My hands are touching my chin as I'm pressed against your chest. The shirt you are wearing is your size but somehow you are too big for it. Your shoulders block out the morning sun from me. I feel you are looming over me but it doesn't scare me, it makes me happy. You are my big strong moose and you're here to protect me. Your extremely long legs are tangled with mine in our little mountain of pillow, sheets and bodies. Your breathing is low and steady. When you breathe out your breath ruffles my hair. It tickles and makes me warm. I shake myself and wonder why I'm awake and not enjoying the sun and you.
I snuggle closer to your chest and try to find myself a niche but I stir you. You wake up and look at me with sleepy grey eyes. I reach up and push back the curtain of dark chocolate hair that always falls in front of your face. I smile at you when I can see your eyes again and snuggle deeper. Your arms wrap tighter around me and make me press up against you more. I could stay here forever but I know you will have to leave soon. I heard you talking to your brother on the phone the other day and it sounds like you are setting up a case. I want you to be the hero and save innocent people but I also want you here with me. I know I cannot stop you or your brother from doing your jobs. I will just have to keep you tightly in my arms for the few days or hours we have left together.
As you drift back to sleep, I am awake. I cannot sleep with the tight feeling in my chest that you will be leaving soon. I run my fingers on your chest as I trace invisible tattoos as I think. My fingers automatically trace the circle and star you have tattooed on your left peck. It protects you as you protect me. My eyes automatically go to my own version of your tattoo on the crease of my right arm. You made me get the tattoo so I would be safe when you are away but the only way I will ever feel safe is if you are here with me. I will miss you so much. I don't want you to leave. I want you here with me in the sun. I'm so selfish. If I had my way so many people will die.
I crane my head and look at your sleeping face. Your face is the face people see when they are saved. Their hope sparks when you come in. you save actual lives and you don't consider yourself a hero. I know nobody's perfect but you are in my eyes. You never saved me from any monsters but I'd love to see you in action. I can't even imagine the admiration and love I would feel for you if you saved me. your eyes flutter open and catch me staring at you. You smile until you blink and suddenly your face is full of worry and pain. Your hand come away from my back and touches my cheek. It comes away wet and I realise I was crying thinking of you leaving and what you do. I let out a small uneasy laugh before linking my fingers though yours. Your eyebrows pull apart and your arms are around me again.
This time when you fall asleep I do too. I'm instantly in a regular dream I enjoy. You and I are in a field by a lake. We sit on a blanket as a little figure runs around the field. I never get to see what the child looks like but I just know it's a boy. He runs with reckless abandon as he chases everything and anything that has the sense to flee from him. my hand that's on your chest feels a vibration and I see your mouth move as you shout for the boy to come back to us. the boy keeps running. He heads straight for a dark wood. My heart lurches as you do to your feet. I keep my eye on the boy as he stops and looks up at the towering trees. He seems interested yet timid to carry on. My heart slows and I calm. He should go take a look. He should be adventurous, he should be like his dad, you. My eyes are wet again as I look up to you and then back to the boy. He looks back at us and I feel my lips soothe around the words.
"Carry On My Wayward Son",