gandalf's face as he leaned down to speak to me. We were about to leave Bag End, and you was off checking you hadn't forgotten anything. I knew you hadn't, but I let you go anyway, because it I think it was something you needed to do. You were nervous, even if you were making a decent effort to hide it. I could hear you trying to whistle cheerfully in the next room when Gandalf bent close to me, to help me put on my pack. "Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee," he told me quietly, so as you wouldn't hear. His voice was stern, and I was half-afraid of him for a second until I looked up and saw his eyes twinkling, and his lips twitching as he tried not to laugh at my fearful face. I think he might have gone on to say more, or maybe I was going to, but just then you came into the room, so all he did was pat me on the shoulder and smile, his eyes very bright as they peered from under the brim of that enormous old hat of his.
I told you what he said to me, and your eyebrows went up right quick. I know you were trying to work out what he had meant by it, because to tell you the truth, so was I. "And I don't mean to," I added, maybe a little defensively, because losing you wasn't exactly something I would have tried to do if he hadn't said that, if you follow me. I did have some hobbit sense, after all. Although the more I thought about it, that was exactly what I'd almost done just a few moments ago. I'd almost lost you!
You didn't exactly smile, but you took a couple of steps closer to me, and your expression seemed to soften a bit, especially around the eyes. I think I was half hoping that you would put your hand on my shoulder like you done earlier, but you didn't. Instead, you gently chided me for worrying, while your eyes seemed to shine with gratitude for the exact same thing. It was an odd mix, but I didn't get much time to dwell on it. "Sam, we're still in the Shire. What could possibly happen?" you said, tempting fate, if you don't mind me saying so.
Teasing me, you was. But you were smiling proper by then, so I knew you didn't mean for me to take you serious. I always was one for worrying too much, probably because you never seemed to worry at all. Leastways, not back then. Oh Mr. Frodo, there were so many things I wanted to tell you as we stood there, but I didn't know how, or even if it would have been right for me to say them. I wanted to tell you how much of a scare you'd given me, and how I wasn't going to let you out of my sight now, not even for a moment. I wanted to say how bad I felt that I'd let Gandalf down, and that it was never going to happen again. Most of all, I wanted you to know why I worried so much about you - you meant so much to me, sir.
I never got the chance. From out of nowhere, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin appeared and knocked us both down. With that, the moment was past. So I never did tell you any of it. But as I held out my hand to help you up, as I felt your hand soft and cool against my own rough palm, our eyes met just for a moment. And somehow, for that moment, everything became clear. There was no need for me to speak. No need at all.
You understood. And that was more than enough.
Author: random pseudonym
Completed: April 2002
Summary: "I thought I'd lost you." An interpretation of a scene from The Fellowship of the Ring, written from Sam's perspective. NonSlash. Movieverse.
Disclaimer: Much as I'd like to claim that I own them, Sam, Frodo and their lines of dialogue belong to the JRR Tolkien Estate, New Line Cinema, and a number of other organisations who make a vast amount of money out of them. I do not.
Feedback: Yes please!
~For Orangeblossom, with many thanks for your advice and encouragement~
~And for Sam: beta, friend and Magid!twin~
* * * * *
I thought I'd lost you.
The cornstalks were so tall and my pack so heavy that I couldn't keep up with your quick strides no matter how I tried. And you weren't there when I finally stumbled out onto the path, blinking in the bright sunlight. The trail ahead of me was empty, and I couldn't make out no footprints or marks on the ground to show me which way you'd gone.
I'm almost ashamed to admit such a thing, being as I was at the time a grown hobbit, but I was so frightened I almost burst into tears on the spot. I felt my heart begin to thump so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest, and my breathing became quicker like I'd been walking too fast. I took a couple of steps, then broke into a run in my effort to catch you up - if you had even gone that way.
"Mr Frodo?" My voice surely betrayed my fear. It came out sounding higher than I'd meant it to, and more breathless. Louder too. "Frodo? FRODO!" It was a sign of what a state I was in that I forgot to add the Mr. before your name those last times. Of course, it was how I had been thinking of you to myself for years, and what you were always telling me to call you by. Begging your pardon, sir, it never felt proper for me to name you like that. But this time I was so worried it just slipped out before I remembered myself.
And then you appeared from around the corner, and it was as though some enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so glad, I could have thrown my arms around you and sobbed like a baby. But of course that wasn't my place, so I just stood where I was and tried to contain myself as I watched your face. "I thought I'd lost you," I finally gasped. You didn't look angry that I had panicked, just puzzled, and perhaps a little amused.
You shifted the strap of your pack, and stared at me with eyes that were exactly the same colour as the autumn sky - clear, brilliant blue. "What are you talking about, Sam?" you asked at last.
I don't mind admitting that I had always found those eyes unsettling. It was like you could see right through me and know exactly what I was thinking and how I was feeling. Like you could read my mind. I felt right foolish for getting so worried about nothing, and began to recall all the names my Gaffer would call me if he was there. "It's just something Gandalf said," I muttered, feeling suddenly bashful because your eyes were still on me. I felt my face grow hot, and not just with the heat of the noonday sun.
"What did he say?" Your voice was firm, but not harsh. You was asking me, not demanding. You always were a gentlehobbit, Mr Frodo, and I don't just mean that because you were rich or educated. You were gentle, and when I looked up at you again, my face still seeming to me to be on fire, your gaze wasn't piercing through me no more. You never treated me like just some servant, Mr. Frodo, even though you probably should have. You treated me the same as you would Mr. Pippin or Mr. Merry - as a friend. Standing there, watching you watching me, I got the feeling you'd have waited all day for me to tell you, and never lost your patience.
Even now, if I close my eyes, I can still see Gandalf's face as he leaned down to speak to me. We were about to leave Bag End, and you was off checking you hadn't forgotten anything. I knew you hadn't, but I let you go anyway, because it I think it was something you needed to do. You were nervous, even if you were making a decent effort to hide it. I could hear you trying to whistle cheerfully in the next room when Gandalf bent close to me, to help me put on my pack. "Don't you lose him, Samwise Gamgee," he told me quietly, so as you wouldn't hear. His voice was stern, and I was half-afraid of him for a second until I looked up and saw his eyes twinkling, and his lips twitching as he tried not to laugh at my fearful face. I think he might have gone on to say more, or maybe I was going to, but just then you came into the room, so all he did was pat me on the shoulder and smile, his eyes very bright as they peered from under the brim of that enormous old hat of his.
I told you what he said to me, and your eyebrows went up right quick. I know you were trying to work out what he had meant by it, because to tell you the truth, so was I. "And I don't mean to," I added, maybe a little defensively, because losing you wasn't exactly something I would have tried to do if he hadn't said that, if you follow me. I did have some hobbit sense, after all. Although the more I thought about it, that was exactly what I'd almost done just a few moments ago. I'd almost lost you!
You didn't exactly smile, but you took a couple of steps closer to me, and your expression seemed to soften a bit, especially around the eyes. I think I was half hoping that you would put your hand on my shoulder like you done earlier, but you didn't. Instead, you gently chided me for worrying, while your eyes seemed to shine with gratitude for the exact same thing. It was an odd mix, but I didn't get much time to dwell on it. "Sam, we're still in the Shire. What could possibly happen?" you said, tempting fate, if you don't mind me saying so.
Teasing me, you was. But you were smiling proper by then, so I knew you didn't mean for me to take you serious. I always was one for worrying too much, probably because you never seemed to worry at all. Leastways, not back then. Oh Mr. Frodo, there were so many things I wanted to tell you as we stood there, but I didn't know how, or even if it would have been right for me to say them. I wanted to tell you how much of a scare you'd given me, and how I wasn't going to let you out of my sight now, not even for a moment. I wanted to say how bad I felt that I'd let Gandalf down, and that it was never going to happen again. Most of all, I wanted you to know why I worried so much about you - you meant so much to me, sir.
I never got the chance. From out of nowhere, Mr. Merry and Mr. Pippin appeared and knocked us both down. With that, the moment was past. So I never did tell you any of it. But as I held out my hand to help you up, as I felt your hand soft and cool against my own rough palm, our eyes met just for a moment. And somehow, for that moment, everything became clear. There was no need for me to speak. No need at all.
You understood. And that was more than enough.