A/N:
So I accidentally fell hard for KevEdd and just had to write something with them!
I wouldn't exactly call my depictions a part of the Reverse Universe, but after reading so many amazing fics I wanted to do something a bit different with the common tropes you always see. This fic is basically me trying to interpret Kevin in my own nuanced way, without losing what makes him so appealing as a character. So my depiction of him definitely deviates from standard, but I'm hoping that you guys can see that he's still Kevin at his core. It's my own headcannon that Kevin's confidence is all for show, that he's really fairly socially awkward but plays it off well. This fic is attempting to explore how he'd find confidence that is uniquely his own, and not what's been prescribed to him by social norms. That said, I'm pretty sure this will all be from Kevin's POV, but I'm tempted to give Edd a try in later chapters as they become close.
Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and I'm looking forward to your feedback! I had to break chapter 1 into two parts because it was frankly getting too long. I'm basically halfway done for the second part, so expect it in the next week or two; I'm hoping the feedback for the first part will give me motivation to continue!
As always, Nat belongs to c2ndy2c1d, and I don't own Ed, Edd, n' Eddy.
"Kevin?!" His father slurred from the doorway, "What the hell is this?!"
Light poured in from the hall, silhouetting his father from behind. Kevin propped himself up off his bed, immediately alert having just been woken up. He could smell the sharp scent of liquor from across the room, and could see the crumpled magazine in his father's hand.
Kevin's eyes widened and he could feel the blood drain from his face—good thing he was mostly in the dark or else his father could have easily ascertained his guilt. He could still fix this.
"Ugh, where'd you get that disgusting rag?" He gestured to the magazine with a half-naked man on the cover.
"I found it when I was taking out the trash, first thing I saw when I opened the can," His father sneered, balling the magazine in his fist. "Atrocious publication, fucking faggots in this neighborhood, can't believe it…" His father paused, quirking his brow above burning green eyes. "You got anything to do with this son?"
"No—of course not! Somebody musth've thrown it away in our can as they walked by or somethin'…"
His father narrowed his eyes, but seemed to accept his answer. He backed away a little, nodding his head of thinning red hair.
"Of course it wasn't you son, I know you're a good boy… No fags in this house!" His father let out a vicious chuckle, backing out of his room as he closed the door slowly. "Get some sleep, you need your rest for practice."
The door finally shut with a sharp click and Kevin was consumed by darkness.
He slumped down into his bed, heart beating like a racehorse. Sweat prickled on his brow, but he was relieved to feel the blood slowly return to his face.
That was too close. Kevin couldn't believe he'd been so damn careless, it was his fault that this had happened.
Why had he even bought that magazine in the first place? He knew it was stupid, that he shouldn't have paid ten bucks at that porn shop two towns over. It wasn't like he needed it or anything, the internet was a thing that could bring any type of beautiful man right to Kevin's phone, HD and all. Maybe he bought it because he needed some sort of physical token of his sexuality, something more substantial than the rainbow wrist bands he had hidden deep in his backpack.
After he had nervously paid the cashier and quickly hopped onto his bike, Kevin was wrecked with anxiety. What if his father found it? He still remembered that time when his dad shouted at a gay couple in the park, harassing them till they stood up from a decorative bench and left. His father was so pleased with himself too; it made Kevin sick to his stomach, even looking back he could still feel that sense of dread straining his throat. He didn't know how badly his father would react to the magazine—but it was guaranteed to be horrible; a disaster of epic proportions.
So he crumpled it up and threw it away, but in his hurry he forgot to hide it under this weeks trash. He silently kicked himself that he had so happily agreed when his father offered to take out the trash earlier that night. How could he be so fucking careless.
He breathed in and out slowly, like he'd been taught a few years ago at his psychologist's office. He had to calm down, no point being worked up over decisions that couldn't be reversed. Kevin bunched his blankets around him and rolled over onto his side, curling up into a fetal ball. He shut his eyes hard while grinding his teeth nervously, filling his lungs and slowly releasing the air through his nose.
Tears started to dribble out of his scrunched eyes. Kevin silently sobbed into his pillow, trying to suppress his crying as best he could. It devastated him that his father was so irreversibly homophobic. He was pretty sure that his dad would gleefully commit a hate crime without hesitation, even against Kevin himself. It was almost worse that Kevin had to pretend to be just as ignorant and intolerant as his father. He had to be aware of every word and phrase that passed through his lips, how he carried himself and acted, aware of who he was 'supposed' to be at all times; all to appease the man who loomed over Kevin's life.
Frankly he was scared to death of his father, he didn't know what the drunkard would do if he found out about his sexuality; his father's moods were so awfully unpredictable. He could hazard a guess though, he knew that if his father had been drinking when the truth finally came out (because Kevin knew it inevitably would) it was very possible that he would resort to violence. At that thought Kevin balled himself up even tighter. It's not that big a leap from beating your wife to beating your son, right?
Kevin took a shaky breath and weakly hummed to himself, the quiet vibrations soothing his pulse.
At least she's in a better place now, away from her husband. He remembered a time when he was around eight years old, and he was in his mother arms. She was bouncing him on her leg and whispering in his ear, telling him that he could be anything when he grew up, that she'll always believe in him no matter what. He remembers the jasmine scent of her curly red hair, the countless freckles dotting her warm cheeks, and the soft fabric of her shirt—even the song she hummed as she held him close. He also remembered his father, patting him on the back, telling him that he'll only believe in Kevin as long as he became a football star—passing off petty cruelty as a callous joke.
God, how long can this charade last? When will he just not be able to take it anymore? Kevin was sure that the breaking point was getting very close. He could feel it just around the corner.
He relaxed his limbs and wiped his eyes, rubbing the tear tracks away. Kevin rolled onto his back and stared at the dark ceiling. Moonlight filtered in through the curtains covering the window next to his bed, illuminating the posters lining his room in ghostly blue. Smiling football players, diagrams of motorcycles, and images from the Hubble Telescope all loomed into his line of sight. He closed his eyes again and tried to loosen up and relax to fall asleep.
As he slowly emptied his mind, memories of a certain black-haired boy with an adorable gap-toothed smile floated through his thoughts. Kevin smiled to himself as the relief of unconsciousness overcame him.
-o-
The town blurred into lines of color as Kevin sped down Peach Tree Avenue on his meticulously restored motorcycle. Peach Creek High wasn't more than a half hour walk from his neighborhood, but he needed the soothing thrill of a ride after last night. He passed by multiple groups of students walking along the sidewalk, some even cheerily waved as Kevin whipped by at high speed. He steeled himself for the onslaught of social interaction that came with every new day at school. He'll have to greet countless people in the halls, just because they all recognize him and want to be on his good side. He supposed that's what happens when you're popular and the captain of the football team, but it always got on his nerves.
Kevin parked his metallic black motorcycle in the school's parking lot, happily noticing that he had the only motorcycle in a sea of knock-off Korean mopeds. He could also see Nazz's beat-up Volkswagen Beetle parked by the entrance sign, spots of rust blemishing the ancient baby-blue paint job. He took off his gloves and helmet, storing them in his bike's saddlebags before walking up the wide front steps to the school's glassy doors.
As he expected, he was stopped by passing students basically every time he accidentally met their prying eyes. It was always the same, they would congratulate him on past games and wish him luck on those to come. They'd go on to tell him that they hope he does well at practice, then they would say goodbye and leave. Blah, blah, fucking blah. Having the same conversation over and over again got very irritating, and it was oddly soul-crushing. Kevin always ended up feeling acutely alone after every meaninglessly repetitive social interaction.
Even though Kevin was constantly recognized and congratulated for his football achievements, he felt like no one actually paid attention to him. He was keenly aware that nobody paid attention to him as a person or unique personality. He felt as if everyone viewed him as a prop, a stereotypical jock background character in their boring daily lives. Everyone had a role for him to fill and that was it, nothing deeper was required of him.
So even though Kevin had a lot of so called 'friends', he knew who actually viewed him as a whole person. That feeling was almost solely reserved for Nazz and Nat. Out of all his friends, they were certainly real. It was great to have them, sure, but it still bugged the hell out of Kevin that other people never bothered to get to know him better. He would like to believe that he wasn't the stereotype everyone pegged him to be.
As he rounded the last corner before his locker, he noticed that Nazz was waiting for him. His childhood best friend was beautiful as always, in her form-fitting cashmere sweater and pleated miniskirt. She leaned against the bank of lockers in her characteristic effortless nonchalance that Kevin had tried imitating since preschool, but had never completely mastered. She turned at the sound of Kevin's approaching footsteps, bundling notebooks in one arm before stuffing them into her bag. Her eyes lit up as she spotted Kevin, her pouty pink lips forming a smile when she tucked a long strand of wavy blonde hair behind one ear.
"Hey Kev, what's up dude?" She playfully punched Kevin's arm as he came to a stop.
"Oh, nothing… how was the date last night?" He grumbled, nervously rubbed the back of his neck and opened his locker, locating the books he needed for his first classes.
"It was uh-mazing!" Her smile grew into a grin, leaning in as she wrapped her delicate arms around the nearest of Kevin's powerful limbs. "She really is the sweetest when she's not around you!"
Kevin merely grunted and Nazz laughed.
"Just be happy for me you big dork!"
"I really am Nazz, but maybe you could free my arm? I kinda need to carry these books."
She let go of his arm and appeared to look at him for the first time since he arrived, pretty eyes studying his face.
"Hey," she said softly, letting her hand rest on his bicep. "What's wrong Kev?"
Kevin turned to look at her, but before he could offer some half-assed excuse he felt someone pinch his ass. He tried to stop the small embarrassed smile from forming on his face, but failed miserably as he turned around to swat Nat's hand away. He's the only one who would dare touch Kevin like that, even if it was only a joke.
"Hey hot stuff, I don't get to give my man any sugar?" Nat pouted and batted his incredibly long eyelashes as Kevin flung his hand away. He could smell whatever expensive stinky cologne Nat had used that morning, a smell that just screamed pretentious douchebag—a title Nat seemed to enjoy a little bit too much. Kevin couldn't help but laugh at Nat's ridiculousness, making the teal-haired boy eye him suspiciously.
Nat slid up behind Nazz, resting his head on her shoulder as she giggled, "Nat, something's wrong with Kevin, you know anything?"
"Hmmm, yeah something's definitely up, he never laughs when I manhandle him. He's all 'Ahh, Nat! Don't scare me like that!' and, 'Just because I'm your friend doesn't mean you get to touch me!' and let's not forget my personal favorite; 'Do you want a broken hand, you puke-haired piece-of-shit?!'. And you know what I have to say to that? I say; somebody's gotta pinch that perfect bubble butt! It's not like Double Delicious has gotten on that—it's just begging to be prodded!" Nat paused, snickering to himself before briefly making eye contact with Kevin. Nat's eyes narrowed as he tilted his head in a look of mock contemplation. "You're right blondie, something's seriously up with big red over here, just look how dejected he's acting."
"Ugh, Nat stop! You just like the sound of your own voice," Kevin snapped, blush staining his cheeks.
"Well, duh, but he's right, you're looking super closed up." Nazz brushed Nat off her shoulder, laughter tinging her voice. "Just let us in, okay? We can't help if you're all self-righteous and silent."
Kevin sighed as he shut his locker, stuffing his AP Bio and AP Comp & Rhet books into his ratty backpack. He turned to his friends, meeting their expectant expressions with an indignant eye-roll.
"Okay, fine. But please don't laugh."
"Oh this is gonna be goo—HEY!" Nat exclaimed as Nazz smacked his arm to shut him up.
"Go on dude, we're listening; right Nat?" She eyed Nat dangerously, causing him to gulp.
"Yeah, sure! Whatever Queen Nazz says!"
Kevin took a breath and sighed again. He grudgingly decided to tell his friends what happened with his father last night while they walked toward their first classes. Nobody would bother the trio of popular kids if they looked like they were having a private conversation. Or at least, anyone with more than two brain cells in their head wouldn't dare interrupt them.
"So…" he began, suddenly nervous. "My shitty excuse of a father almost found out about—y'know…"
"Oh—Really?! no wonder you seem all fucked up!"
"Yeah dude, I know he's your dad and all but that guy is legit scary." Nazz bit her lip and continued quietly, "How'd he almost find out anyway?"
Kevin ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, he could feel his cheeks get red again. Nat noticed and somehow got it instantly, his eyes seemed to bulge as he tried to stifle a laugh. He draped his arm around Kevin's shoulder and looked at him with his most innocent smile.
"Huh, found some porn didn't he?"
Kevin definitely felt his cheeks get warmer now. He pushed Nat off his shoulder as his friend began to cackle.
"It's not funny, okay?!"
Nazz giggled, "It kinda is Kev."
"No it really isn't! If he ever finds out I don't know what he's gonna do to me. I'll be lucky if he just kicks me out!"
Both his friends stopped laughing. Kevin could still remember the unbridled terror he felt when he saw that crumpled magazine in his father's hand. He looked down at his shoes in shame as he regulated his breathing, he hated when his emotions got the best of him. He felt Nat gently rub his back and Nazz tightly hug his arm again.
"It's okay big guy, we're here for you. You totally sure he didn't find out?" Nat's voice was soft and serious, which affected Kevin more than it should have. It was his fault that his usually vivacious friend was forced to stop his constant joking.
"I think so—god I hope so!" Kevin groaned, looking up at the ceiling before glancing down at his friends to either side of him. "He seemed to accept what I said, but I think he has his suspicions now."
"You know Kev, we could, I dunno, pretend to date or something." Nazz looked up through her bangs at Kevin to gauge his reaction. "Just to get your dad off your back."
"No, I wouldn't dream of doing that to you. Especially since everything is going so good with Marie," he chuckled sourly. "And anyway, I don't know if I can even keep this up anymore. I feel like absolute shit every single day—I think I'm tired of hiding." Kevin paused, considering what just slipped out of his mouth. It was true, he was tired. "At least here at school anyway."
"Oh really now? Gonna grace us queers with your open support?" Nat grinned, waggling his eyebrows, slyly reaching around Nazz to slap Kevin's ass.
Kevin let out a surprised yelp and knocked his friend's hand away. They were nearing the intersection of halls where they would have to split up to go to their respective classes. It felt good to talk to his friends about something so personal and important, they always knew how to tease out what needed to be said and make Kevin laugh. He suddenly had the intense urge to skip class and talk with them all day, working out how he should come out—or if that was even a good idea. He was trying to improve his attendance record though, so they'd have to continue later.
Nazz reluctantly let go of Kevin's arm, holding on till the last possible second.
"Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with yet, okay? We should talk more about this at lunch."
"Sure Nazz, see you guys at lunch," he called after his friends as they jostled down the hall together. Nat's obnoxiously loud laugh echoed off the lockers, and Kevin couldn't help but smile at his two best friends.
He was about to turn and go the opposite direction, but Kevin stopped when he heard Nat's voice call back to him.
"Hey, maybe you should tell him today? Bet it would make his da-a-ay!" Nat singsonged, winking back at Kevin before Nazz shoved his shoulder; forcing him to keep walking.
Kevin blinked and blushed. He turned quickly and entered his classroom, rushing to his desk. The first one in class, that was unusual. Edd was generally the first one to arrive everyday, sometimes with that annoying Marie girl in tow.
He smiled and laughed to himself. Maybe he would tell him today.
-o-
While he waited for class to begin, Kevin couldn't help but think of that studious boy who sat in front of him. He'd been able to look at the back of his elegant neck for a few weeks now, but he's had a crush on Edd since freshmen year. That dork was all Kevin could think about most days, always aware of where he sat in respect to his well postured crush. They shared most of their classes, both Kevin and Edd taking the array of AP courses offered by Peach Creek High, so keeping tabs on his obsession couldn't be easier.
Kevin got decent grades; mostly B's and C+'s with a sprinkling of A's, but thankfully his grades were weighed higher because of the AP courses. That meant that he's been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA since the beginning of the school year; Kevin was proud of his good grades, no matter how unimpressed his father managed to be. He was sure he could get all A's too, if he could quit the team and focus solely on classwork—but he wasn't even sure if that's what he wanted to do.
Edd, on the other hand, was a natural genius. No doubt he'll be the class valedictorian at the end of the year, with his straight A transcript and sparkling school record. His intellect was one of the many things that Kevin found absolutely captivating about his crush, there was a weight of knowledge and power to everything he said or did—Kevin couldn't keep his eyes away.
The way Edd's face lit up when he was talking about something that interested him, it brightened Kevin's world. There was a passion to his expressions that seemed so much more mature than their classmates, like Edd was talking about the person he loved—as if he was in love with knowledge itself. It sounded a bit melodramatic and impossibly corny, but it's true. There was no denying how adorable Edd was when he starts gesticulating to explain his argument, fire behind his eyes. Or how Edd forcibly holds his ground when he knows he's right—even if that meant being rude. That was a fairly new development. Edd never used to do that; stand up for himself. Even for things he was good at or knew to be true.
Kevin knew how unconfident Edd had been in middle school, and felt a bit guilty because he was sure he had played a part in Edd's torment. He remembered how he had always called him a dork or a dweeb, never actually calling him by his real name. It didn't seem like that big of a deal now, but Kevin had this nagging feeling that his teasing had played a role in how Edd had viewed himself, even if that role was small. He never really directed his harassment to Edd specifically either, always focusing more on his idiot friends, but that didn't excuse his actions.
Kevin knew now that the constant teasing was just him lashing out to try to deal with his miserable home life. It had really been bad in the months after his mother had passed, she had been his best friend after all.
His mother dying of cancer had been a turning point in Kevin's life, he remembered how he was forced by the school district to see a child psychologist to deal with his sudden explosive anger problems. He got over them, mostly, by following strict breathing exercises and tackling guys playing football. He was at peace on the field, every pass and interception ebbing the anger away—even the anger directed at his father for forcing him to play in the first place. He sometimes wondered if his father was so heinous strictly to push Kevin to do better at football, but the foresight and premeditation to pull that off was definitely out of his father's mental grasp. With the help of meditation, general self-realization, and the sanctioned violence of football; Kevin was able to stop being a bully.
Something had happened to Edd too, he disappeared without a trace during the summer after middle school, his house empty across from Kevin's. Both of his annoying friends were gone too, only to return to their cul-de-sac for a week before getting shipped off to military school or somewhere else equally as punitive. Kevin had assumed that the dorky trio had been caught doing something dangerous, but that couldn't be the case seeing as Edd had returned a week before high school started.
Instead of the nervous boy who stuttered and went by Double D, a much more confident and comfortable Edd had showed up that first day.
The change wasn't major, but it was enough to be noticeable. He started to dress better and joined the swim team, building lean muscle that Kevin couldn't ignore. He had gotten over his attachment to that black hat he had worn since, well, forever; instead he seemed to have a new collection of beanies in a variety of different colors, Kevin swore he had only seen the same one twice. His high cheekbones became more prominent and his adorable button nose cleared of acne, his big watery blue eyes alert and demanding attention. Other people noticed these changes too, suddenly Edd wasn't the major social pariah he had been in middle school. Sure he wasn't 'popular' popular—and still got picked on occasionally, but Kevin knew that he was reasonably well-liked and even admired by most of the various cliques and groups that made up the student body.
Kevin honestly found it pretty irritating how all the people who so gladly ignored Edd throughout middle school only decided to pay attention to him once he started becoming attractive. Kevin couldn't say that he was a friend of Edd's when he went by Double D, but at least he had talked to him—even if it was bullying.
It was like other people only found worth in Edd when they realized how undeniably cute he was, as if his genius-level academic achievements were worth nothing. Of course Kevin wanted to hold Edd's slender hand in his own, and kiss those expressive lips, but it was Edd's brain that had inspired Kevin to take his own coursework more seriously.
Well, maybe at first he only took harder classes to get closer to his crush, but all that struggling sophomore year had led to Kevin legitimately enjoying his education.
Kevin had always admired Edd's knowledge, even while he was teasing him. He was envious of Edd's ability to know something about basically everything, and seeing how the scrawny guy had so easily adapted to the swim team—why couldn't Kevin do better in class? Maybe Edd would notice that Kevin was going out of his comfort zone with the same confidence and zeal that Edd had applied himself to swimming, maybe he'd notice that Kevin no longer was the childhood bully who'd chase him around the neighborhood. Maybe Edd would fall for Kevin too, because they both had grown and matured while so many of their classmates had remained stagnant.
Maybe, just maybe, Edd would pay attention to Kevin in the way that so many other people had failed, to see and understand all the little things about himself that were just beneath the surface; how Kevin hoped he understood Edd.
Like how Edd was still polite and kind, always going out of his way to help others if they asked, but it was obvious that he now valued his own needs as well. With every passing year Kevin saw how Edd grew more confident and apparently happier, now never afraid to kindly deny people his time if they were trying to take advantage of him.
His kindness coupled with his remarkable looks earned him a lot of attention from girls around school, Kevin had heard that Edd had been approached multiple times by girls wanting to date him, flatly denying every single one. Pretty girls too—so Kevin had slowly built up the hope that Edd was also gay, or maybe bisexual.
So now that Kevin was actually considering coming out at school, he couldn't help but think of Edd; the black-haired boy with an adorable gap-toothed smile.
Kevin found himself blushing as more and more students filed into class and took their seats, trying to cram in conversations before the teacher arrived. He's been wanting to ask Edd out since the start of junior year, but has yet to find the courage to do it. Kevin could run head-first at the approaching wall of a rival team, but he couldn't even talk to the gentle boy which held his fantasies.
In fact, Kevin frowned as he tried to think of the last time he'd even spoken to Edd. They passed pleasantries all the time, enough for Edd to award Kevin with shy smiles, but they'd never actually talked or hung out. He wasn't even sure if he could call Edd a friend, though he tried his best to be nice to make up for bullying Edd throughout middle school.
Hell, he didn't even have the guy's phone number; how could Kevin expect Edd to go out with him if they don't even know each other well enough to exchange numbers? He groaned and smacked his head on his desk a few times—this was gonna be harder than just confessing love and living happily ever after. He'd have to build up to that if he wanted anything but flat denial. Why couldn't he just talk to the dork?
Kevin blamed his stupid stomach for twisting into knots every time they passed in the hall, or his tongue for getting dry and heavy when they said good morning—awkward silences making sure nothing else was said. Why did this have to be so damn difficult?
Kevin heard the creak of aluminum and laminate ahead of him, he eagerly looked up from his face-down position on his desk to see if Edd had finally arrived. He hadn't, instead Edd's best friend Marie was getting comfortable in her seat next to Edd's empty desk.
The short girl with cropped blue hair was always getting on Kevin's nerves, though he was getting better at hiding his displeasure as it became obvious Nazz had a thing for her. As Nat would put it, Marie had a curvalicious body; and Kevin supposed she was attractive in an objective sense, but her loud and fairly violent personality just bugged him for some reason. Perhaps it was because he couldn't comprehend why she was Edd's best friend, they practically hated each other when they were kids; he was pretty sure Edd had been completely terrified of her. Or, maybe it was because she didn't seem to like Kevin just as much as he didn't like her.
Marie turned her head and looked at Edd's empty seat, confusion plainly written on her face. She gnawed at her bottom lip as if something was worrying her, before turning to look at the door. Edd's absence was really starting to worry Kevin too, in the two years he and Edd had shared most of their classes, Edd had always been one of the first few people to arrive to class. He was always as early as possible, and even if he showed up now he'd be one of the last kids to sit down before class began.
"Hey, Marie," Kevin sat up and poked her shoulder. "Heard you had a good date last night."
"Yeah? What's it to you?" She shot back, turning to eye Kevin with irritation.
At least Kevin tried to hide his distain, Marie just flung it out in the open.
"Nazz is my best friend," he sniffed with displeasure, "Just making sure you're treating her right."
"Ask her yourself if you're so worried."
Kevin sighed and pinched his nose, might as well cut the small-talk.
"Okay, okay—whatever." He averted his eyes, suddenly nervous, "Just… I was curious if—uh…"
"Oh, just spit it out already Captain Jawline."
Kevin blushed and gritted his teeth, why did she have to be so confrontational?
"I was wondering if… if you know where Edd is?"
Marie noticed his blush and her eyebrows shot up. A satisfied smirk started to form on her face and Kevin knew he had given it all away. She ignored Kevin and cocked her head in thought, before turning back and flashing him a sickly-sweet smile.
"I don't know, lover-boy, last text I got he told me he was on his way. Why do you want to know?"
Kevin could feel his blush deepen, he just couldn't talk about Edd without making a fool of himself. Why did Marie have to play these games? It'd be so much easier for the both of them if she just answered properly.
"Cut the crap Kanker, I'm just worried about him okay?!" Surprised, Marie looked at Kevin with suspicious eyes and a tight mouth, the tendons in her neck becoming visible as he continued, "He's normally here by now, I don't think I've ever seen him miss a class."
Marie took a breath and dropped her taunting front, considering what Kevin had to say with her typical serious-or-angry expression.
"As much as I hate to admit it, you're right. I'm worried too—lemme send him a quick text," Marie looked at her phone and sent off a message. She kept looking at her phone as her brows scrunched and a scowl graced her face. "He's not responding, he always texts back within 30 seconds."
She looked up from her phone and made eye contact with Kevin. He could see his own unease and worry mirrored in her expression. They both turned to the door as Mrs. Wells entered the classroom with the usual 'click click' of her high heels, expecting Edd instead.
The bell rung shortly after Mrs. Wells greeted the class with a jovial good morning. She hooked up the projector to her laptop and dimmed the lights, class had officially begun and Eddward Vincent was nowhere to be seen.
-o-
Kevin watched the clock, every minute making Edd more and more late—making Kevin more and more nervous. Marie shifted in her seat and kept looking to the door, keeping an eye out for her friend. She glanced over at Kevin with look of vague annoyance as he drummed his fingers on the desk, nervously tapping his pencil against his notebook with his other hand. He ignored her, focusing on the clock.
Once the first five minutes of class had dragged by, Mrs. Wells beginning her lecture on cellular biology, Kevin raised his hand tentatively.
"You have a question, Mr. Barr?"
"Not particularly, no."
Her eyebrows arched as she peered at Kevin over the frames of her glasses.
"So why are you raising your hand?"
There were a few snickers from the back of the room. Kevin clenched his jaw, fighting the urge to turn around and glare at the sources of the offending noises.
"I need to go the the bathroom," he said instead, squirming in his seat, pulling the look that had gotten him out of practice an hour early last week, "Like, really bad."
The snickers were more bold the second time.
"Class has just begun, Mr. Barr. I would advise using the lavatory before class begins next time."
Mrs. Wells looked back down at her laptop, as if the situation was settled. He'd have to act quickly if he was going to change her mind.
"I know Mrs. W, but I wouldn't be asking unless it was a serious emergency," Kevin replied, hoping he sounded polite and not irritated. He squirmed in his seat more, bouncing his leg as if he were trying to hold something in.
"Fine fine, just take the pass and be quick with it, I don't want you missing this lecture," Mrs. Wells sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.
Kevin didn't need to be told twice, he bolted out of his chair and took the pass from its position hanging on the wall, briefly looking back at Marie before he left the room. She seemed to understand what was going on, giving him a curt nod before he turned and ran down the hall.
Where could Edd be? If he was at school he might be by his locker or in one of the bathrooms—but if he was already at school wouldn't he be in class? Probably, unless something bad had happened to him. Kevin shivered at the thought. Edd had been able to avoid a lot of torment since starting high school, but Kevin still remembered that black eye marring his perfect pale face that Ryan Crosby had given him last year. Marie had later cornered Ryan and given him a taste of his own medicine—maybe that's why Edd kept her around.
Kevin veered to the right down the hall which led to Edd's locker. Already he could tell that there wasn't anyone in front of Edd's locker or in the hall, period. He still stopped in front of the locker though, for no other reason than to just picture how Edd had looked standing there with the aluminum door open, talking animately with Marie; blue eyes briefly connecting with Kevin's, Edd's small shy smile making Kevin blush.
Something on the orange locker caught Kevin's eye, shattering the memory. He clenched his jaw and took a step closer to get a better look at the offending graffiti. In the bottom left corner, written in black paint marker, was the word that haunted Kevin's interactions with his father.
FAG!
Sudden, boiling anger overcame Kevin; his hands clenching into tight fists. He stepped closer to the locker, the urge to punch that slur close to overwhelming—but that wouldn't solve anything, it would only dent the aluminum. He closed his eyes and regulated his breathing, an idea coming to him in the calm of his mind.
Kevin reached out to begin scratching away at the word, hopefully chipping away the paint before he continued his search for Edd. He didn't want Edd to deal with the sight of that nasty word on his locker.
When his fingers touched the graffiti, Kevin was surprised to find that the marks were still wet; paint smudging and dirtying his fingertips. His mind raced, trying to decide what to do. Quickly he licked his fingers and frantically smudged the word until it was an unreadable cloudy mess. He knew he'd have to come back and clean it throughly before Edd noticed the smudges, but at least the word was gone for good.
Kevin took a step back to admire his handiwork, his foot crunching on a piece of paper. He looked down and moved his foot, bending to pick up the discarded sheet. Underneath a dirty shoe print, Kevin could make out Edd's meticulous handwriting and various highlighted phrases and key-words they had gone over last week in Mrs. Wells class. The page had been ripped from Edd's AP Bio notes, the blue notebook he always placed neatly in his satchel alongside the notebooks for his other classes. Edd guarded his notes with his life, always being very particular with who could handle them, like they were well-preserved illuminated manuscripts.
Kevin folded the sheet and put it in his front pocket, scanning the floor for other signs of Edd. The torn page and the wet graffiti were serious red flags in Kevin's mind, Edd had been by his locker and something had obviously happened. Maybe somebody had confronted him, trying to steal his school work—and when he refused his tormentor had resorted to violence. Kevin could imagine Edd standing up for himself, only to be punched in the gut and have his bag stolen. Or maybe, hopefully, something completely different had happened, but there was no way to know till he found Edd.
At the next intersection of halls, Kevin spotted another torn sheet of notes. It was another page from Edd's AP Bio notebook, ripped right in half and lodged in the tight crack between a bank of lockers and the sticky linoleum floor. Kevin was trying his best to remain calm, but he couldn't get the image of Edd reeling over in pain out of his mind. He had to find him, and he had to stay cool and collected.
Kevin decided to continue down the hall where he found the second piece of paper, it was like he was following a trail of breadcrumbs, each clue getting him closer to Edd. He soon remembered the hall, it was one lined with sophomore classes—he hadn't walked down it in two years. He tried to remember where the hall went, if it led to a place Edd would go. If his mental map was correct, the hall would end in a dead end after it turned to the right, forcing anyone to turn back. If Edd wasn't down this hall, Kevin wouldn't have any other clues to keep going.
As he remembered, the hall did in fact end after a right turn. Four doors were arranged around the dead end, two were obviously classrooms while the remaining doors led to a janitor's closet and a boy's restroom that was closed for repairs, if the sign on the door could be trusted.
A sudden muffled noise caught Kevin's attention, it sounded like something had been violently slammed shut. There was another noise as Kevin briskly walked towards the end of the hall, the distinct whoosh of a flushing toilet followed by the gurgle of pipes in the wall nearest the restroom. Someone had to be in the broken bathroom.
Kevin recalled how in sophomore year that particular bathroom had been used by the upperclassmen jocks as a hangout. They'd always pick on the underclassmen who dared enter it by mistake, petty bullying Kevin had put a stop to once he became captain. But the fact that the bathroom he was about to enter had been a mecca for teasing did nothing to help Kevin's mood, especially since he was trying to determine what had happened to his crush.
Muffled laughter hit Kevin's ears as he reached out for the restroom door. He frowned, he recognized that laugh. It was the cruel laugh he loathed hearing every practice, one that seriously tested Kevin's breathing techniques. Did he really want to go through with this, to know what was going on behind that door? Kevin didn't want to appear weak in front of him, especially if he got a whiff of Kevin's feelings for Edd.
Kevin's hand rested on the door, fingers itching to do something—anything. He took a deep breath and tried to focus on what had to be done. He did have to know, he couldn't let Edd face the monster behind that door alone, even if it meant risking his relationship with his team. He had to do this, for himself, and for Edd.
Kevin swung the door open with a powerful push, stepping inside.
His eyes were immediately drawn to Edd, who was pushed up against the mirrored wall by Stephen, a linebacker on Kevin's team. Edd's maroon beanie was almost falling off his head of longish wavy black hair, tear tracks glistening on his soft cheeks. He had a look of steely determination on his face though, hands rigid and taut at his sides—no marks or fresh bruises visible on his body. His eyes met Kevin's, a small glint of hope burnt behind the pale blue of his irises.
Kevin's hands automatically formed into fists, begging to take action, but he kept them firmly stationed by his pockets. He took deep breaths, letting the raw anger and hate boil off his body. Kevin had to remain calm for this to work. His eyes narrowed and quickly scanned the room, reluctantly breaking Edd's eye contact.
Stephen had Edd pinned to the wall, his feet dangling around a foot off the wet tile floor. The door to the stall across from Edd was wide open, water pouring out of a toilet overflowing with drowned school supplies. Kevin recognized Henry, another player on his team, holding Edd's satchel over the erupting toilet, loose pens pathetically dropping to the porcelain. Water and shreds of paper covered the bathroom floor, the stench of chemical cleaner and wood pulp hung stagnant in the moist air.
On one of the sinks next to Edd, sat the source of the laugh Kevin had heard only moments earlier. Micheal Pedwick, all around douchebag and pain in the ass—one of the few guys on Kevin's team he just couldn't stand. Micheal always tried to undermine Kevin's authority on the field and off it, second guessing his plays and even talking back to Coach Rene. He always made sexist and homophobic jokes too, repeatedly ignoring and blatantly disregarding the culture of tolerance Kevin had tried to build. Micheal wasn't even particularly good at football either, but Kevin was having trouble finding a suitable replacement.
His teammates' heads all whipped around to look at Kevin as the door clacked shut behind him, the anger at being interrupted morphing into shock and fear on their faces. Good, they should be afraid.
"What do you guys think you're doing?" Kevin hissed through clenched teeth.
"Teaching this fucking loser some respect," Micheal responded cooly, a look of tailored indifference replacing his previously fearful expression. It didn't matter how he played it off, Kevin had seen that look—there was no way he was going to back down now.
"You know, bullying is grounds for termination from the team, one word to Coach and you're all gone."
"You wouldn't dare!" Micheal jumped up from the sink, shoes squeaking on the wet floor as he walked up to Kevin, trying to get in his face.
"I would," Kevin hissed again, looking down into Micheal's furious expression. He turned and pushed the shorter boy away, ignoring the spew of curses that followed, focusing instead on the other two wary-looking jocks, "Stephen, put Edd down now, and Henry; bring his satchel over here."
Stephen immediately jumped away from the wall and scrambled over to Micheal, letting Edd drop to his feet. Henry bit his lip and anxiously glanced from Micheal to Kevin, trying to determine where his loyalties lay. A low growl erupted from Kevin's throat, startling Henry into action. He sniffed and looked down at his feet before walking over to Kevin, dropping Edd's satchel into Kevin's outstretched hand. "S-sorry Kev…" Henry did a little jump and quickly averted his eyes when he looked up at Kevin's furious face, blanching before scurrying over to Micheal like a wounded animal.
"If I ever, ever, hear that any of you dipshits are harassing students again, I'll tell Coach Rene and she'll kick your sorry asses off the team so quick it'll make your puny heads spin," Kevin glared menacingly at his three teammates, Micheal fumed silently while Stephen and Henry just looked suitably humiliated. "Get out of here. Before I change my mind."
The bullies quickly left, Micheal mumbling half-formed threats under his breath as the door swung shut. The room was then silent, only the sound of running water interrupting the peace.
Kevin turned back to look at Edd; who was washing his face at the sink, sighing while he readjusting his beanie in the mirror.
"They… they didn't hurt you did they?"
"N-no. I guess I have you to thank for that, Kevin."
Edd shut off the sink and turned to look at Kevin, an embarrassed smile gracing his soft features. Kevin couldn't help but pink, just a little.
"I'm sorry, Edd," Kevin mumbled, handing Edd his wet and soggy satchel.
Edd frowned, only taking his satchel after protecting his hands with wads of paper towels. Then he sighed, looking down at the floor covered in torn soggy pieces of paper, colorful labels and index numbers blurring to the point of unreadability.
"All my notes… ruined in such a—filthy manner," he groaned, pushing a loose page around with his foot. It was the mess that seemed to break Edd's will, tears started to well up in his beautiful eyes, "Oh dear! How will I pass my classes now?"
"Hey, it's okay," Kevin whispered, shakily reaching out his hand to rest on Edd's warm shoulder. He hadn't seen Edd cry since middle school, and the sight brought back upsetting memories, he'd have to comfort Edd somehow. "I'm not saying that my notes are up to your standards… but maybe you could copy them anyway? Something has to be better than nothing…"
"Y-you'd do that for me?" Edd's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked up at Kevin, the tears in his eyes making them sparkle under the fluorescent lights.
Kevin blushed, bringing the hand that had been resting awkwardly on Edd's narrow shoulder up to the back of his own neck out of nervous habit.
"Yeah, of course, though I'm sure you'd pass without my help anyway," he chuckled a bit wryly. "You're absolutely sure that you're okay? If you don't need to go to the nurse, we should really be getting back to class."
"Oh yes, I'm fine," Edd sniffed, looking around the room again, "I just wish we could clean up this mess somehow, I don't want to get on the janitor's bad side."
"Eh, it's fine, not like you made the mess anyhow."
Edd nodded, but still looked anxious as they left the flooded bathroom. He clung onto his satchel like his life depended on it, knuckles white over the brown of his protective paper towels.
Edd stayed close to Kevin, straying no more than two feet from his side. Even though Edd was probably staying close for safety, Kevin's stomach still filled with butterflies; Edd's presence felt amazing. His small, lean frame just held some sort of intrinsic gravity which affected Kevin in a wholly unique and personal way; Kevin always felt it whenever he got close to Edd, even when passing in the hall. Edd just felt heavy next to Kevin, every one of his movements had a sort of weight which registered in Kevin's mind. Every single step and motion somehow important and beautiful.
Kevin even enjoyed the silence that had fallen between them as they walked, though he supposed it was a bit awkward. Kevin didn't want silence though, even if it was enjoyable, he wanted to tell Edd everything he felt. To spill everything he'd been thinking about for the last three years, but he couldn't bring himself to confess. Looking down at Edd's worried expression and uncomfortable body language, he knew the time wasn't right.
"So, wanna talk about it?" Kevin asked as nonchalantly as he could manage. At the look of surprise on Edd's face, he quickly added, "You don't have to, I just want to know how this happened."
"No, it's okay, I'm just genuinely shocked that you seem to care," Edd admitted, blue eyes looking up at Kevin before looking down at their shoes, "They are your teammates after all."
"That doesn't excuse shitty behavior."
At that a sweet smile spread across Edd's face, revealing his adorable gap-tooth that braces had failed to correct. Feeling himself flush, Kevin bit his lip to stop himself from grinning as Edd nodded and started to explain.
"Yesterday the short blond one, Micheal, I believe?" Edd glanced questioningly at Kevin; who nodded in response, indicating that he was paying attention. "He cornered me after class and demanded that I do his homework—when I promptly refused, he threatened me, shoving the homework assignment into my hand spouting some nonsense like; 'If this isn't done by tomorrow you'll pay for it, loser!' At which point he pushed me into a locker and disappeared."
"And today? You didn't do it, right?" Kevin asked, voice going hard after briefly giggling at the voice Edd had used to mock Micheal; mimicking his whiny drone perfectly. He was glad that Edd wasn't too down, it helped keep Kevin's fury in check. Kevin's hands had unconsciously formed into fists while Edd was talking, he let them loosen as Edd continued.
"Certainly not! If he had merely asked for help, I might have considered tutoring him…" Edd trailed off, gnawing at his bottom lip before clasping his satchel tighter, his next words possessing that sense of power and confidence Kevin had come to admire, "I'd rather be beaten than allow my intelligence to be taken advantage of in such a crude manner. I was fully prepared to face the consequences when I arrived today, but I hadn't prepared for this…"
"For what? Having your hard work torn up and dumped in some toilet that barely flushes? I doubt anyone could see that coming, even someone as smart as you."
Edd eyed him curiously, Kevin really hoped that Edd didn't think he was angry at him—he knew how he must sound. All he wanted to do was punch Micheal in his stupid annoying mouth, and that desire was really hard to control when all Edd was doing was giving him more of a reason to do it. Maybe he could arrange for some tackling exercises at practice today…
"Kevin? Are you okay?"
Kevin realized that they had stopped in front of Edd's locker, but apparently by accident. His fists were tight and hurting at his sides while his teeth were grinding together on their own, the tension in his jaw pulsing with a dull throb. Edd had taken a step back and was studying his face, he didn't appear to be afraid but he was definitely more nervous than before. Waves of guilt washed over Kevin as he closed his eyes and tried to regulate his breathing, taking long even breaths to calm himself down.
"Uh, shit, I'm sorry Edd," he said after peace had swept over his mind. "I'm not angry at you or anything, I—ugh, this is hard…" Edd took a small step closer, an expectant expression on his face that Kevin hadn't ever seen before. "What those guys did makes me so angry, I thought we were over stupid shit like bullying, y'know? At least I know I am… and I've tried to force that on my team, but apparently nothing can get through their thick skulls." Edd's expectant expression faltered, but was replaced by a wide gap-toothed grin, causing Kevin to momentarily lose his train of thought. He averted his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, finishing what he had to say with a mumble, "I should just kick them off the team, they don't deserve a second chance."
"Oh, I was worried for a second there," Edd said after a moment. "I do appreciate your anger on my behalf Kevin, but there's no need. If I've learned anything growing up, it's that people can only really change by their own sheer will; you can't force it on them." His eyes went distant, looking away from Kevin before continuing in a quieter tone, "Unfortunately I don't think kicking them off your team is a good idea. At least now you have some power over them… If you kick them off, you won't be able to control them at all."
That hadn't ever occurred to Kevin, leave it to Edd to really see the overall picture. He was right after all, but Kevin didn't like what it meant for his team. "Damn, I guess I'll have to live with them for the rest of the year then."
"Surely it won't be that bad, it appears that you can handle them quite…" Edd trailed off, suddenly distracted by his featureless locker door. Well, it was featureless for the most part, the exception being the series of dark smudges Edd was staring at curiously. "…well," he finished lightly, looking back to Kevin questioningly.
"Uh, er… when I was looking for you I came by your locker, and well—"
"You're the one who erased Micheal's vandalism?"
"Yeah, I couldn't stand the thought of you having to see it," his mouth said before his brain could react. Slowly things clicked together in Kevin's mind, "Wait, you saw what he wrote?"
A small blush bloomed across Edd's soft cheeks, his mouth forming a thin line as he nodded. "He stole a marker Marie had given me from my bag before they dragged me to the bathroom," he explained, turning to open his locker. Inside was as neatly organized as his now-ruined notebooks, every shelf color coded and labeled in impossibly precise handwriting. He retrieved a pack of disinfectant wipes from a cubby, closing the aluminum door to clean off the smudges. "Though now I am a bit confused, what do you mean that you didn't want me to see it? And you said you were looking for me?"
Kevin's hand reflexively started to reach for the back of his neck again, but he stopped it half way, letting it fall to his side. He shouldn't be so nervous around Edd. "Well, of course I didn't want you to see it—I'm sure you know how awful that word is." Edd's blush deepened, he looked surprised and somewhat pleased as he eyed Kevin again. Kevin suddenly wondered if he was able to read Edd's expressions (and the whole situation) properly, it felt like he was missing something. "Did you figure that I went to a broken bathroom because I needed to go?" he teased, mainly to hide his embarrassment. "Of course I was looking for you, it's not like you're ever late and Marie was really worried."
"Ah, I have to admit Kevin, I never suspected you paid that much attention to me," he said as he stowed the unused wipes back in his locker. He turned and gestured for them to continue walking with a little flourish Kevin found remarkably cute. "The fact you care about how I feel, and my wellbeing, is very heartwarming…"
Kevin could feel his flush creep down his neck, this time he couldn't stop his smile from taking over his face. "Yeah, well, don't mention it—it's what friends do, right?" His voice came out quicker and at a higher pitch than he intended. Before Edd could debate whether or not they were friends, he changed the subject, "Anyway, you should text Marie, she must be worried that we aren't back yet."
Edd opened his mouth, but closed it before saying anything. He looked up at Kevin through his graceful eyelashes and Kevin, still blushing, had to look away. He heard Edd's soft voice say, "Yes, of course, silly me. I should have already done that—I felt my phone vibrate when I was against the wall." He sounded disappointed.
Kevin grunted in response, letting their conversation naturally fizzle out. It wasn't that he didn't want to continue talking, because god, he could listen to Edd's unusual way of speaking all day, but he wasn't sure he could trust himself to keep it casual anymore.
Heartwarming. That's how Edd described Kevin's actions, and boy did that make his own heart flutter. It was a little sad that Edd had expected any less of him, but it wasn't like he had really given Edd any reason to suspect that he had changed since middle school. Sure, to Kevin the changes seemed obvious, but Edd probably hadn't been paying him any mind, and Kevin had never exactly given Edd a reason to pay attention to him. They barely ever spoke to each other, their current conversation the longest string of words they've spoken to each other since they were kids, or maybe ever. But it wasn't even their current conversation anymore, Kevin had let it die.
Why not go for it now? He should ask him out, or at least ask Edd to hang out sometime. It would be more awkward to ask later after they haven't talked for a few days, letting the tentative connection he felt between them shrivel like their conversation. Now would be the best time, no doubt about it, but his tongue wasn't moving. It felt thick and foreign in his mouth, the reoccurring reason why he could never talk to Edd. Rolling his tongue across the roof of his mouth, Kevin realized that there was something more important than continuing their conversation, it was Edd's safety.
Knowing Micheal, there was no guarantee that he'll listen to Kevin's threat. Especially seeing as he hadn't gotten what he wanted out of Edd. Kevin realized that there was a high chance of Micheal antagonizing Edd at some point during the day, or possibly during the upcoming week. If he did, Kevin would have to act upon his word and tell Coach Rene, which would mean relinquishing all control over Micheal and his follower friends. He would have to do it too, because if Kevin failed to hold up his word it would show weakness—loosing control in a whole other way, inviting Micheal to walk all over him. It was all very stupid and childish to Kevin, and Edd had made him realize what he'd accidentally gotten himself into.
To Kevin the solution was simple, and possibly even enjoyable. He'd just have to keep an eye on Edd throughout the day, making sure Micheal or any of his lackey friends didn't approach him. That meant being around Edd for as long as possible, a pulse-racing concept that would only work if Kevin could get his damn tongue to function properly.
"H-hey, Edd?"
Edd turned his head to look at Kevin, that expectant expression from earlier tentatively sneaking onto his face. His lips were parted slightly, tongue darting to wet them as his dark hair fell from his face due to the new tilt of his head. He was barely taller than Kevin's shoulder, making him around average height, but the rosiness of his cheeks and the seemingly innocent glean to his big eyes made Edd look so much smaller. Kevin just wanted to protect him, cradling Edd's sleek body against his own and shower him with millions of gentle kisses.
"Yes?"
"Uh…" Kevin could tell that he was on the verge of being speechless again, all from that single look Edd gave him.
Edd smiled at the expression on Kevin's face, taking a step closer and—Oh god, was that Edd's hand resting on his forearm? The warmth radiating from his soft hand made Kevin's knees turn to jelly, and if he wasn't speechless moments earlier, he definitely was now. Kevin felt a strong urge to run away to prevent making a fool of himself, because that's what he was obviously doing. This must all be very funny to Edd—hence his beautiful smile, but he had to ask; or at least try.
"Would you want to eat lunch with me today?!" He half-shouted.
Startled, Edd withdrew his hand. His smile wavered briefly, but it came back larger and more open than before. A light tinge of pink settled over his cheeks and Kevin couldn't believe his luck.
"Absolutely, I'd be honored."
"R-really? You can bring Marie too, I'm sure Nazz would like to see her…"
"Of course," he chuckled. "But I have to ask, where's that confident football jock I've heard so much about?"
"Huh?" Kevin blinked. Realizing Edd was referring to him, he flushed and grumbled, "I honestly don't think he ever existed…"