I'm sitting in Peter's living room, scrolling through Instagram while I wait for him to come home. He is at lacrosse practice and insisted that I wait for him here, I didn't even try to argue because I know Peter wants to spend every moment he can with me before I leave for Korea, and to be honest so do I. As I sit here I begin to contemplate that past couple of days, and even though Peter and I's relationship is strong ever since the wedding I can still feel and see that he is standoffish, like I don't know how to explain it except that he just isn't touching me, and I know that this is my fault because of what happened during beach week but I've got needs. I meant what I said during beach week, I am ready to have sex with Peter but I don't think we are ready.
I look at the clock on my phone and see that Peter will be back in 20 minutes so I go back to my reverie... Peter and I have not done a lot of physical stuff, like his hands have only wandered to my breasts a couple of times, but never any lower i think i would like that... and my hands have never wandered either. I begin to imagine what it would be like to be touched by peter, and the feeling in my stomach returns, it tightens and pulsates at the thought, god am I horny, is that what this is, oh my god I'm really horny, and I only have myself to blame for my sexual frustration. Ive decided I'm going to tell peter what I want, tell him that its ok for his hands to wander because I think we need to explore each others bodies more before we as a couple are ready for sex. And with that thought I hear the garage door open and i know Peter is home.
When Peter walks in I turn my head around to look and him and I can't help the smile that escapes my lips when I see him, we make eye contact and he gives me the most mind melting panty dropping smile, then says "hey babe" we have recently started calling each other babe when we are being informal, because saying our names all of the time is boring, when peter says my last name its for flirting, so babe is reserved for casual conversations such as this one,
I must have been thinking to long cause Peter walks over to me and asks "what are you thinking about, I can see that little v forming right here" as he pokes in between my eyebrows, and all I can do is smile and tell him "just thinking about you and how lucky I am" this makes him happy as he smiles and leans forward to kiss me, but it was a chaste kiss leaving me unsatisfied, so when he pulls away I say "hey give me one more please" smiling my biggest smile, and Peter obliges, the kiss lasts a little longer but he pulls away and tells me he is going to go shower, leaving me sitting on the couch alone pouting, I decide to head up to his room and sit on his bed to wait.
His room is clean and smells of him, that mixture of his laundry detergent, his cologne and the smell of him after lacrosse (a little sweat mixed with grass) I close my eyes and try to memorize the smell, not because I'll never smell it again but because I have to leave for Korea next week and I want this smell to be with me every day. I mentally tell myself to pack some of Peters sweatshirts so I can smell him when I'm gone. When peter walks out of the bathroom he heads straight for his dresser, he obviously didn't think id be in here cause he only has a towel wrapped around his waist, but I don't mind, not at all... his muscles flex as he reaches for some clothes, and I can see left over beads of water on his toned back, he turns around and jumps slightly when he see me sitting on his bed, "jeez Laura Jean you scared the crap out of me, close your eyes so I can change" and I do but as I'm told but as I do it I think to myself why? why am I closing my eyes I just had this talk with myself about wanting to explore each others bodies, I'm about to open my eyes when he says "ok you can open them now". When I open Peter is in Dark navy jeans and a darker blue T-shirt, his hair is wet from the shower and that smile on his face is swoon worthy, damn he is sexy. I look at the time and see we have 20 minutes until we have to be at my house for dinner with my Dad and Kitty so I decide to bring up the whole exploring each others bodies thing.
"so Peter listen I need to talk to you" and I can see his face turn down and watch as the fear starts to rise up so I immediately say "its nothing bad its just something I think we need to talk about ever since what happened at beach week" he just nods so I continue " I am ready for sex, but I don't think we (as I point my finger back and forth between us) are ready, but I also don't want you to stop touching me, and ever since the wedding you haven't been, I know this is my fault but I am Horny Peter" I state this so matter of factly that it must have taken Peter by surprise because his eyes widen and his adams apple bobs, but he just stands there so... I get up from his bed and stand in front of him, because obviously I'm going to have to show him what I mean. As I stand in front of him I watch his eyes dilate making them darken, I take a deep breath to steady my now beating heart and continue "Peter I love you and want to be with you only, and I think before we have sex we need to explore each other more, not just mentally but physically" I move my hands up my body to caress and squeeze my breasts, I look up at him and say "I want you to touch these, I know we have done this before, but not often enough, and I don't just want you to touch them, I want you to enjoy them by using both your hands and your beautiful mouth" the end comes out at higher tone as I begin to turn myself on with my own words, and the look on Peters face is not helping, he is looking at me as if I am the most beautiful thing he has ever laid his eyes on, making me blush under his gaze. I continue, as I want more, much more, I move my hands down and to my butt, I grasp it firmly and lift it up ever so slightly " I want you to touch this more when no one is looking, I want you to feel it more when we are kissing, when you hold me at my waist its great but often I am wishing you would move your hands down to squeeze and caress this" I take a deep breath before I move again, removing my hands from my behind to my front, dropping them down at an achingly slow place to the space between my thighs, watching them as they make there path down my body. Looking back up at Peter his face is so full of lust that I have to stop myself from lunging forward to kiss him, I need to get through this thought. Finally once my hands have fully reached the apex of the space in between my thighs I speak "I want you to touch this, really explore it, I have never explored it myself and I want to explore all of the things you can do with it... I don't want just your hands, I want you to use your mouth to kiss, suck, and appreciate this" I say as I slightly pat myself. After all of the things I just said my eyes flick down to see Peters pants now have a bulge pressing against his jeans, I take a step forward, after all this isn't just about exploring my body, its also about exploring his... I bite my lip and look up at him, reaching my hand forward to brush it against him, I hear his breath stop as my hand touches his manhood " I want to explore this" I say as my hand moves acrost him, then back again "I haven't seen this yet and I want to, you keep it locked away and I don't get to appreciate all of you" I look up and before I can say anything else Peter lunges forward and clashes his lips to mine, grabbing my face, his lips are urgent and I match his pace. Moving my hands to his hair, tugging ever so slightly. I hear him groan and this make me smile against his lips, his mouth moves down to my chin, then my jaw, and finally my neck. A moan escapes my lips, but before Peter can do any more I speak "Peter" it comes out as a whisper, but he doesn't stop his assault on my neck, "Peter... we have dinner with my dad" I don't want to walk into dinner with a hickey. This seems to get through his head cause he pulls away, his lips just an inch away from mine, "why" he says eyes hooded and lips curled in a deviant smile. I guess I'm going to have to be blunt with him, "Peter I don't want to go home, to dinner with you and my dad just to have him see a hickey on my neck, he might actually kill you" Peters eyes widen, he swallows hard, and steps away, putting his hands up in defeat.
After dinner Kitty, Peter and I watch a TV show of Kitty's choosing. Peter and I are snuggled up on the couch, he periodically kisses the top of my head, and I feel happy, it's the little moments just like these that are what make Peter I's relationship so strong, we don't have to be having sex every day to love one another, we can just be around each other and genuinely enjoy each others company. I'm brought back to the now by Peters phone buzzing in his pocket, He moves slightly to be able to grab his phone, reads the text and turns the phone to me. Its a text from Gabe; Hey you and Large down for a party tonight! my house, I look at my phone and see it's 10pm, then look back up at Peter and say "why not".
At the party Peter is playing beer pong, and because he is driving Gabe is drinking all of the cups for him, I don't know why Gabe agreed to this but it seems to be working, every time I glance over Peter and Gabe are winning, this could be due to the fact that Peter is sober giving him an unfair advantage, but what do I know iv'e only every played like twice. I'm sitting on the couch with Pammy, and Lucas talking about our plans for the summer, Lucas is talking about spending more time in New York so he is more used to the city before he moves permanently for college, he's talking about something but i stopped paying attention as i feel peters gaze on me, I turn to see him smiling at me, mouthing "do you need another?" I look down at my cup and see that I do, I'm only going to have one more because I don't feel like getting drunk tonight, I look back up at him and nod. Soon he is walking over to me, grabs my cup, kisses my forehead and disappears into the kitchen.
A couple hours later and the party is starting to die down, I look at the time and see its almost 1, daddy was kind enough to extend my curfew to 4 for the summer, the only people left are the people who sat at our table in high school so we all head outside to sit around the fire. Peter grabs a blanket from the couch inside and brings it outside for us to share, my head is resting on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around me, and my feet are hanging over his lap, I'm so comfortable wrapped up in the blanket, the heat from the fire, our bodies, and the two cups of beer make me feel a glowing sense of warmth. The group is talking about something but I stopped paying attention, I move my hand under the blanket and look down to see if the movement is visible to others, it is not, this makes me smile as I think about what I am about to do next. My mind drifts back to earlier, and I have the sudden desire to touch Peter under the blanket, I don't know if this is from the alcohol, or if I'm losing control over my hormones, but after our conversation early I need a little sexual mischievous. Once Peter has stopped talking for at least 30 seconds I move my hand to caress him over his jeans, Peter takes a big inhale then jerks his head to look at me, then at the others sitting around the fire. I keep my eyes on whoever is talking and continue my assault, I move it up slightly to undo his belt, Peter's body is now completely tense and his breathing is starting to become irregular but he doesn't stop me so I continue. Popping his fly open I move the zipper down and push my hands into his boxers, I feel the warm skin of his shaft for the first time, and just as I start to move my hand Peter grabs my wrist and says way to loudly and uneven "Lara Jean and I are leaving now!" I remove my hand to try to recover for Peter, "sorry guys I'm really tired and Peter is going to drive me home so I can go to bed" I seemed to have done well as the shocked looks that were occupying everyones faces have dissipated and they started conversing again. Standing up I put my hand out for Peter to grab and he just stares at me... after a second he gets himself together fixes his pants takes my hand and stands up. He practically drags me through the house he is moving so fast, when we get to his car I look up at him, and once we make eye contact there was no stopping him or me, our lips clashed together and my hands move to his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible, my breasts pressed firmly against his chest. I gasp when Peters hands grasp me at the top of my thighs, lifting me onto the hood of his car. I wrap my legs around his waist and he grabs my face pulling me deeper into the kiss, his tongue sweeps across my lips asking for more, and then I realize where I am, out in the open right infront of Gabe's house. I lightly push my hands on Peters chest and pull away, Peter leans forward trying to continue the kiss, but I shake my head and gesture to where we are. Peter understands but he still runs his hands through his hair, groans in frustration, before looking at me and saying "did you know you drive me crazy, crazier than any woman I've ever met" I bite my lip and just nod, he opens the car door for me and I climb in, Peter kisses me one last time before shutting the door and walking around to the driver side.