**Character list, for those (fangirls) who want to know before-hand**
Starring:
-Zhao Yun (DW6 version.)
-Cao Pi (DW6. He gained some fangirls in that one, I must say. Though I can't figure out why…)
-Jiang Wei (DW5. Poor guy isn't in DW6. Wonder why Koei cut him out… ): )
-Lu Xun (my personal obsession. (: DW6. He's amazing without that stupid hat.)
-Chow Mien (Long story short. Didn't wear glasses first time I played Dynasty Warriors. Misread Ma Chao as Chao Mien. x; And since then, me and my friend have been calling him that. DW6 version.)
-Zhou Yu (DW5 with DW6 weapon. I find the stick funny, but don't like the ponytail. Sorry.)
*A/N* I tried to pick the most fangirled after characters and stick to the original number of the Ouran Host Club. Maybe Gan Ning should be in here instead of Cao Pi, I dunno, but I chose Cao Pi because murderous guys are always fun to write about. :3
Featuring:
-Zhang He (In the beginning just so I can laugh at him. He doesn't get to be part of the Dynasty Host Club. He doesn't have enough fangirls. Please don't hurt me if you are one. DW6 version. His high heels make me lmao. ;D )
-Zuo Ci (Because he has the most fangirls of all! Nah, you'll see why he's in there. (: DW5 version. A.K.A. Only DW version. He might be a bit OOC, but I think he's the only one. And it's for comedic purposes. :3 )
-xxx-
Ch 1
"Do you dare face the Dragon General of Shu?" Zhao Yun swung his Dragon Spike about his body, his armor shining in the setting afternoon sun.
"I'm the prince of the Wei Kingdom, you twit," Cao Pi raised Havoc, glaring at this lowly warrior that dared challenge him, and so cheekily as well. It didn't cross the blue-clad fellow's mind that this was the same warrior that couldn't even eat a bao zi (dumpling) in front of his king. Strength in the battlefield really did bring out unwarranted confidence.
"You can't leave out the kingdom of Wu either!" Zhou Yu rushed into the scene, waving around his stick. As if two people armed with a spear and a sword should be afraid of it.
"Zhao Yun, I'm here to back you up!" Chow Mien brandished the Ironhorse Glaive in one hand while caressing the mane of his horse in the other.
"Oh? Are we planning to team up on Cao Pi? How unbeautiful." Zhang He flew in, Splendor flashing behind him.
"Is the Prime Minister here?!" Jiang Wei ran around, looking about him. Spotting Lu Xun, who had just arrived, he spun around, pointing his finger at the unfortunate young strategist, "You got him, didn't you? What did you do to the Prime Minister?"
"I'm not sure," Lu Xun replied nonchalantly, "He may have perished when I burnt down the Shu camp." As the youngest member of Dynasty Warriors that could actually make a difference on the battlefield, he was going through his rebellious stage. (Hey, just because you're a brilliant ancient Chinese strategist doesn't make you any different from the rest of us teenagers. Though it may make you a bit addicted to playing with fire. That explains a lot…)
"Don't joke around!" Jiang Wei snapped, and immediately Prodigal and Silver Swallow were locked together in battle. Meanwhile, Zhao Yun's undying devotion to the so-called virtuous Liu Bei had managed to piss Cao Pi off enough to him to indeed "dare attack the Dragon general of Shu." Using his brilliant strategy, Zhou Yu was able to deduce that Chow Mien loved his horse, and upon insulting it, angered its owner into combat. Zhang He was completely ignored. After all, who wants to fight a guy wearing a purple leotard and high heels?
Things had just gotten heated up on the battlefield, when…
"Stop!"
Glancing up from the head lock Zhou Yu was giving him (the brilliant Wu strategist finally figured out that fighting a glaive with a freaking stick was not a good idea), Chow Mien spied a figure upon the mountain-top. It was clothed in white robes and seemed to have some sort of weird bruise upon his right eye. However, most shocking was his hair, which was arrayed to resemble a white fan. With an entrance like that, Zuo Ci was starting to turn out as eccentric as that bamboo from Lion King. After deeming that he had held the limelight for long enough, he suddenly disappeared, reappearing in a shower of red sparks next to Cao Pi and Zhao Yun. With a flick of his hand, he sent his Trump Deck out, binding the two powerful warriors. (Yes. Apparently in my messed up world, a bo-staff is useless, but a deck of cards are unbeatable. But not just any deck of cards… A trump deck of cards!)
"Old man!" Cao Pi spat, enraged that he had been defeated that he had been defeated by mere slips of paper (seriously, who wouldn't?), "What is the meaning of this?"
"Temper, temper," Zuo Ci scolded, "I have come to teach you all an important moral lesson."
A/N *Zuo Ci really does do this. Those of you who completed Xu Zhu's musou in DW5 understand. Zuo Ci literally appears to stalk our favorite fat boy to teach him some important life lessons. And to make matters worse, neither me nor my friend can play Xu Zhu right. So, in the end, our epic battle against Zuo Ci turned out to be my friend running away on Xu Zhu while I attempted to save her on Zhou Yu. Whose my 3rd main, btw.)
"A moral lesson?" Zhao Yun wasn't quite as venomous as Cao Pi. Apparently, getting defeated by cards didn't seem to faze him too much, "But I cannot have gone wrong. I serve the virtuous Liu-Bee-dono!" (That's how they pronounce Liu Bei's name in the Japanese version [lol].)
"Just look about you," Zuo Ci responded, shaking his fan-shaped head, "Here you all are, powerful warriors with an army of fangirls, trying to beat off each other's pretty faces. If I may ask you, Dragon-General of Shu, where is the love?"
"Where is the what, now?" Cao Pi asked.
"Let me tell you right now, random old man," Zhou Yu stepped forward, "You are not one to lecture me about love. I married one of the most annoying girls on this planet. She's so loud that I have to bunk at Lu Xun's house if I want to get any sleep at night. All because I thought I was in love with her pretty, chipmunk-resembling little face."
A/N *Seriously. I HATE Xiao Qiao. She looks weird when she runs. But that's not the reason why I hate her.*
"That's beside the point!" Zuo Ci waved a hand impatiently, "What I'm trying to say is that you men are wasting your time hating everyone but your mentors and lords."
"But no man is as worthy as the Prime Minister!" Jiang Wei protested, "After all, the Prime…"
"Shut up!" Zuo Ci cut him off, "If I hear the words 'Prime Minister' come out of your mouth one more time, I'll stuff a banana in it."
A/N *I HATE bananas. Even more than Xiao Qiao. They're that bad to me.*
"So, what are you planning to do to us?" Lu Xun inquired again.
"Send you to an alternate universe and force you to trade places with a very important club whose entire point of existence is love."
"Say what now?" Cao Pi asked again.
"I think it'd be better if I just showed you."
Suddenly, red sparks sprang up from the ground, encircling the warriors. All except Zhang He. Shocked, the purple-clad ballet dancer glanced towards Zuo Ci.
"I think your idea is a fabulous one! Why isn't someone as beautiful as me invited?"
"Two reasons, Zhang He," Zuo Ci faced him, "Number One, you just freaking used the word fabulous. Number Two, your ending clip on Dynasty Warriors 5 was a fucking dance. I think you know enough about love."
And with that, he threw the rest of the combatants into Ouran Academy. And the turmoil started all over again.
"Ow!" Lu Xun moaned slightly, "Excuse me, Zhao Yun, but you landed on me in a suit of armor."
"Zhou Yu!" Cao Pi snapped, "Your freaking stick is poking my royal butt!"
"Ma Chao, your spiky hair is getting into my eyes," Jiang Wei said, "If you would just keep it natural like the Prime Minister's…"
And the banana was shoved into his mouth. Straightening up from the gagging disciple of the Prime Min… excuse me. Straightening up from the gagging disciple of You-Know-Who (not Voldemort [lol]. Sorry. Couldn't resist), Zuo Ci smiled winningly at the rest of the warriors, who were speechless at the cruelty Zuo Ci was subjecting Jiang Wei to.
"You are now officially the Ouran High School Host Club," he said, waving his cards dramatically about the abandoned music room we all know and love. (And for you worried fangirls wondering where Tamaki and gang are… Well, let's just say they're wondering why Yue Ying's wooden, fire-spewing tigers are chasing after them.) "The purpose of this club is for rich, handsome boys with too much time on their hands (yes, that's you guys. Don't give me that shocked look, Lu Xun) to entertain rich girls who also have too much time on their hands."
"I honestly didn't understand half the words that came out of your mouth," Cao Pi snitched. Zuo Ci smirked at him, drawing a banana.
"Shall I make you understand?"
"…That's quite alright."
Turning away from the shaken Cao Pi, Zuo Ci went back to addressing the group as a whole.
"Now, your mission. You are to be the loving members of the Host Club for a year. If, for any reason, a girl comes to you, you must entertain her, cause her to smile. If any of you should make a girl shed any tears (unless it's tears from you being too beautiful), then I will personally give you the banana treatment. Understood?"
"Wait!" Zhao Yun spoke up, "I can't. I must be at Liu-Bee-dono's side!"
"I'll also kill your lords if you refuse to comply," Zuo Ci continued, glaring especially at Jiang Wei, "That includes You-Know-Who. Are we all on the same page now?"
There was a mumbled consent of yes from every one of the warriors assembled.
"Good. Now, to assign you all roles." Zuo Ci began pacing in front of the warriors, looking all of them over, muttering to himself. Suddenly, he paused in front of Zhao Yun, jabbing his finger at him. "You! You will now be the Princely Dragon-General of Ouran, the leader of the Host Club! Serving under a virtuous king, your goal for starting the Host Club is to pass on the justice and love that your king gave to you. And to the white and blue clad idiot in the corner, no, I don't give a crap that you're the real prince." He began pacing again, before pointing towards Cao Pi, "You! You will be the Cool Fallen Leader. You wanted to lead the Host Club, but were overthrown by your more fangirled-after counterpart. However, even though you secretly long for a position of more power, you cannot help but adore and respect Zhao Yun." More pacing, and then two jabs at the same time to Jiang Wei and Lu Xun, "You two will be the Devilish Young Apprentice Strategists. Gifted with genius at such a young age, you look down on the reset of the world and love only each other. However, you two are actually really lonely and will eventually open up. To attract girls, you two must show your love to only each other." Ignoring Lu Xun and Jiang Wei's looks of horror that resulted from them being paired with each other, Zuo Ci directed his index finger towards Chow Mien. "You will be the Wild Horse Lover. You used to always ride horses, but when your rich parents forced you to come to Ouran Academy, you decided to spend all your wasted passion on the Host Club and your master Zhou Yu. Which brings us to you!" Finally, Zhou Yu gets the finger (that came out sort of weird [lol].), "The Pretty Boy Lolita type. Born a genius, all you really love is cake and sweets. You are always in close relation with Ma Chao, as he is a diligent servant and works hard to make sure you don't get cavities."
Zuo Ci stepped back, satisfied at his work. Suddenly, the sound of giggling fangirls outside the door sent chills up and down the warriors' spines.
And not in the good way either.
"Well, good luck, everyone! Remember, your taste buds and lords are at stake!"
And with this last parting comment, Zuo Ci disappeared in a shower of sparks.
A/N *Next chapter, the fanservice begins! How will our warriors fare? Will Cao Pi be able to survive a session without accidently killing a fangirl? Will Lu Xun set anything on fire? And most importantly of all… how much damage did Jiang Wei take from the banana?! Please look forward to the next chapter!*
A/N#2 *If you would like any of the characters to go through any sort of torture… ahem… I mean, important lesson of love, please mention it in the review. Though I usually write for my personal enjoyment, I really want this to be a project with anyone that likes this series! I will do my best even if I don't get anything, but even geniuses have to run out of ideas sometime, right? And I am NOT a genius. You will get credit and my thanks. And maybe a jelly bean. But not a banana-flavored jelly bean. Those are so nasty that they actually made me cry before.*
A/N#3 *Sorry! Last one! Just wanted to say that this is NOT a yaoi! There is NO WAY I will make Jiang Wei and Lu Xun fall in love with each other. Lu Xun must remain straight! And single. What? Did you say he was married to Sun Ce's daughter? Don't worry. I took care of her. –Waves around tonfas I borrowed from Hibari (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)- *