"Once upon a time…"
The metallic sound of the swords finding the ground startles Raven; she started reading as soon as I entered the room, but I am sick of her routine and couldn't help but somewhat postpone it. It is always the same beginning; same ending; different world; different tale.
"Does it always have to start that way?" I groan as I let myself fall over the soft cushion and kick the dark boots off of my feet; I feel like fire burned under them the whole day. My arms push my body up and toward the pillow that rests on the end of the double bed. I let out a deep sigh; will it ever stop being this way? I feel miserable. Still, I smile, then cross my hands under the back of my head and let my eyes wander to the wooden ceiling that stares right at me; I think it is mocking the misery it saves from the cruelty of winter. I have always thought that ceiling has something against me. "And then the 'they lived happily ever after'," I swallow hard; I had not noticed the thud that formed in the back of my throat. I allow the little smile to linger and swallow again; this time tears won't roll down my face. I won't let it happen.
I hear Raven scoffs and turn my head to the left, finding a pair of eyes boring into me as the book falls over her lap. "Can you try not to ruin it this time?" The severe tone she gives me is enough to make the smirk that grazes my face go away. "This one's my favorite, okay?" She raises an eyebrow and I nod, rolling my eyes. They all are.
Raven clears her throat and looks back to the pages. "Once upon a time, a descendant of Calypso; a beautiful fairy who lived far away in the kingdom of the fairies…"
"You already read this one!" I yelp and face her side completely before I smack my pillow against her when I hear the familiar introduction to The Prodigious Ring. "They are just fake stories made for lonely widowers to enjoy with multiple beers at The City of Light; it is a really good strategy." I state matter of factly.
"I'm a dreamer, Lexa! Besides, you come face to face with ogres and trolls very day!" She says loudly, trying to justify her action. "I wish harder than you do," says she and sticks out her tongue before her lips welcome a smile and her throat lets out a giggle. "You are just a stoic ogre." My eyes open wide and I smack the pillow against her side again.
"I used to dream, too!" I complain with a smile on my face that is then mimicked by Raven. "Until I ended up living with my best friend in the middle of the woods…" And trying to keep her as happy as I can by burying my own dreams… No, shut up. This isn't about you, this is about Raven. Her smile disappears; she knows what I'm thinking.
"Trying to manage with her useless leg?" She implies and I shake my head frantically.
"Raven…" I manage to let out with a husky voice and a warning tone trying to make her suspicions go away. "That is not how I…" I take a deep breath willing to continue, but she beats me to it.
"Lexa, you are stuck here with me, of course that is how you feel about it." She shakes her head slightly and her gaze meets the spot where her feet rest. "Do you feel like you owe it to me?" She whispers. "Because if that is it, you should probably go; I don't need you to feel like you owe me…"
I cut her off when I realize where the conversation is headed. "I am not leaving you, Raven, we already discussed this."
Our eyes meet and I shiver at the sight of her glassy orbs. "Lexa, I need you to be happy." She says. "I need you to go out that door" her hand beckons toward the front door of the cabin, "and not be worrying about coming back to me."
I stare at her eyes intently and she frowns with a broken expression before turning away once again. "I don't want to need you." My chest tightens and I move closer to her. I surround her shoulders with my left arm and she leans into me, burying her head in the side of my neck. Then I take hold of her hand and lace our fingers together. My heart breaks a little more when I hear the quiet sob that leaves her mouth and her tears roll down my own neck. My eyes wander over her body and stop right over her leg. The leg. I reach out, letting go of her hand and slightly grazing the leg closer to me reassuringly; my arm goes past her right leg and my palm then finds the left one. My eyes meet Raven's once again and I caress the wound under the fabric.
"How is it?" I croak out, looking back at the hand resting over her thigh.
"It is growing." I see the despair—she is trying hard to hide—in her eyes as she speaks and surround her with my arms, begging her not to say a thing. She breaks down; the sobs rip through my chest; she shakes wildly. But I can't break down in front of her and instead of letting my emotions show, I swallow them. Until all I can feel is their weight on my shoulders; I hope my back is big enough.
After a while, the crying stops and I find she fell asleep. I take the book from over her lap, lay her on the bed and place the furs over her sound asleep figure before I place a kiss to her forehead and lightly caress her warm cheek, then getting closer to her left ear.
"I will save you." I whisper and back away. My body is moving on his own now; I put the boots back on, tie the ends of my red cape across my neck and sheath one of my swords, letting it rest against my side. I take a quick look in the mirror that rests against the wall and decide no war paint will be useful for a while. I walk toward the small table next to the bed and take a look at the book that lies on the nightstand. The dim flame of a candle is the only source of light and it is hard to distinguish the title of the book. My fingertips trace the cover and I hold the book between my palms before I take a small bag and keep it inside it; the book was not staying. I blow off the candle and darkness consumes the house before I move the curtain that divides the place where the bed is and the rest of the place away. Finally, I walk out without looking at Raven one last time.
The light of the moon seeping through the small window next to the door is the only thing to guide me through the rest of the room. I look back at the curtain and feel the urge to get back to the warmth of the covers and hug Raven as tight as I possibly can and be her shield for a while longer, but I swallow again, turn the knob, open the door and with a large, steady step walk out the house and into the night.
I can hear the rumbling of hoofs against the stone made floor; the night is coming. I poise myself for the loss of consciousness that I know will greet me tonight. My blood boils beneath my skin; it is coming. I grow desperate as I feel my pulse rising and look around frantically, looking for something to restrain myself with. My chest tightens as I see the broken chains lying on the floor... If only I had woken up earlier. My whole body hurts and I start quivering as sweat rolls down my back. I try to muffle a scream and my nails cut into the skin of my arms as I feel the warm liquid that is my blood dripping down them. The rumbling grows louder and I beg whoever is riding that horse isn't another noble sent to my rescue; to kill the beast. To get rid of the savage that strikes almost three nights straight. Less than three nights and then goes silent. Silent until the clock strikes midnight again in the fifth night. Sometimes I don't even get to rest. Sometimes I wake up mere minutes before I have to fall again. I lose track of time; wake up to more blood.
I still cannot understand the reason why Sir Collins keeps trying; none of the warriors will go back alive. They can only make it in within the first three nights—the beast's freedom time—or else, the door that in this moment stands just a short distance away from me will be impossible to find.
I begin to feel it; rage burns through my being as the adrenaline takes over my body. The faces flash through my mind and the voices grow truer every second. I hear my mother's laugh and turn my head toward the sound frantically.
"Clarke," it's his voice now and my head turns, my eyes once again meeting the nothingness. "Clarke, I did it so that you'd hate me instead of Abbigail."
I hear my mother's whispers behind Wells's voice and both sounds blend with voices I don't recognize, but feel insanely familiar.
"I'm sorry," It's her voice. It's the person that locked me here; left me to suffer until the monster found true love during one of the red nights. "I never meant to─" I know this part too well; it infuriates me too much.
The words become repetitive; louder every time. So loud that I fall to my knees. So loud that I collapse over the floor. So loud that I grasp my ears and pull hard willing to get rid of them. So loud that not even my reaping cries beat them.
"Shut up!" So loud that I surrender.
I feel a growl escape my mouth and darkness consumes me while the voices fade away, leaving me alone on a road of longing and despair.
"Finn, you can't keep doing this." I roll my eyes as I hear her voice once again trying to convince me. "Our best warriors are being killed, what will happen when there is a real enemy within our walls?" I stop walking and turn to face my mother, almost bumping into her. The dull talk started again after Jasper delivered the news. The last soldier was defeated; Wanheda was the one to kill him once again and my people are starting to doubt my abilities as a future king; I need to do something about it. This is becoming a draining fight; it is driving me insane. Overall, my mother's words are starting to drown my thoughts. She doesn't get who the real enemy is. Weakness.
If your own people see you as weak, you have no chance against us.
"There is a real enemy, mother!" I say, no patience left in my soul after so much time of discussion. "There is the mages; there is Wanheda." I see her jaw clenching at the mention of the Commander of Death. "All of them fear that monster more than they do me." I put both of my hands on her shoulders and look at her with apprehensive eyes. "What do you think this kingdom will become when I bring them the head of death herself? No one will move against us, mother." I let go of her shoulders and take her hands instead; lead her toward the stone balcony and beckon toward the huge kingdom soon to be under my power. "Arkadia will be safe," I look at her dazed expression and attempt to make her reason. "I will marry the daughter of one of the most powerful nations." I say and she swallows hard. "With Wanheda's head and Princess Clarke on my grip, not even mages will dare to move against me."
My mother doesn't flinch. "You better hurry, then." She speaks up making me roll my eyes again.
"Don't you worry, mother; I know what I have to do." Her face grows stern at my words and words rush out of my mouth to mend it. "No more warriors will be lost; the people want to fight too, mother." I say. "A single desperate, needy peasant can do more than all of our best warriors together." Her face remains the same until I show her the ring that rests on my right hand. "They have bigger wishes and hopes." I slide the ring off of my middle finger. "They have lost more; have more to fight for. They have something to die for; something bigger than a warrior's nation."
My mother looks at the ring and her expression darkens, but she nods and hugs me tight. How could I have wasted the three wishes so foolishly? A girl—who then lost her leg when a demon attacked her—a horse and a sword; I could only keep the ring as a reminder of my unwise choices. My mom lets go of me and a disappointed look lingers on her face.
"I want volunteers by tomorrow at dawn." Stumbles out of my mouth as I slide the ring back around my finger and the red gem glistens, for the light of the moonshines over Arkadia. "I assure you everyone who has lost something to Wanheda will be present."
She looks at me and nods slowly before walking back into the castle, the emptiness greeting me as a punch to my gut. And as I stare into the darkness, I see my people's faces; they will not do it for me. Perhaps for their own desires…
"Lexa?" The dry leaves complain as my feet settle over each one of them. My arms fall in surrender and I keep turning my head around, hoping to find the former mage somewhere around. It has been too long; the sun is rising and I can't find her. She told me she would be here with Costia by midnight, yet here I am, like a lost puppy wandering around the darkness of the forest.
I take a deep breath of cold air and swallow the anger that is welling up behind my throat. I hear the sound of more leaves complaining behind me and stare at the emptiness of the last stall in the stable. I wonder what happened to the horse that was meant to be here. "Atom?" I say after turning around and standing face to face with the white horse. "Yu don hon em op?" I let out in the horse's language and look through his golden eyes.
"Nou," He replies with a neigh. "Non, Okteivia."
My gaze travels back to the stall and I freeze when I notice a sparkling object on the floor. Walking slowly towards it, I bend down to pick up the knife before I hear my horse neighing in what I know as surprise.
"Atom?" I say and slowly turn around, finding my horse's golden eyes opened in astonishment. "What is it? Do you know what horse is missing?" I urge impatiently as his gaze lowers and I catch a slight nod.
"Kostia," His golden eyes meet mine once again and my spirit drops as his words hit me.
"Lexa…" I whisper and walk urgently towards my horse and mount Atom hastily. My thoughts guide Atom toward the small house where a shattered woman must await. As soon as Atom stops, I dismount and run towards the wooden door before opening it in a rush and moving the curtain that guards the room to the side violently.
The air is kicked out of my lungs at the sight of Raven lying on the floor by the bed's foot.