Tumnus was in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed. The room was dark for the curtains on the windows had been drawn, and no candles were burning. If someone was to come into the room, they wouldn't be able to see Tumnus sitting there, much less the expression on his face. His face was filled with that of grief, and anxiety. His mind had gone numb after two days of sitting in his room. Only one thought passed through his mind. Where were they?
It had been two days since the Pevensies had gone hunting after a stag seen in the forest. When they hadn't returned from hunting, Oreious had taken out a few other Centaurs to look for them, but had come back alone. They had gone out the following day too but hadn't found anything. Both times Tumnus had been so afraid Oreious would find one of the Pevensies lying in the forest, wounded and bleeding. But they never found a sign of the Pevensies, even the horses they had been riding didn't know much. All they had said was the Pevensies had dismounted and gone running after something. The horses hadn't followed, assuming they were coming back, but they never did.
And Tumnus felt numb all over. Where had they gone? When would they be back? But in his heart, Tumnus knew they weren't coming back.
After two days of staying in his room, Tumnus finally left. His intention was to go look for the Pevensies and perhaps it was a foolish thing, going out by himself. But he knew if he was to go to Oreious, he would be turned down. Told it was no use. But Tumnus didn't give up that easy. He had to go look for himself or he would never forgive himself.
Stumbling through the forest, Tumnus had a difficult time walking. His hooves felt heavy and dead underneath him. He kept tripping over rocks and tree roots. A squirrel scampered by but stopped short and said in a quick voice, "Have you heard about the Kings and Queens of Narnia? I hope they are found soon. It's a shame, a shame." As the squirrel ran off he kept saying to himself, "Shame, shame, shame."
Tumnus closed his eyes and held his ears in his hands, blocking out the squirrels words. He didn't want to hear it, didn't want to know the truth. He just wanted them back. How could Narnia possibly survive without her Kings and Queens?
Tumnus walked for what seemed like miles, but really wasn't that far at all. He stopped in the middle of a clearing and looked about. It looked so familiar but yet, different. In the middle of the clearing was a lamp post, covered in ivy and rust. Walking up to the lamp post, Tumnus reached out and touched the ivy. He moved close and leaned his head against the post. That movement took him back to the first day he had met Lucy. He had seen her small frame standing there in bewilderment and at first he had been scared of her. Tumnus laughed at himself, the only time one should be afraid of Lucy was in battle against her. But he had been afraid. So afraid that he had, in fact, his behind a tree, hesitating to show himself. He had dropped his parcels in his rush to hide and Lucy had picked them up, slowly and carefully. Then she had talked to him, in her sweet, young voice, soothing his fear. She had been so kind and willing to be his friend and he had done a horrible thing by kidnapping her. But she had forgiven him and had forgotten about it, buried it with her past.
Tumnus slumped to the ground, his back to the lamp post. He felt like crying, wanted to cry, but couldn't. His body didn't feel his own anymore. He felt like he was watching everything play out, and there was nothing he could do to change or stop things. The Pevensies were gone, High King Peter had always been willing to lend a helping hand, King Edmond had been his dearest friend, Queen Susan ad always been there when Tumnus had a question or problem and Queen Lucy had loved him like no other. And he had loved her back with all his heart, every fiber in his being had loved her...and now she was gone.
As Tumnus sat on the sodden ground, he felt his heart breaking. A feeling he hadn't known could hurt so much. Bowing his head he let his chin drop to his chest, his fingers clawing at the dirt.
Sitting there, alone, so alone, a part of Tumnus died. The part that helped one to love. It slipped away like the moon in the morning. Gone. But unlike the moon, it was never coming back.