A/n: Kurt's letter to Blaine.

This is going to contain spoilers, but I haven't watched any Glee episodes since 'Makeover' so I dunno how accurate they are.

Hey Blaine,

How are you? Maybe a little better from when I last saw you? I'm sure the New Directions are looking after you, and that thought makes it a little easier for me to sleep at night. But I keep having nightmares, just you're face when...when I left, that last time I saw you.

Grease was amazing by the way, tell everyone I say Hi and congratulations on a flawless performance, although I think you would have made the perfect Danny and would looked Godly in a leather jacket. Although you made an amazing teen-angel as well, Sugar is a lucky girl.

The last time I saw you, I basically told you that there was no hope for us. That I didn't trust you anymore and so we were...we were done. And I know that hurt you, but it hurt me as well Blaine, you have no idea. I was sort of blunt, honestly I just wanted to get out of there. Seeing you killed me more then I thought it would. I just feel like I owe you a small insight into what's really going on in my head right now.

And the truth is, I have no idea. You hurt me Blaine, you hurt me more then he bullies, the comments, the shoves against the locker. I thought you were the one person I could trust forever, I thought we were the real deal. And I know I hadn't been the best boyfriend leading up to it, but I was busy Blaine. Busy trying to sort out some kind of life for you to come to next year. But that's gone now, I'm doing things for me now, not for us.

I thought I'd never be able to forgive you Blaine. Yes you've hurt me, I feel like you ripped out my insides and threw them off a cliff, but I'm starting to think that the pain of being away from isn't worth it. It hurts me more to be apart from you, then what you did to me. I just feel empty. It hurts, this huge gaping black hole in my chest, at first I thought it was because of your...action. But when I saw you, I realized it was because I miss you. Oh my God Blaine, I miss you so much.

I miss your laugh, your smile, your eyes, your hair, your lips, your voice, your comments, the way you hold my hand, the way you slip your hand around my waist. Everything Blaine, I miss everything. Before you, I never thought I was never going to be with everyone. My whole life all I've been told was that I was ugly and disgusting, but you changed that. You loved me. And I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is. Give me time Blaine. Just wait. I miss you, and I don't you to leave my life. Maybe we can be friends again? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore, you were everything and now your gone. Before all this, New York didn't seem so scary, I knew I had you waiting for me back home, someone to talk to, give me advice. I knew that you'd be with me soon and we could battle it together, but now it's terrifying. I have no idea what I'm doing, I act like I do but I don't at all. But Lima isn't my home anymore, it's New York. It always as been, but before you were home as well. Now it's just New York and I can concentrate a bit more and...maybe that's a good thing.

Now Blaine I really need you to listen to me. Because I know you, and I know that right now you hate yourself. But stop it okay? Blaine you are not a bad person, you are an amazing person. And I know that you must have been in a really bad place to have done this, because I know you. And I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I don't think I ever will. Every fiber of my being wants to trust you again Blaine, and maybe one day I'll be able to give it what it wants. But for now. I just need time. But I don't expect you to just wait around for me Blaine, live your life okay? If you find someone else, then don't hold back. I'll be happy for you. Another thing I need you to know, is that I don't regret anything.

You were my first everything. You were the first person who held my hand, liked me, helped me, knew what I'd been through. You took my first kisses and touches, blushes and awkward glances, my first time at being with another person Blaine and I wouldn't take it back even if I could. I wouldn't have wanted to share those firsts with anyone else, not even Taylor Lautner before he gets fat. You're perfect okay? Just know that.

I'm sorry I left you like I did. I was a coward, I was scared, so I ran. You always told me I was so brave for staying at McKinley, but maybe this was just my time to run. I needed to tell you this Blaine, but I knew I could never say it to your face without braking down (sorry for any tear marks on the paper.) Just know I haven't completely given up on us Blaine, not yet.

If you want nothing to do with me and want to try and move on then that's fine as well. Just please, please be safe and be happy Blaine. If this is the case and you find someone else I hope you will be as happy as I was with you before all of this happened.

However if you do want to be in each others lives then maybe we'll talk soon.

Well done on Grease again.

All my love,

Kurt.