Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I did, because then I would own Akatsuki. And we all know how that would turn out… So be thankful I don't.

Author's Note: Please review this story. Also, if you can find it in your hearts to do so, please go read and review Of Best Friends and Microwaves. It's a Birthday present for my best friend and I really wanted people to review and wish her a Happy Birthday. It means a lot to both Hakumei and I, so please go do that. I don't care if it's a year after it's been posted, just review.

Summary: Title says it all. What happens when Orochimaru comes to visit the Akatsuki…? Well, it involves a mongoose, my Akatsuki plushies, and Itachi wearing a towel… [Review. Please, just review already…] Re-uploaded.

Don't Touch My Plushies!!!

Itachi walked out of his bathroom promptly at seven o'clock. Eleven people living under one roof meant that shower times had to be scheduled. Fifteen minutes per person. It was a pain. Not that the Itachi Uchiha cared.

He walked into his bedroom, fully intending to get dressed and go eat breakfast. As he entered said room, he stopped dead in his tracks.

" Hi Itachi," I said from my seat on his bed.

Itachi pulled the towel around his waist tighter and, I kid you not, turned the palest shade of pink.

" Itachi? Are you… Are you actually blushing?!" I said, giggling slightly.

Itachi, back to his usual stoic self raised an eyebrow and ignored my question. After all, he was Itachi. Itachi liked ignoring people's questions. It made him feel better about life.

" Scarlett, what are you doing in my room?"

I rolled my eyes. " What does it look like? I'm sitting on your bed!"

Itachi blinked. " Why are you sitting on my bed, then?"

I shifted nervously. " Because no one else comes into your room."

" And why would that matter?"

My eyes widened and I paled. " Because Orochimaru is coming to visit."

" … Oh…"

Itachi blinked sighed, grabbed his clothes from his dresser, and proceeded back into the bathroom.

He came out a few minutes later, fully dressed and, I hoped, fully armed. I jumped off his bed and ran over to him, grabbing his cloak like a little kid at her first day of kindergarten.

Itachi sighed and shook his head. " You shouldn't be so afraid of him now."

" You haven't seen what I did the last time I was at Orochimaru's place."

" Hn."

I followed the mangekyo-wielding Uchiha out of his room and toward the kitchen, keeping a firm grip on his arm. Nothing, except for the safety of Pein, would make me let go of the only man Orochimaru feared.

We entered the kitchen, where the other members were already eating. I immediately ran to Pein and sat down between him and Itachi, the safest place in the world.

" Itachi-san," came a disgustingly smooth voice.

" Orochimaru," Itachi replied absentmindedly.

I paled visibly at the sight of the snake wielder. Really, how could anything be creepier than the girlish, body-snatching sannin? I gulped when he turned his yellow eyes on me.

" Scarlett-chan," he greeted, smirking.

I took the opportunity to move myself a little more behind Pein, who ignored me completely. Itachi shook his head and continued to eat his breakfast.

I didn't eat. I half-expected the food to be poisoned. Not that Orochimaru alone would try something so stupid. I suspected that Hidan and Kakuzu would've helped.

" Scar-chan!" I heard Tobi yell from the other room.

I glanced nervously at the door, not wanting to leave the safety of Itachi and Pein.

" Scar-chan! Tobi needs help! Tobi thinks that the couch is choking because it's making funny noises at Tobi!"

I sighed, glanced nervously at the snake-face, and left the kitchen to help Tobi with the 'choking' couch.

" What is it, Tobi? The couch can't be choking. It's not alive."

" But Scar-chan, the couch is hissing at Tobi!"

I blinked. " Hissing?"

" Yes!"

I turned towards the couch, wondering why it was hissing. As I began to throw pillows and blanket onto the ground, I started to hear a hissing sound as well. Finally reaching the seat cushions, I peered underneath them, expecting to find nothing.

" Look, Scar-chan! It's a snake!"

" …ITACHI!!!"

I zoomed out of the living room and back into the kitchen, practically jumping into Itachi's lap. The Akatsuki stared at me in surprise as I attached myself to the Uchiha, visibly shaking.

" T-There's a s-s-snake in the c-couch!"

The Uchiha raised an eyebrow and through the ex-sannin a sharingan-glare. Deidara came over and patted my head.

" Don't worry, Scar-chan. We'll kill it, un," the blonde reassured me.

Just as he finished, Tobi came into the kitchen. Holding the snake.

" Look! Tobi thinks it likes you, Scar-chan!"

I screamed at the top of my lungs. " Get it away!!!"

Zetsu came over and took the snake from Tobi.

" We will take it far away."

" Someplace where Scarlett will not see it."

" And then proceed to destroy it."

" Eat it."

I nodded, not wanting to see the reptile anymore. Orochimaru didn't look pleased, but he kept his mouth shut. Zetsu continued to make plans for the snake as he left.

" Eat it raw?"

" Or eat it cooked?"

" How would we cook it?"

" Barbeque it!"

I blanched as Zetsu left. " Itachi? I think I'm going to go back to your room now."

" Hn."

Taking that as an 'Okay, you go do that,' I left the kitchen. Walking back to Itachi's room, I heard something behind me. I gulped, turning around slowly.

" Hello, Scarlett-chan."

I screamed at the sight of Michael Jackson's anime clone. Turning back around, I ran towards Itachi's room, thinking only about escaping the sannin. When I reached my salvation I dove in and slammed the door behind me.

Soon after I curled myself up onto Itachi's bed, a piece of paper slipped through the door's crack. I got up, grabbed the note, and opened it cautiously.

Scarlett-chan,

If you ever want to see your Akatsuki plushies again, you will come into the living room in five minutes. If you don't, I will eat them.

-- Orochimaru-sama

Somewhere between reading the last sentence and Orochimaru's name, the note got torn up. And somewhere between Itachi's bedroom door and the living room, I snapped.

I mean really snapped.

I fast-walked to the kitchen. If I was going to face Orochimaru, I was going to need a weapon.

Three minutes later, I was in the living room, both my arms behind my back. Deidara was the first one to notice me come in.

" Oh crap, she's lost it, un."

Orochimaru stood in the middle of the room, looking pleased with himself.

" So you came."

I twitched ever so slightly. " Yes, I did. And I brought a present."

I pulled my arms out from behind myself and held them away from my body.

" And that's the present?" Orochimaru inquired incredulously.

I grinned evilly. Much more evilly than Orochimaru could ever hope to grin.

" Yes. This is Chester. Chester is a rabid mongoose. Chester is a rabid mongoose trained to kill and eat snakes. Chester the rabid mongoose who's trained to kill and eat snakes is very, very hungry."

Orochimaru took a step back. " You wouldn't."

I giggled sinisterly. " Are you sure?"

At that moment, Orochimaru dropped my plushies and began to run away. I released Chester, who ran after Orochimaru, snarling all the while.

Two hours later…

I sat in the living room, happily petting Chester and snuggling my plushies.

" Good boy, Chester! You're so good!!"

Only Itachi remained seated next to me. The other members chose different couches to watch the movie from.

" Scarlett-chan?"

Chester snarled angrily at the snake-man as he entered the room.

Wearing a French maid's outfit.

" Scarlett what?"

He sighed. " Scarlett-sama."

I nodded, satisfied. " What is it?"

" I'm finished cleaning the kitchen."

" Good. Then you can start cleaning the toilets. They haven't been cleaned in months."

He opened his mouth as if to argue and then promptly shut it when Chester prepared to launch himself at the sannin.

" Yes, Scarlett-hime."

As he left, Itachi offered me some popcorn.

" Thanks, Ita-kun."

" Don't you think you're being a bit brutal, Scarlett-chan?"

I looked at him strangely. " And you're one to talk?"

He sighed and shook his head. " I'm just saying. Besides, I think all of us are suffering while he's wearing that maid's outfit."

I shrugged. " We can live with it. Right, Chester?"

The evil little fur-ball made happy noises as I pet him. Oh yes, he could live with it.

" Besides, Ita-kun, nobody messes with my plushies."