The Number One Song, a man from uncle fanfic

"Can you 'ear it? Can you? She's been driving me bloody batty all day!"

Mark, Illya and Napoleon were standing in the hallway next to the door that led to Mark and April's office in UNCLE HQ. Faintly, they could just hear April singing on the other side.

Seems to help, I know, downtown

Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city
Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty
How can you lose?
The lights are much brighter there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares,,,

Illya looked askance at the Brit. "She has a lovely voice. Why are you complaining?"

"Because she's been singing or humming that same insipid song forever! Says it's stuck in 'er 'ead and she can't be shut of it. I bought this sarnie for 'er in the hopes it'll shut 'er up for a bit!"

Napoleon looked confused. "Sarnie?"

"Sorry, mate. You blokes call it a sandwich. Let's go in, then," Mark replied as he stepped in front of the pneumatic door, causing it to open. "'Ello, Ducks, I've brought you some lunch!"

"Downtown...Darling, thank you so much! I could use a break. Napoleon, Illya; did you just get back?" April was sitting at her desk, glasses perched on her nose and empty coffee mug by her side, with expense report and mission report forms spread out in front of her.

"Hi, April," Napoleon answered, "We've been in HQ for a few hours. The Old Man debriefed us and then sent us to Medical. We were cleared and went to the Commissary to grab a bite and ran into this reprobate as we were leaving. We decided to come say hello before going to our office."

"We heard you singing as we approached the door, but I did not recognize the tune. What is it?"

April laughed, "Illya Darling, you really must stop listening to talk radio stations and start watching Ed Sullivan! 'Downtown' is the number one song in the country right now. It's sung by an Englishwoman named Petula Clark. Mark says I've been singing it a lot lately and he's probably right. I like it."

Mark huffed, "I liked it too the first hundred times I heard it! Please stop singing it! At least, for a while." He moved to kneel by April's side and took her right hand in his. "I'm beggin' you, Luv!"

She removed her hand and stroked the side of his face. "How can I refuse such a heartfelt request? For you, Partner Darling, I will cease and desist." She stood up and reached for their radio that sat on top of their file cabinets. "I'll play the radio."

The voice of Harry Harrison emerged saying, "It's time to play our number one song! Don't forget to watch her tonight on 'Hullabaloo:' Miss Petula Clark singing her smash 'Downtown!'"

To Mark's chagrin, the opening piano notes began to play, causing April to turn the volume up slightly, stretch out her arms to embrace him and begin to sway them to the music as she sang:

When you're alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go downtown
When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry
Seems to help, I know, downtown

So go downtown
Things will be great when you're downtown
No finer place for sure, downtown
Everything's waiting for you

Don't hang around and let your problems surround you
There are movie shows downtown…

Illya and Napoleon laughed as they watched Mark roll his eyes and dance with his partner. "It's a conspiracy; I give up!" he moaned, but he was smiling as he hugged April close.

"Well, ah, on that note, we'll take our leave," Napoleon said as he waved goodbye and he and his partner left them to their devices.

As they walked toward their office, Illya deadpanned, "I certainly hope April's singing has not given you any ideas. I have no desire to listen to you braying 'Downtown' at me."

Napoleon clapped the Russian on his shoulder. "I'm more a Righteous Brothers fan. Have you heard 'You've Lost that Lovin' Feeling?'"

"No and if I hear it now, you will be typing your reports for the next week."

"You do know how to take the fun out of things, Partner Mine."