Oh boy.... I'm been working on this one for a while! :D I love it, of course! I got really uninspired sometime during it, then I decided to just finish it, hope you love and enjoy w!
Song is "Too Many Words" by Sick Puppies
SEP
Too many words...
I've tried to balance these lives that we are living
You always feel justified but you never feel forgiving
Phil woke up in his bed to the stench of vomit. His lover of 3 years, Jeff Hardy, had been out drinking again. He always came home late, drunk out of his mind, stumbling and shouting. Whenever Phil tried to clam him down, he became enraged and would storm out of the apartment and wouldn't be seen until the next day.
Now Jeff lay next to him, sleeping soundly. He stared at the man, his beautiful face looking so peaceful. Phil ran his hand over Jeff's head, lacing his long fingers in the blue and purple locks. Jeff's eyes fluttered open, glazed over with sleep.
"Good morning, princess." He said smiling. Phil kissed his lips, tasting the aftermath of his last night. He pulled away and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth, noticing the brown beer bottle next to the bedside table, on the floor.
I woke up one morning to find myself
wrapped in the things I swore I'd never touch.
Jeff walked in and wrapped his hands around his lover's waist, sucking on his neck. Their bare skin touching.
"Jeff," Phil laughed, "I'm trying to brush my teeth!" The ravenette began to squirm. He dropped his toothbrush when Jeff bit down on the sensitive flesh. Phil gasped, causing toothpaste foam to drip from his lips. He wrenched his head forward and spit into the sink as Jeff let his hands roam over his lover's chest. Phil stood motionless, clutching the porcelain sink, leaning forward.
"Jeff" He gasped, "Where were you last night?" His breath escaped his as he attempted to hold onto his composure.
"I went out with Matty," Jeff rubbed against Phil's body, bathing in the heat.
"You were out all night, I didn't see you at all."
Jeff purred, "I'm sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you." Jeff turned the other man around to face him and captured his lips.
Jeff's fingers danced lightly across the skin of Phil's chest, stopping to tweak at his little pink nipple. Phil gasped as he swatted Jeff's hands away.
"I'm not in the mood." He stormed away.
Jeff looked after him, hurt.
"You OK?" He asked quietly, following him into the kitchen.
"No I'm not OK!" Phil's arm flailed and hits a vase off the table, smashing into the ground.
"Ph-Phil?" Jeff nervously stuttered, "You're acting crazy. Please calm down."
Phil only responded by staring back at him.
"I know I go out a lot, but you can't freak out every time I wanna have a little fun!
"FUN?" Phil gripped the counter top, "You're out there every night, killing yourself and you want me to stand by idle? I love you Jeff! Why are you doing this to me?"
"Doing what to you?"
Phil stared at him intently.
"Just 'cause you're straightedge doesn't mean I have to be! I have my own life, if you don't like it why are you still here?"
Phil walked forward and captured Jeff''s face gently between his palms.
"I stay here because I love you, baby. I can't believe you don't see that!"
"How can you say you love me if you're constantly harassing me!
"Because I care about you! I want you around for as long as possible!" Phil's eyes staring tearing, "I don't want anything to happen to you."
Jeff glared at him, "I can take care of myself! I don't need a babysitter!" He stormed out of the apartment, just as he always does. Phil collapsed on the floor, sobbing.
And here I am again trying to save what's left of you and I
So why aren't you satisfied?
Minutes later, the phone began to ring. Phil composed himself and spoke softly into the phone, "Hello?"
"Hey Philly Cheese-steak!" The chipper voice sounded on the other end.
Phil smiled "Hey Matt."
"Did Jeff get back to your place OK? He seemed kinda out of it last night."
"Uh, yeah. He was here this morning."
"Was? Did he leave or something?"
"Yeah, we had another fight."
"I'm sorry, man. About what?"
"Same old shit."
"Hey, listen. I'll come over and we'll watch a movie or something, k? Get your mind off it 'til Jeff gets back."
"Yeah, sounds good." Phil hung up, dropping the phone on the floor, walking back into the bedroom and flopping onto the comforter. The warmth of Jeff's body had left, but the stench of alcohol still lurked in the air. Phil took it upon himself to clean the place up. He reached to pick up the beer bottles, but jerked away, almost vomiting. He instead ran into the bathroom and grabbed a bottle of air freshener, spraying liberally over the offending area.
Once it smelled like a fresh spring meadow, Phil closed his eyes and threw the bottles into the recycling bin.
_TMW_
There was a knock at the door. Phil had managed to keep himself busy with housekeeping. He ran over to the door to see Matt Hardy standing happily with a six-pack of Pepsi and a couple gross-out comedies.
Matt and Phil were friends before he met Jeff. They meet at a pool party the Shannon Moore had hosted, apparently they knew each other from work. They click immediately and hung out all the time, since Phil and Jeff started really having problems, Matt was over a lot.
"Hey, dude! Ready to drown your problems?" Matt laughed.
"You have no idea."
They walked into the apartment and Phil rushed off into the kitchen to pop popcorn. Matt sat down on the couch.
Matt noticed the extreme cleanliness of the place. It looked like no one had lived there in a while. He dragged his index finger across the glass surface of the coffee table, not one speck of dust to be found. He knew Phil cleaned impulsively after he and Jeff fought. This made him worry even more.
He popped the DVD in the DVD player and searched for the remote, hidden in the seats of the couch.
Phil came back and plopped onto the couch, sliding over to lean on Matt. They had a well-known bro-mance, no one really cared as long as they weren't fucking. Matt held his arm at a respectable distance on the top of the couch.
The beginning credits played and Phil took a swig of Pepsi, throwing himself in the atmosphere.
I reached out, fell short
Now you're hurt, too many words
Breaking the silence
I felt it, bled it, screamed it,
It only gets worse
Matt and Phil feel asleep, it was mid-evening by the time Matt heard his phone ringing from his pocket.
"Hello?" He mumbled into the phone.
"Hey man." It was Jeff., "Wanna get wasted tonight?"
"Dude! I'm still hanging from last night! Besides I got some stuff going on."
"HA! Come on man! I need to chill out! What could you be doing that's more important than being with your own blood in his time of need?"
"I'm hanging with a friend."
There was silence.
"It's Phil isn't it?" His words sounded soft and sorrowful.
"Yeah, he's totally depressed."
"Can I talk to him?"
"He's out right now. Why don't you come back here? You two need to sort this shit out."
"Yeah, maybe later." He hung up
He sighed and closed his phone, looking down to see the smaller male laying peacefully across his lap.
And it kills me what's in me too angry for us to survive
I used too many words tonight
Phil seemed to be enjoying himself as he and Matt laughed together. They reminisced about the most recent Copeland Halloween Extravaganza, where Jeff had dressed in complete drag and one of Adam's friends started hitting on him.
Phil's head was swimming in Pepsi, he had drunken 5 of the 6 Matt had brought over. He giggled as he rested his head on the armrest with his legs across Matt's legs.
"But he had it coming! Did you see that skirt! I could see his ass the entire night."
"Dude, you see his ass every night."
"Not so much anymore..." Phil glanced at the ground., "All he wants to do is go out, and that's fun and all, but he always ends up drinking himself stupid."
"I'm sorry man. Maybe he's just going through a phase?"
"I hope so."
I tried to get it right
But I was just wastin' my time
'cause you never compromised when it came to us
Just then Jeff peeked in through the door.
"Hey guys..." he moved into the room as both of the other men sat up to look over at him. Phil looked exhausted, rings around his eyes, Jeff sat in the arm chair adjacent to the couch.
Awkwardness floated through the room.
"I think I should go." Matt stood and said good-bye to the lovers.
He quietly closed the door.
"Phil, this has got to stop."
"I agree"
"I can't do this anymore"
"Me neither."
"What are we going to do?" To this Phil was silent for a moment.
"Why do you leave me all the time?"
"You never want to go with me!"
"No, I never want to drink with you."
"Maybe that's the problem."
"Wait, what? I'm that problem? The fact that I don't want to drink myself to an early death is the problem?"
"Well it sure as hell isn't me! I go around minding my own business and you blow up!"
"Well how can I not!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Jeff," Phil became stoic and hard-faced, "We haven't had sex in weeks."
"I tired to fix that this morning,"
"That's not what I'm talking about!"
Jeff took a minute to think, "You think I'm cheating on you!" He accused, standing up, "You little bitch!"
Phil stood also, not being outdone by the young Hardy, "Don't talk to me like that," he scowled, nose-to-nose with Jeff.
"You think that I would hook up with anyone else when I had you to come home to?" He grabbed Phil by the arms, "I've been with you for 3 years! If I was going to cheat on you, I wouldn't have waited!"
"That's not really reassuring...."
"Well I'm sorry, I'm being called a slut by my boyfriend!"
Phil felt his eyes tearing.
"How do I know you're not screwing around with Matt?"
That stung Phil more than the idea of Jeff being with someone else.
"How. Fucking. Dare. You."
We struggle and fall apart we build it back to static start
The endless accusations I can't believe we made it this far.
The screaming continued for hours, leaving both men in tears on the floor of their room.
"Phil?" Jeff's voice was broken and cracked.
"Yeah?" So was Phil's.
"I hate fighting."
"Me too."
I reached out, fell short
Now you're hurt, too many words
Breaking the silence
I felt it, bled it, screamed it,
It only gets worse
And it kills me what's in me too angry for us to survive
I used too many words tonight
Waking alone tomorrow, has gotta be better than this
Phil woke up the next day, alone. Jeff had decided to stay the night with Matt at his house. He ran his hand down his face, which was sticky with tears. He sniffled, getting out of bed, and walked into the silent kitchen. It wasn't a peaceful silence, but a longing one.
Phil opened the fridge, listening to his stomach grumble. Not many options. He decided to walk down to the convince store on the corner of the street. He slipped on some sandals and slugged out out the house.
The sun was low in the sky. Phil wore a his clothes from yesterday, not having the energy to get undressed. He shut the door behind him and slowly walked to the convenience store on the corner of his street.
He grabbed a pile of junk food, chip, candy, soda, etc. and paid at the counter. He looked up at the cloudy sky. Amazing how it so reflected him. The dreary overcast made him wander even slower.
This relationship had been drained out any compassion. They both knew it was over. Who would say it though?
When Phil returned to his home, he dropped his bag of sugar on the couch and curled up next to it, turning on the television. He turned on some reality show, girls being bitches and whatnot.
Phil unwrapped a chocolate bar and broke off pieces and stuck them into his mouth. It melted slowly and his eyes fixated on the screen.
After an hour and a half, with several dozen wrappers surrounding him, Phil turns off the TV and grabbed his cell phone. He made a new text message.
From: Phil Brooks
To: Jeffers
Hey. Wanna talk over here?
Send
Phil sighs. When did he start losing Jeff? Probably when his dad got sick 7-8 months ago. Jeff had been holding back the drinks because Phil had asked him to. Whenever Jeff felt like he was losing control, he would drink until he could create another reality, where everything is perfect. Phil wanted so much for things to be perfect, but he was losing himself in this relationship too. Didn't his happiness mean anything?
From: Jeffers
To: Phil Brooks
Sure
He shut his phone, resting his head on the arm of the couch and shut his eyes, waiting for the sugar rush that was soon to follow.
"Jeff wait up!" Phil ran after the slender man, "Wanna go get something to eat?"
Jeff cocked his head at him, "Really?" He showed a small smile, "The Straightedge Savior wants to hang out with someone like me?" He dramatically pressed his hand to his heart, "I'd be honored"
Phil ran up to his side and lightly punched him on the shoulder. They walked up to Jeff's rental car and drove out of the parking lot
They drove to a little diner, the open 24 hours kind, and grabbed a table near the back. They looked down at the menus when Jeff spoke up.
"So why did you ask me here?" He looked up playfully at Phil,who giggled at his child-like expression.
"Really!" He continued, "I'm serious! We don't really hang out or anything."
"You really wanna know?"
Jeff's eyes held a curiosity like Phil had never seen. He nodded.
"You're interesting."
Jeff giggled, "Why, thank you!"
I reached out, fell short
Now you're hurt, too many words
Breaking the silence
I felt it, bled it, screamed it,
It only gets worse
Phil woke up when he heard Jeff open the front door. The latch clicked loudly and Phil pretended to be asleep.
"Phil? You here?" Jeff peeked into the room stopping dead when he saw Phil 'sleeping' on the sofa.
"God," he whispered, "I forgot how pretty you are when you're sleeping." He knelt down and placed his head on Phil's chest, "Philly? What happened to us?"
"I don't know." Phil answered, "But I can't do this anymore."
Phil felt a tear drop on his shirt, sinking deep into the fabric.
"This is it?" Jeff croaked out.
"Yeah." Phil sniffled.
"Can I ask for one thing?" Jeff lifted his head and looked Phil straight in the eyes.
Phil inhaled, "Of course."
Jeff lowered his lips to Phil's, letting the tender flash dance under the sensation.
"Take me," Jeff kissed the other man.
Phil moaned into the kiss, "You want a good-bye fuck?" He was silenced by another kiss, gentle and loving.
Jeff nodded and pulled Phil up to a sitting position.
"I don't want to forget what you feel like buried inside, filling me up." Jeff's words were already making Phil hard, how could he refuse?
Phil yanked the blonde into his lap, being straddled. Jeff ground his hips onto Phil's crotch. Phil yelped when Jeff's cold hand slid his hands up his stomach, sliding off his shirt.
"I don't know if we should be doing this..." Phil shut his eyes as Jeff flicked his tongue in and out of his belly button.
"Ah... Jeff," He tried to push away, but Jeff took hold of both of his wrists,
"Don't you leave me now!" He pulled Phil to the ground and removed his own shirt.
"Jeff, stop!" Phil squirmed under him and felt the carpet scratching his bare back.
"Shh, quiet dear."
It was then he realized, Jeff was high.
"Jeffrey Nero Hardy! Get off of me now!" Phil's wrists with pinned over his head.
"Phil, I need you," Jeff laid on top of Phil, "You are the only thing I live for."
"I don't need you! I don't even love you!"
I used too many words tonight
Jeff stared at him, "What?" he whispered, almost under his breath, "WHAT?" He screamed, making Phil wince.
"You don't love me? You've been my fucking everything for 3 years and you don't love me?"
"I love MY Jeff, you aren't him, I don't know you."
"This is me, baby! 100%! What you see is what you get!"
Jeff went for the belt of his pants, tying Phil's hands to the leg of the coffee table.
"You will love me!" Jeff yanked off Phil's pants and boxers leaving his exposed on the ground.
"Jeff, stop!" His vision was blurry with tears, "I'm scared, this isn't funny anymore!"
"Good!" Jeff pulled off his own pants and leaned across his body to kiss Phil's neck. It wasn't a loving kiss, it was possessive and rough.
Phil shrieked when Jeff bit into his neck, it was bleeding profusely.
"Quiet, doll, or the walls will hear you!" Jeff laughed at his own words. Tears running down Phil's face.
"Why? Jeff? I thought you loved me?" Phil could feel the blood running onto the carpet.
"I do! But you don't love me, so I will make you!" Jeff bared his teeth and pulled his boxers down, tossing them aside.
"Jeff, please don't! I do love you! I'm sorry!" Phil thrashed on the floor, pleading with the intoxicated male.
"Now, you're lying!" Jeff smacked his captive across the face.
"Please, Jeff. I just want to be alone!"
"Now, Philly, with me, you'll never be alone."
Too many words
Jeff, stroked both men to hardness, Phil still fighting and screaming against him.
Jeff hummed while he worked, calming him down. He soon stuck a finger into his mouth and drenched it in spit.
"Jeff! Jeff, no!"
"Don't worry love! This isn't for you," He rolled onto his back and inserted the digit into the small pucker. He moaned with delight.
"I have to say, you're much better at this than I am, I would ask you to do it, but then you might run away."
Jeff soon added a second finger, slowing inserting and withdrawing them, scissoring his insides to prepare for his lover's girth, which was early waiting for him.
"Jeff, please let me go! I don't want this!"
"Baby, you just....... must have forgotten how amazing I am in the sack. Not to...ah... worry though, I'll make sure to be very special tonight."
Phil kicked at him, catching him in the shoulder.
"Ah!" He felt the carpet burn his back. "OK, I guess you're just a little impatient! I'm not really ready, but anything for my Philly!" Jeff positioned himself over his captive, and lowered himself on to his leaking cock, sucking it into his body.
Phil couldn't make a sound for one reason or another, and just let more tears run down. Jeff frowned.
"There, there, love." He wiped the tears away with his thumb and moaned as he shifted his weight to his knees.
"Oh God! You fill me up so nicely Philly! Your hot, dripping dick so warm inside me."
Phil mewled as Jeff started to move up and down, painfully slowly.
"Jeff, no..." Phil shook his head from side to side, not daring to look Jeff in the eyes.
"Phil, you are so fucking hot when you say my name! I feel your cock pulse inside me when you say it! You do love me! Let me love you the same way!"
Jeff quickened his pace, bouncing up and down, digging his fingers into his lover's hips.
Phil whimpered and cried some more, squeezing his eyes shut and burying his face in the floor.
"O God! Fuck me Phil! Fuck me so hard I won't be able to walk! Fuck me so everyone knows I'm yours. I want your cock inside me every night, don't you leave me!" Jeff slammed down on Phil's pelvis, screaming out. "Drive into me Phil, thrust your dick into me, I want to so bad!"
Phil could feel his release coming, he whimpered and moaned as Jeff drove him so deep inside. He emptied his load into Jeff's more-than-willing body, followed shortly by Jeff's. The smaller man finally stopped, falling onto the floor next to Phil.
"I'm sorry, Phil." Jeff whispered and cuddled up to his body. He kissed a tear-stained cheek and untied his wrists from the table.
Too many words
Phil woke up in his bed, naked as a jay-bird, with Jeff laying next to him. He slowly
got out of bed and, without waking his ex-partner, began packing up his things. He had cleaned out his side of the closet when Jeff began stirring behind him. Phil exhaled and went to collect his things from the bathroom. He stuffed everything of his into a small bag when he heard a tired voice.
"Philly?" It rang sweetly, "Are you going somewhere?
"I'm leaving."
"What?" Jeff turned him around, "Why?"
"Jeff.... do you remember anything from last night?"
He hung his head shamefully and shook his head.
"Jeffy.... You raped me."
Jeff coughed and his head flew upwards, "What?" He grabbed onto Phil's shoulders, causing him to drop the bag in his hands. "I would never do anything like that! I love you!"
"Don't touch me!" Phil rushed out of the bathroom and led Jeff into the living room. Jeff cringed and buried his face in Phil's shirt when he saw the blood and semen stains on the couch and carpets.
"Phil," He cried, "I'm so sorry!" He sobbed heavily into Phil's chest and Phil embraced him. His hand ran over a wound, scabbing over on Phil's neck, he inspected it.
"Did I do that?"
Phil nodded, the tears returning to his eyes.
"Oh god Phil..." Jeff trembled, before slowly dropping to his knees, "I'm so sorry"
Phil keeled down and kissed Jeff on the cheek, "Quiet, boy. I forgive you."
"Wh- How? I raped you? I'll never forgive myself!" Jeff fell into hysterics.
"Jeff, calm down!" Phil pulled the disheveled male into his lap and pacified him.
"Phil?" Jeff stared off into the distance, "Were you going to leave me before this happened?"
"...Yes, Jeff. That's what we were talking about last night."
"So you're really leaving?"
Phil rested his chin in Jeff's hair, "I am."
Jeff nodded and sniffled.
"I guess it's for the best."
"I guess it is."
Too many words
You guys know the drill! Fav, review and check out my other story "Drowning" I love you all soooooooo much! I thank you for reading, hope to have more stuff up soon :D