Death Meets Finny
Dr. Stanpole entered the hospital wing with a slightly grim look set on his face. "Finny," he said gravely, "We're going to have to perform surgery on your leg. It was a pretty nasty break."
"Oh, that's fine!" Finny grinned. "It's not like it'll kill me or anything!"
"Lie still now, we have to administer the anesthetic and laughing gas."
They did so, and Finny suddenly felt himself drifting off like he was floating in the clouds.
'Ooh,' he thought, 'look at all the shiny purple elephants… Wow! They're standing on a giant turtle!' As Finny carried on wondering about the odd sights around ('Is that a male or female turtle?' 'What's that big disc the elephants are carrying on their backs?' 'Who's that guy in the pointy hat falling off?' 'Should that sundial be exploding?') the doctors around him commenced surgery.
"Mr. Latham, please hand me the pointy thingy."
"I'll give it the old college try!"
"Just do it, please, Phil."
"Oh, all right then… This shiny one?"
"No, idiot! The one with the pokey part, just left of that, er—tuber."
"Ah, I see it! Here you go!" The wrestling coach handed the said thingy to the doctor, who began to prod at Finny's leg with it immediately.
"Why am I in here?" wondered Latham aloud. "I thought I was a wrestling coach…"
"Aha!" Stanpole said with a flourish, "I've found the problem! Finner—Binny—Oh, what's his name? Ah! Finny, thank you Miss—No, I am not drunk! Anyway, Tinny's leg is broken!"
The nurse gave Dr. Stanpole a wary look. "Yes, we knew that, doctor… You're sure you aren't inebriated? At all?"
"Of course I'm not ineviladed!" Dr. Stanpole said cheerily, and he returned to the surgery. "Now, hand me the biggish shiny one—no, that one with the round side, yes, that's the ticket!"
Finny, meanwhile, had his thoughts floating up onto the giant disc that was carried by the elephants. 'That looks like a bit of a tight fit,' he thought, looking at an odd carp pond, which was very long but a foot wide. 'Poor fish.' He continued to mentally wander around the place, and found an interesting building, which he left as soon as he entered, due to being yelled at (well, 'oook'ed at) by an angry orangutan. He was heading toward a large, brown, moving stretch of… something, trying to check if it was a river or possibly a large slime creature (after all, you never know) when he suddenly thought, 'Hmm, my leg sort of… tingles…' and found himself back in the hospital bed.
The first thing he heard when he woke up in the hospital bed was "Whoops."
He began to ask what was wrong when Miss Windbag began yelling. He covered his ears, and waited for them to leave. When they finally did (though still yelling), he noticed that there was another person in the room.
The tall, thin creature turned his hooded, black head towards Phineas.
KNOCK KNOCK.
"Er… Who's there?"
DEATH.
"Death who?"
Death paused for a moment, then gave Finny an odd look (which looked especially odd due to the fact that his eyes were actually empty sockets). WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF ME?
Finny's eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "Cool!" he exclaimed. "You're really Death? I never knew you actually existed! Aren't you really busy, though?"
NOT ALWAYS, Death explained. SOMETIMES I DELEGATE JOBS. SPEAKING OF…
SQUEAK! said Death of Rats enthusiastically.
The thin rat climbed up onto Death's shoulder, wearing a small black robe and a miniature version of the glowing scythe currently in the clutches of Death.
"So why are you here, anyway?" Finny asked as he climbed out of bed to look at the Death of Rats. "Hey! I can walk! But I just got out of surgery… how is that… wait a minute…" Phineas glanced at Death again.
BEGINNING TO GET IT?
"I'm dead?" Finny asked, shocked. "But… but… oh, well… at least I can play sports now!"
Phineas skipped cheerfully off into [insert afterlife of choice].
SQUEAK? inquired the Grim Squeaker
HE TOOK THAT RATHER WELL, Death said, bemused. OH WELL, MUST BE OFF… PLACES TO GO, PEOPLE TO… SCYTHE. READY TO GO? Death asked his rodent counterpart.
SQUEAK SQUEAK! confirmed Death of Rats.
Meanwhile, outside Dr. Stanpole's office…
"What d'you mean, the bone marrow? What kind of stupid way to die is that? You just couldn't send him to Boston, could you, you moron!" Gene snapped at the doctor. "Bone marrow… sheesh…"
Gene stormed off, wondering why Finny had died in such an idiotic manner, why he seemed to have no reaction in the book, and why there was a tall, skinny guy with a scythe walking down the hall. Afterwards, Gene proceeded to be depressed and whiny for the rest of his life.
~Fin~
AN: Wrote this when I was irritated with the assignment given by my English teacher… Also with the way Finny died in A Separate Peace, I thought it was the lamest way to kill off a character ever… I doubt anyone's going to read this (or get most of it ^^; ) but I don't care, just felt like posting it. ^^