I pull to the curb, the back tires of my black hearse, Morty, scrape along the curb. I shudder from the sound. Recovering I turn the key and remove it from Morty. I pull the lock on my door and grab a hold of the handle, I attempt to open my door but find myself left without the strength. It takes a lot to hold in these feelings I have been having, since, well the last time I was here. I rest my head on the top of the steering wheel and try to make the pain leave my head. I reach out again for the handle and manage to pull it open, climbing out I see you in my head, your hair, your eyes, you. I sit on the curb taking it all in, I told myself I would never visit this site again.

Minutes pass as I just sit, sit and remember, you, us, everything. I look up at the sky and the clouds are white and fluffy, as you liked best, the shining blue sky the color of your room never failed to make you smile. I wish I hadn't failed to do so. I make my way several feet away from the curb, bending to touch the street, memories flood again, reminding me of what I did to you, to myself.

I straighten myself out, my head throbbing with physical and emotional pain. I feel a minor decrease in pain as the blood rushed from my head, flowing back into my body. I turn and close the distance between myself and the curb opposite, kicking a trash can out of anger and the need to release it.

I swore to myself I would never use physical means to release anger, not again. Not after the meeting of my fist and the wall, leaving my hand in poor condition. Things have been getting better until you came to mind, I can't not think of you. I must rid myself of months of pain, your things, the things that remind me of you daily, must go.

I yank open the back of Morty, and take out a cardboard box full of my little reminders of you. I place the box in the exact place I had just touched. I glance through the items , pictures of you, pictures of me, pictures of us, all memories that I needed to forget in order to move on. I have something new, and promising, I think.

I need our relationship gone, I love you, but you are all that is holding me back. I need to be happy again. I cut myself out of the world, day by day, waiting for something to help me, counseling was a joke. So we moved to a new school district, just not quite far enough away from you.

I shake the thoughts from me, throwing everything into the box, taking a match and burning it. The fire in the box ignited the metaphorical fire in my heart, head, and very soul. I knew I would never forget you, but coming to terms is vital in my life right now.

Fear filled me, what if something goes wrong with the aspiring new life, can I handle it, will I fight the pain again. It takes more out of me than anyone knows. Even Adam doesn't know the struggle it is for me everyday to get out of bed, to carry on, go to school, to be social.

Life was easier when I was cut out, I couldn't have cared any less about what people thought of me and my morbid ways. That was then, that was me then. Now, I have changed. A great deal, this is me getting closure, this is me now.

Well, tomorrow at least. Now it is time to finish what I have started here. I find the garbage can I had kicked away in my fit of anger, and placed it upside down on the fire to put it out.

Leaving the freshly burned memories, as soot in the street, I make my way to the drivers seat of my beautiful hearse. Degrassi was only a rough mile away from where I was parked, I knew I was still to close so I took to fixing myself. I still was not ready to be done here, so I just set my head against the steering wheel.

I remembered a time when I was in elementary school. A boy three years above me once told me that boys didn't cry, only girls did, and that if I ever cried, it meant I was a girl. I took that boy all too seriously, up until now when I focused my eyes on the horn to see two small, round, wet patches.

I rubbed my eyes and wiped the moisture onto the gray denim of my skinny jeans. I knew physically that I wouldn't turn into a girl, but I didn't want to be seen as the crybaby wimpy kid. That had mattered so much to me, but now I needed to cry. I got out of the stuffy hearse yet again and took a seat on the curb putting my face in my hands, and cried.

"Eli?" I heard her sweet voice whisper loudly as footsteps came closer. I knew I was on a back road to her house from the school, I didn't know she ever took it.

"Get in the car Clare." I said getting up and going there also, wiping my face dry, knowing my eyes would be bloodshot.

"Eli, what happened to you?" She stared into my hurt emerald eyes, she blinked a few times until a tear fell from my eyes leaving a glistening streak along my cheek. She got in the passengers side, and stared as I got behind the wheel. I turned the key starting Morty, placing my hands mildly moist hands on the wheel.

"This is where I killed my girlfriend." I say finally, her lips parted in a silent gasp.