Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I do own my gym socks. But you don't care about that, do you?

Author's Note: Review, please. Reviews encourage me to write more. So please, review.

Summary: I torture them, I make fun of them, I steal stuff from them, and I blow up their hideout. They try to kill me, scare me, and make my life miserable. But, when it comes down to it, we're just like any other family. And like any family, you mess with one member and you get your butt kicked by all. (REVIEW) Re-uploaded.

Sweet Revenge

"What are you doing, un?"

I jumped slightly at the voice of the blonde artist. Leaning against the doorframe, arms folded against his chest, he looked like the cat that ate the canary. He hadn't been there a second ago.

"How long have you been there?"

Deidara snickered. "You were zipping up your dress, un."

I flushed and threw a book at him. He caught it easily and flipped through the pages.

"Vampires?"

I shrugged and turned back to the mirror.

Deidara shook his head and flopped belly-down onto my bed, watching me.

"It's a wonder that Hidan doesn't like you more, un."

I chuckled as I brushed my hair. "I think turning his bedroom into a five-year-old girl's dream pretty much assured his hatred and loathing.

" You're probably right, un."

I proceeded to pull my red hair up into a makeshift bun. Finishing the daunting task, I smoothed out my knee-length black dress and adjusted the straps on my shoulders.

Deidara propped his head up with his hands. "So… Why are you getting dressed up, un?"

I pulled on a small black sweater, shrugging. " I'm going out."

"Since when does Leader-sama let you out, un?"

I smirked as I started to gather my purse and shoes. "Since I worked myself up enough to cry about never going out."

"Manipulative brat, un…"

"Suicidal pervert, un," I retorted, mocking his speech.

"How am I a pervert?"

"You just are."

Deidara chuckled, leaping to his feet and grabbing one of my flats in one graceful motion.

"Hey! Give that back!!"

"Make me, un!"

He ran out of the room, laughing as I ran after him.

"Deidara-sempai! Give that back now!"

"No, un!"

I followed him to the living, losing sight of him as he turned the corner. I ran around the corner after him, preparing to grab him when…

Wham

I fell backwards and landed on my backside. Grumbling about incredibly strong roadblocks, I looked up into the face of my obstacle.

"What are you doing, urchin?"

I smiled sweetly. " Nothing concerning you, Hidan-chan."

A vein appeared in the immortal's temple. He stalked out of the room, cursing all the while. I smiled and continued on my previous course, finding Deidara in the kitchen.

"Give me back my shoe, Dei-chan," I demanded menacingly.

Sasori looked up from repairing one of his puppets, looking very confused. He cocked his head to the side in question.

I sighed. "I'm going out."

"Since when?" I heard a voice behind me.

I whirled around to come face-to-face, or face-to-chest, with Kisame. "Since tonight. I have a date."

Sasori, Deidara, and Kisame froze. Slowly, very slowly, they turned to look at me.

"You're-"

"Going on-"

"A date?!"

I raised an eyebrow at their expressions. They all looked like they had just seen a video of their favorite kitten being murdered. Not that evil super villains have favorite kittens in the first place.

"No!"

"Absolutely not."

"Sorry, but nah-uh, un!"

I shook my head and grabbed my shoe from the distracted Deidara.

"You're not allowed to go on a date, un! It's not right! And besides, who is this guy, un?!"

"Pein-sama said I could, it's just fine, and nobody you'd know. And I'm meeting him at the restaurant, so no worries about the hideout."

Sasori still looked horrified. "Scarlett-chan, this isn't a good idea."

"Well, tough luck."

Pein walked into the kitchen, intent on getting something to eat. He stopped dead at the sight of his horrified subordinates. Raising an eyebrow, he looked at each one before his gaze settled on me.

I shrugged. "They don't want me to go out."

Pein turned away from us and proceeded to make himself a sandwich. "She's allowed to go out, you three. I said she was. End of story."

I smiled and hugged Pein, who looked thoroughly disturbed. With that, I ran out of the kitchen and towards the front door.

"Look, it's six o'clock right now. I'll be back by nine. I'll see you guys later!"

They watched me as I left, all of them wearing wary expressions.

The rest of the Akatsuki slowly flowed into the kitchen from the living room. None of them looked very happy.

"She's going out?!" Hidan exclaimed.

Pein sighed and nodded, turning back to his sandwich.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Kakuzu said, thinking about the cost of the damage I could cause.

"Well, she is. There's nothing we can do about it now."

They all looked towards the entrance to the hideout with concern.

Two hours later…

I ran as fast as I could back to the safety of the hideout. Upon seeing it, I threw open the doors and dove inside, slamming them behind me.

Hidan, who happened to be walking by the door (for the fiftieth time, not that he would ever admit it), stopped and stared at me. His sadistic grin slowly faded to frowning as he watched my terrified face.

"Is Orochimaru here?"

I shook my head violently.

"Well. What is it?"

I shook my head again, burying my face in my hands. Hidan took a step back, looking scared. He had no experience with hysterical girls.

"Konan! Deidara! Somebody! Come deal with the brat!"

A few seconds late, Itachi walked into the hallway. He raised an eyebrow and my sobbing figure and turned to Hidan.

"Wasn't me! She came back like this!"

Itachi, blank as ever, turned back to me and kneeled down next my huddled figure.

"What happened, Scarlett?"

I shook my head much like I did with Hidan.

Itachi sighed and made me look at him. " Just tell me and get it over with."

I leaned over to Itachi and whispered in his ear. As he listened, he visibly paled, his mouth turning into a thin line. The Uchiha Itachi was very, very angry.

Hidan, tired of being left out, grumbled. "What happened?"

I looked up at him and then back to the angry Uchiha. "My date was bad."

"That's all?"

"Like, really, really bad."

"I repeat, that's all?"

I glared at him in frustration. "What do you mean, 'that's all?'?! He was a Mist NINJA!!! He tried to KILL ME!!!"

Hidan was frustrated now. "He tried to what?!"

Itachi stood up, dragging me along with him. " Her date turned out to be a Mist jounin. I can only assume he thought she'd be useful in finding us."

Hidan's frustrated expression grew to one of understanding that slowly morphed into anger.

"He… Tried to what?

Itachi pulled me towards the living room. "What it sounds like."

Hidan's expression grew grim. He didn't curse, he didn't shout, and he didn't insult anybody.

"I'll go get my scythe."

Twenty minutes later, the entire Akatsuki knew about what had happened. And they were all very, very angry.

"I'm going to take a shower and go to bed," I said dejectedly.

Deidara grabbed me and pulled me into a one-armed hug, winking. "Ah, but Scar-chan won't want to miss this, un!"

I glanced at him. "Miss what?"

Hidan had reentered the room, looking ominous. "Sweet revenge."

A half-hour later…

I stood outside the seedy restaurant, my mouth agape. The property was in flames, courtesy of a very creative blonde. The diners and employees had already made it out, luckily, but not before most of them were singed.

The Akatsuki, however, was not paying attention to the restaurant. They were surrounding a Mist jounin who was huddled on the ground, looking both angry and scared.

"W-What do you want?!"

They all looked at him grimly, even Tobi. This only increased my former 'date's' melancholy.

"So, you're Akatsuki, r-right?"

"Yep," Deidara, speech impediment gone.

"Well, what do you want with me?!"

"You see that girl there?" Kakuzu asked.

He nodded.

"Well, she's with us," Itachi said, sounding very much the evildoer that he was.

"And you tried to hurt her, which is going against Akatsuki," Sasori said calmly.

"And we heard you tried to force her," Konan said, almost casual.

"Scar-chan is a good girl," Tobi said."

"Yeah, and do you know what happens to people who hurt good girls?" Kisame asked, grinning.

The man shook his head nervously.

"They get punished," Zetsu's white half said.

"They get eaten," corrected Zetsu's black half.

The man gulped. "Come on! You guys are criminals! You can't seriously be concerned about morals!!"

Hidan swung his scythe, stopping just before the man's neck. "Yeah, our morals are pretty lousy."

"But, despite this, we're pretty much a family. And nobody, and I mean nobody, messes with this family," Pein said.

I stood in between Pein and Itachi, grinning like the evil teenager I was.

"Any questions, loser? 'Cuz guess what? You mess with one of us, and you mess with us all," I said.

We may be highly dysfunctional, but one thing's for sure. Even among the most evil of villainous groups, you don't mess with family.