Hey you,

so this is my first story I publish here. It's in English although I'm German, so there may be some mistakes in it. But I just love this language... Hope you'll accept it But I just love this language...

So this is about the time when Ziva has just joined the team. Let's say, Post-Twilight but Pre-Killing Ari.

Well what's left to say?

The story is completed, 'cause I still have to find my way in here, posting chapters is still too difficult for a "greenhorn" like me ;)

So I hope you'll like it and I'd be glad if you gave me some reviews!

Yours, NCIS-Lady

----------------------

Meet the Challenge

"Don't you dare touch this!"

The sharp tone of the voice made Ziva turn round. She stepped away from the desk in front of her, taking her eyes off the photography she had just spotted. She looked at the young man who had been watching her from the office door.

"Have you got any problem, DiNozzo?", she asked defensively.

"I've got a problem with people who think they can do everything they want to, Officer David!"

Tony rushed towards the Israeli woman and quickly grabbed the picture. He stuffed it into a drawer, throwing a glaring look at Ziva.

She watched him with folded arms. When he tried to pass her she grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Wait a sec, Tony!"

"What?"

"We need to talk!"

He stared at her, his green eyes narrowing.

"I don't think so, Officer David. As for myself, there's nothing to say!"

"But..."

"I said No! If Gibbs wants to see me, tell him I'm down at the Forensics."

Without further ado he pushed Ziva away and made his way towards the door.

Ziva followed him with the eyes.

"Damn it, DiNozzo", she murmured, "what am I supposed to do? If you just told me..."

----

Half an hour later Tony was sitting in front of his computer searching for information on some Marine who had been reported missing. He recognized the words but couldn't concentrate at all. Every time he caught a glimpse of Ziva or heard her voice, he felt the anger stir inside him. There she was, at the place that should have been Kate's, so vivid and real, whereas Kate... He clenched his teeth, trying to hold back the tears. The last thing he wanted was to let her see him crying.

With his eyes set onto the screen, DiNozzo listened to every noise coming from the other desk.

Her laughter filled the air after a joke of McGee's. The sound was like a freezing wind stroking his skin. How could she dare to laugh, sitting exactly where no one but Kate should have been the one to be joyous.

The pictures of the past hour swirled inside his head. The moment he had seen her reaching for the photo he had been treasuring ever since that one day, he had blown a fuse. If it hadn't been for lack of a weapon, he guessed, he might have killed her. He couldn't tell why but for him this had been an act of violation to something as sacred as nothing else in the world.

He closed his eyes. Immediately he had the vision again, the one that had been haunting him all the time and which he couldn't erase. The surprised look on her beautiful face, her falling onto the ground as if filmed in slow-motion.

Suddenly a vibration of his desk pulled him out of the day dream.

A mug with coffee was right there opposite him, still steaming and with an aromatic scent. He raised his head a little and found himself eye to eye with Ziva.

"I... I've brought you some coffee", she said carefully.

"I see", Tony replied coldly. "So what?"

"McGee told me you'd probably like some."

"He told you so?" DiNozzo looked furiously first at Tim, then back to Ziva. "Do you think McGee has the slightest idea of what I want? Do you really think so?"

The woman was taken aback, a hurt expression on her face. "DiNozzo, I didn't mean to..."

"Well, stop bothering me, then!", he shouted, his voice sounding much louder than normal in the quiet office.

"Why the hell can't we even act as co-workers?", Ziva snapped back. "It's just some stupid coffee which I'd thought would be a good idea, but I guess I might've been wrong!"

"Well you're right!", DiNozzo yelled, his face white. "I don't give a damn about neither the fucking coffee nor about you!"

With a sudden movement he stood up and wiped the mug off the desk, making hot liquid splatter onto the floor and on Ziva's clothes.

She stared at the young man in front of her, tears filling her dark eyes, but no words came out of her mouth.

Tony didn't pay her any attention and rushed past her, not looking her into the eye, ignoring McGee who was stunned by disbelief.

----

In the hall DiNozzo bumped against Gibbs who was on his way to the office. He wanted to get on, but his boss held him back.

"Stop DiNozzo!"

"I..."

"I said Stop! What's happened?" His blue eyes scanned the young man.

"What makes you think that something's happened?", Tony asked, trying to calm his pulse down back to normal.

The Senior Agent scrutinized his protégé. He couldn't remember having seen him like this before. A mixture of anger, despair, grief and hatred was reflected by his white skin.

He gripped him by the wrist.

"I could hear you yelling all down the hallway. And it wasn't nice at all, DiNozzo." He didn't accuse him, it was a mere remark.

"I'm sorry, Boss. Do you want me to apologize?"

Gibbs shook his head.

"Not yet. It wouldn't be honest and therefore not worth anything."

"So can I go then?" Tony tried to free himself but the older man didn't loosen the grip.

"No, you can't. We must talk."

"Why does everyone in here think talking to me is of top priority today?", DiNozzo groaned indignantly.

"Just because your brains aren't able to draw that conclusion, it doesn't mean that ours are neither!" The tone of Gibbs' voice was firm. Tony couldn't do anything but follow him.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see!"

----

Slowly McGee approached the young woman.

"Don't... don't take it personally."

She gave him a sad look.

"How can I not take it personally? He hates me." Her voice was bitter.

"I'm sure he doesn't." Tim smiled vaguely and pointed at the elevator. "Fancy going out for lunch?"

Ziva nodded.

Side by side they went to the lift.

----

Gibbs led Tony to a small room in the basement. He opened the door and stepped inside.

"What's this room used for?", DiNozzo asked. "I've never been here before."

"It isn't used anymore", Gibbs answered, "so everyone in the building claims his right to store loads of stuff in here."

He was right, the room was filled with all kinds of things, mostly electronics, but also many dusty folders and even some dirty blue jeans waiting for someone to wear them.

"Why the hell did you take me here?"

"Because it's the only place about which I'm dead sure no one will disturb us in."

----

Tim and Ziva went to a small restaurant just around the corner. There weren't many people in it, but McGee liked the food they offered.

He directed his female co-worker to a desk with two seats and helped her take off her jacket.

"Oh, you're a gentleman, Agent McGee!", Ziva smiled. It was the first time since DiNozzo's outburst of rage that Tim could see her dark eyes sparkle this way.

"My pleasure", he muttered, his face becoming slightly reddish.

The waitress came towards the two young people and they ordered their drinks and food.

When the lady was gone, Ziva leant forward, looking inquiringly at McGee.

"Well, Agent McGee, now that we're on our own, I suppose we can talk, can't we?"

Tim nodded. Actually he wasn't keen on talking to that woman, especially not about Tony and Kate. It still wasn't easy for anyone of the team. But what should he do? He felt pity for her, having seen her standing outside, ignored by Tony and Abby. They seemed to have forgotten that it was difficult for Ziva, too. She knew that it had been Ari who had killed Kate, and he really didn't want to be in her position.

"Yes, we can talk", he said. "But please don't expect me to tell you everything. There are some things you have to find out yourself."

"Like Gibbs' golden rules?" Ziva grinned wryly. "Don't look at me like that, McGee! Of course I've heard about them, he said something like 'I've got some certain rules for my team, Officer David, and they are always to be followed!'. But he wouldn't tell me one single phrase!" She looked offended.

"You'll work them out by time", Tim reassured her. "I don't know every single one yet – Kate used to say that he made up a new one every morning only to tease Tony." When he saw the expression on Ziva's face after him mentioning both Tony and Kate in one sentence, he went quiet.

Luckily, the waitress brought the food right then, so they didn't have to speak for at least 10 minutes.

----

Tony avoided Gibbs' eyes, but his boss didn't seem to care. He just began speaking, in a low voice so that DiNozzo couldn't do anything but listen hard to get every word.

"You know, Tony, in some way I can't blame you for what you said – maybe I would have reacted the same way." He corrected himself. "No, not maybe, I definitely would have done so."

Not knowing what Gibbs was heading for made DiNozzo feel insecure. He wasn't eager to have that sort of conversation, not now, maybe never. And the older man knew it. So why did he torture him like that?

"But it's essential for our work that you manage to remind yourself every day that Kate's death wasn't Ziva's fault!"

"It was her half-brother!", Tony shouted. "How can she even dare work here?!"

"It wasn't her decision, DiNozzo, you know that very well. And will you please stop yelling at me!"

"Sorry, Boss. But..." He broke off. How could he explain to Gibbs the way he felt? Would he understand that he didn't want to be so rude to his new co-worker, but that it just tore him apart seeing her instead of Kate? Hearing her voice that was so much unlike Kate's? Smelling her perfume while Kate's presence was still lingering in every corner?

----

"I don't feel ashamed of what Ari did", Ziva said frankly. "He may be my half-brother, but that's got nothing to do with me."

"I know", McGee answered cautiously. "But in Tony's eyes, the fact that you're a family member of Kate's murderer is enough to make him be mad at you. I suppose he can't stand the thought that you of all people shall replace Kate – apart from him feeling that no one in the world can ever replace her."

"He's right to think so", the young Israeli conceded, her eyes set onto the white desk between her and Tim. "There are some special people who come into your life, and when they're gone, something will always be missing. I've had to experience this much too often."

McGee would have liked to get more information, but he sensed that it would have been one step too far. He realized how little he knew about Ziva's past. What had she gone through, what had she seen, what had she done? He just couldn't tell.

"I didn't mean to hurt DiNozzo when I touched the photo", Ziva continued, still speaking in a soft voice that wasn't like her at all. "I just wanted to see what... what she was like. Caithlin. The woman my brother shot."

"You'll never be able to find out about her character by studying a picture."

"I know, McGee, but as nobody would have told me about her, this was the only thing I could do, wasn't it?"

Tim nodded. "Yes, it probably was. And well, it was your right, wasn't it? You couldn't know that... well, Tony had been keeping this one sacred ever since..."

The dark-haired woman threw him a searching look. She had an indistinct notion that McGee was concealing something from her. Through all these years with the Mossad, she had learned to reveal hidden information, but this was a hard case to crack. And she felt bad that she wanted to know it at all. But maybe this was the only way to understand.

She took a deep breath.

"McGee, give me the truth. I must know it if I ever want to belong to the team."

Tim could make out the desperate query in her eyes and he feared both the question and the answer he would have to give. Would it be right to tell her?

"Agent McGee, what was there between Special Agents DiNozzo and Todd?"

----

Tony was trying hard to choke back the tears that were once again about to overwhelm him. Why couldn't Gibbs stop talking about Kate? Didn't he see that he was rubbing salt into his wounds every time he mentioned her?

"DiNozzo, I don't know about the relationship between you and Kate, and I don't want you to tell me. As a matter of fact, you've always been professionals in your job and that's all that counts."

"That's all that counts? The damn job?" Tony spit out the words without thinking.

"No, DiNozzo, that's not all, and I'd thought you'd know that", Gibbs answered, his face showing great disappointment. "Actually Kate's role as an Agent is the last thing I think about when it comes to her."

Immediately Tony felt sorry for what he had said. The pain in the gray-haired man's eyes was just too obvious.

"Excuse me, Gibbs. I guess I got you wrong."

"It's okay", Gibbs said, looking sadly at his young teammate. "Maybe I've just never shown my feelings to you, but that doesn't make them less strong. In some way we are more alike than we've ever known, Tony."

"What do you mean?"

"We both hide our feelings, we don't want them to determine our lives, in no way."

DiNozzo looked confused.

"But that's your rule! Number 31 unless I'm very much mistaken. Feelings make us weak."

The Senior Agent sighed.

"Yes, they make us weak. But can't it be possible that in some situations weakness isn't such a bad feature to hold? Doesn't it show that we're still human?"

Tony didn't say a word, he didn't know how to react. This simply contradicted to everything people had been teaching him for his whole life. Be strong. Be self-confident. Be brave. Never be weak.

"Tony!" Gibbs' voice was forceful, but DiNozzo could hear a subliminal shaking that he'd never noticed before. "I don't want to torment you. Because talking about Kate means also suffering for me. But I feel like I can't put it off anymore. It's essential that you manage to cooperate with Ziva, no matter what has happened."

"I'm not sure I can", Tony muttered.

"You have to!" To his surprise and shock DiNozzo could see tears gleaming in the older man's eyes. "When it comes to a worst-case scenario, there's no room for sentiments. In this job our life depends on how we can blindly trust the person next to us. Absolutely trust each other."

Tony watched his own trembling hands. The words echoed inside his head. 'Our life depends on how we can blindly trust the person next to us.' Had Kate not relied on Gibbs, on Tim, on him? Did this mean he had failed?

"DiNozzo, look at me! It's a horrible situation we're in, but for Heaven's sake, Kate wouldn't have wanted you to end up like this!"

The young Italian raised his head.

"How can you know what she would have wanted? Thanks to our failure we'll never be able to tell!"

"I knew Kate very well, Tony, believe me. Damn it, don't think I don't suffer from pain every time I think of her! Can you even imagine how I feel? I was responsible for her! But I can't change the past. All I can do is to live on and try to make her death less senseless. It's a challenge you meet, and you have to take it up. Life isn't always fair, Tony. It's only fairer than death, that's all."

Tony could make out the fine lines on Gibbs' skin, like engraved memories that would never be erased. Ruins left behind after the battles he'd had to fight.

And he wondered desperately whether he would be able to mount the challenge he'd have to deal with and which he feared so much.

A single tear had left its trace on Gibbs' skin.

"Please." For the first time in his life, Tony heard a grown-up man begging for something. He shivered. "Tony, please. I don't want to lose one more person in my life."

----

Ziva wondered whether she shouldn't have posed the question. It was something very private she had asked, but now the die was cast.

Slowly Tim began to speak.

"You know, it's not easy for me to tell you, but I think it's for the better. See, the relationship between Tony and Kate had always been a bit strange, mysterious. You should have seen them work together, they used to end up in a fight at least three times a day. They were so... different."

"Opposites attract", the woman remarked.

"Yes, that's it. I can hardly explain it, but there was always this kind of tension in the air when they were in the same room. I mean, she was an attractive woman and DiNozzo undoubtedly fancied her, but it wasn't like with all the other girlfriends of his. She was much too tough for him and that's what made her so special in his eyes. She wasn't easy to impress, she was independent and she knew what she wanted."

"So didn't she like him at all?"

"Oh, Kate liked Tony a lot! When things were getting rough, she knew she could always count on him. Of course that fits to the whole team", he added quickly, "but this case was somehow different. They could have been sister and brother, apart from the looks they sometimes exchanged. These were... I don't know, but she has never looked at me this way!"

"So were they a couple or not?"

"Nobody is sure about it", McGee answered. "I for myself think there was something going on, Abby contradicts because she claims that Kate would have told her... I guess it will forever be a secret."

"You really never saw them kissing?", Ziva asked in a bewildered way.

"I forgot that you don't know about the rules yet, sorry", Tim apologized. "Rule number 12 forbids to date co-workers. And they'd never have dared to offend against it. But that doesn't matter. All I know is that Tony changed dramatically when she died. It was difficult for all of us, but he... He didn't cry, he didn't scream – he didn't show any emotion at all. He hardly spoke to anyone until..."

"Until I arrived", Ziva finished the sentence. "Until the moment he had to face the fact that she'd never come back. Because the new woman's brother took away the most important person in his life", she concluded bitterly.

----

"Kate wasn't only a co-worker to me, Gibbs!", Tony whispered, his head bowed, the green eyes cast down.

Gibbs nodded slightly. He didn't answer. His intention was to let DiNozzo talk about as much as he wanted to – neither more nor less.

"We were not a couple, though", the young Agent continued. "But.. well, it's so hard to explain, given that you remember the two of us having a row each single day." His lips formed a smile, but the look in his eyes revealed the lie. "Now that she's... gone I sometimes regret the things I said, you know? Every time that I messed it all up, acting the fool, only to..." He choked hard and looked at Gibbs. "Maybe I only did that to protect myself, I don't know."

He couldn't believe what he had just admitted. It was something he had sworn to himself never to talk about. He looked shyly at Gibbs, trying to make out a reaction, but his boss didn't move. He was just sitting there watching him.

"You know, perhaps she was the first woman in my life to be stronger than me, and that's what scared me. Deep inside my mind there were possibly feelings I had for her, but which I always denied. I ignored them because they would have forced me to make a decision, between the life I was leading and the future that I didn't know anything about. If she had been like the other girls I've had during the years, I would have tried to pick her up." He smiled unhappily. "But she wasn't like the others, Gibbs. She just wasn't..." The last words were hardly audible.

"That's right Tony. She was special in every way", Gibbs answered calmly.

"I was afraid. That's it. The thing I feared most was the threatening presentiment that I could depend on her. That she could mean more to me than myself. That I could give up everything for her. And that she'd hurt me someday like I had been hurting everyone around me for all those years. And now... now I'd give everything to get her back. And the pain to know that there's nothing I can do is beyond anything I've ever gone through before."

In the older man's eyes he could see understanding and sympathy, but above all they reflected a kind of desperate emptiness that frightened the young Agent and made him feel like his heart was freezing to death.

He realized he was not the only one in his small world who was tormented. And that he was not the only one who was about to be ruined by the torture.

Tony closed his eyes.

And after all these days in self-created isolation, of fighting against the pain, in this small dusty room, unknown to the outside world, he finally gave in. Tears streamed down his cheeks, soaking his palms he was pressing against the face. His shoulders were twitching uncontrollably as he opened his mouth again.

----

Ziva was fighting hard to suppress her emotions. What McGee had told her had touched her in a very strange way. She could have put it off as some simple compassionate reaction, but in fact it wasn't. She hardly knew Tony, she hadn't talked to him much, but by listening to Tim she had found out more about his character than he would ever reveal to her. And she began to understand why he had been acting this way.

Of course, that didn't make it better, the situation wasn't much easier, but it was something that could be based on. There was no question of her talking to DiNozzo about the things she had heard. It wasn't the right time yet and it could be long until she'd think the moment had come.

"I'll give him the time he needs", she decided. "I just hope he'll let me know when the time's over."

"I'm sure he will", Tim replied. "He will understand that Kate's death wasn't your fault. Deep inside he already knows it, but in such a situation you look desperately for someone you can blame. You are perfect."

"It hurts, though", Ziva muttered.

"I know. But in time he'll know it, too."

For a minute or two the Agents were silent. Ziva was stirring the rest of cold coffee in the plastic mug absent-mindedly. The conversation had undoubtedly solved some problems of understanding, but she still didn't know how to behave the next time she'd see Tony.

McGee cleared his throat. "We have to go back to the office, I guess."

"Oh. Okay."

Tim got up and reached out his hand.

"Come on."

Ziva took his hand and let him help her up. She was smiling slightly.

"Thank you for talking to me so honestly, McGee", she said. "That means quite a lot to me."

"I hope you feel better now", Tim answered simply.

"Yes, I do. Not well, but at least better."

----

"I... I didn't mean to hurt Ziva", Tony sobbed. "But it was just... just too much. Seeing her there, so damned friendly and all, as if... as if Kate had never existed. What was I supposed to do? Show her how it makes me feel? I could never do this, you know that! So... so I hurt her because I wanted her to go through the same pain as I do. It wasn't fair, I know, but... Oh God I miss her so much Jethro..."

The older man gently laid his hand on his friend's shivering shoulder. There was no need to speak. Blurred images appeared in his mind's eye. A woman. Laughing. Flipping back her long hair. Calling his name. A girl. Her eyes sparkling. Looking at him. Yes, he knew what it meant to miss someone.

"I see her in my sleep, can you imagine that, Gibbs? I've never... never experienced this before. She... she looks at me as if she wanted me to help her... and I can't... and she falls to the ground... stares at me... then I wake up. And I feel guilty for not helping her. I... I know I shouldn't... but I do."

Slightly Gibbs stroke Tony's shoulder. It was a strange moment. He couldn't remember being so emotionally close to another person. It had to be a long time ago, he thought. Much too long.

"I know you do, Tony", he murmured. "It haunts you, the guilt... And it doesn't rest. Maybe it never will. All you can do is to try to suppress it. But there will come days when it breaks through the surface again, without warning. There's no protection. No escape. Only the bitter residue of what you call your life. It's up to you whether this is enough to save you."

Tony had stopped crying. He wiped the tears away, watching his boss and friend. The blue eyes were empty like the windows of a deserted house. He looked older somehow.

"When Kate died, she took a part of me", the young Italian said. His voice was still quivering a bit. "There's nothing I can do against it. And this part can't be replaced. But... Life has to go on, hasn't it? You see, I can't promise to become good friends with Ziva. But I will try. I guess that's what I owe to Kate." And to you, Gibbs, he added silently.

The gray-haired man smiled lightly.

"Maybe we can try together. It's a challenge to both of us, isn't it?"

For a moment they were looking at each other. Then Gibbs embraced his younger colleague. Tony returned the hug, feeling kind of surprised. They held on tightly to each other for a second, then let loose.

"It's time to go back, or they'll miss us up there", Gibbs said, checking his watch. "Let's get going."

The two Agents left the small room. Gibbs locked the door and hoped he would never have to open it again.

----

Ziva and McGee arrived at the office and waited for the elevator. When its door opened, Tony and Gibbs were in it, too. For a moment all four of them looked stunned. Then Gibbs broke the silence.

"Come in or you'll be late!", he said in his typical tone.

Hastily the two young Agents entered the cabin. It was a weird situation. Tony and Ziva avoided each others eyes, Tim spied his fellow worker curiously and Gibbs was in a strange way very much interested in his watch which he had been wearing at least since McGee got to know him.

Luckily they soon were on their floor. Never before had Tony left the elevator so fast, it seemed to Tim. Before he, too, got out, he squeezed Ziva's hand slightly.

"I'm down at Abby's. You'll make it."

She smiled understandingly, then exhaled deeply. So this was the moment. Would he say anything?

But at first DiNozzo just sat down on the chair behind his desk, took some files out of a drawer and began to skim through the paper.

Ziva switched on her computer, repressing a yell of anger when a warning sign appeared. This technical stuff really wasn't her metier. She cursed under her breath and hit the monitor hard with her hand.

Then there was silence. Tony had stopped turning over pages, Ziva noticed. Instead he was looking at her, wrinkling his forehead as if he was insecure whether to say something or not. Obviously he decided for the latter as he bowed his head again. Their eye contact was lost.

The computer gave an aching noise, like a protest against his unskillful user.

"What about entering a password, Officer David?"

The young woman lifted her head up. She hadn't been aware of Gibbs standing behind her back.

"I've given this damn piece of shit a million words, but access is denied!"

"You should try another language, we don't use Israeli words in this office!"

Ziva thought she'd recognized a little chuckle from DiNozzo's desk, but she wasn't sure. Maybe it had only been the stupid monitor again, making funny noises to annoy her.

She grinned.

"Oh Gibbs, what would I do without you? Now would you mind telling me the right one?"

"Ask Tony! He enjoys changing them each day."

"That's unfair!", Ziva protested. "Why don't you have any problems?"

"Because I'd have to kill DiNozzo if he got access to my data!"

Having said this, the Senior Agent went on to his desk.

----

In Tony's head all kinds of thoughts were swirling around.

Had it really be him, laughing about that woman in such a friendly way? Because that was the truth. He hadn't made fun of her. She had just appeared so funny with this puzzled look on her face. The way she cursed, the way she lost her temper.

No, she wasn't Kate. And she would never be.

He couldn't blame Ziva for his terrible loss. She wouldn't have been able to prevent it.

The hatred towards Ari would never cease. But did he have the right to hate her?

Forgive but not forget.

The young woman was still looking at him expectantly, her dark hair shimmering in the warm light. Her eyes expressed a combination of anxiety and openness.

"The word is 'SICN06ADN'", Tony shouted, his green eyes sparkling.

"That's not a word, it's a code!", Ziva called back, typing slowly. "And a complicated one."

"Well", DiNozzo pointed out, "it's not as difficult as it seems once you've understood it. And remember, it's worth it – it gives you access to all the important stuff we need in here."

Ziva laughed.

"Oh, now I got it! Easy one actually."

"You can change it if you want to. And don't believe in what Gibbs says. He's got a severe computer-inability. Of course you may use any words you like."

They smiled at each other.

"Thank you, Tony", the Israeli said in a low voice.

The young man leant back.

It had been a beginning. Not spectacular, though, but honest.

And it felt alright.

Life wasn't a computer. There were no passwords to enter, no login-buttons or chances to reboot.

It wasn't as easy as a machine based upon a binary system, complicated but logical.

Every person was different, with its own system. And not everyone could be accessed easily. But trying to understand the system, no matter how much time it might take, would sooner or later be worth the while.

Getting access to this system was always a challenge, for everyone. There were hidden tracks, twists and turns, and one wrong decision could bring you back to where you'd started from.

But wasn't it taking up this challenge that made life so exciting and so worth living?

--------------------------------- THE END -------------------------------------

So that's it.

I know it isn't long but my English isn't good enough for a whole episode.

Hope you liked it.