The Twilight Twenty-five
Prompt: Alone
Pen name: bonnysammy
Pairing: Edward/Bella
Rating: M
A\N:
This is the first chapter in my Twilight 25 submission. Only this chapter will be in present tense--explanation later.
Thanks to my betas from Project Team Beta--SayGoodbyeAgain, Jessica0306, and BookGeek80. You guys are unbelievable for working with me on this.
I hope everyone enjoys this little strory and as you can guess, it will only be 25 chapters long.
I do not own any of these characters, or the original plot to the Twilight Series. Everything publicly recognizable belongs to their owners. I am doing this only for the pleasure I gain from writing and I am not associated with anyone or anything to do with the Twilight Series. There is no financial benefit, whatsoever, though I may wish there were.
Dancing in the Dark
Chapter 1 - Alone
I'm not one who usually gauges my success by who I'm currently dating. I don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled in my life. Hell, I haven't even been in a true relationship, at least one that was meaningful, since I was eighteen. Instead, I have opted for taking the career route, dedicating my life to bettering myself through my job. I have met many of my life's goals, and my path for the rest looks clear. I am on a one way trip to self-fulfillment, a truly successful woman in a male-dominated career. That should be enough, shouldn't it?
So, why is it that I sit here on New Year's Eve, surrounded by my closest friends – all couples – feeling completely and utterly distanced and alone? I don't need a man to define myself, yet I miss the intimacy and partnership of a relationship. I miss the loving caresses and shared inside jokes I see displayed before me every time I look around. The sly looks shot across the room between partners, the grins that spread across their faces when their significant other returns the sentiment; these things are not lost on me. Each one is another punch into my heart, another jab at my lessening self esteem. I want to be a girlfriend; I want to be attached.
I'm sure Jasper, my oldest and closest friend, has picked up on the fact that I've been moping all night – all day, all year, all decade. He always knows when something is not quite right, and for me, something has not been right for a long time. I rarely let anyone see this side of me. I rather prefer hiding behind my mask of fake self-confidence. I figure that the alcohol in my system and being trapped in a small room with loving couples has just brought it to the forefront tonight.
Jasper has shot me furtive glances all night long, even going so far as to try to broach the subject on a few occasions. Luckily, I've been able to avoid the unwanted conversation by feigning thirst, or using my ultimate weapon, the bathroom – only a stalker follows a woman there. Finally after several successful attempts at evasion, I am cornered between two of our friends. Ever the strategist, he senses from across the room that I am trapped, and he breaks from his girlfriend's embrace to come over to me. I guess I've been morose long enough, and I'll now have to pay for my melancholy.
Damn. Caught.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asks, turning on his southern charm. I look into his stunning blue eyes. "You look like you wish you could be anywhere but here."
"You know how it is, Jazz," I answer. "I love being with you guys. I'm just worrying about work. There's so much in the next month that's almost make or break for the company. My job's probably on the line. I can't afford my lavish lifestyle without it." I lie unconvincingly. We live in a tiny apartment, and I have nothing of extravagance. He shakes his head, a tight, unhappy smile playing across his lips.
When I think about the real issue, my loneliness, my words ring false. Jasper really doesn't know how it is. He and Alice have been a couple since forever. They met on the first day of orientation in college and have been inseparable since then, having finally culminated their relationship in a wedding ceremony a few years ago.
Before that, Jasper had been with Maria. Though they had been together since elementary school, they had a twisted relationship that I wasn't sorry to see end with high school. She was always using him, using his kind nature and charismatic personality to her advantage. She lost many friends when she called it quits, though they had probably never really been her friends to begin with.
The fact is that Jasper has never been alone. Sure, there were the brief months between high school and college where he only dated casually, but he has never been on his own for years, not like I had. When he met Alice, I knew he was lost to her. She was his soul's mate, his perfect match in every way. I had been happy for him at the time and through most of their relationship. Now, I'm jealous over what I don't have.
"Don't give me bull, Bells," he retorts, pulling me back to our conversation. He leans in slightly, staring at me with his penetrating eyes, willing me to breakdown and tell the truth. The man has a way of convince me to spill my guts with just a look – well, it's not just me, he does it to everyone. "I can tell when your emotions are all over the place. You've been up and down all night. Mostly down. What's going on?"
"I'm just..."--My mind reels with unanswered questions. Do I tell him the truth or try to play it off again? Will he understand my feelings? Will he think I'm being weak? I give in. "... lonely is all." I motioned to the room. "You guys... you, Alice, Em, Rose, Peter, Charlotte, everyone here has someone else. I've been by myself for ten years. Ten years, Jazz. It takes its toll, you know?"
"Bella," he begins, his voice now soothing, his eyes softening. "You have not been single for ten years. You've dated lots of guys. You just haven't found the right one. I mean, there was that guy last year. What about... James?"
James? What about James? We had gone on a few dates over a couple of months last year. He wasn't for me, too controlling, too possessive; dating me was a power trip to him. I was more of an object to own, display and dominate, rather than an equal. James was definitely not what I was looking for in a relationship. When he had forced me to lie to my friends about his true nature, telling them that I wanted him to treat me as a possession, I cut it off. I may be lonely, but I'm not that desperate. I never let my friends know the real reason for the breakup; I was too embarrassed.
"James. Yeah, well that was only a few dates—hardly a commitment."
He looks at me, his eyes piercing into my psyche, his eyebrows raised. Yet again it's obvious he knows there's more to that relationship than I will ever let on, but he has never pressed that fact and thankfully, he doesn't start now.
"That's it," he states, then turns to the crowd in our living room. "We're not gonna spend our New Year's Eve holed up in this crappy place. Let's go to Senior's."
He shoots Alice a pointed look. Her eyes slide to mine and grow far away, like she is trying to interpret his gesture. Then, she jumps from her chair and claps her hands.
"Yes, Jazzy," she chirps, shooting me an oddly mischievous grin. "C'mon, guys. We've spent enough time here. Let's go out."
Great. We're going to a bar on New Year's Eve. What I've always wanted. Me. With three couples. In a location that's bound to be too tiny, over-crowded by insanely drunk people, and guys looking to get laid. I'll be the only bait. That's not going to be awkward, not at all.
End Notes:
I hope you liked it. I have a few more chapters just waiting to be beta'd, so I should be posting them soon. If you liked it, please let me know.
As mentioned above, the rest of this story will not be in present. That was just to set the scene, to show that she is lonely. Let me tell you, writing in present, when you're use to past, is a real PIA. :)
Since this is for Twilight 25, it will be 25 chapters long (I've already written 24 and 25! I'm working backwards! lol) and it will be finished before April--well, that's my intention. Chapter 2 is in the hands of my lovely betas and should come relatively soon.