Mrs. Baxter was wounding the corner when she heard her name and stopped, Thomas was speaking, "Mrs. Hughes have you seen Ms. Baxter?"
"It's not like you to seek Ms. Baxter's company." The housekeeper replied.
"I'm serious Mrs. Hughes." His voice was shaking and she quickly round the corner.
"It's alright I heard." She interjected.
"Can I talk with you? Please?" He didn't wait for a reply before heading up the staircase, she followed until they reached a bathroom. "Come in here." He opened the door and they stepped inside, he didn't look at her as he set down the box of medications. Opening it he revealed the syringe, pills, injection…she looked away.
"I'm sorry about this." He sighed whilst unbuckling his belt. For a moment she thought he was about to pull of his pants but thankfully that was not the case.
"Go on I can take it." She replied. He slipped them down just enough for her to see a large puss filled bump on his waist. She gulped as she tried to keep her breakfast down. "God and heaven." she murmured looking away.
He refastened the buckle on his pants whilst saying, "I thought it would pass but it just keeps getting worse. Can't sleep."
She looked at him with a mixture of pity and nausea. "Not surprised."
"Help me." The beg was soft and hopeless. "You're always asking if I need help, well now's your chance. I don't know what to do."
She finally looked up at him, "We're going to the doctor," She swallowed, "Now, and we'll show him the syringe, the liquid you injected, the pills, all of it. Meet me by the back door in five minutes and bring everything with you. Do you understand?" She demanded as a wave of terror swept through her.
He nodded, not meeting her eye and as she turned to go he blocked her by grabbing her shoulder. "I've done something that I shouldn't have, and if you knew what it was you wouldn't want to be part of this." He looked ashamed as he stared into her eyes.
"I know what it was." She replied softly, "Now come down in five minutes." With one last worried look she was gone.
Ms. Baxter ran around grabbing her cloak, hat and purse then crept out to wait by the backdoor. He met her there a few minutes later, "Everything?" She asked eyeing the box he carried.
"Everything." He confirmed.
She nodded and they took off into the storm, sharing Ms. Baxter's tattered old umbrella. When they reached the doctors office Mr. Barrow explained the situation to Dr. Clarkson while Ms. Baxter looked at the floor nervous and embarrassed. When Doctor Clarkson went to examine it Baxter actually had to let out a whimper every so often for the sounds of pain coming from the other room. Finally the Doctor came back and washed his hands she looked at him cautiously before asking, "It won't bother him further?"
"Not as long as he stops poisoning himself." The man replied drying his hands.
"You had a look at the things he brought then?" She asked as Thomas came around the corner looking pale, but less sickly.
"You've been injecting yourself with a solution of saline." The Doctor said holding up the small vial to show Thomas.
"That's not harmful though, is it?" She asked trying not to let the concern leak into her voice.
"Not if it wasn't sterilized," The doctor replied, "Repeated injections would cause fever and swelling." He said shooting Thomas a knowing looks, "" I assume this is a course of treatment you spent money on."
"Yes a lot of money." Barrow replied and Baxter gave him a sympathetic look. "I went to London and had electro therapy, the pills and injections were supposed to continue the treatment." He muttered.
"Which was the purpose of?" The Doctor inquired.
Baxter and Barrow exchanged a look before he answered, "To change me…" She felt a prickle of tears in her eyes, "To make me more like other people…like other men." He spoke quietly, at this point she wanted to launch herself at him and throw her arms around him. She wanted to hug him for the rest of eternity and beyond feel his hot breath on her neck, his face in her hair…she snapped out of it and angrily swiped away a tear.
"Well I'll not be coy and pretend I don't understand." Clarkson answered "Nor do I blame you, but there is no drug, no electric shock that will achieve what you want."
"You mean I've been ripped off?" He laughed humorlessly at himself and she felt her inside shrivel.
"My advice Thomas would be to except the bourdon chance has laid upon you and fashion a good of a life as you can. Remember, harsh reality is always better then false hope." The man replied.
They said their thank you and goodbye before plunging into the pouring rain once more. "Well that'll give you a good laugh." The footman said.
"It won't." She replied gently.
He put up the umbrella and she continued, "I don't expect you to understand but I think it shows you to be a very brave person."
He laughed, "What?"
She turned to look at him and they stopped on the sidewalk, in an alleyway sheltered by trees, "To inflict such pain on yourself to achieve your goal…the things you could do in this world if you set your mind to it."
He leaned in a bit so their noses brushed, "You're daft you know that?" He muttered.
"Mhhmn." She agreed before stared into his eyes for a long time. She took his hand and gave it a little squeeze before they continued walking down the path towards Downton Abbey. Maybe they hadn't always been friends, maybe they'd had their bad run ins but sometimes the smallest kindest can change someone's life. Keep your head up, someone out there may just be hoping to see you smile.
The things in this world you can do if you put your mind…and heart to it.