By Sternhimmel
Disclimer: I don't own the characters in this story, they belong to Ishida Sui.
Taking shelter from the oppressive hug of the sun king under a coffee shop's roof that long ago she visited alongside Mr. Tsukiyama. Inside the melody of distant human voices filtered through the windows, blending into the other city's sounds; the soul of a human beast, who in exchange of satisfy its inhabitants' needs and desires demanded a fee, because life it's a constant struggle, because pleasure's worth the pain.
Whence daily tragedies and misfortunes were elements that obeyed a logic within human society: the individuals' quest to reach a state known as happiness.
Therefore ghouls could never find a place in the human society; the society whose technology fought against the hedonism and exclusion's demons through an education aimed at peace. The respect to individuals' rights is peace, the understanding and the use of morality is what separates the Homo sapiens from the other animals.
Sitting near the only window that gave to the outside, she was trying to calm her emotions focusing in the soft flavors' mélange that perfumed the inside of the establishment; the smell of old paper and the delicious fragrance of coffee. But finding fruitless such task, soon her sight found itself wandering until it ran into Banjou's shape, who from the other side of the sidewalk gave her fugitive glances while besides him Sante, Jiro and Ichimi held a conversation. Those persons have sworn to protect her, have sworn to never leave her alone. 'We are your new family now, Hinami'. Yet three homes after forced her to wonder how much more she would have to lose before reaching adulthood.
"I only wished to live peacefully with everybody, I never hoped for anything more."
Another involuntary sigh escaped from her lips. A rebel tear rolled down her right cheek, starting a journey undertaken by gravity to end on the yellow paper sheet. A forgotten book laid on the table on whose surface there were printed thousands of characters describing different worldviews.
"It isn't allowed to be human, that was what the usurper had taught him. As part of the empire on which the sun never sets you get to keep your head up and honor your king's name.
King?
He had been an emperor, that once abundant land now was poisoned with the blood printed on that killer's shoe sole. Feeding on the fields nourished by brackish water, the tears and blood from those who couldn't resist, a new generation had grown up fearing the hand of their master. An ancient forgotten language, replaced by the native language of the foreign, with which they could exalt his name."
Stated the first page and from which she hadn't been able to go beyond.
That book, the last one she read together with Kaneki, sheltered the memory of a distant dawn, whose warm slowly died down with the upcoming of the twilight. That sky began to dye with a black ink, a color that evocated the void, the temperature decreased, a coldness felt in the soul. In that new world born from chaos, like an infant fighting to keep pace with the adults with her weak legs, she had discovered the bloody vastness of it.
Our skin can be riddled, torn from the bone, till extract the last drop of blood, but the reality is that there isn't a most lethal wound, or more inhuman pain than the loss of a loved one. Only in the times of distress is revealed the true nature of the ghosts that overwhelmed our hearts; the abandonment hurts us, the memory of the old joys pains us now that the loneliness transfigured them into sleepless nights.
But a light beam made its way through the dark clouds that torment her mind, it was said halo she was pursuing today.
"Miss, wouldn't you like to order something while your date arrives? On the house." Blooming out of nowhere a kind voice sent her back to the present time. Fixing her eyes on the sound source she found a smiling face, whose owner was one of the many daughters of the stars. With a tired voice Hinami answered to the waitress;
"Oh, there is no need, she will be here soon"
The light and mellow tinkle of wind chimes announced the arrival of a new customer, dragging behind her a flood of sensations; the sound of a light walk and a jumble of odors that stung in her nose: a human smell bathed in artificial perfumes, resounded over the anesthetic melody that no longer ago had begun to play in the café.
One, two, three, one, two, three. Displaying that dance the newcomer entered the shop, gutsy moves of an actress who has practiced very well her performance.
Bum, bum, bum, bum.
Embellishing the woman's acting a new cadence began to resonate in her ears, her heartbeats started to play a stirring melody.
But the climax of that play came when the aqueous light coming from two emerald moons laid on her, enlightening the gloomy aberrance that she feel for herself (that inhuman power, the culprit for her loneliness), for the reapers (human hands pulling up the wild grass that stifled the elegant garden flowers).
Feminine petite hands offered her the package mentioned, a gift, her partner had said. To which she paid with a shy thanks, for whereupon tilt her head in an awkward reverence.
"Is it okay if I open it now?" Hinami asked her in a calm tone.
"Of course, Hina sweetie, I would like to know what you think of it."
Admiring a few seconds the wrapped package in a pink tissue paper, soon her fingers began to undo the folds and carefully remove the tape from the wrapping, thus revealing a plastic cover of an elegant jet tone. On whose surface her eyes acknowledged a title illustrated in a varied colors' palette, alternating from small areas of an intense deep blue as the noon sky hidden among a navy background, dotted with tiny specks of black and bright red describing the word Tokyo, going over a chaotic jumble of orange, lilac and jet dominated by a range of crimson drawing an unmistakable Kushu, 'Tokyo Ghoul'.
Suddenly the air around her was filled with a kind of expectation that denounced danger. Her muscles tensed. Leaving the book on the table her hands looked for the one another's warmth, interlaced her finger in an attempt to give herself a little comfort.
"Hina sweetie, your defensive pose. Did I say something that bothered you?" The older woman noted, gazing at her with questionable eyes.
Stammeringly the young ghoul answered her with a soft negative, but it only achieved to draw a sweet smile in her partner's face.
"I told you that you can talk with me, I'm here to listen to you."
Shrinking into herself at her smile, Hinami looked away from shame. Being aware of her heartbeats' pumping she took a small breath of air, filling her lungs with the café's musky essence. But when she tried to utter a word she found herself without anything to say.
"My ninth book", putting an end to the heated moment, Takatsuki whispered at her calmly. "You are the first one to see it, it isn't on sale yet. Why don't you read the summary?"
Obeying immediately, she read;
Black snakes intertwining with one another, tracing a boisterous beast's veins. Night falls on Tokyo. Moans, a piercing scream opens the curtain. The beast has reached the climax drawing one, two, three wounds on the woman's body. With his father's body and his mother's soul a young hybrid has born from a human womb.
"But, ghouls? Don't you think that's a little…?" All of a sudden her words died in her throat. "Be calm, just breathe", she admonished herself mentally. Then in a futile attempt to pretend the calmness that in reality she lacked, Hinami closed momentarily her eyes focusing in the tone of her voice. "Don't you think that's a little extreme?"
"Those were the very words my editor told me, but as I answered him I have to confess to you that we, authors, need to have a few screws loose. You could say that we focus our insanity in the creation of our literary worlds." Said Takatsuki, seasoning her speech with a gentle smile at the end. With childlike joy she remembered her editor's face when she had suggested him to wander around alleys late at night to interview as many ghouls as he could find. But in contrast with her good humor the little girl's face had become as white as the milk, she pressed her lips firmly together in an attempt to conceal her excitement.
"Hina sweetie have you listened about colors psychology? Together with horror novels it's a subject that I love. In this new book I was able to put it into practice. If you watch carefully the title's kanjis you'll realize the book's genre.
Attracting the book towards herself, with her index finger Takatsuki pointed at the first title's kanji. Hazel irises carried out the task entrusted, and after study said image for a couple of minutes Hinami came to a curious conclusion; the graphics interlining Tokyo's kanjis seemed to draw a night sky, but when the view looked over Kushu it encountered a turbulent panorama, red clouds dying the celestial dome with blood's color, various elements were present; anger, misgiving, chaos.
Hesitant she answered;
"A tragedy?"
"You guessed right!" Exclaimed the writer, accentuating her excitement with a loud applause. "I must admit I'm a fan of tragedies. In tragedies beauty can exist, a beauty that for its brevity forces us to appreciate it even more. ´Mono no aware´, Have you heard about it?" The writer inquired her, then in a graceful movement she brought the cup of coffee to her lips and took a small sip, only when she finished and without waiting for an answer she continued. "In the Edo era, Motoori Norinaga establishes not one of the core philosophies, but the main one, of Japanese's literature summarized in the phrase 'Mono no aware'. Literally translated as "the pathos of things" or "an empathy toward things". Every beginning has an ending, but the ending of a cycle can be the start of something much bigger. "There is always beauty in something that comes to an end", there is beauty in tragedy; "mono no aware" teaches us to be sensible to the beautiful that exist everywhere and to treasure time. As for your concern with the theme of ghouls, the protagonist I chose for this work is a ghoul hybrid."
Hearing those words, Hinami felt cold, a coldness that chilled her to the bone.
"Within human imagination, do you know what the worst tragedy is?" Languidly the young girl shook her head again and again. "In a world where the strongest one is destined to replace the weakest individuals, what's what keeps the weak human alive, who hasn't born with claws nor fangs to deal with wild animals? His intellect, and with said intellect moral judgment is born." Takatsuki said, a proud smile accompanying her words. "He is the only being aware of himself, his conscience makes him aware of the world around him, exercising his justice upon all creation. So meditating on this, now I ask you again, what is the worst tragedy for humans?"
Slumped down in her seat, barely processing Takatsuki's speech and with a look destined to emphasize her confusion over her words' elections, Hinami whispered a soft 'I don't understand what you want to tell me.'
"How are the monsters that plagued human imagination? Hybrids born from human decadency, destined to destroy civilization and replace man. Former humans, who have lost their ability to reason, that are governed by their most basic instincts. Now do you understand me? That's why I chose a hybrid as my protagonist, a being that embodies the eternal battle between grace and nature. Someone who is only able to find his humanity moments prior to receive the cold kiss of death."
"But, to use something as outrageous as ghouls or ghouls' hybrids?" Ignoring the writer's speech, Hinami questioned her again, speaking in a soft manner, too nervous to utter her species' name aloud.
"Hina sweetie, when I told you I was willing to help you I was serious. But I am one of that people to whom half trues are as insulting as half lies. To keep someone in ignorance softening reality in order to not hurt their feelings is just to keep them in their error. A parent who shields his son from all the world's ills is just raising a coward, someone who at the smallest difficulty is going to end committing suicide. Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day; teach him how to fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime. Although pain torments us we must keep moving forward, the true strength is to say this is only taking me more time than the expected." Takatsuki burst, her words, like an inclement wind whipping a small grove, began to break through Hinami's sweet demeanor. But tinging her true emotions with a neutral expression, she said the following;
"Do you remember what I told you in our first meeting, Hina sweetie? You have been loved by your parents, by your friends and reciprocally you have returned that love. You have learned to love because the love of others has illuminated your existence, in the same way your existence has illuminated the lives of those persons. Simply you have been happy with that, haven't you? But now that those precious persons aren't by your side the cycle has been broken. You are unhappy, but your bitterness comes from the hate you have discovered for yourself, haven't you?"
"I…" She tried to refute her interlocutor's words, however her reply was drowned by a knot of emotions that began to intertwine in the pit of her stomach. Under the table her hands started to wring till her left hand interlaced with its counterparty.
"You are unhappy since you are convinced you didn't return that affection quantitatively. Maybe if I had done this or that, maybe if I had conducted myself differently, the result hadn't been so devastating, am I wrong?"
Silent.
"Hina sweetie, you are only a child, you can't push yourself beyond your actual abilities. Nevertheless you can always change the choices that plot your destiny. If we are the product of our environment, and it is predetermined by the influences' circle to which we are exposed, then all that remains to do is a change of scenery. ´ While there are still tough times, when you come to accept pain you find strength in yourself and can look at the future with hope.'" Dragging her sight to where the Takatsuki's whitish finger pointed, beyond the crystal, crossing the street, Hinami found Banjou's gaze.
"Hina sweetie, tell me, does still exist something you want to protect? Does still exist something to live for? Consider your options, maybe you can find comfort for your tragedy by being of use to the people you love. Everything that is needed is that the small bird takes the initiative and to keep its eyes in the sky instead of its cage. Depending on your answer I can make you a proposition."
Notes:
I finished this story before TG:Re started and luckily it doesn't contradict too much with the canon, except for Eto's book. Well, I hope you could find this story interesting.
Regards.