(WARNING: THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS EXCESSIVE USE OF THE WORD "BALLS", WHICH MAY PROVE INAPPROPRIATE FOR MORE IMMATURE AUDIENCES. READER DISCRETION IS NOT REALLY ADVISED. )
"Alright, kids, listen up!" boomed the gym teacher."I was going to let you all murder each other in a game of 'Kill The Badger', but we unfortunately have to play a game that has been approved by Skool PTA!"
"Aww..." moaned the students. One kid tossed his battle axe away.
"So instead, we're going to play DODGEBALL!"
"YAYYY!"
"You know how the game works. If you get hit, you're out. If someone catches your ball, you're OUT. Last player standing earns victory for their team! Any questions?"
Everyone raised their hands.
"Any questions that DON'T have to do with whether I'm a man or a woman?" (A/N: I honestly can't tell.)
The hands went down.
"Good!" The gym teacher blew the whistle.
"SPLIT INTO TWO TEAMS!"
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"I'll take Melvin," Chuck pointed and Melvin skipped over to his side.
"I...guess I pick Keef," Torque made his choice.
To the team leaders' dismay, the last two available players were Zim and Dib, the biggest weirdos in Skool. But luckily, they were going to end up on opposing teams, so in this case, their bickering was welcome. As long as it didn't interfere with the game, that is.
Chuck sighed."Fine! Zim, get over here..."
"Whoo!" Zim raised his arms in triumph and moved to Chuck's side.
"Oh, come on!" whined Dib."You want the alien on your side instead of ME? OOF!"
Torque had driven a ball into Dib's gut, which made Zim begin laughing hysterically.
"It's time to start playing." The strong boy hoisted Dib by the collar.
The two teams split up, going to opposite sides of the gymnasium. The gym teacher blew the whistle.
"DODGE THOSE BALLS!"
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"That's right...just stand back and let them wipe each other out..."
Zim hadn't moved an inch from when the game started. He planned to wait near the wall until it came down to him and the final player on the other side, who he could no doubt easily defeat. Then he would receive the praise of all his team mates and the death threats of the others. Glory would be his...
But of course, Dib had noticed this and was doing the same thing. It didn't take him long to figure out what Zim was planning. Though it was pretty hard to avoid all those balls with such a big head...
Minutes passed, and soon there were only four children left. Well, three children and an alien, anyway.
Torque and Chuck were still going at it. Eventually, though, Chuck managed to catch Torque in the shin. Dib gasped.
"AH!" he cried out and fell to the ground."I'M HIT!"
The coach blew the whistle again."OUT!"
Torque's team groaned with dismay. Now Dib was their only hope.
Chuck smirked and raised his arm to throw the ball."Heh-heh...you're finished, you weirdo...AGH!"
The beefy boy suddenly fell to the ground. Zim had embedding a dodge ball in his back OUT OF NOWHERE. Dib stared at him in astonishment.
"There!" Zim looked over at the gym teacher."I hit him! That means he's out, right?"
"Uh...well, that IS what I said...yeah, he's out. Somebody drag that kid's body off of the court."
"Are you serious?!" Dib exclaimed."That doesn't count! They're on the same team!"
"I don't follow the rules, kid," the coach shrugged."I just make 'em. GAME'S STILL ON!"
Zim wore a villainous grin on his face. Dib's side of the gym hardly had any balls on it. This was going to be fun AND easy. Feasy.
He strode over to a ball, picked it up, and aimed it right for Dib's big head, but the young paranormal investigator managed to dodge it. Just barely, though.
Zim laughed."This is going to be easier than I- -AHH!" He ducked when the ball came flying back at him."Hey! I was still- -WHOA!" He ducked again. "Will you stop interrupting my- -GAH!"
Dib was using up the few balls he had, but Zim wasn't going to let that stop him.
So, here comes a boring dodge ball montage.
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Zim and Dib were both tired, both bored, and both 100% DONE. And Zim got a dumb idea.
He got a dodge ball in his grasp and smiled to himself.
"Now to steal a kiss from the sweet mistress known as Victory...HEY, LOOK!" the Irken pointed in a random direction."A paranormal entity!"
"Where?!" Dib turned and looked only to have gullibility smash him in the face. And by gullibility, I mean Zim's ball.
He fell to the floor. All the other kids didn't care whether they won or lost, they were just relieved that the stinking game was over.
"YES!" Zim rejoiced, hearing the whistle once again."Zim has bested you for all time, human Dib! You shall never rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation! Victory IS sweet, and her lips taste like cherry gelatin! Now I finally get to have a victory party in celebration of the victory!"
He pulled his communicator out of his PAK.
"GIR, get Party City on the line! Tell them that I want a moose-themed- -"
Suddenly, Zim remembered that he was still at Skool where all the kids could see him use his PAK stuff. And they were all staring at him...
"Uh...HEY, LOOK!" He pointed in another random direction."It's Hoss Delgado!"
"WHERE?!"
Everyone turned to look, and Zim got the heck out of there.
(A/N: Gasp! ZIM! Don't you know that skipping school is wrong?! Ah, well.
Not my best writing, since it was late at night, but you know how my brain bothers me with dumb ideas. Please review and fave if you liked it and check out my other stories on my profile.
Anybody spot all the references?)