Challenge (set by carolineoneill over at the gateworld forums):
Sam: Tell me. Have we grown so far apart that you couldn't tell my you were seeing someone? Daniel and Teal'c know about her, yet you couldn't tell me! Were you planning on bringing her to the wedding? Jack: I'm not coming to the wedding! Sam: That doesn't answer my question about us! Jack: There is no us, and by the looks of things never has been!
And the only reason Daniel and Teal'c know anything about Kerri is she had to interview them about the Trust.
Disclaimer: I own NONE of the Stargate Charatcers, names, places, etc. This fiction is intended PURELY for entertainment purposes! No copyright infringement intended!
Chapter 1 : Though A Candle Burns In My Heart... There's Nobody Home
As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
Brigadier General Jack O'Neill sat at his desk working his way through the seemingly ever increasing pile of files that sat atop of his desk. Personnel files, mission debriefings, requests for scientific equipment grants… paperwork really was not his forte.
'Where's Walter when you need him?' he asked himself.
'Oh right…' a part of his mind chided, '…probably at home asleep like every other sane person seeing as it's gone two in the morning!'
Jack groaned and dropped his pen on the desk, the sound of it ostensibly louder than it should be, the 'clatter' reverberating off the walls of his office. He sank back into the desk chair rotating his neck to alleviate some of the tension that had built up over the course of the past several hours.
It was times like these that he regretted taking the position as leader of the SGC. Sure the job had its benefits; the better parking space, the increased salary, more power (not that he was a Napoleonic power-monger like some people were… or rather had been). He remembered the smiling face of the little doctor who had become like a fifth member of SG1. He let the memories, the happiness… and the pain wash over him for a few seconds, before shutting it away in the recesses of his mind. If he dwelled on it too much, dwelled on all the people he had gotten killed, all the loved ones who had died, he wouldn't be able to get out of bed in the mornings.
He shook his body and set himself the task of trying to complete as much of the paperwork as possible and that by 0300 he would leave and (regardless of how much was done) return to it in the morning… or later that day… whenever it was it didn't really matter, the pile would have increased by the time he got back to it like it always seemed to do. It could double in size in the blink of an eye. Jack often suspected some alien mischief was at work… if only!
As he set to signing off on SG-11's latest mission report, his damned pen ran out.
"Oh for cryin' out loud" he accused the empty room. He pulled open the top drawer of his desk and as he searched for a pen of the same colour, his eyes fell on something he had tried to forget… thinking that if he left it in his desk, let it stay there, untouched, then maybe it would go away.
He tentatively picked up the cream coloured piece of card…
Samantha Carter & Pete Shanahan
request the pleasure of your company at their wedding on
Saturday March 12th 2005 at 11.00am
St Peter's Church, Colorado Springs.
Jack let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. The day he'd found the invitation on his desk was the day his whole world had came crumbling down around him. All the hopes, all the dreams shattered into a million pieces. He'd always hoped that one day they could finally be together, finally get the 'happily ever after' cliché that he felt deep down they were surely owed after all this time?
When he had found out she was dating someone he had tried to act all nonchalance about it. He'd asked his name, even made a joke about her 'speeding again' when she told him he was a cop… hell, joking was all he could do at that point, it always had been. Whenever he was in a situation that made him uncomfortable he made a joke. She used to laugh at his jokes, rewarding him with one of her dazzling smiles that made him go weak at the knees.
He'd also tried to act like he was okay about it, telling her it was great she was seeing someone and that he was happy that she was happy, when all he'd really wanted to do was tell her that he hated the idea of her being with anyone other than him.
But he'd tried to deal with it, the same way he had for the past eight years, by pushing his feelings deep down inside of him and trying to get on with his life.
He'd accepted that she was moving on with her life and maybe he should too… but it wasn't that easy. How can you put out a fire that had burned for so long and been through so much but never died out?
The fire had started to dwindle when she'd shown him the engagement ring Pete had given her. She told him she hadn't said yes and he retorted with 'and yet you haven't said no'… although the fire still burned it had diminished slightly, the slight hope that she wouldn't accept Pete's proposal fuelling his hope.
When he had opened the invitation, he actually felt his heart break. Everyone always talked about it in a metaphorical manner. Obviously they had never had their heart broken… he felt the pain, it was like a rusty jagged knife was speared into his heart some sadistic bastard were twisting the knife after every word he read on the invitation…
Three days later he'd started seeing Kerri.
He placed the invitation back in the desk draw and slammed it shut with such force that he knocked the picture frame on his desk over and it cracked upon impacting with the floor.
'To hell with paperwork', he thought. What he needed now was a stiff drink and to collapse into bed, and try and forget about all of this… just for a few hours.
As he stood up and went to grab his jacket off the back of his seat he heard a knock at his office door. Glancing at the clock on his desk he saw it was 02.28.
'Who the hell is here at this time' he spoke quietly to himself but spoke aloud "Come in?"
"Sir?" Sam spoke softly as she entered the office.
"Carter! What are you still doing here? It's nearly two thirty!" Jack spoke, trying to avoid her eyes, just like he had been for the past few weeks.
"I could say the same thing to you sir." She said with a small smile that he did not see.
Sam hated this. Ever since she had left the invitation on his desk he had acted coldly towards her, never meeting her gaze, only coming to see her when it was work related, and only then when it was urgent.
"I've been working on the analysis of the ancient device on Dakara. I was just on my way to get some coffee and I heard a crash come from your office." Sam told him.
"Well as you can see, everything's fine, you can go back to your analysis now." Jack spoke coldly and he went to walk past her.
Sam had had enough.
"Is this how its going to be from now on… the only contact you make with me I when its work related and absolutely necessary!"
"I haven't had any other reason to come and see you…" Jack told her in an icy tone that made Sam's blood run cold.
"You never needed a reason to come and see me in the past." Sam told him quietly, trying to remain calm.
"Yeah well, thing's change." Jack said as he went to walk past her.
"I know…" Sam told him and then decided to take the plunge and ask him what she'd been wanting to ever since she'd found out.
"Tell me. Have we grown so far apart that you couldn't tell my you were seeing someone? Daniel and Teal'c know about her, yet you couldn't tell me! Were you planning on bringing her to the wedding?"
That stopped Jack in his path, hand hovering above the doorknob.
"I'm not coming to the wedding! And the only reason Daniel and Teal'c know anything about Kerri is she had to interview them about the Trust." He informed her.
"That doesn't answer my question about us!" Sam spoke holding back the tears.
Jack wheeled around to face her, and for the first time in three weeks looked her in the eyes. "There is no us, and by the looks of things never has been!"
Jack regretted it the very second it came out of his mouth. The devastated look on her face causing the little bastard to twist the rusty knife again. He'd just been so angry and hurt that he'd said the first thing that came to his mind and he never regretted saying anything so much in his life like he did now.
"Sam.. I didn't m…" Jack tried to speak but she cut him off.
"NO! You've made your feelings pretty clear. Good night… sir ." Sam spoke, the tears falling from her cheeks as she left the room in a hurry.
Jack had never heard her say the word 'sir' with such hatred. He couldn't believe he'd told her there had 'never been an us'. It was something he'd never believed, which was why he was so shocked he'd said it.
A glint of light caught his eye and he looked down at the floor at the broken photo frame. He bent and picked it up. The photo was of SG-1 taken at their last team night. They all looked so happy, arms around each other, smiling faces… now distorted by the large crack in the glass frame that diagonally spanned the width of the frame.
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. BRUCE LEE