Sometimes I think I miss you, and I realize I miss what you were.
I miss what you were supposed to be and what we
should have been,
could have been.
I realize I miss what I wish we had,
what I had tricked myself into believing you were.
I miss the feeling that there is someone out there that cares for me,
even more that I do.
More than I can.
More than I'm capable of.
Its cold and bleak and lonely, and it builds walls around me.
The foundation, the thoughts that what we had,
what we were, was infallible.
And.
it.
failed.
The brick and mortar being thoughts that that any endeavor to the contrary,
is impossible.
It will only ever end.
I don't understand the word,
forever.
Love.
I only understand that it should exist, and it doesn't.
Or that it does exist, and I can't see it.
Perhaps, it is only that I wish not to look upon it.
The bleak, black ever stretching loneliness, that I am confident will only continue.
They say that pain won't last forever, but the scars will.
Scar tissue leaves behind unforeseen consequences, with side affects not ever explained.
Staring at the future is like staring out over the ocean.
The blue of the water and the blue of the sky blend, and meld;
melt into a silence so deafening all you want is to scream just to remember you can still hear.
Just to know you are still conscious.
Cover your eyes, cover your ears, and perhaps one day, the tears will subside.